20 Sided Stories

MARVEL: Survivors of The Snap

Episode 3 - The Castle

Air Date: March 4, 2020

[Podcast Intro music plays throughout.]

Sage G.C.: 20 Sided Stories has absolutely no affiliation with Marvel Studios, Marvel Entertainment, The Walt Disney Company, or any other associates or official canon.

Travis Reaves: This is a fan-made parody piece created in fair use, and all mentioned names, products, trademarks, and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.

Jessica Dahlgren: The bulk of what you're about to hear was recorded live by improvisers who love the MCU, and we're so excited for you to join us on this superpowered adventure.

[Intro crescendos.]

Travis: Thank you.

Jessica: And welcome.

Sage: To 20 Sided Stories.

[Intro fades out.]

Prologue

[Radio switches on.]

Woman: You're listening to…

[Rock music introduction.]

Man: 616 Power!

Bart: Good morning Los Angeles. This morning a pair of bodies were found in the Long Beach water. The cause of death has not been disclosed to the public. This is the world we're living in now, where dead bodies are getting fished out of the drink.

Also, we dispatched some reporter teams to a couple different locations to get some feedback from our famous, growing super population. One team went with me to this place called the Castle where the gentleman there showed us their technology. Another team was dispatched to this place called the Fort where they were chased away with gravel being hurled at them as the occupants yelled, “Eat shit. Eat shit.” over and over again. I don't know if I'm allowed to say “eat shit” on the radio, but I am The News now. So I'm just going to do that.

Now, because of the Snap, our content has kind of fallen by the wayside. One of our intern’s, sisters-in-law is going to come on and give us a monologue about her recent mammogram. So stay tuned. Thank you.

[Suspenseful music. Clothes rustle as Theo moves around.]

Theo: Hold on, let me get my gloves.

[Rubber gloves snap as he puts them on.]

Okay, this is very interesting. And you just found this in a storage container?

Lily: Uh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Theo: No other symbols? Nothing else?

Lily: That was it. That was the only thing.

Eric: You have any idea why there'd be such heavy security around a syringe?

Theo: I think so, but I need to do some homework.

Lily: Is it dangerous?

Theo: Yes.

Lily: [quiet] Uh-huh.

Theo: [whispers] It’s strange.

[A microscope slide scrapes into place.]

Lily: When I- when I smelled, um, the syringe I kinda, like, saw something and I- I don't know what it was, but it was, um, it felt like...an answer.

Theo: Well, what did you see?

Lily: It was green and there was- there was a- a door.

Theo: Uh, Bloodhound. How long have you had your abilities?

Lily: Since the Snap.

Theo: I-I typically do some kind of blood test on newcomers to the Fort. I don't like to spring that on people early. You don't know me well, um, but it is volunteer-based, if you're curious. I'm especially curious with you Roulette, but that- that's just for people's own interest. There's some strange things at play. For your comfort and for, I mean, disclosure, my own interest, if you don't mind, I-I can look into this.

Lily: I mean, yeah, I guess. I just…

Masha: That'd be, um, great. I think that I should know everything that I can. [nervous chuckle]

Theo: Yeah. Come over here. Have a seat.

[Masha walks across the room. A chair squeaks as she sits and clothes rustle as Theo rolls up her sleeve.]

We can start with blood and then I can go from there.

Masha: Okay.

Theo: Slight pinch.

Masha: Do you have, like, a stress ball I can squeeze or something?

Theo: Absolutely.

Masha: Okay, thank you. I need to, like—

Theo: Yeah, I've got three.

[Cabinet door squeaks open.]

Do you want the fox or the koala?

Masha: Fox sounds great.

Theo: Fox. You got it.

[Toy squeaks as Masha squeezes it. She sighs.]

Okay, I'm going to get to work.

[Chair squeaks as Theo turns to his computer and begins typing.]

There's so much with all of these abilities people are manifesting. There's so much to look into. I'll let you both know as soon as I have something.

Masha: Fantastic!

Lily: [quiet] Thank you.

Theo: Eric, uh, you got any abilities you want me to look into?

Eric: Nah, blood pressure's fine. Thanks, though.

