#1 - The Fort

20 Sided Stories

MARVEL: Survivors of The Snap

Episode 1 - The Fort

Air Date: February 5, 2020

[Podcast Intro music plays throughout.]

Sage G.C.:         20 Sided Stories has absolutely no affiliation with Marvel Studios, Marvel Entertainment, The Walt Disney Company, or any other associates or official canon.

Travis Reaves:       This is a fan-made parody piece created in fair use, and all mentioned names, products, trademarks, and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.

Jessica Dahlgren:       The bulk of what you’re about to hear was recorded live by improvisers who love the MCU, and we’re so excited for you to join us on this superpowered adventure.

Travis:          I’m Travis.

Jessica:          I’m Jessica.

Sage:            And I’m Sage. Just a heads up, we do have a short introductory episode right before this one if you want a refresher on the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and an overview on how the role-playing works on this podcast. But otherwise, let’s dive in.

[Intro music crescendos.]

Travis:          Thank you.

Jessica:          And welcome.

Sage:            To 20 Sided Stories.

[Intro music fades out.]

Episode 1 - The Fort

[Radio clicks on.]

Woman:          You’re listening to…

[Rock music intro.]

Man:                616 Power.

Garth:          Welcome to Power 616 FM coming at you in this nice calm Wednesday. I am Garth, and I’m joined by my co-host as always.

Bart:               Bart. Pleasure to be here.

Garth:          How’s it going Bart? How you doin’ this morning?

Bart:               We’re looking great, Garth. We look down there at this traffic report we’ve got, and it looks like every freeway in the city is completely smogged out.

Garth:          It is unbearable. You cannot even see several feet in front of you.

Bart:               Disgusting.

Garth:          Absolutely abhorrent. You know it reminds me—thinking of abhorrence—what’s going on with those Sokovia Accords? Hearin’ all sorts of stories, something goin’ on in Africa right now.

Bart:               Last time I heard about it, the supers were refusing to register the way they were supposed to, and it was leading to a lot of internal strife in the super community.

Garth:          Kinda disrespectful if you ask me. I mean, is it so much to ask that we just get them a license?

Bart:               I just wanna know who these people are and if they’re in my hometown and what they’re up to.

Garth:          Keep the world safe. Know what I’m saying, Bart?

Bart:               Yeah, their job is to keep the world safe. So why are they so resistant to actually identifying to the government who they are and getting the documentation that they need? I don’t see the holdup.

Garth:          Thankfully, local celebrity Tony Stark—fan of the show I would hope—pushing the Sokovia Accords as far as we’re aware.

Bart:               Thank God we’ve got guys like him on that team.

Garth:          Yeah.

Bart:               They bring some sense to the discussion.

Garth:          Stark Industries. You know, a lot of help for the world, I would say. Doin’- doing a good job. They get some criticism, but—

Bart:               The backbone of this country.

Garth:          Yeah, truly.

[Garth clears his throat.]

Uh…hey, uh, Bart?

[Garth blows heavily.]

Bart:               Yeah Garth?

Garth:          Feel a little sick. Uh…

Bart:               That’s too bad.

Garth:          Do you think we can stop? Do you think we can stop?

[Garth clears his throat.]

Bart:               How bad is it?

[Suspenseful music starts.]

Garth:          We’re live, right?

Bart:               You need to go to the doctor? You- you need a Tums?

[The crackling and hissing of moving sand.]

You alright?

Garth:          Uh. Yeah [stifles cough] yeah, can you go get some Tums?

Bart:               You want an aspirin?

Garth:          Yeah, uh…

Bart:               I got a little bottle under the desk…

Garth:          Sorry, listeners. Um, you know, this just happens sometimes. Do your radio show for 10 years every now and—

[Garth clears his throat. Crackling continues.]

Bart:               Yeah, you can’t just interrupt, uh, airtime, right. How sick are you? Are you—

Garth:          Hey, Bart…

Bart:               What’s going on with—

Garth:          Are you seein’ this?

Bart:               Is this like a special effect thing? What’s going on here?

Garth:          What’s…hey, uh, I’m- I’m disappearing, Bart.

Bart:               What the hell is that?

Garth:          I am g- I am literally disappearing.

Bart:               [yells] Oh my god!

Garth:          Bart, Bart…

Bart:               Dude! Bro! Stop! Stop, stop, stop!

Garth:          Bart…

Bart:               Get the recording.

Garth:          No! No! No!

Bart:               Somebody call the ambulance!

Garth:          Please!

Bart:               It’s coming off.

Garth:          [groans] Stop!

[Garth screams, but his panic is cut off as he disintegrates completely.]

[Suspenseful music intensifies.]

Bart:               What the hell’s going on here? We need a head-count of the employees in this radio station. Who’s gone? Cut to commercial. I need a head-count of the people in this radio station! Who else is here? Somebody get me the phone book! I need my cell phone! [yells] Give me a goddamn phone!

[Music cuts off. The Snap echoes.]

[Police sirens wail. Glass shatters.]

Masha:            Lily!

[Suspenseful music.]

Lily:           What? What? Oh, shit! Masha!

Masha:            I’m right here! What are you doing?

Lily:           I- I forgot my keys. I don’t know! I c- there’s a lot going on and I couldn’t get into the house.

[A helicopter passes overhead.]

Masha:            Well, yeah, clearly. Let’s just g-go inside, go inside.

Lily:           O-oh okay.

[Masha coughs. A door clunks shut and keys clatter on a table.]

Oh, god.

Masha:            Okay.

[Lily takes a deep breath and groans quietly. Masha fumbles with her keys.]

I’m so glad you’re okay!

Lily:           We need to find Rose. I- I- I can- I can smell her, but I can’t smell Mom and Dad and—

Masha:            What are you talking about, you can smell her?

Lily:           Okay, so like- [frantic sigh] So, like, the bus crashed and everybody was, like, dust and now I can smell everything.

Masha:            Dust? Um…

Lily:           People turned into dust.

Masha:            Oh my God.

[Suspenseful music continues, police sirens wail.]

Man:                He said he was gonna be here. I don’t, uh…

Woman:          He’s okay? He’s—

Man:                I talked to him on the phone. He called me right when everything started happening.

[Eric runs up the sidewalk.]

Eric:             Hey! I’m comin’!

Man:                There he is. See, see? Eric! Eric!

Woman:          Oh my god!

Eric:             Hey, hey, Daniel! Elle! Oh my god.

Daniel:              Oh, thank god.

Eric:             [pants] I got dropped off in Pershing Square.

Elle:         Oh my god. That’s really far!

Eric:             [pants] It was seven miles.

Elle:         Wow.

Eric:             [coughs] Oh god, I’m so happy to see you both.

Lily:           I don’t know why. I was just on the bus and people just started disappearing and then we crashed, and I woke up, and I can smell everything.

Masha:            What does that m- you smell everyth—

Lily:           I don’t know. I- I- I—

Masha:            Can you smell Mom and Dad?

Lily:           I mean I can smell their scent, like, on their clothes but it’s, like, I don’t know. It’s old.

Masha:            Do you have super powers?

Lily:           [whispers] I don’t know. I think…maybe…I do…now. [normal] But that doesn’t make any sense.

Masha:            No, not at all.

Lily:           [nervous] But, I can also tell you that none of our neighbors are here.

Eric:             Oh god, everything’s awful!

Daniel:              I know. I- I- do you know what’s happening? [nervous chuckle] ’Cause I’ve tried calling everybody in S.H.I.E.L.D.

Elle:         My parents aren’t an—

Eric:             I gotta…[groans]

Elle:         My parents aren’t answering their phone. I’m getting really scared.

Eric:             [groans] Think I’m gonna pass out.

Daniel:              Let’s go inside the bar, at least. Where there’s not fire and- and people yelling.

Eric:             [pants] Okay.

Elle:         I can’t imagine a better time for a drink. Let’s go get one.

Eric:             Okay.

[Door creaks open.]

Daniel:              Hey. Wow, it’s empty. Shit. [nervous chuckle]

[Door clacks shut. Eric coughs.]

Elle:         Looks like these taps still work. I’ll pour us some beer.

Eric:             Can I have some water? Please? I just ran seven miles. [stifles laughter]

Daniel:              Hefeweizen for me.

Eric:             Actually, and tequila, please. Water… Water- water and tequila, please.

[Liquid pours into separate cups.]

Elle:         Here you go.

[She sets the cups on the table in front of them.]

Eric:             Thanks.

Daniel:              How are you doing, Eric?

Elle:         Are you okay?

Eric:             I’m okay…. I’m not okay. Nothing is okay. Nothing’s okay. Right?

Elle:         Right. You tried calling anyone?

Eric:             Uh, no. No. I- I just- well, I called- called Daniel and got here as fast as- yeah and how’d you—

Daniel:              Please call me Dan. Dan. I go by Dan now.

Eric:             Really? [chuckles]

Dan:             Yeah. It’s been, like, a while.

Eric:             Yeah, it has been a while. What do we do?

Elle:         I don’t know.

[Suspenseful music.]

Masha:            So you’re telling me you possibly have powers and I also have powers.

Lily:           I’m saying that everybody in our family, who’s currently in this house, maybe has superpowers.

Masha:            That’s crazy!

Lily:           I don’t know. I mean, like, I kind of always wanted this but—

[A muffled explosion goes off. Dishes and furniture clatter as the house shakes. Lily and Masha scream.]

Masha:            Oh my god! Okay, let’s go find Rose.

Lily:           Okay, we gotta get out of here. I- I gotta follow the scent.

Masha:            Okay.

Lily:           Let me just focus. Let me just…

[Lily takes a deep breath. Masha stifles a laugh.]

Masha:            Wow, it’s like you’re a bloodhound.

[Police sirens wail outside.]

Lily:           Oh…hold on a second.

[Masha stifles laughter.]

That’s pretty cool. [chuckles]

Dan:             You’ve been in Bolivia for, like, five years.

Eric:             I got dropped off by a S.H.I.E.L.D. guy who, before he turned to dust, told me that I had to figure this out. So [tsks] I guess this is kind of on me right now.

Elle:         [quiet] Oh my god.

Eric:             Though, do you have any idea where I could find some help with figuring out why everybody just turned into dust?

Dan:             Everybody I’ve tried to call has either hung up on me or not responded. At all.

Elle:         None o’ the news networks know either. It’s…

Dan:             Everything’s dark.

Eric:             [quiet] Jesus Christ.

Dan:             Man, uh, weird question. But I mean, can you still like- like, what happens when you, like, tap into people? Like, if someone was Snapped and you try to, like, tap into them?

Elle:         You met my mom. Could you…try to see?

Eric:             Sure you want me to?

[Beat.]

[A rumbling whoosh as Eric uses his power. A second of silence passes before a gentle rumble returns him to reality. He groans and coughs.]

Elle:         [quiet] No.

Dan:             [quiet] Dammit.

[Sad guitar music.]

Eric:             I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.

[Elle sighs.]

Dan:             Well, the…three of us are fine, then?

Eric:             What- what do we do?

Dan:             Well, I’m gonna keep pestering S.H.I.E.L.D.

Elle:         I’m just gonna call all of my connections. Every news network, see who is…alive?

Eric:             Okay.

[Elle sighs.]

I’m happy to see the both of you.

Elle:         [sad] It’s really good to see you.

Dan:             Yeah. Truly.

[Clothes rustle as the group reach their cups toward each other. Glasses clink together. Music fades out.]

Sage:            Year One of the Snap.

[Gentle guitar music.]

We cut to a dingy office at Hamilton High School. There are only two people in the room and this big ol’ wooden desk. Some principal, the window behind him, looking across to a very impatient, kind of angsty, Lily Kline. Lily is sitting across from this desk and awaiting some news.

Principal:        Miss Kline?

Lily:           [tsks] Yeah?

Principal:        Do you know why I’ve asked you to come in?

Lily:           Um…I can imagine it probably is school related.

Principal:        Very good.

Lily:           Thanks.

Principal:        Tell me a little bit more about these…conflicts you’ve been getting into.

Lily:           [sighs] I’m not sure, like, who told you what you think you know, um, but I was provoked? Therefore, like, I don’t know, that’s an issue you guys have to sort out. Like, administration-wise. Because, like, if you have people, like, at this school who are gonna, you know, act the way that they do and it’s like nobody’s keeping anybody in check anymore, then what the hell am I supposed to do?

Principal:        It is not your job, Miss Kline, to choose who should be disciplined and how.

Lily:           Well… [sighs]

Principal:        Look, with your history of violence, there’s no way we’re letting you into the music program.

Lily:           Oh, uh… I’m sorry, what?

Principal:        The music program is specifically for children who are well-behaved, who are orderly. Being a musician requires—

Lily:           Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there. What fucking successful musician has ever been behaved or orderly in the history of the world? The whole point of music is fucking shit up and making people feel a certain type o’ way.