Theo: [chuckles] Yeah, okay.

Masha: Is there anything we can do to help?

Theo: If you remember anything, if you find anything else on the field about this vial, I would love to know about it. I think it could help. At the very least, if someone's running around with this in their bloodstream, this could be extremely dangerous.

Lily: To who?

Theo: Anybody without the right genes.

[Suspenseful music fades out.]

Episode Three – The Castle

[Action music.]

Narrator: After agreeing to help each other out, new heroes Roulette, Bloodhound and Scry received their first mission from the Fort to investigate a shipment at the Port of Long Beach. Though they didn't come back with their escort, they found a dangerous syringe, near empty, being guarded by a man in a trench coat. One of many that continue to appear in pursuit of Eric. Questions continue to linger, but life in the Snap moves on.

We cut to woodworking class, the final period of the day, where two sixteen-year-olds, Lily Kline and Henry Sampson, have been partnered on a project.

Henry: Cool.

Lily: [sighs] Why do I always get paired with the nerds?

Henry: Oh man, can you believe it? You, me again. I love it.

Lily: Can't believe it. Wow…

Henry: Hey, good news. This blade wasn't sharp, but I melted it and re-solidified it, so it's sharp again. So we can make, like, the best bookends in the class, basically.

[A table saw buzzes in the background.]

Lily: [quiet] Dude, you gotta be fuckin’ subtle about this, though. Like—

Henry: [whispers] I was subtle! Nobody even cares. No one even knows. No one's even lookin’ at me.

Lily: [sighs] Fine. Wait, make the best what?

Henry: Birdhouse and bookends. For woodshop. I volunteered us to make a birdhouse and then some bookends. I took both of the assignments. Do you remember, Mr. Allsworth was like, “Which one do you want?” I was like, “We'll do both.”

Lily: Yeah, I don't listen when he talks. Um, but cool?

Henry: Oh. He's pretty nice, actually. He’s goin’ through a hard time, I think. Yeah, so we gotta do a birdhouse and bookends, but it won't be tough, because we got the best saw, basically, right now, ’cause o’ what I did.

Lily: Okay. You wanna, like, show me? Or something?

Henry: Oh, I don't know how to do it. I just know how to make the tools good. I thought you- I thought you'd be good at it.

Lily: [groans] We wor—

Henry: Do you, like, smell which wood is good or something?

Lily: [whispers] Oh my god. [normal] I should never have told you. I should never have told you.

Henry: I didn't tell anybody.

Lily: Remind me next time I wanna tell you something, to not tell it to you.

Henry: Well, that's a logical impossibility.

[Misadventure music. A man approaches and clears his throat.]

Man: Children!

Henry: Oh, hey, Mr. Allsworth.

Mr. Allsworth: Where are my bookends and my birdhouse?

Henry: We're working on it. We're, uh, we’re just- we got a little behind. I—

Mr. Allsworth: Oh, behind?

Henry: [amiable] Yeah.

Mr. Allsworth: Well, when I said that you shouldn’t take both projects because there was going to be too much work—

Henry: We can do it!

Mr. Allsworth: —now you’re eating crow aren't you?

Henry: No, no, no, we can do it, Mr. Alls—

Mr. Allsworth: Of course not, ’cause there's no birdhouse for that crow, is there?

Henry: No, no. We're gonna make a birdhouse!

Mr. Allsworth: You are, are you?

Henry: Yes.

Mr. Allsworth: Well, how ’bout this, if you don’t have that bird house and those two bookends finished by the end of this period, you're both getting a big, fat F!

Henry: Jeez, Louise. An F for the whole class?

Mr. Allsworth: F for the whole class, children!

Henry: Alright, alright, we’ll do it—

Mr. Allsworth: To teach you the importance of avoiding hubris.

Henry: Okay, we’ll do it!

Lily: Can you not take your personal issues out on us?

Henry: Yeah, what’s going on with your life?

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Mr. Allsworth: You know I’m goin’ through a hard time!

Sage: The bell rings. [chuckles]

Henry: Ah, but you didn’t give us any time!

[Emily laughs.]