And if somebody wants to come at me with an attitude, and I come back, and I match that same energy, that doesn’t make me less of a musician. That just makes me a more passionate musician! I have something to fuel me rather than these boring, prep-school kids who’ve been babied their entire fucking lives, lost nobody in the Snap, and have nothing to play for!

[Music stops.]

Principal:        Get outta my office.

Lily:           Fine.

[The chair creaks as Lily gets up. Her boots stomp across the room and she slams the door open.]

[Gentle jazz music plays.]

Sage:            We cut to a Starbucks. It’s one of the only ones left on the street, since so many businesses closed down after the Snap. So here’s Masha at the counter of this depressing café, and a customer with bags under her eyes comes in.

[A bell over the door chimes. Footsteps slowly approach.]

Masha:            Hi, welcome to Starbucks.

Woman:          I need a Frappuccino with double whip and triple espresso, and also could you just top it off a little decaf. Thanks.

Masha:            Um…Whip cream? Did you want whip cream?

Woman:          Yeah.

Masha:            Okay, I’m so sorry. Yes, uh…

Woman:          [tearful] Yes, I wanted whip cream.

Masha:            Yeah, no, you can get whip cream. I’m so sorry, you don’t—

Woman:          [tearful] Can you sell me whip cream?

Masha:            You can totally do whipped cream. So we got a whipped cream- we got a, um, triple- what was that?

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

[Woman starts crying.]

I’m so sorry. Ma’am! Ma’am. Okay, um, don’t worry about it. It’s on me. Okay?

Woman:          [tearful] Just…

Masha:            Whatever.

Woman:          Okay.

Masha:            What was your name?

Barbara:       Barbara.

Masha:            Barbara. Put a little heart on it.

Barbara:       Barbara Miller.

Masha:            We don’t have to put last names—

[Barbara cries quietly.]

But if you want me to put your last name on it…

Barbara:       [tearful] You don’t have to.

Masha:            I can totally put your last name on it.

[Barbara takes a deep breath.]

Barbara:       No, it’s okay.

Masha:            Well, Barbara Miller, I hope you enjoy this free Starbucks on me today.

Barbara:       Thanks. I will.

Masha:            Can I get a Frappuccino for Barbara?

[Gentle jazz music fades out.]

Sage:            After a long, exhausting day of endless depressing customers coming in, Masha heads home. But she’s keepin’ her chin up because she’s expecting some news. Hopefully, hopefully, maybe this will be the day.

[Masha walks down the sidewalk. She sighs.]

Masha:            Um…well, I guess I’ll check the mail. Doesn’t seem like Lily’s home yet. Um…

[Mailbox clanks open.]

Here we go. Alright, um…

Sage:            And there’s an envelope in there. An envelope stamped from Stark Industries.

[Hopeful-anticipation music. Masha’s piano motif is introduced.]

Masha:            Oh my god…. Oh my god. Oh my god. [fast] Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Okay.

Sage:            Masha runs inside.

Masha:            Masha, Masha. Okay.

[She pants eagerly and runs inside, shutting the door behind her.]

Okay, whatever happens, um, everything is going to be totally great. Like, um, you’ve had a rough patch but, like, we got this, we got this. Okay, I’m just gonna open it.

[She tears open the envelope. Suspenseful music. A heartbeat thumps.]

Masha Mirova,

We’re contacting you in regards to the Stark Industries September Foundation for Young Prodigies.

[Masha gasps quietly.]

As you know, the Snap has set us back quite a bit but, fortunately, we are still going strong. We have heard from, and been impressed by, many talented students who will be receiving the scholarship. You were not one of them.

[Music and heartbeat stop.]

Hopefully you were not riding on this and had other plans in motion.

Warmly,

Stark Industries.

Signed Pepper Potts.

[Paper crinkles as Masha grips the letter tighter.]

Masha:            Wow, that’s real ink. Pepper Potts, uh, held this- held this paper. [voice wobbles] Um… [normal] Okay. Well, uh…

[Sad music.]

That’s okay. I don’t- I don’t have to, like… Lily needs me. Um, we can focus on the- the house. I think, actually, you know what? If I- if I had gotten the scholarship, I… She- she’d be really lonely, and then she’d have to uproot her whole life for me, and she just started high school. So, um, I guess this is- this is it. I’ll be working at Starbucks. And, um, that’s- that’s all I’m doing with my life, I guess.

[Door creaks open. Lily sighs and clears her throat. Door shuts.]

Hey!

Lily:           Hey.

[Cloth rustles as Lily sets her backpack down.]

Masha:            How was, um, school?

Lily:           [hesitant] I- I didn’t get accepted to the music program.

Masha:            Oh.

Lily:           Yeah uh…but it’s fine! No, it’s- it’s totally fine, ’cause, like—

Masha:            I’m so sorry.

Lily:           Yeah, yeah, you know, just kinda hoping for…something to work out. [resigned chuckle]

Masha:            Yeah. Which, also, great day for me as well. I- I got the letter from the Stark Industries.

Lily:           Oh. Oh my god!

Masha:            I didn’t get into the September…

Lily:           What the fu- Why? That doesn’t make any sense. Are they fucking crazy?

Masha:            It’s okay, ’cause I mean, I- I- I- it- I should be staying here with you. Because you’re—

Lily:           N-n-n- [sighs] I don’t- I don’t want you to put your life on hold for m—

Masha:            But literally, like, Mom and Dad are gone and Rose’s gone. Like, I think we just have to stick together. And I don’t wanna leave you. And I don’t wanna uproot you either. So this is- I think this is gonna be, um, a good thing. Like, maybe I can use this time to look for Rose and- and—

Lily:           [sighs] I haven’t been able to find her yet. And that- that worries me because- because the scent, it just- it just stops.

Masha:            I don’t know, maybe she’s farther away. And then if I work more, I pick up more hours and I don’t- I take a break from school, like, take a gap year or something, I can- I can save up more money to get someone who’s like an investigator like a PI to actually look for her. And I don’t even wanna think about what could have happened to her if she didn’t even Snap. You know what I mean? Like…

Lily:           I know, I know. I know.

Masha:            I’m just…

Lily:           But I don’t want you to feel like you have to take care of me.

Masha:            Lily, you’re- you’re fourteen. I can’t just leave you alone.

[Lily sighs quietly.]

This is a good thing, and we’re gonna get outta this, uh, funk. And, so what, you didn’t get into Hamilton. Well, you can go somewhere else, and you don’t need them. Because you’re badass and rock and roll and stick it to the man, you know?

[Lily sniffles and chuckles.]

Lily:           Yeah. [sighs] I just wish I could do more.

Masha:            Me too.

[Music shifts to atmospheric synths.]

Sage:            Year Two of the Snap.

Cut to a real shitty apartment in Koreatown.

Travis:          Otherwise known as an apartment in Koreatown.

[Emily chuckles. Sage stifles laughter.]

Sage:            Eric Stanton, about twenty-seven years old right now, is hanging out alone.

[Music stops.]

Eric:             [sighs] I should do those dishes.

[Beat.]

Nah.

[Music resumes.]

Sage:            Eric’s only been back in the U.S. for two years. He was living in Bolivia for several more, as he fled there shortly after the Hydra incident that broke up S.H.I.E.L.D. many years ago. But he’s now back in Los Angeles, trying to rebuild. He feels like, around every corner, there’s somebody who’s gonna shoot him!

[Eric sighs and takes a deep breath.]

Nope. Nobody’s there.

Eric:             I need work. I need work!

Sage:            And then he gets a call.

[Cell phone buzzes. A beep is heard as he answers.]

Eric:             Hello?

Man:                [over phone] Is this Eric Stanton?

Eric:             Speaking.

Edmond:        [over phone] My name is Edmond. I’m a representative from, uh, S.H.I.E.L.D.

Eric:             Look, if this about- look, I- I- I can’t pay this month.

Edmond:        [over phone] Uh, no—

Eric:             I truly- I- I don’t have it.

Edmond:        Uh, no—

Eric:             It’s- work’s been tight.

Edmond:        I’m not—

Eric:             I’m a private investigator.

Edmond:        Not your land—

Eric:             I haven’t had any cases.

Edmond:        Uh, Eric? No—

Eric:             It’s- it, look, it’s just- [louder] it’s not it’s not an indictment on my ability. It’s just- it’s that kind of time right now. You know!

Edmond:        Eric. Eric.

Eric:             I mean look outside!

Edmond:        Eric Stanton—

Eric:             Everything’s falling apart!

Edmond:        Eric.

Eric:             And God damnit, [yells] it’s not my fault that it happened when I was gone!

Edmond:        Mr. Stanton—

Eric:             [yells] I am not a part of the problem!

Edmond:        Mr. Stanton! I am simply calling to return your inquiry into getting your old job back in S.H.I.E.L.D. It’s been taking—

[Stealthy music.]

Eric:             Oh shit!

Edmond:        —quite a while. I’m sorry, this has taken two years. Finally, I’ve been able to go through things. You know, the Snap was a huge decimation for us.

Unfortunately, we don’t need you anymore. And actually, after the Snap, we’ve done a lot of reworking. We lost a lot of employees. And so it’s been a little bit of a- a little bit

of a restructuring at S.H.I.E.L.D. Uh, we already went through this once. So we have a whole protocol for this happening again—

Eric:             I’m gonna- I’m gonna to stop you right there. What’s your name?

Edmond:        Edmond.

Eric:             Edmond. So, A-Agent Edmond? Like? Sergeant? Lieu… I’m not sure. Are you—

Edmond:        I’m not a field agent. I- I mean my job is mostly regarding phone calls. And a little bit of administrator.

Eric:             Edmond. I’m not sure if you know, really, what it is that I did when I was with S.H.I.E.L.D. but—

Edmond:        You were a spy. I have—

Eric:             I was—

Edmond:        I- I know exactly what you—

Eric:             I was the spy, Edmond!

Edmond:        You have- I- I don’t know how you- I wouldn’t know. I have your dossier right in front of me. I know everything about you that I could possibly ever know.

Eric:             Well, where am I now?

Edmond:        You’re in Koreatown in Los Angeles.

Eric:             Fuck you, Edmond! This isn’t the news I needed. I can do anything. I can—

Edmond:        You cannot do anything. You can specifically tap into the senses of other human beings within a radius circumference of about 100 miles. I don’t think there is a lot of use for your type of agent—

Eric:             You got a big tone for a fuckin’ desk jockey, you know that, Edmond?

Edmond:        [tsks] Uh…

Eric:             So if you’re just gonna sit here and tell me why—

Edmond:        Eric this was not my dec—

Eric:             —why you can’t do it, and all the reasons “it’s just not the right fit”, “It’s not the right time”, you can take ’em and shove them up your ass, ’cause I’ve heard a lit—

Edmond:        Eric, this was not my decision and I’m sorry to inform you, but the phone call ends here. Um, If you have any inquiries, you do have contacts. Of course your friend who you brought into S.H.I.E.L.D., Daniel Daniels, he still works for us. So maybe we can try again in a couple years, but right now we’re restructuring and I’m sorry, uh, we have no work for you.

[Phone beeps as Eric hangs up. He chucks the phone away.]

Eric:             Fuckin’ Nazis.

[Someone knocks on the front door.]

What?

Dan:             [muffled] Hey, uh, it’s me. Daniel.

Eric:             Damn it. Alright.

Dan:             [muffled] We’re gonna watch a movie tonight.

Eric:             [loud] Man. Look, I’m not feeling it right now. Alright?

Dan:             [muffled] We had plans!

Eric:             [loud] Yeah. We all had plans.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Alright?

Dan:             [muffled] What happened, dude?

Eric:             I…alright, hold on. Let me get the door.

[He walks across the room. A door creaks open.]

Hey, come on in.

Dan:             What’s goin’ on?

Eric:             Alright.

[Door clicks shut.]

I- I just I heard back from S.H.I.E.L.D.

Dan:             [hyped] Oh, shit! They actually got back to you?

Eric:             They—

Dan:             Dude, I have been bothering them left and right. You don’t understand. I mean, I’d forget for months at a time, but then inbe- after those months I will bring it up, and they’ll go, oh yeah we’ll look into it, and so- I- dude, I been trying. I swear I been trying.

Eric:             I- I, look, it’s—

Dan:             They flew you out here and everything! I assumed that it would go through. So- so what happened?

Eric:             They’re “restructuring”. They’re restructuring and they don’t need someone who can literally see, visually, what people are doing through their eyes or hear what they’re hearing through their ears or taste for whatever reason that has to be done. And every time I’ve had to do it, it’s been fucking gross but I did with a fucking smile because that was my job…and they’re “restructuring”.

Dan:             Yeah, they’re- we’re- yeah, we are. [mumbles] We have been restructuring.

Eric:             What the fuck does that even mean, restructuring?

Dan:             It just means that, like—

Eric:             You had years to restructure when you found out that half of y’all were Nazis!

Dan:             And they did that and it went very well, as I told you, but then—

Eric:             What, did the not-Nazi half get Snapped away?

Dan:             [quiet] I…look… [sighs]

Eric:             I’m sorry. I’m just—

Dan:             No, no. Honestly I’m—

Eric:             —it’s- it’s not been a good month.

Dan:             No, you’re fuckin’- no, you’re fucking right, dude! You’re completely right. You don’t underst- i-it has been two years and I’ve been bothering them. Yes. I- okay, my mistake. My mistake. I didn’t do it as much as I could have.

Eric:             This isn’t a—

Dan:             Maybe I could have pushed a little bit harder. I messed up there. I’m sorry.

Eric:             Daniel, it’s- Daniel. Dan-Dan-Dan—

Dan:             Put it on me.

Eric:             Daniel! Daniel!

Dan:             Yes? Please call me Dan.

Eric:             I’m not blaming you. Don’t blame yourself. This isn’t about when they got back to me.

Dan:             Who called you, by the way?

Eric:             Some dick named Edmund who works at a desk.

Dan:             I’m gonna call him. Right now.

Eric:             Don’t- no, don’t—

Dan:             No, I’m callin’ him right now.

[Phone beeps.]

Eric:             Daniel! I don’t need—

Dan:             I’m callin ’im!

[Eric sighs. A dialing tone.]

Hey, yo, Edmond!

Alex:             [over phone] Uh, this is Alex.

Dan:             Where’s Edmond?

Alex:             [over phone] Uh, Edmond’s gone on his lunch break. How can I help?

Dan:             He went on his lunch break. You hear that, Eric? He went on his lunch break!

Eric:             Dude, Daniel, don’t…

Dan:             You hear this? Alex.

Alex:             [over phone] You want me to try to take a message for him?

Dan:             Hey, Alex.

Alex:             [over phone] Yeah?

Dan:             Yeah, it’s me. Daniel Daniels, otherwise known as Agent Fragrant, okay? I’ve been—

Eric:             Cannot believe you stuck with that.

Dan:             —working for this company for years.

Alex:             [over phone] Oh, hey. How’s it goin’?

Dan:             Uh, I’ve never met you, so it- great. Whatever. Look, why don’t you—

Alex:             [over phone] How can I help you today?

Dan:             Uh, are you new? Are you a temp of some kind?

Alex:             [over phone] Oh, absolutely. They hired me straight away.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Dan:             What?

Alex:             [over phone] Oh, yeah, no. I just walked in and they gave me the job. It was great.

Eric:             What’s he saying?

Alex:             [over phone] How can I help you?

Eric:             What’s he saying?

Dan:             Mmm.

Eric:             What’s he saying?

Dan:             I don’t know if I should say.

Eric:             Is that Edmond?

Dan:             Uh, no. It’s- it’s not Edmond. It’s a temp, uh…

Alex:             [over phone] So you work here too, right?

Eric:             [yells] They have temps?

Dan:             They have temps. Somehow they have—

Eric:             [yells] I’ll temp!

Alex:             [over phone] I thought it was weird because I can’t even type.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Dan:             Okay. Okay. Alex. Alex, I’m gonna- I’m gonna- I’m gonna stop you, okay? Um, wh-when Edmond gets back from his lunch break, why don’t you tell him that I quit.

Alex:             [over phone] Uh…

Dan:             I quit!

Alex:             [over phone] I- I gotta be honest—

Eric:             No.

Dan:             I quit. I’m done.

[Eric and Dan talk over each other.]

I’m done. I quit. I’m done with it. I’m—

Eric:             No. Dan- you quit- no. [fast] Give me that. Gimme the phone! Gimme the phone! Gimme the—

[Cloth rustles as Eric and Dan fight over the phone.]

Dan:             No. Hey, I—

Alex:             [over phone] I’m gonna have to call—

Eric:             [loud] This is a prank! This is a prank call.

Alex:             [over phone] You know you pranksters. You need to stop calling in here, because—

[Dan and Eric speak over each other.]

Dan:             Eric, give me the- give- give it—

Eric:             [fast] You’re right, I learned my lesson see you later. Bye, bye, bye! Hang up!

[Phone beeps. Clothes rustle as Eric lowers the phone.]

[slowly] Don’t quit S.H.I.E.L.D. you idiot!

Dan:             If they’re gonna fire my best friend, I’m done!

Eric:             That’s not… [sighs] Look…

Dan:             [fast] Like, what do I have to work there? I’ve been waitin’ this whole two years for you to come join me. Like what do I wanna—

Eric:             Daniel, you don’t—

Dan:             Dan.

Eric:             [groans] Look, even though the shit I did for them was truly, a lot of the time, horrifying. And then to later come to the realization that not only was I subjecting myself to experiencing literally the worst that humanity had to offer, but I was doing it for actual Nazis. Like, literal Nazis.

Dan:             Yeah, that was pretty dumb.

Eric:             Yeah. We’re—

[He sighs in exasperation.]

So coming back here now, it’s…

Dan:             We’ll figure it out. Big city, man. You know what I’ve been hearing?

Eric:             What?

Dan:             Lot o’ people who don’t want to be registered, uh, hanging out.

Eric:             That’s the thing. I can’t- I’m doing this private eye shit ’cause I can’t be, like, a hero. I can’t tell—

Dan:             D’you think I can? I just smell nice. I don’t even have any powers.

Eric:             Yeah, that’s… Again, the Agent Fragrant? Like…

Dan:             Look, it just stuck, man. I’m not gonna fight it. I’m not gonna fight it. It was mean at first and it hurt my feelings. And you know what, um, I’m just owning the joke now. ’Kay? That’s all.

Eric:             [sighs] Alright. Don’t quit your job.

Dan:             Well, we’ll see what happens. [chuckles]

[Hopeful music.]

Sage:            Year Three of the Snap.

We’re in the backyard of the Kline residence. You’ve set up some target practice and Lily is holding a phone, filming.

Lily:           Okay, come on. Come on do it. Just one more time, one more time, one more time!

Masha:            [sighs] I can’t just do it. Like, I can’t just redo what I just did.

Lily:           Right, no, I know it’s different every time, but, like- okay, hear me out. Somehow YouTube videos still monetized, right?

Masha:            Yes.

Lily:           Ad revenue. Literally how else are we supposed to make money [amused] as young women alone in this world?

Masha:            I mean, that’s a really fair point, but we don’t even have any viewers. So I’m just- you’re gonna upload a video of me exposing that I’m a freak! Something that I don’t really want people to really know about.

Lily:           Wear a mask. I’ll hold my breath. You take my mask.

Masha:            Oh and just put it over my- okay.

Lily:           Yeah, yeah.

Masha:            Your mask. Your- your mask that you have over your mouth and your nose and I’ll put it over mine.

[Clothes rustle as Lily takes off her mask and hands it over.]

Lily:           [coughs, groans] Ah, fuck I forgot how it smells out here.

Masha:            Oh my god, wait. Lily, Lily, please put it—

Lily:           No, it’s okay.

Masha:            No, Lily, come on. Put it back on!

Lily:           I’m just gonna hold my breath. Okay?

Masha:            Oh my god. Okay.

Lily:           [holding breath] I got great lung capacity. Don’t even worry about it.

Masha:            Alright.

Lily:           [holding breath] Years o’ bass clarinet. But please be quick.

Masha:            Okay, you’re- are- you’re recording?

Lily:           Uh, yeah.

[Phone beeps.]

Masha:            Okay.

Sage:            And we cut over to Korea Town.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

[Traffic rumbles by. Footsteps tap on sidewalk.]

Eric’s about to enter his apartment. And he’s on the street, walkin’ down alone. He notices, across the street, some dude in a trench coat and glasses watching.

[Suspenseful music.]

Eric:             Hmm…

[Stat test chime.]

Sage:            Eric, you’re gonna roll me Soul.

[Dice roll on table.]

[Failure chime.]

Travis:          Seeing as that’s the lowest it possibly could be, failure.

Sage:            It’s a failure?

Travis:          Yeah.

Sage:            Okay. Eric thinks this guy is totally fine. [stifles laughter]

Eric:             I know I should be suspicious of this, but I just can’t seem to fucking care. I’m exhausted. I’m gonna go back up to the apartment.

[He continues walking down the sidewalk.]

Sage:            Eric gets back into the apartment. And Eric, being a private investigator, has [stifles laugh] alerts set up on Craigslist. Just in case somebody makes a post looking for a PI, he gets alerts. And he has one.

[The gentle ping of a notification goes off. Muffled traffic rumbles outside the window.]

He notices, on his little laptop there, somebody named Lily made a post. And there’s a photo of Lily and two sisters. And the post says that they’re looking for the youngest one in the picture, who disappeared sometime around the Snap.

Eric:             Neat!

Sage:            However, before Eric can really dive in… There’s a fire escape that goes up to a window into Eric’s house and he looks and there’s another person in a trench coat staring him down.

[Suspenseful music.]

[Stat test chime.]

Eric, roll me Soul.

[Dice roll on table.]

[Failure chime.]

Eric:             I think a flash mob’s about to happen.

[Jessica stifles a laugh.]

Are flash mobs back now? Is that where we are?

Sage:            Eric is tired and done for the day. So Eric sits down on the couch and pulls up YouTube. [stifles laughter] What else to fucking do in Koreatown? Cable’s not been working. Nobody’s been managing that right now.

Eric:             Disney Plus is shut down.

[Muffled traffic rumbles outside. Dull thunks are heard as Eric taps on his phone.]

YouTube Woman:     Having the same credit card as Professor Hulk? Priceless. Master Card.

Eric:             Sell out.

[YouTube switches channels.]

YouTube Woman 2:   [quiet, indistinguishable accent] Hello. My name is Ygritte. Thank you for coming back to my ASMR. This is leather purse.

[Obnoxious leather squeaking.]

Eric:             Oh, god. No, no. Why does anyone like this?

[YouTube switches channels.]

Sage:            And then that person starts knocking on the window.

[Knocking on glass.]

Eric:             I don’t want to be a part of the flash mob!

[Stifled laughter.]

It’s not- it’s not my thing.

[Another knock.]

What- I don’t have a trench coat! I can’t get into costume.

Sage:            They pull out a gun and they point it at Eric.

[Beat.]

Eric:             Oooh.

[Stifled laughter]

[Stat test chime.]

[Suspenseful music.]

Sage:            Roll for Soul.

[Success chime.]

Travis:          Hey, I got one!

[Sage chuckles.]

Sage:            Gunshot!

[A gunshot goes off, glass breaks. Eric screams.]

Eric:             God dammit! Okay, ah, bedroom closet.

[Eric runs to his room.]

[fast] Gun, gun, gun, gun, gun, gun, gun, gun. Gun. Gun!

[Stat test chime.]

Sage:            Roll for Combat.

[Failure chime.]

Travis:          Uh, 6.

Sage:            6 total?

Travis:          Yeah.

Sage:            Oh shit. Eric comes out of the closet and the man has grabbed him from behind.

[Rapid footsteps approach. A firm tap and clothes rustle as the Man grabs Eric. Muffled rainfall patters outside the window.]

Eric:             Okay, look. I’m sure there’s a lot of reasons you could be doing this right now. But I want you to tell me…three.

Man:                You’re a target. We’ve been watching you.

Eric:             That much is clear! You pointed a gun at me!

Man:                Eh, it seemed to take you a while to notice.

Eric:             Look, I had a long day of investigating privately. So I’d appreciate it, if you could leave me to the privacy of my own home to investigate…what’s new on YouTube.

Man:                Look ahead.

Eric:             [tsks] ’Kay.

Sage:            Another trench coat enters the building.

[Footsteps tap across the tile.]

Man 2:             You know too much.

Eric:             Not in this situation, I don’t!

Man 2:             End it.

[A gun cocks.]

Eric:             [coaxing] Look, whatever you guys need, I can find it. Whatever you’re trying to accomplish, I can help. I can get it done faster, I can get it done in a more comprehensive fashion. Do you know who I am? Instead of killing me, what if I helped you do whatever the fuck else you’re trying to do, and then you get it done faster and you wouldn’t have to be a part of it.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage:            Personal Reality. Powerful Combat.

[Dice roll on table.]

[Failure chime.]

[Success chime.]

Travis:          Fail and 20.

Man 2:             He’s a liar. Shoot him in the head.

[The swish and thuds of combat begin. A sickening snap. Man 1 grunts and coughs.]

Man 2:             Fuck, he’s loose! He’s loose! Get ’im!

Eric:             Gimme that! Gimme that! No!