I didn’t know there was ten seconds left!

Mr. Allsworth: Failure! Failure!

Henry: That’s not fair! That’s not fair!

Mr. Allsworth: Failure of the class!

Henry: That’s not fair!

Mr. Allsworth: Failure!

Henry: That’s not fair!

Mr. Allsworth: Failure chi—

Sage: [amused] Okay, okay, hold on. Okay.

[Emily giggles.]

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Can Lily and Henry both roll me for Personal Soul?

[Net chime.]

Emily: It is my number.

[Failure chime.]

Will: Did not make it.

Sage: Okay. This is a tough sell, and you’re blowin’ it.

[Everyone chuckles.]

Will: Way over.

Sage: Yeah.

Lily: Listen. Listen, listen, listen.

Mr. Allsworth: I’m listening.

Henry: [frantic] Please! Come on! Please, please, please! Please, please, please, please!

Lily: Henry!

Henry: [frantic] We’ll do one tomorrow morning! I’ll do it in ten seconds! Gimme ten more seconds!

[Stifled laughter.]

Mr. Allsworth: Nemesis follows hubris!

Henry: What?

[Stifled laughter.]

Did you say nemesis?

Mr. Allsworth: Follows hubris!

Lily: Mis-mist-mister A., we’ll—

Henry: Give me five minutes! Easy!

Lily: Nope! No.

Henry: Easy!

Lily: No.

Sage: Lily drags Henry all the way outside of campus.

Jessica: [chuckles] Oh my god.

Sage: [amused] And she’s furious.

Henry: I get so nervous.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

I’ve never had a teacher yell at me that much. He was leaning right over us!

Lily: Yeah. He’s having a hard time.

[Emily stifles laughter.]

Henry: Going through some kinda hard time…changed his medication. I know he’s on medication, ’cause he talked about it once.

Sage: And then, honking her horn, Masha pulls up in a car to pick up Lily. Masha, Lily’s foster sister, frequently picks her up after school.

Lily: [embarrassed] Oh my god.

Masha: Lily, why are you walking so fast? I’m here! I’ve been honking for, like, the past twenty seconds.

Lily: I’m getting in!

[A car door opens.]

I’m getting in, I’m getting in, okay.

Masha: Am I giving Henry a ride? Henry—

[Footsteps scuff as Henry hurries over.]

Henry: Hey, Masha! I’d love a ride. That’d be great!

[Jessica and Sage stifle laughter.]

[A car door opens and shuts quickly.]

Lily: [groans] Masha!

[Will chuckles. Sage stifles laughter.]

[Car engine revs gently.]

Masha: Henry has a long way to go, and his parents work full time.

Henry: I’m goin’ to the Fort. My dad doesn’t get home ’til midnight. He works- he’s workin’ the night shift at the mill.

Masha: Lily, did you tell him about the Fort?

Lily: [sighs, put out] Henry’s got powers [quiet] and stuff.

Henry: I do have—

Masha: What?

Henry: Oh, yeah, I’m a superhero.

Masha: Oh.

Henry: My name’s Matter O' Fact.

Masha: Oh. What’re th—

Lily: Yeah, he—

Henry: Have you heard of me?

Masha: N…Uh, no.

Lily: As a matter of fact, NO!

Henry: Ah! See? It’s a great name!

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Because it’s good for segways in conversations.

Masha: Oh. Yeah.

Henry: Yeah. It humanizes me.

Masha: Wha- so what’re your powers, Henry?

Henry: I can change states of matter.

Masha: Wow!

Henry: Like, you see that water bottle?

Masha: Yeah.

Henry: Now the water’s ice.

[A low, vibrating hum as Henry activates his powers. Ice crackles.]

Masha: Oh my gosh.

Henry: Now it’s steam.

[Low, vibrating hum. Steam hisses.]

Now it’s liquid.

[Low, vibrating hum. Water bubbles.]

Masha: This is…

[Low vibrating hum.]

Henry: Now it’s back to normal. This particular demonstration is useless, but that’s pretty cool.