Man 2:             Get up! No!

[A gunshot and a wet splat against the wall. Man 2 collapses with a thud. Eric pants.]

[Suspenseful music.]

Sage:            They have no information on them. They are completely clean. You’ve never been able to tap into these people before, and you don’t know why they’re after you.

Eric:             [slow] I have to stop killing them first and touching them second.

[Stifled laughter.]

I should know this by now. God dammit, Eric.

[He walks out of the bedroom. Clothes rustle as he runs a hand through his hair.]

I can’t keep doing this alone.

Sage:            Then his phone starts making noises.

[A muffled grunt from the phone.]

And he pulls it out. Eric realizes he didn’t stop watching YouTube and he landed on a random video that YouTube had recommended to him.

[Stat test chime.]

[A buzzing crinkle as Masha’s power activates.]

Jessica:          Healing. [chuckles]

[Stifled laughter.]

Sage:            Two young women in a backyard.

[A quiet, chiming squeal as Masha’s healing powers are used. Leaves rustle.]

Lily:           Oh, wow! You made- you made the plants grow again.

Masha:            Alright, alright, uh. [chuckles]

Lily:           You got this. You got…

Masha:            I’ll do it…

Lily:           One more time!

Masha:            One more time, one more time!

[Stat test chime.]

[A buzzing crinkle as Masha’s power activates.]

Reflexes! I’m…just…

[Jessica stifles laughter. Sage joins her.]

Eric:             What the fuck am I watching?

[Laughter.]

Sage:            Do, like, flips and shit for no reason.

[Masha grunts on the video.]

Lily:           Wait, hold on. Hold on, let me throw something at you real quick.

Masha:            Throw something at me. Now!

[A swish is heard and Masha grunts as she dodges. She pants.]

[Stat test chime.]

[A buzzing crinkle as Masha’s power activates.]

Jessica:          Freezing time.

Sage:            The main girl in the video just, like, sprints back and forth around the backyard at the speed of light. It is insanely fast.

[Masha pants. Footsteps scuff to a stop.]

Lily:           Ah, shit. That was so cool.

Masha:            [coughs] Okay, okay. I don’t think I can do more. [coughs]

Lily:           Can I have my mask back?

[The video ends with a beep.]

Sage:            And then the video ends.

Eric:             Holy shit.

[Light-suspense music.]

Sage:            Eric then has a little bit of a eureka moment. Looks at this video, and then he looks at that Craigslist ad. He looks at the video. And then the ad. And the video. And the ad.

Eric:             Oh my god! Okay, okay. I’ll reply. I’ll reply!

[He walks over to the desk. A keyboard clacks and Eric speaks as he types.]

[Action music plays.]

Hi, I am a private investigator, and I am very interested in helping you find your family. Call anytime. Thanks? No. Sincerely. Mmm. Regards. Send.

[Mouse clicks and a chime goes off as the message sends.]

I didn’t put my name on it because it’s already at the top.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Sage:            And then he gets a call almost immediately.

[Phone buzzes. Clothes rustle as Eric pulls it out of his pocket.]

Eric:             The fuck? Blocked?

[Phone buzzes again.]

Hello?

Lily:           [over phone] Hi. Um, did- did you, um, answer an ad on Craigslist?

Eric:             What kind of ad?

Lily:           [over phone] Um, uh, a missing persons ad.

Eric:             Y-yeah. Uh, but that was, like, ten seconds ago.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Lily:           [over phone] Are- are you serious or- or not?

Eric:             Yeah, no, I’m serious. It was, like, ten seconds ago.

Lily:           [over phone] Okay, meet me, uh, at the Starbucks at Hollywood and Vine—

Eric:             [quiet] Wait, what?

Lily:           —at 1 PM. Don’t bring anybody.

[Phone disconnect tone.]

Eric:             The hell was that?

[Phone beeps and clothes rustle as Eric puts it away.]

Alright, well… I gotta find a bird.

[Action music.]

Sage:            We cut to Starbucks at Hollywood and Vine. Coming in from the left is Lily, walking alone. And then on the right…[amused] some blonde dork on a Bird is driving a scooter [chuckles] down the sidewalk and stops at the front door, and they arrive at the same time.

[Eric burps.]

[Stifled laughter.]

Lily:           [quick inhale, clears throat] I’m, um, like, not supposed to talk to strangers. That being said…did you answer an ad on Craigslist?

Eric:             For a private investigator?

Lily:           [sarcastic] Oh no, for a birthday stripper. Oh, this is so awkward. Oh no.

Eric:             Alright. You must be the person that called me back immediately and then hung up on me.

Lily:           I imparted information, but okay.

Eric:             Now, are you young or just short?

Lily:           [tsks] Wh—

Eric:             If you’re under eighteen I probably need to get somebody’s parents involved to make sure that this is, like, legal.

Lily:           Great. I carry a taser.

[Clothes rustle and electricity zaps.]

Sage:            And then Masha comes out right in the middle of them, with Lily with a taser out and Eric [stifles laughter] standing on a Bird still. He hasn’t gotten off the scooter.

[Gentle misadventure music.]

Masha:            Lily! [fast] Wha- why are you- what did you- are you gonna attack my sister?

Eric:             I’m not—

Masha:            Hey!

Eric:             I’m not attacking- I’m riding a Bird. I’m riding- I’m saving the environment. What’s left of it.

Masha:            Okay, what is going on? Are you—

Lily:           I hired a private investigator to find Rose.

Eric:             Okay, now we have this out in the open. Hi, you’re her sister? I’m a private investigator. I responded to her ad on Craigslist.

Masha:            You put an ad on Craigslist?

Eric:             Which is a site that professionals use!

Masha:            Who are you?

Eric:             That is not- I am a s- I work for S.H.I.E.L.D.

[Beat.]

Masha:            Oh, yeah, sure.

Lily:           Oh, so you’re a secret Nazi!

Sage:            Eric, roll for Reality.

[Everyone laughs.]

[Stat test chime.]

Masha:            Sure, Mr. S.H.I.E.L.D.

Colton:            Reality check!

Sage:            Personal roll for Reality.

[Success chime.]

Travis:          Success.

Sage:            Okay!

Lily:           O-okay.

Masha:            Okay…you look like you’ve worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. I guess?

Sage:            They decide this conversation shouldn’t continue—

[Everyone laughs.]

—right out front of a Starbucks, because there’s a bunch of people that are, like, waiting to get in and you’re literally blocking the door.

Masha:            Sorry, Wanda, I’m goin’ away!

[The three walk down the sidewalk.]

Sage:            The three of them then [chuckles] awkwardly try to shuffle into the back alley behind Starbucks so that they can talk in private.

Eric:             This is not discreet.

[Sage chuckles.]

Masha:            Lily, okay, so…

Sage:            On the way there, some guy in the trench coat bumps into Eric. Not good vibes, but they keep going.

Eric:             Okay, so any other sisters I need to know about before we talk about…

Lily:           Well, I mean, yeah, the one we’re looking for.

Masha:            Okay, wait. Slow down. I’m sorry. What money are you going to use to pay him?

Lily:           [slow] The barter system?

[Masha sighs.]

We learned about it in school.

Masha:            He doesn’t- do you even have a rate? Are you even a private investigator? Is this what you do for a living? Why are—

Lily:           Why did you answer this ad?

Masha:            Why are you guys- why are you meeting at my work? I could get fired!

Eric:             Now, as a private investigator, usually I’m asking—

[Sage stifles laughter.]

—more of the questions than the people who contacted me.

Masha:            I didn’t contact you.

Eric:             That’s fair.

Lily:           I didn’t contact you, either. You contacted me.

Eric:             And you contacted me back.

Lily:           It was reciprocal!

Eric:             Okay, look, this is—

Masha:            I’m sorry, sir. I don’t think we can afford to pay you to be a PI for us. I’m sorry. Lily didn’t talk about this with me, and I don’t ha- I can’t budget this. Okay? I work at Starbucks!

Eric:             Are you the same people from this video?

[Clothes rustle. Video turns on.]

Video Masha:         Throw something at me. Now!

Lily:           Oh…

[Video Masha grunts and pants.]

Masha:            Put that down! Put that away!

[Video continues.]

Put that down!

Eric:             Okay, okay. I’m sorry.

[Phone beeps as he shuts off the video.]

Lily:           [quiet] Shit. [slow] If you’re here to kill us, we could prob’ly kill you first and harder.

[Misadventure music resumes. Masha sighs.]

Eric:             Okay. How ’bout nobody kills anybody? That sounds great. Let’s just- let’s not do that.

Lily:           Okay, we could start with that.

Eric:             Okay, look. I am a private investigator. This is my job. I- I do this for a living. And because of that, I often find myself in situations where pretty powerful people would rather have me dead. Now.

[Masha sighs nervously.]

That has happened today. Pretty recently.

Sage:            Speaking of which…

Eric:             And in fact, there’s something about where we are right now. Just one second, please.

Masha:            [uncertain] Are you meditating or…?

Lily:           Do you have powers?

Masha:            Do you have to use a bathroom? I can give you the code to the Starbucks.

Lily:           1738.

[Eric shushes them.]

[Stat test chime.]

Sage:            Can you roll to Tap?

Masha:            I think he’s constipated.

Sage:            How attuned is…

[Dice roll on table.]

Travis:          [stifles laughter] It’s a 1.

Sage:            [yells] What?

[Failure chime.]

You got a 1?

Travis:          I got a 1.

[Emily laughs.]

Sage:            [laughs] No!

Travis:          ’Cause they’re talking! ’Cause they’re talking! I can’t concentrate!

Masha:            I jus- listen!

Travis:          With all this talking!

Sage:            Eric untapping and rolling a one, somebody in a trench coat just literally landed on top of him. [chuckles] Jumping from—

Eric:             I swear to god, I can’t hear anything with you guys just- I need the co—

[Air rushes overhead. A thud as a man lands on Eric. Eric grunts and Masha screams. Eric grunts as he fights with the man on the ground.]

Sage:            They pull out a gun.

Lily:           Holy fuck!

Sage:            They’re about to shoot Eric in the head!

[A gun clicks.]

Lily:           Holy fuck!

Masha:            Okay. Hi! Uh, uh, uh. Plea—

Lily:           Masha!

Masha:            What?

Lily:           Do something!

Masha:            [groans] Okay.

Lily:           Ahh! Krav Maga!

[Boots pound across the pavement as Lily charges.]

[Stat test chime.]

Sage:            Both of you roll for Combat.

[Failure chime.]

Jessica:          I got a 3.

Emily:          20.

[Success chime.]

Sage:            3 and 20! Okay, Masha is too nervous to use her powers. She doesn’t want anybody to see her, to know.

[Masha groans anxiously.]

Lily sees this, really knows her sister very well and wants to look out for her, and Lily [stifles laugh] rolled a fuckin’ 20 somehow.

Masha:            [quiet, anxious] I can’t do it, I can’t do it.

Lily:           I can beat up—

[Lily grunts. Clothes rustle.]

Masha:            Oh my god!

Lily:           Aye-YAH!

[Lily kicks out hard and hits the man’s hand. The gun clatters away.]

Masha:            Lily!

Lily:           What?

Sage:            This gives Eric a brief moment.

[Stat test chime.]

Travis:          Ooo! 23.

[Success chime.]

Sage:            [amused] Fuck.

[Stifled laughter.]

[Cloth rustles as Eric jumps up and grabs the man. Eric and Masha talk over each other. ]

Eric:             Got it! [quickly] Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep.

Masha:            [slowly] Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh…

Lily:           Yeah, get ’im!

[The man chokes. A sickening crack.]

Masha:            Oh…Oh my god!

[A thud as Eric drops the body.]

Eric:             Oh, that’s too asleep.

Lily:           [quiet] I could smell him die.

Eric:             Right on.

Masha:            [slow] You guys just killed somebody!

Lily:           I did not kill that man!

Eric:             Hey, hey, hey, look. You reacted quickly and you took control of the situation. That’s great. That’s exactly what I’m looking for.

[A mysterious misting sound. Low, suspenseful music.]

Sage:            And then our three heroes are smelling smoke, and the alley- we realize the alleyway has gotten a little foggy and smoky.

Lily:           [sniffs] What is that?

Sage:            Lily is obviously the first person to notice.

Masha:            What?

Lily:           Smoke? [sniffs] It’s a…[sniffs] But it’s not from a fire it’s…

Masha:            [quiet] Oh god. [normal] Did they burn something in the oven again?

Sage:            And then, emerging from it, two dudes.

[Eric coughs.]

Dude:         [chuckles] Would ya look at that, Siggy. Quite the display, huh?

Masha:            Uh…

Lily:           What?

Eric:             Okay, hold the fuck up.

Siggy:          Well, well. This one’s younger than I thought. Can you even drive?

Lily:           [falsely sweet] No, but I can kill a grown man. Wanna see?

Masha:            [hushed] Lily!

Siggy:          No, no, that- that qualifies. I don’t think- that’s- yeah.

Dude:         No, no, I- I- I believe it. Listen. Saw the YouTube video of yours.

Masha:            Okay, YouTube video of mine? Like I was- wha- Who are you?

Roach:            They call me Roach. Call me Roach in the streets. Just keep it at that.

[Eric and Siggy talk over each other.]

Siggy:          You know what they call Roach in the—

Eric:             What do they call you in the sheets? [chuckles]

Siggy:          [amused] Yup! Thank you, sir.

Roach:            Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fun, fun, fun. I’m telling you something you need to know. Okay? They’re gonna come after you.

Masha:            They…?

Eric:             They.

Roach:            You know, “they”. The “they” they.

Lily:           Like- like you?

Siggy:          The big, scary “they”.

Roach:            No, not us. Not—

Masha:            Wait, do you guys know each other or something?

Siggy:          We look like a “they”.

Eric:             No, but I know the “they” that they are talking about.

Roach:            We’re not talking about the “they” they “they”, we’re talking about the “they” they for sure.

Eric:             [slow] Yeah.

Lily:           Okay.

Roach:            But we’re not the “they” or the “they” they, or the “they” they “they”.

Siggy:          We’re pretty open-minded about pronouns.

Roach:            Yeah.

Lily:           Great. Question for, like, literally all of you. Do you normally track down young women from the internet?

Masha:            And questionably both could be minors?

Siggy:          Kinda.

Roach:            I mean…

Siggy:          I guess.

Roach:            Y-yeah.

Siggy:          I mean, not- not specifically…

Roach:            But it doesn’t have anything really to do with that stuff. We’re innocent! As a matter o’ fact, we got some’in’ to offer you.

Masha:            And that is…?

Roach:            [quiet] Come on, keep it on the DL. Keep your voice down.

Masha:            [whispers] What is it?

Lily:           If it’s candy, we’re smarter than that.

Roach:            No! No, no, no.

Eric:             What is this about? What do you want?

Roach:            You don’t wanna be running for the rest of your life. Don’t wanna be, slave to the man. Don’t wanna be tracked down, used, abused. Well, that’s where we come in. We’re representatives of the Fort.

[Beat.]

Eric:             The Fort? That’s up at the—

Roach:            You’ve heard. He’s heard. He’s heard o’ the Fort!

[High-fives tap.]

Siggy:          Hey!

Roach:            That’s right!

Siggy:          Startin’ reputation!

Eric:             Like, all the homeless have filled in the Griffith, right?

Roach:            Homeless.

Siggy:          Well, I mean…

Roach:            Squatters.

Siggy:          That is now our home.

Roach:            Like… Look—

Siggy:          Like, yeah, no. We’re not homeless if we’re livin’ somewhere, right?

Roach:            Yeah, yeah. It’s ours now.

Siggy:          Yeah.

Roach:            We- we took it.

Masha:            What is th- what is th- I’m so sorry. Uh, what is the Fort?

Roach:            I’m gonna give you a little card here.

[He walks up to them. Clothes rustle as he pulls the card out of his jacket.]

You three. Think about it. You know where to find us.

[Footsteps fade as the two leave.]

Eric:             Think about what? You haven’t pitched anything!

Roach:            Just think about it.

Siggy:          No, no, no. Think about it.

Roach:            Think about it.

Eric:             You’re fuckin’ up my whole thing here.

Sage:            Siggy and Roach leave the alleyway.

Masha:            What…

Eric:             God. Assholes. Everybody’s a fuckin’…mystery these days.

Lily:           [hesitant] So, are you gonna help us find our sister?

Eric:             Yes. And you don’t have to pay me. But…I need help with that.

Masha:            With—

Eric:             That thing? With the guy who- like they’re- people are falling out of the sky to kill me. That’s where we’re at now.

Masha:            [quiet] Yeah, that’s—

Lily:           Yeah, what did you do?

Sage:            Oh, Eric totally dislocated his shoulder. I’m just gonna throw that in there. [chuckles]

Eric:             Hold on.

[Sage and Emily stifle laughter.]

[A loud crack, Masha groans, and Eric screams.]

Masha:            Oh my god!

Lily:           Masha, can you try to heal?

Sage:            [amused] Too late. Too late! It doesn’t matter!

[Emily chuckles.]

Eric:             Nah, It’s back in. It’s back in. It’s just gonna- there’s gonna be some swelling but it’ll be fine. I’ll ice it.

Lily:           Um…

Eric:             I’ll ice it when I get ho- oh, fuck. I can’t go home.

Lily:           But, very important question.

Eric:             [mumbles] Oh god.

Lily:           Why are these people trying to kill you?

Eric:             I don’t know. That’s the problem. There are a million reasons that any one person could be trying to kill me. There’s a lot of information that I’ve used against other people for other people who have then used information about them against them towards someone else.

Paying rent is hard in this city. You’d think, with the real estate crisis- there’s nobody living here. Still, you’d think the rent would be cheaper than this! But no! So what do you gotta do?

Lily:           Yeah, okay.

Eric:             You gotta take one drug lord’s identity!

Lily:           Okay.

Eric:             You gotta sell it to another one!

[Masha groans.]

Next thing you know—

Lily:           Hey! Hey! Hey!

Eric:             —you have men in trench coats trying to murder you in your apartment!

Lily:           Okay! Do you think you can find our sister?

Eric:             Yeah.

Masha:            Okay, fine. So what do you need us to do? I’m confused.

Eric:             Well…let me hang out with you.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Masha:            Oh, my God.

Lily:           How are we going to explain that to people? I’m—

Eric:             What? D’you have parents?

[Beat.]

Masha:            [quiet] Okay.

Lily:           No.

Masha:            Our parents disappeared in the Snap.

[Beat.]

[Eric grunts.]

Fine. We will hang out with you.

Eric:             I don’t need friends. I need help. And so do you.

Lily:           Yes.

Eric:             Right?

Masha:            [resigned] Yes.

Lily:           Should we…

Eric:             You don’t post on Craigslist unless you’re desperate.

[Lily sighs. Masha groans.]

Lily:           [quiet] Fine.

Masha:            What is the Fort? You sound like you’ve heard of it.

[Guitar strums gently.]

Eric:             I’ve heard- like I said, I’m good with information. I know it’s the Griffith Observatory. There’s a bunch of squatters there, and it eventually became a bunch of super squatters.

Masha:            Here, gimme that card.

[Clothes rustle and a card flicks as she turns it over.]

Sage:            Masha looks at this card. It looks pretty cool. It’s got, like, some cool, grungy little text. Got, like, a graphic of a Griffith Observatory, but it’s all, like, shooken up. Says… “A Home”…

Jessica:          Dot, dot, dot, dot.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Sage:            …“You Bet!”

[Everyone laughs.]

Masha:            Well, there’s a lot of quality in this card, but their slogan…

Lily:           Sucks!

Eric:             They could use a copywriter.

Lily:           It’s bad.

Masha:            Okay…I mean…I guess we could…go check it out. Like, I don’t know. I’m just tired of, like, hiding all the time.

Eric:             I think that’s a great idea. On the way there, you can tell me all about your sister. What happened. Maybe some people there will have answers. Most importantly, it’s not my apartment…and you guys are strong.

Masha:            Do you even have powers?

Lily:           You have powers, don’t you?

Eric:             No. Did you see that guy fall out of the sky and crush me? If I had powers, do you think that would have happened?

Masha:            Yeah, but, why would people be after you?

Lily:           But then you- you killed him and- I don’t know. You got that weird look on your face. Which was maybe—

Masha:            Yeah you looked like you were gonna shit your pants.

Lily:           I was thinking that was just his face, but, yeah. You got that weird look like you were [groans] efforting.

Eric:             I was thinking. I’m a private investigator. I use my—

Lily:           Do you super think?

Eric:             No. I just think kinda hard. Haven’t you ever seen Sherlock? You know?

Lily:           He super thinks! That guy was a super.

Eric:             Yeah, I’m just- I’m just…

Lily:           Let’s be real.

Masha:            Yeah.

Eric:             I’m just a genius. Lea—

[Emily snerks.]

We’ll- we’ll leave it at that.

Masha:            So a super genius?

Eric:             No!

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Tha- just a regular genius.

[Masha grunts in disbelief.]

And I was thinking about where potential threats could’ve been, and who’d a thunk, outta the sky. Which is why I was caught off guard.

Masha:            Also, by the way, what is your name?

Eric:             Uh, my name is, uh, uh S-Scry.

Lily:           Oh, we’re using our made-up names! Okay, um.

[Misadventure music.]

Masha:            [scoffs] Lily, that could be his real name.

[Everyone chuckles.]

Eric:             That’s- that’s- that’s my- that’s my S.H- that’s my S.H- No, no. It’s- it’s a S.H.—

Masha:            Scry’s a very interesting name, if that’s your real name.

Eric:             It’s a designation. It’s a designation.

Lily:           Yeah, what’s- what’s the origin of that one?

Eric:             It was given to me by, what I assume is, a machine. Or just somebody whose job it is to come up with clever names for people.

Lily:           Okay.

Eric:             Yeah.

Lily:           Coooool…

[Beat.]

[Adventure music.]

Sage:            About 10 PM on a Saturday night in Los Angeles. Lily Kline, Masha Mirova, and Eric Stanton hesitantly have decided to approach the Fort. Some club of some kind for supers? Who hang out in the abandoned Griffith Observatory.

It was, obviously, a very popular tourist attraction and scientific exhibit prior to the Snap. Quickly after, everybody realized that just through a matter of bad luck, all of the scientists and employees were Snapped away.

And, over time, just like all the mansions that got cleared out, some squatters started coming in and filling it out over the last three years. And eventually it’s gotten a good name for itself. And it’s just now startin’ to pick up steam, so they approach the entrance to Griffith, and [stifles laughter] it looks real shitty compared to how it used to. This is not what you remember.

[Crickets chirp in the background. Music fades out.]

Masha:            Yikes. They really let it go.

Eric:             This is no longer a place of learning.

Door Guy:           What’s the password?

Eric:             Ahh!

Masha:            Uh…

Door Guy:           What’s the password?

Lily:           Oh shit. Am I gonna need my fake ID?

Door Guy:           Password!

Lily:           ’Cause it says I’m thirty.

Eric:             Gimme that- gimme that card again.

Masha:            Uh, yeah, let me just get it outta my bag.

Eric:             What’s that thing it says at the bottom?

[A purse rustles and a card flicks.]

Masha:            Um…“Pickle Feet”.

Eric:             What?

[Beat.]

Door Guy:           Alright, you’re in.

Masha:            That’s what it says at the bottom!

Eric:             I meant the slogan.

Door Guy:           But I’m not happy about it!

[Emily laughs.]

Eric:             Where does it say “Pickle Feet”?

Masha:            On the back side. It says “Password” and “Pickle Feet”.

Eric:             Does it?

Masha:            Yeah! It’s right here.

Lily:           Is it in the same font?

Masha:            No, it’s a different font.

Door Guy:           You can come in.

[Everyone laughs.]

Sage:            This strange man opens the door to the Fort.

[Door Guy makes “Chch” noises as the garage door creaks open.]

He starts churning a crank, and this sick-ass garage door slowly opens up.

[A buzzer goes off, muffled voices, and an electric guitar slowly builds.]

Lily:           Hold on. Let me have a sniff.

Masha:            Alright.

Eric:             What?

[Lily sniffs.]

Door Guy:           Do you want me to close the door, or…

Sage:            Smells a lot like sweat. Bodies. It smells like weed. Definitely abstract rebellion. Hints of sex, unfortunately, it smells a lot like…

[Travis makes drum noises to the beat of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana.]

[quiet] Yes.

[Electric guitar and drums play.]

Lily:           Smells a little bit like a soup kitchen. And I mean that in the metaphorical sense.

Eric:             I think I mean it in the literal sense.

[Masha stifles laughter.]

Door Guy:           Takes me about five minutes to put the door up—

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

—and put the door down. If somebody’s gonna come in I have to ask them the password, so…

Sage:            And then a guy you’ve seen before, you remember he’s the dude named Roach that gave you the card, walks by the front door with soup in his hand. [stifles laughter]

Masha:            Hey, look, it’s Roach! Hi!

Eric:             There was soup.

Roach:            [distant] Hey! Siggy, they came!

Lily:           I was talking about a homeless orgy. But, yeah.

Siggy:         Heeey! What’s up?

Roach:            Come on in, come on in, come on it!

Siggy:         Yeah, yeah, yeah!

[The group walks inside.]

Masha:            Wow, you guys really, uh, did some fun with the Griffith Observatory.