Sage: Really quick—

Lily: [begrudging] Yeah, he’s actually kinda super powerful, it’s annoying.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Really quick, Henry, can you roll me Powerful Energy. Just the d20.

Will: Uh, 8.

[Failure chime.]

Sage: 8! Mmm. [stifles laughter]

Henry: I’m kinda nervous.

Masha: The interior of my car!

Henry: This never happens!

[Sage and Emily chuckle.]

Sage: There is smoke fuming from underneath Masha’s hood. The hood of her car.

Henry: This is so strange. Oh, I blew it!

[Masha coughs.]

I just- oh, I think I melted something in your car.

Masha: Oh my god, my car!

[Lily mumbles unhappily. A door opens as Masha gets out. Steam hisses. Traffic whooshes nearby.]

Henry: Is this a good car?

Masha: I mean, it was our parents’ but…

Henry: Oh no. I can fix it! I can fix it! Give me five minutes!

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Lily: Do not. Do not let him— No!

Masha: Henry…

Eric: Give me five minutes! I can fix it!

Masha: Henry, you’re—

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll, Henry, roll for full purple. That’s both dice, Personal and Powerful, Soul and Energy.

Will: Uh, 17.

[Success chime.]

Sage: 17.

Will: Soul I missed by one.

[Failure chime.]

Sage: Mmm. [amused] Okay.

Lily: [irked] There are other people who can fix cars!

Henry: No, I can do it! I once saw a YouTube video on carburetors.

[Henry grunts and a low, vibrating hum is heard as he focuses his power.]

Masha: Okay…Oh!

Sage: The smoke stops.

Masha: Oh!

Sage: And then the car breaks down. [chuckles]

[Travis stifles laughter.]

Henry: Oh.

Masha: Oh my god, we’re stopped. We’re—

Henry: I solidified it, but I didn’t know what I was doing, so I might’ve- I might’ve turned a spark plug into a block. I don’t know. I can- we- gimme, just like, two seconds.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Masha: Henry…

Henry: It’s not on fire. I got excited.

Masha: [sighs] Okay, well, I don’t have insurance.

[Emily snorts.]

I guess… Let’s just walk.

Lily: Somebody at the Fort can probably fix a car, right?

Masha: Yeah. Alright, let’s just go.

[Traffic continues whooshing past.]

Hen-Henry, you can come with us, if you want.

Lily: No. Oh—

Henry: That’d be great.

[Jessica and Sage stifle laughter.]

Sage: We walk up to the Fort!

[Gentle music. Footsteps scuff as the group approaches the Fort.]

Henry: Yeah, I’m tryin’ to find crimes around town, but it’s sorta tough. Walk around banks, mostly. But I don’t know if people rob banks, like, in person, like, with digital security, but I have been casin’ ’em. I don’t see anything weird. I think there might be something weird at the Bank of America on Melrose, but I don’t think it’s crime-related. I think just somebody’s selling meth.

Masha: Oh.

Henry: Which is sort of something I’m a little scared to get involved with. I’m hoping to get right involved with robberies and burglaries. I could buy p—

Lily: You could literally turn meth into something else.

Henry: Oh, yeah, no, I’d be great at making it. [groans] Jeez. Tempt- tempting.

Lily: Whoa! Not what I s—

Henry: Tempting.

Lily: [sighs] Henry.

Henry: I’m only kidding. I would never do drugs.

[Sage and Jessica stifle laughter.]

Sage: We arrive at Door Guy.

Door Guy: What’s the password?

Masha: Oh, gosh darn it.

Lily: Oh. Fuck you, let me in!

Door Guy: Alright, you’re in.

Sage: [chuckles] He cranks open the door.

[Door Guy makes “Chch” sounds as the door cranks open.]

Henry: Why’s he makin’ that noise with his mouth?

Masha: This is just his coping mechanism.

Door Guy: Don’t question it, kid. Chchchch.

Masha: He’s living his best life.

Henry: He looks so tough, and then that’s the nerdiest thing I’ve ever seen.

Sage: We go inside. People are getting jobs on the left wing and hanging out on couches in the right wing. You’re startin’ to notice more people at the Fort. It’s subtle, but it’s pickin’ up steam and that’s actually how Henry had heard about it.