[Door clunks shut.]

Roach:            This is our home. This is our palace. This is our sanctuary! You got no idea. The plans we got in store… So glad you guys came!

[Roach claps his hands together.]

See? Told ya.

[In the background, someone cheers and rock music plays.]

Masha:            Oh wow, you guys have your own hype-man.

Roach:            You guys want a tour? I can give ya a tour.

Eric:             Yeah. Is it gonna get more crowded?

Siggy:         Well, hopefully, yeah. That’s what we want.

Roach:            That’s the plan. That’s the plan. Yeah, see we’re workin’ on it. We’re workin’ on it.

Siggy:         Yeah.

Masha:            Is there, like, a fire code?

Siggy:         That’s actually- you know, considering we may actually have, like, people that breathe fire at some point, that might not be a bad idea. Fire code.

Roach:            Now! Obviously we’re in the main entrance, but this is just the tip o’ the iceberg, you know what I’m sayin’?

[The group moves farther inside.]

If we look over to the left wing, this is where we work. You’re lookin’ over to the right wing, this is where we party.

On the left is the Hall of the Eye. You’re in the Hall of the Eye, you’re gettin’ shit done. You’re spreadin’ the good word. You’re recruitin’. You’re gettin’ jobs so can go an’ benefit the greater good.

If you’re on the right, the Hall of the Sky, then you are hangin’ out. Smokin’ weed, listenin’ to music, flexin’ your powers—if ya got ’em—whatever floats your boat, you know what I’m sayin’?

Now, let’s keep it movin’ shall we? Go forward here through this gallery…

[A door creaks open. Music is more muffled, their voices echo.]

And BOOM! Look at this planetarium!

Lily:           Does it…does it still work?

Eric:             Why’d you spray paint “Eat shit!” on the wall?

Roach:            Nah, that wasn’t me.

Hype Man:        [distant] Eat shit!

Roach:            We have a policy. Phrases, mottos like to catch on here. We change our password every day, we change our slogan on the cards every day. We let people express themselves.

Masha:            Wow.

Siggy:         Expensive to print. You have no idea.

Roach:            Yeah. Somebody was like, let’s try “eat shit out.” They wrote it on the wall with some red graffiti, there it is. Nice and big and bold.

Hype Man:        [distant] Eat shit!

Roach:            See? It’s catchin’ on! It’s pretty good.

Siggy:         Art that inspires, that’s what we’re about.

Lily:           Yeah, it’s pretty punk rock.

Eric:             Cool.

[They continue their walk.]

Roach:            We’re goin’ down the steps now, we’re goin’ through the Cosmic Connection.

[Calming background noise.]

Eric:             The fuckin’ what?

Siggy:         Yeah, preach.

Masha:            Sounds um…

Lily:           Is that, like, another thing you guys came up with?

Roach:            We didn’t do that one, no, unfortunately. Pretty good, so it kinda stuck. We’re not gonna change that one. This is the Cosmic Connection. Feelin’ it?

Lily:           [quiet] Wow…

Eric:             Alright. What happens in here?

Roach:            Well, we walk through the Cosmic Connection. Ya feel some connection of some kind.

Lily:           With the cosmos?

Roach:            With the cosmos.

Lily:           [quiet] Wow. [normal] Never coulda guessed.

Roach:            And we pass on through.

[Science lab music.]

And here we are. You might think this is a gift shop, but! No longer is it a gift shop.

Eric:             There’s a lot of gifts for some reason.

Roach:            Let me introduce you to Gift Bag over here!

Eric:             [quiet] Okay.

Roach:            Gift Bag is one of our main stays. Gift Bag’s been here—

Theo:            Roach, are you doing tours?

Roach:            Yeah, we got some new guys.

Siggy:         Yeah, come on.

Theo:            I-it’s Theo. Thank you. Hi.

Masha:            Is your hero name Gift Bag?

Theo:            No. No. It’s not. Th-Theo is fine.

Roach:            Gift Bag here is whippin’ up some o’ the finest tech. We’re talkin’ gadgets, we’re talkin’ research, we’re talkin’ experiments, information—

Theo:            Roach. Roach, Siggy, uh, d’you mind- could I take over? Just, you know, for a few minutes.

Roach:            Oh, oh, I see. You’re workin’ on somethin’, Gift Bag. Somethin’ private, he doesn’t wanna—

Theo:            [exasperated] You caught me! Yeah, yeah.

Roach:            Gonna hype ’em up! Gonna hype ’em up!

Theo:            Of course. Of course.

Roach:            Smart, smart, smart.

Theo:            Of course.

Roach:            Yeah, actually, I’m gonna go finish the soup. We cook up some dinner every night. Anybody comes in—

Siggy:         Anybody want soup?

Roach:            Soup? Soup?

Masha:            Do you guys have other things beside soup?

Lily:           [sniffs] No, they don’t.

Siggy:         It’s cream of mushroom.

Roach:            Yup.

Siggy:         It’s pretty good.

Roach:            We change up the soup every night, though.

Masha:            Yum.

Lily:           The cream is overwhelming and not fresh.

Theo:            I’m jus- y-you- enjoy dinner. I’m gonna close the door on you. Oh, oh, oh.

[Theo herds Roach and Siggy out. The group shouts over each other.]

Masha:            I’ll- I’ll pass on the soup!

Roach:            Have fun with those science experiments!

Siggy:         I- I feel you. Have fun, now. Goodbye.

Lily:           Bye.

[Door clanks shut.]

Eric:             What the fuck was that?

Theo:            You go far back with Roach?

Masha:            Uuuuhh. Earlier today?

Theo:            Quite a character, right? So, uh, I’m Theo. This is my cat Toffee.

[Cat meows.]

Masha:            [coos] Hi, Toffee.

Theo:            What- what are your names? Either code or- or first names. E-everything’s fine.

Lily:           Oh, oh!

Theo:            If you’re trying on code names?

Eric:             You can call me Scry.

Theo:            Scry?

Eric:             Yeah.

Theo:            Like…

Lily:           [amused] Yeah, but that’s, like, not his real name.

Eric:             It’s a professional designation.

Theo:            You play some Dungeons & Dragons when you were younger?

[Masha snorts.]

That- that’s not a judgement!

Eric:             Look…

Theo:            It’s, uh, you know…

Eric:             When you’re given the opportunity to make up your own name when you’re seventeen years old, maybe sometimes you pick something that you regret when you’re twenty-seven…eight.

Lily:           Remember when you tried to convince us you were a super genius?

Eric:             Okay.

Lily:           And not just shitting yourself?

Eric:             Uh-huh.

Theo:            I mean, they picked Gift Bag for me. And you?

Masha:            Uh, Roulette.

Theo:            Roulette?

Masha:            Yeah.

Theo:            Charming. And…

Lily:           I’m Bloodhound.

Theo:            Bloodhound. Was that your choice or…

Lily:           Oh, uh, Masha gave it to me. Yeah.

Theo:            Masha?

Masha:            Yeah, oh…

Lily:           [nervous chuckle] Oh, fuck me.

Theo:            It’s fine.

Masha:            It’s okay!

Theo:            Roulette. Roulette! It’s- it’s fine.

Masha:            It’s okay.

Theo:            It’s okay. This place is sound-proof.

[Everyone chuckles.]

I have to have it sound-proof to get any work done in here.

Masha:            Yeah. Yeah, so my real name is Masha. Surprise. Uh, but Roulette… Yeah, so, yeah, I came up with Bloodhound because, um, she has, like, a really good sense of smell.

Theo:            Is that unpleasant?

Lily:           Um. In this particular establishment.

Theo:            I’m… Here, hold on. Let me get- let me get you some coffee grounds.

[A cabinet squeaks open. A can top pops off.]

Lily:           Oooo. Organic beans.

Theo:            Sc-Scry what d’you do?

[Cabinet clicks shut.]

Eric:             Hmm? Oh, I’m just a private investigator.

Theo:            Okay! Um, and- and Ro…

Masha:            Roulette.

Theo:            The YouTube girl! Right.

Masha:            Yes, um, I—

Theo:            That was quite the demonstration!

Lily:           [eager] Oh, you have no fucking clue.

Masha:            So, yeah. Basically that was, like, three of different powers that I can do. I don’t have any real control over what comes out.

Eric:             Wait, what?

Masha:            I have, like, a known set of six different “super powers”, I say in quotation marks. Like—

Eric:             You have six?

Lily:           Y-yeah.

Masha:            Six, yes. And I don’t really get to choo- it just kinda comes out. If I wanna, like, try something it just—

Eric:             Wait, what are the other ones?

Masha:            Well the ones I’ve had—

Eric:             ’Cause I saw there was fast, there was plant growing.

Masha:            That- that’s- I can, like, heal things or, like, make things, like, yeah. Like plants grow or, like, if someone was sick, I can, like, make ’em feel better. There’s uh, the- the fast one, that was like time was going slow for me but it was fast for you. And then I can do, like—

Sage:            Knock on the door very loud.

[A loud knock and the door creaks open.]

Siggy:         Hey, kids!

Roach:            Hey! We’re back, yo!

Masha:            Oh, I’m so sorry! I- I had said when you guys left we don’t need soup for now, but—

[Bowls and spoons clatter as Siggy shoves them into everyone’s hands. Masha groans quietly.]

Siggy:         Cream of mushroom!

Masha:            Okay…

Soup Guy:         Yum, yum!

Theo:            Just indulge them. Indulge them.

Masha:            Okay, okay.

Theo:            The cook is good. I will—

Siggy:         Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Roach:            One for everybody!

Eric:             Is this the cook?

Soup Guy:         Time ta serve the soup!

Masha:            Are you the cook?

Soup Guy:         Yeah! Big-ass soup.

Theo:            We eat well here.

Soup Guy:         Yummm!

Lily:           I’m sure it’s good, but also the, uh, the milk you used, uh, went bad four days ago and you cooked—

Soup Guy:         Yup!

[Emily stifles laughter.]

Roach:            Well, Gift Bag. Got anything to show us or what?

Theo:            Come over here. Uh, Blood- Bloodhound? Could you act- blo- could you hold this for me?

[Spoon clatters in bowl as Lily sets down her soup.]

Lily:           Sure.

Theo:            Alright, uh, when you get the chance, just squeeze those beads.

[Electricity crackles quietly.]

Scry! Uh, take- take any of those. You- you look athletic. Uh, take any of those clay pigeons. Just, toss ’em. Hard as you can.

[A clay pigeon scrapes across the desk as Eric picks it up.]

Eric:             Where?

Theo:            At Bloodhound.

Eric:             What?

Masha:            What?

Theo:            At Bloodhound. Just try it out.

Lily:           Fuckin’ try me!

Eric:             Can I throw ’em at soup guy?

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Soup Guy:         Hey!

Lily:           Hey, hey, hey. You hit me, I hit you back.

Eric:             That’s- I- that’s the last thing…

[Stat test chime.]

Sorry in advance if this kills you.

Lily:           [scoffs] Oh, I think I’ll be fine.

[Success chime.]

Sage:            Scry throws it, but then it bursts into a bajillion pieces as if it hit some sort of, like, invisible wall.

Eric:             Holy shit.

Masha:            What the…?

Siggy:         [impressed] Yeah.

Lily:           Whoa! That’s cool!

Roach:            Nice!

Theo:            It- it- it’s very- it’s rare stuff, that. Uh, I don’t know who I’m gonna use it for yet, but—

Eric:             Is that—

Roach:            Vibranium power.

Theo:            It is.

Siggy:         It’s good shit, is what it is.

Theo:            It came into hand- it- it came into our hands recently.

Eric:             You guys get your… Okay.

Roach:            Wakandan stuff, right? Somebody brought that from the research center.

Theo:            This is the only Wakandan thing. Keep that on the down low.

Roach:            Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See you mentioned it…see, see?

Siggy:         Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Masha:            Oh no.

Roach:            You don’t need to worry. You’re in the warmth of the Fort now. Alright?

Siggy:         We’re gonna hold you in our warm arms.

Eric:             It’s really warm in here.

Roach:            Yeah!

Soup Guy:         Warmth of the soup!

[Emily chuckles.]

Sage:            Warm soup in hand, Roach, Siggy, and Theo and [chuckles] Soup Guy shuffle everybody into a theatre. Previously known as the Leonard Nimoy Event Horizon Theatre, and this—

Travis:          Now known as Leonard Nimoy’s Eat Shit Spectacular.

[Everyone laughs.]

Sage:            Lots o’ people hangin’ out in there.

[Background chatter.]

Hype Man:        [distant] Eat shit!

Roach:            Eat shit!

Siggy:         Eat shit!

Kid:            Eat shit!

Lily:           Yeah. Eat shit.

Sage:            And, uh, yeah, there’s, uh, maybe, like, five or six other people hangin’ out.

[Gentle guitar music.]

Theo:            We work with what we get here. We have a lot of useful people who- who bring things in. Sometimes we find things.

Roach:            Like Gift Bag!

Siggy:         Yeah!

Theo:            Yeah.

Roach:            Stuff like Gift Bag’s tech is ultimately gonna be what gets us ahead o’ the Castle.

[Music fades out.]

Eric:             The Castle?

Roach:            Have you heard?

Eric:             That’s at Stark’s place, right?

Roach:            Mm-hmm. Old mansion out in Malibu.

Theo:            Can’t even be bothered to clean up after himself.

Roach:            [groans] They just up an’ left. Took all the jobs over to the East Coast. And what d’we get? Broken-ass cliffside and Griffith.

Lily:           And soup.

Roach:            And soup. Lots o’ soup.

Siggy:         We do got good soup, though.

Roach:            Cream o’ mushroom.

Lily:           [quiet] So much soup.

Theo:            We’re making it work. Uh, we’re doing what we can. I think we’re building something good here.

Eric:             Okay, I gotta ask. For what? What’s the idea here?

[Inspiring music starts.]

Theo:            H-have you ever seen an Avenger stop a robbery?

Roach:            Have you ever seen an Avenger save a cat, like Toffee here—

[Toffee meows quietly.]

—from a burning house?

Siggy:         Walk a little ol’ lady across the fuckin’ street?

Theo:            You probably know this yourself. I-it’s hard times. People have to help each other out.

Roach:            So your question is, Scry, what’s the point? Right?

Eric:             [stifles laugh] Yeah, why are we here?

Sage:            Roach stands up on this make-shift stage. Doesn’t look very safe.

Eric:             [mumbles] Jesus Christ.

Roach:            Listen!

Eric:             Is that a spotlight?

Lily:           [quiet] I smell a monologue coming.

Theo:            [quiet] You have no idea.

Sage:            Siggy starts deliberately blowing some smoke out of his nose.

[Everyone starts coughing.]

Siggy:         It’s- it’s theoretically non-toxic. I was just tryin’ to add some atmosphere.

[Eric’s voice is muffled as he covers his face with his arm.]

Eric:             Theoretically non-toxic?

Siggy:         Theoretically non-toxic.

Lily:           It has—

Siggy:         There’ve been plenty o’ people that’ve inhaled that smoke and been just fine.

Theo:            It’s a little toxic.

Lily:           It has a certain odor.

Sage:            After it settles, it creates this fog-like effect. Looks, with the spotlight shining through, a little epic. And very extra.

[A loud tap and feedback as Roach taps on a microphone. He takes a deep breath.]

[Light Rock music.]

Roach:            Crime fightin’ ain’t easy! Losin’ half your family ain’t either! Life is harder now than it ever probably will be.

Siggy:         Preach!

Roach:            It’s lonely, cold, dark, bleak, and heavy, but if you look around, positivity is blooming all around us. Opportunity! Alright? In the wake of destruction, small-time heroes like us still have solidarity and hope. We do. We do!

The Avengers- you know the Avengers, right? Scry, you heard of ’em?

Eric:             Yes.

Roach:            They did the whole thing wrong. All of it. Too corporate, too loud, too big, too irresponsible. You know how many lives have been screwed over from their destruction? There’s a whole work-force of task force clean-up guys. Very high-paying career, by the way. Very lucrative. But! Shouldn’t be necessary.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the Snap wouldn’t have happened if they didn’t get involved in all this space junk as far as I’m concerned. First, Iron Man comes up and he’s like, “Yo. I am Iron Man.” And then, before you know it, aliens are comin’ outta the sky! And now half everybody’s dead.

I’m just tryin’ to look out for our fellow man. Give you guys a good home.

[Lily and Masha gently snap as though they are at a poetry open mic.]

Siggy:         Wow, whoa. Jeez. You guys are pretty insensitive.

Masha:            Oh ho! My gosh! I’m so sorry!

Lily:           [quiet] Oh. [whispers] Fuck.

Roach:            Hey, hey, hey! Let’s be respectful in here, okay?

Siggy:         Come on.

Eric:             Jeez.

Theo:            Old habits.

Lily:           Oh, we’re bad people.

[Inspiring rock music slowly builds.]

Roach:            There is another way. No destruction, no nanotech, no billion-dollar funding. Screw all that noise! Do it old school! We’re hittin’ the ground runnin’. We’re gettin’ out there, we’re demanding answers, we’re savin’ lives, we’re lookin’ sick while doin’ it too!

You know how many people I see comin’ here gettin’ fired from S.H.I.E.L.D.? Gettin’ denied scholarships? Gettin’ kicked outta schools ’cause they were too problematic?

[Sage stifles laughter. Emily joins him.]

Too many people!

Lily:           That was weirdly specific.

Roach:            Oh, can you relate?

Lily:           [mumbles] Yeah.

Roach:            The outside world ain’t kind to us freak folk. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have superpowers. It’s a good thing. I think we just gotta use it, benefit the greater good. And that’s the problem. All they do is build walls. They don’t build bridges.

[Music intensifies.]

Siggy:         We’re snappin’ for you in our hearts.

Roach:            We survived the Snap for a reason! Let’s own it! Unless you’re a Castleton, in which case go fuck yourself! Eat shit.

[“Eat shit!” makes its way around the room. People cheer.]

Sage:            Roach drops the mic. It’s very loud and there’s a lotta feedback.

Siggy:         Oh god.

Masha:            Ahhh.

Hype Man:        [distant] Eat shit!

[Emily stifles laughter.]

Lily:           I mean…

Masha:            Okay…

Lily:           I’m not gonna lie, this is kinda punk rock.

Masha:            Yeah, it is very, um…

Theo:            Can I- can I ask you a question?

Masha:            Yeah.

Theo:            Why did you make that YouTube video?

[Gentle guitar music.]

Masha:            [sighs] Well…

Lily:           It was my fault. I…it was my idea and it obviously was not good. So that’s- I don’t—

Theo:            I disagree.

Lily:           You do?

Theo:            I think it was a great idea. You’re getting yourself out there, which helps other people know that they aren’t alone. I mean. To the side, do you think I would be hanging out with Roach if he wasn’t on to something?

Masha:            [whispers] What does Roach even know how to do? I haven’t—

Lily:           Yeah, what’s his superpower?

Theo:            He’s pretty good at speeches. I mean, he got me here.

Lily:           Wait, no, hold on. That’s not a superpower.

Eric:             No, but it is—

[Stat test chime.]

Sage:            I’m gonna roll for Roach’s speech.

Chad:           Yeah. [chuckles]

[Failure chime.]

[Sage snorts.]

Sage:            Okay. It was j- it was okay.

[Everyone laughs.]

Theo:            I mean, Scry here can tell you, you don’t need powers to help people.

Eric:             It’s true.

Lily:           Allegedly.

Theo:            I think the people here would love to help you.

Masha:            Wow. Thanks, Theo.

Lily:           Yeah.

Siggy:         Despite all the theatrics, we are a community.

Lily:           How do- how do we start helping people, though?

Roach:            We got jobs here. Siggy here is our street guy.

Siggy:         Yes, sir.

Roach:            We go out together sometimes, but I try to stay here down and try to hold up the Fort, if you know what I’m sayin’. Siggy goes up, hits the ground runnin’.

Siggy:         I know the streets.

Roach:            And he finds some jobs. He’ll come back here, give you some assignments. You know, it’s like an analog Indeed.

[Stifled laughter.]

Lily:           And if- if we needed help? There’s somebody that we needed to find?

Eric:             Somebody coming after you?

Theo:            I have a few, let’s say, bootlegs and backups of some billionaire technology that I found can be very useful. Little outdated, but you’d be surprised how far it goes back.

Masha:            Nice!

Lily:           Oh.

Theo:            And at the very least, I can make it harder to find you via the internet or whatever this fellow did.

Eric:             Look, I’m here as- you can call it, uh, uh, you can call me a chaperone.

[Beat.]

Siggy:         Is that your new—

Eric:             I’m a private investigator in Koreatown.

Roach:            Is that your sig—

Siggy:         Are you "The Chaperone”?

Roach:            [chuckles] I mean, it’s alright.

Siggy:         It’s not bad.

Theo:            It’s not terrible.

Eric:             I’m not- that’s not—

Roach:            We gotta workshop it.

Lily:           I kinda like it.

Eric:             [sighs, mumbles] God.

Masha:            Better than “Scry”?

Lily:           Yeah, it’s better than “Scry”.

Eric:             [mumbles] I hate this.

Roach:            Yeah, let me spray paint it on the wall right here. See how it looks out. This is how we kinda workshop ideas.

[A ladder clatters as Roach carries it over to the wall. A spray can clatters as he shakes it.]

Sage:            Roach goes up to the wall and nice big graffiti spells out “The Chaperone” all stylized and—

Hype Man:        [distant] The Chaperoooone!

Eric:             Oh, now the guy—

Roach:            Chaperone is in the house!

Eric:             Now the guy’s saying it. God dammit.

[Boots tap on stone as Roach jumps off the ladder.]

Roach:            Not bad. Sorry. What were you tryin’ ta say?

[Travis stifles laughter.]

Eric:             I’m sick of shady people beatin’ down my door just because I’m the guy that knows things.

Theo:            I think you belong here. I think we can all relate to people beating our doors down.

Roach:            Absolutely.

Siggy:         That’s why we have Door Guy.

Sage:            And then…

[Suspenseful music.]

Door Guy comes running in. He is flustered and concerned. [chuckles] He’s sprinting, covered in sweat, drenched.

[Boots pound on stone as Door Guy runs up to the group, grunting and panting.]

Jessica:          Ew.

Siggy:         Speak of the devil.

Eric:             Got a limp on ’im.

[Emily giggles.]

Masha:            Are you okay?

Siggy:         Door Guy, talk to us.

[Door Guy grunts harder.]

Oh god!

Eric:             Jesus Chri—

Siggy:         I think he’s havin’ one o’ his episodes, Roach.

Door Guy:           [pants] Ca-Castleton. Castleton. Iron shirt! Iron suit! Iron! [grunts]

Roach:            They’re here.

[Light rhythmic clapping begins to build.]

Theo:            Castleton!

Roach:            They’re here! We got the Castles in the house!

Siggy:         Castleton!

[A klaxon begins buzzing.]

Hype Man:        [distant] Eat shit!

Eric:             Is that a klaxon alarm?

[Music intensifies.]

Sage:            A bunch of the superhero rejects get outta their seats, stop eatin’ soup, stop playin’ music, and they start strappin’ on some masks, or puttin’ on some weird gadget of some kind. There’s about ten of you that shuffle up to the front door. Door Guy cranks as fast as he can to open the thing. And it opens slowly to reveal a sole character, alone in this sparkly, not-unlike-Iron Man, iron suit.

Travis:          Is it flying?

Sage:            It’s floating just above the ground to show off.

Masha:            Whoa.

Woman:          [muffled in suit] Ew, this is exactly what I thought it would look like in here. I’m not going to stop floating, just ’cause I don’t want my feet to touch this- my sparkly suit cannot get dirty here.

Roach:            What a showoff, am I right?

Siggy:         Yeah, big talk for a tin can.

Hype Man:        [distant] Eat shit!

Woman:          My tin can costs more than this fort even when it was still running.

Lily:           What’s your superhero name?

Woman:          It is…

Siggy:         [quiet] It’s the Tin Can. She doesn’t want to admit it.

Lily:           I- I don’t think she’s Iron Man.

Door Guy:           [whispers] Iron Maiden.

Eric:             That’s pretty good, I’m not gonna lie.

Glitter Can:          Um…It is Glitter Can.

Siggy:         [stifles laughter] Glitter.

Roach:            Oh, I see. Tin—

Siggy:         [amused] ’Cause that’s much better than “Tin Can”.

[Emily giggles.]

That is better.

Roach:            Yeah, tin wasn’t sparkly enough for the Castletons.

Siggy:         [amused] Of course.

Theo:            Oh.

Roach:            I see, I see.

Masha:            And you can never, ever get rid of glitter.

Glitter Can:          Exactly.

Siggy:         That’s true! Alright, it’s clever.

Glitter Can:          Wherever I've been, you know.

Lily:           It’s…the STD of craft supplies.

Door Guy:           Hep-G.

Glitter Can:          I’m here to tell you that you’re incomprehensibly stupid, all of you.

Roach:            Hey!

Glitter Can:          And you all need to be quiet and stop smelling so bad and stop making dairy-based soup. You can smell it all the way over the hill.

Soup Guy:         [quietly] Big-ass soup.

Glitter Can:          You are, abomination to all supers and the city of L.A. [amused] Even at half mass.