Henry: I can’t believe I’m here already. I heard about this! I’m so excited!

Masha: Yeah, I mean, uh—

Lily: So you have said.

Henry: Yeah!

Masha: Did you- so, I’m sorry, did you say your dad was here?

Henry: No, my dad’s at work until midnight. My hou- I don’t have to be home until then.

Masha: Oh, oh. Okay.

Henry: Yeah.

Sage: Eric walks in.

[Footsteps scuff closer.]

Eric: Hey! Hey, oh, uh…

Lily: Do you know how to fix a car?

Eric: What? No. Kidding me?

Lily: They don’t teach you that in S.H.I.E.L.D.?

[Beat.]

Eric: No!

Henry: You were in S.H.I.E.L.D.?

Eric: Oh boy. [nervous chuckle]

Masha: Oh, Eric, this is Henry. He’s a classmate of Lily’s.

Henry: Did you ever meet Nick Fury? No, of course you didn’t. That’s crazy. I’m sorry! Do I look stupid?

Eric: Well, once.

Henry: [yells] Oh, you did? Oh my god!

Eric: Yeah, and th- uh, uh, Nick’s—

Henry: What was he like?

Eric: Tall. Uh...

Henry: Ooo! I knew it!

Eric: Quiet.

Henry: Ah! I love it!

Eric: And- and had that eye patch.

Henry: Yeah! [chuckles] Sounds like him!

Eric: Yeah, uh, what’s- what’s your name? Hi, who’re you?

Henry: My name is Matter O' Fact.

Eric: Oooh.

Henry: It’s Henry. Just call me Henry.

Eric: Oh, okay.

Henry: I’m sorry. I couldn’t do it.

Eric: No, it’s—

Lily: Please just call him Henry.

Eric: That’s- hey, I’ll- whatever- whatever you wanna go by.

Henry: Me and Lily are, like, best friends at the high school.

Eric: Oooh!

Lily: This is— We go to high school together.

Masha: Yeah, Lily, didn’t you guys used to date in middle school or…

Henry: Oh, no.

Lily: No.

Henry: Uh, we went to a dance together, but she didn’t realize that’s what was happening.

Lily: Yeah.

Henry: We went to— We arrived at the dance at the same time and I told some people we were there together. And I am sorry about that.

Masha: Oh, I—

Lily: And I’m sorry I punched you.

Henry: No, it was fair.

Eric: Alright.

[Stifled laughter.]

Well nice to meet you, Henry.

Henry: Oh, yeah! Nice to meet you.

Eric: It’s good to know that Lily has friends. Didn’t know that was a thing that could happen.

Lily: It isn’t.

Eric: Alright.

Henry: We’re friends.

Sage: And then, passing by, suddenly Eric sees…Daniel Daniels? Aka Agent Fragrant, aka one of his best friends.

[Footsteps tap close by. Lily scoffs happily.]

Lily: Somebody in here smells amazing.

Eric: [quiet] Oh, Jesus Christ. [loud] Daniel!

[Footsteps scuff to a halt.]

Dan: Whoa! Hey.

Eric: Hey.

Dan: Eric!

Eric: Yeah.

Dan: You’re- you’re comin’ here?

Eric: Yeah, looks like it. [chuckles]

Dan: You’re hangin’ out here?

Eric: Just started.

Dan: Whoa! Yeah, I just started too! Th-the- I mean, word’s gotten out, uh, holy shit! This is great!

Eric: Oh, aren’t you- aren’t you—hey you’re gonna love this—aren’t you with S.H.I.E.L.D., though?

Henry: Wha!

Dan: [groans] I mean—

Henry: Did you ever meet Nick Fury?

Dan: I have not, actually.

Henry: Ah HA!

[Sage stifles laughter.]

This guy has. Oh! You got him beat!

Dan: [amused] Yeah, yup.

Henry: You met Nick Fury!

Eric: I—

Dan: He’s—

Henry: That must burn you good!

Dan: Uh, we’ve had—

[Henry cackles.]

Eric: You know what? I like him. This is great.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Lily: We are not keeping him.