Lily:           Well, you smell like body odor and aluminum made by Chinese children, so I don’t really know what you’re talking about.

Glitter Can:          That’s Japanese deodorant! It smells good!

Sage:            She lifts up her right hand.

[Suspenseful music.]

And you all recognize this little circle that can blast lasers into the door.

Glitter Can:          Tell me one more time what you just said.

Siggy:         Uh, maybe we should get inside folks.

Theo:            Hey, I- I don’t know what you’re looking for here. We want nothing by peace.

Glitter Can:          I don’t believe you.

Masha:            Uh—

Glitter Can:          I’ll start with you, I’ll start with your door man, then it’ll be your soup kitchen, ’cause I’m through with all of you.

[Soup Guy moans in fear.]

Sage:            Soup Guy is bawling.

Masha:            Aw!

Glitter Can:          He sweats way too much!

Masha:            Soup Guy.

Lily:           You made Soup Man cry!

Glitter Can:          I’ll make you all cry.

Masha:            Well…

[Footsteps scuff on pavement as Masha approaches Glitter Can.]

I can take you.

Glitter Can:          [scoffs] What do- you don’t even look like a super. You’re just wearing- you’re wearing a Starbucks apron. [chuckles]

[Everyone laughs.]

Masha:            Um…

Glitter Can:          Do you work at Starbucks?

Eric:             I told you to change. I said, we’re going—

Masha:            [scoffs] I just washed it! I don’t wanna rewash it! I didn’t wanna get it dirty!

Lily:           Masha, you don’t have to do this.

Masha:            Yes—

Glitter Can:          You supers have taken on minimum-wage jobs? Oh, I feel a little sorry for you now.

Lily:           Never mind, fuck her up.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage:            Roll for Power, Masha. Roll for, also, whatever power we’re gonna get.

Eric:             I’m backin’ the fuck up.

[Dice roll on table.]

[A buzzing crinkle as Masha’s power activates.]

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Emily:          What is it?

Jessica:          Hulkerella.

Emily:          [yells] Yes!

[Stifled laughter.]

[Masha roars, her voice growing deeper. The sound of stretching skin and clothing as she grows.]

Eric:             What the sam fuck is going on?

Soup Guy:         [distant] Yeah, soup!

Lily:           I’ll come- I’ll- I’ll cover you.

Siggy:         That was not on the YouTube video!

Sage:            Masha Mirova, otherwise known as Roulette, has six powers that come out at random. We’ve seen three and now, as a fourth, Masha turns into a big-ass woman!

Masha:            [she-hulk voice] I rip my Starbucks apron!

[Fabric tears.]

Sage:            It rips to shreds. She’s huge! She’s much bigger than Glitter Can over here.

[Masha stomps forward. She growls.]

Masha:            Get outta here!

Sage:            Masha grabs Glitter by the legs.

[Masha roars. Swishing is heard as Glitter Can is swung around in circles.]

Glitter Can:          No, no! I got this on sale!

Sage:            Starts swinging her around like a lasso.

[Masha roars.]

Lily:           [yells] That’s my fuckin’ sister!

[Glitter Can screams. Masha roars.]

Sage:            And throws her off the cliff at the edge of Griffith, down toward the city!

[Masha roars. The Fort crew cheers. Glitter Can screams in the distance.]

And everybody, in unison, as she’s flying in the distance…

The Fort Crew:      [together] Eat shit!

[Punk-Rock music slams in!]

Credits

[Survivors of The Snap Main Theme music plays throughout.]

Mayanna Berrin:    20 Sided Stories is produced by Sage G.C., Jessica Dahlgren, and Travis Reaves

Masha Mirova was played by Jessica Dahlgren

Eric Stanton was played by Travis Reaves

Lily Kline was played by Emily Ervolina

Additional Voices by David Michmerhuizen, Chad Ellis, Kaitlyn Cornell, and M. Colton Brodeur.

Music, Editing and Sound Design by Sage G.C.

Character Artwork by Rhea Lonsdale

Episode Artwork by Josh Wolf

Special thanks to Greg Reasoner, Matt Johnston and all our Patreon Supporters

Podcast Directed by Sage G.C.

You can get the soundtrack to this series for free at

sagegc.com/music

Follow 20 Sided Stories on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook @20SidedStories

Or visit our website at 20sidedstories.com

[Music crescendos and fades out.]

After-Credits Scene

[Door opens]

Elle:         Hey.

Eric:             Hey.

Elle:         Where’ve you been?

Eric:             Sorry, sorry I was…big day. Late night. Um.

Elle:         Yeah.

Eric:             Sorry to keep you waiting. I’m just—

Elle:         [quiet] It’s fine.

Eric:             —happy to be home. How are you?

Elle:         [sighs] I’m fine. Uh, long day, too. Are you hungry?

Eric:             Did you make dinner?

Elle:         [amused] No.

Eric:             [amused] Fuck.

[Elle chuckles.]

Alright, well, yes. You wanna order out?

Elle:         Yeah, I was thinking, like, Thai.

Eric:             Thai sounds great.

Elle:         Yeah. Which is- What’s still open?

Eric:             Like, what’s still open, like, period?

Elle:         Like Thai.

Eric:             I don’t know. We have slim pickin’s these days.

Elle:         Yeah, we haven’t had it in a while.

Eric:             Um…[tsks]

Elle:         You seem really distracted lately.

Eric:             It’s just been busy with work.

Elle:         I know.

Eric:             Lot o’ projects goin’ on, and…there are a lot o’ moving parts.

Elle:         Sounds so like, uh, like, uh, textbook corporate…

Eric:             [sighs] Believe me. I- I know. I get fed the same stuff.

Elle:         Uh-huh.

Eric:             All you need to know is that…I- I promise I’ll do a better job keeping in contact. And I’m sorry, and I love you.

Elle:         Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love you too.

[Episode End music builds.]

Eric:             Alright.

Special Thanks

[Episode End music throughout.]

Sage:           Wow! It has been a while since we have done this. So we have so many Patrons to thank. So many that I can’t fit them all in this episode. So if you don’t hear your name, you’ll be thanked on a future episode. So let’s just get this started. Everybody, thank you so, so much. Staring with…

Emily:          Andres S.

Jessica:          Leonardo C.

Travis:        Connor S.

Sage:           Sarah T.

Emily:          Niel Robman

Jessica:          Johnathan P.

Travis:        Chris B.

Sage:           Benjamin B.

Emily:          Robert Loftus.

Jessica:          WilliamHP3

Travis:        NotBatman52

Sage:           Thank you, Amy. Ryan B!

Emily:          Reckless Fool.

Jessica:          Ghram W.

Travis:        John F. Kennedy.

[Everyone laughs.]

Jessica:          JFK!

Sage:           JFK!

Travis:        JFK

Sage:           Regan G.

Emily:          Regal Algorithm.

Jessica:          Horse Hermit.

Travis:        Woogoshi

Sage:           Kirsten B.

Emily:          Mike U.I.

Jessica:          Ben A.

Sage:           Daniel.

Travis:        Oh, HA! This one’s mine! Tony. Tony, thank you so much.

[Emily chuckles.]

Listen, Tony. I don’t know what you’re doing next week—

Emily:          Don’t listen to him! [chuckles]

Travis:        —but like, if you wanna hang out—

Emily:          Dad! [laughs]

Travis:        —and like, just, you know, just kinda—

Emily:          Dad! [chuckles]

Travis:        —get to know each other a little bit better. Don’t worry about what anyone else—

Emily:          Travis wants to be friends with my dad!

Travis:        —has to say about it! This thing could be fun!

Sage:           Now also thank her mom! [chuckles]

Travis:        We could have a fun time hanging- she can come too! I’d love to meet…Elisa!

[Emily laughs.]

Sage:           There it is! Kaitlyn D. Thank you so much, Kaitlyn.

Emily:          Brandon S.

Jessica:          Spencer “My Dad Can Beat Your Dad Up” Whaley.

Travis:        Liam Belson.

Sage:           That is everybody for this week. More to come.

Travis:        Let me see…let me see how fast I can read them all.

Sage:           Okay. Travis is gonna read all of them as fast as he possibly can.

Travis:        ’Kay. Here we go.

[Travis takes a deep breath and begins rattling off names like a medication side-effect announcer.]

Andreas S.

Leonardo C.

Connor S.

Sarah T.

Niel Robman

Johnathan P.

Chris B.

Benjamin B.

Robert Loftus.

WilliamHP3

NotBatman52

Amy.

Ryan B.

Reckless Fool.

Ghram W.

JFK

Regan G.

Regal Algorithm.

Horse Hermit.

Woogoshi

Kirsten B.

Mike U.I.

Ben A.

Daniel.

Tony

Elisa

Kaitlyn D.

Brandon S.

Spencer “My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad Up— “My Dad Can Beat Your Dad Up” Whaley. [stifles laugh]

Liam Belson

Ahh!

Sage:           Spencer, you screwed it up. Everybody else, though, it was great.

Travis:        Thank you.

Emily:          Solid.

Travis:        Thank you.

Sage:           That was good. That was good. I guess our dads have to fight, Spencer. All of our dads. [chuckles]

[Everyone chuckles.]

Everyone:        [together] Dad fight, dad fight, dad fight!

Sage:           Thank you guys so much! It means the world. And it really does make a huge, huge difference on the podcast and helping me stay sane, and also funding stuff like art, and equipment upgrades, and these lovely actors’ time. So thank you. Thank you so much.

Wanna be cool like them and get a shoutout on the show? Go to patreon.com/20sidedstories.

$1 is all you need to be thanked on the show. You don’t have to get the Adventure Pass if you don’t want to, you can’t afford it, or whatever the reason may be.

Travis:        But why wouldn’t you? Other than you can’t afford it.

Sage:           Yeah, I mean it is a lot of content—

Travis:        Yeah, you get—

Sage:           —for $3.

Travis:        Yeah.

Sage:           Yeah.

Travis:        Yeah.

Sage:           But, you know, you do you.

Travis:        Cancel Disney Plus. [chuckles]

[Everyone laughs.]

Sage:           By the way, if you have signed up or you’re going to sign up, go ahead and send me a message on Patreon. Tell me how you want us to say your name, otherwise I’m just gonna use how it appears on Patreon.

Okay, so! This has been the super pilot of MARVEL: Survivors of The Snap. Episode one of ten.

We’re going to be switching to a biweekly schedule, so you can expect new episodes every other Wednesday, starting today. I shoot for midnight Pacific time releases, but sometimes crunch happens and, you know, it’ll drop sometime during the day, sometimes.

Really quick before I dip, because god knows this episode needs to be even longer, I just want to thank everyone who helped make this possible.

Mayanna Berrin. Thank you, Mayanna, for doing the credits on this season.

Rhea and Josh, holy shit! Rhea Lonsdale made incredible, official character portraits of Lily, Masha, and Eric. And Josh Wolf is doing episode art for every episode! I seriously don’t deserve either of you! It’s so good!

Dear audience, if you haven’t seen the artwork for Marvel—or Pokémon!—go to 20sidedstories.com check it out.

Alright, who else?

Emily Ervolina. Emily, thank you so much for coming on to be our third leading player for the season. You killed it! I’m stoked for everyone to hear what’s coming up.

And to any and all of the cast and crew on previous seasons, this season, future seasons, look, I do a lot for the show, but truly it wouldn’t be possible without you and your support and your creative ideas.

Anybody who’s helped or done anything for 20 Sided Stories, including you, the listener, for giving your time, ’cause that’s a really big deal. It means the world to me, and I appreciate it beyond words.

Feel free to reach out on social media whatever the reason may be. Otherwise, I’ll see you all on the next 20 Sided Story.

[Episode End music crescendos and fades out.]

Extras

[Masha pants.]

Sage:            There’s cheers from all around from the Fort! They won! Victory!

Theo:            Oh my god. That was amazing!

Siggy:         Oh sh- oh sh- we got a hulk! We got a hulk!

Roach:            You got hulk powers?

Masha:            [out of breath, nervously] Yeah.

Roach:            You’re not green, though, so it’s a little different. You just really big and really strong. [chuckles]

[Masha pants and coughs.]

Soup Guy:         Big-ass soup.

Sage:            Masha slowly morphs back into herself.

Eric:             [mumbles] Holy shit.

Masha:            [coughs] Um, yeah. That’s one of my, um, powers. [coughs] I can get really big and really strong.

Theo:            Wow!

Siggy:         Hey, that’s great.

Roach:            Amazing.

Theo:            R-Roach. What d’you say we crack into the pizza fund?

Roach:            Hell, yeah!

Siggy:         Yeah!

Roach:            [claps] Gift Bag over here knows how ta cook it up! Knows- well, you’re gonna order the pizza, right?

Theo:            I’m gonna order it.

[Lily chuckles.]