Dan: I’ve been on thin ice for the past two years, and I almost quit that one time. Uh, [nervous chuckle] So I’m not very high up. Please don’t ask for any autographs or anything.

Henry: Oh. Okay. Okay, okay.

Dan: But, yes, I do- I do work…

Henry: Oh, that’s so cool.

Dan: [whispers] But I don’t- I don’t really want anybody here to know that.

Henry: Do you have a badge?

[Dan sighs. Clothes rustle as he pulls his badge out of his jacket.]

Dan: [mumbles] Daniel Daniels. Here we go. It says my name, aka Agent Fragrant.

[Henry chuckles in awe. Footsteps scuff as Lily approaches Dan.]

Lily: Hi, I’m Lily. Uh, you smell amazing.

Dan: Wow! You s- you hear that? Nobody’s ever said that to me before! They always just say that I have too much cologne on.

[Eric sighs.]

So, I guess we’re all supers here. Call me Agent Fragrant, um, or Dan. Uh, so, uh, I was in an accident at a Febreze factory. Fell in and my skin was chemically infused with the product.

Lily: Oh my god, I love it.

Dan: Yes, that was what happened.

Lily: Yeah, like, I’m sorry, but also, like, oh my— Can I, like, stand a little closer to you? You have no idea! It’s like fucking torture living in this city.

Masha: Okay, L-L-Lily, Lily.

Lily: What?

Henry: I’m extra sensitive to liquid and you’re covered in sweat right now. A thin sheen of it, but I can tell.

Lily: Turn it to—

Henry: I can turn it to ice if you—

Lily: No, turn it to air, Henry.

Henry: Oh, yeah.

[Low, vibrating whoosh. Steam gently hisses.]

Got it.

Dan: How old are you, by the way?

Masha: She’s sixteen!

Dan: Okay.

Henry: Sixteen, just like me.

Dan: I’ll take one step over here.

[A single footstep is heard and a boot scrapes across the floor as Dan scoots away.]

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

So, uh, cool. Eric, you doin’ jobs? You got any jobs?

Eric: Yeah, yeah. We just- we had a first one. Went- it went fine.

Dan: Yeah, they said that I was supposed to have some sort of guidance counselor come with me on my first gig. Um…but apparently—

Lily: [loud] He accidentally died!

[Masha groans.]

Dan: Oooh. Shit. People don’t wanna talk about it, but he got killed on your guys’ mission, right?

Masha: Um…

Eric: Yeah.

Lily: Yeah.

Dan: That sucks.

Henry: Whoa. That’s awesome.

[Lily grunts uncertainly.]

Masha: It was- it was—

Henry: That’s amazing.

Lily: Nope!

Henry: I mean, not that he died, but that’s like— That means you were on a real mission.

Masha: Yeah, it was a real mission alright. And there were a lot of basketballs involved.

Eric: We were swarmed by men in trench coats.

Lily: [quiet] And basketballs.

Eric: Glasses with guns.

Dan: I’ve seen a lot o’ those. Uh, we should talk about that later.

Eric: [quiet] We should talk about this.

Dan: Yeah.

Eric: We should talk in general.

Dan: Movie night, though, again? Still on?

[Eric scoffs in amusement.]

Eric: Yeah.

Dan: Yeah. Alright! Catch ya later. Nice to meet you— What was your name?

Henry: Her name’s Lily.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Masha: Okay, she’s sixteen.

Lily: And you smell really good. [fast] Good bye!

Dan: Bye.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

[Footsteps tap as Dan leaves.]

Eric: That was embarrassing for everybody.

Henry: Wow, you like him.

Masha: Oh my god.

Henry: You like him so much.

Lily: I like—

Henry: I’ve never seen you happy before.

[Travis stifles laughter.]

[Beat.]

That was incredible. If you applied some of that work to our birdhouse, we woulda gotten it done.

Eric: Birdhouse?

Henry: Some o’ that energy. We were making birdhouses and bookends in shop. We’re shop partners.

Lily: I need all of you mediocre smelling people to stop talking to me. Immediately.

Masha: Liiittle rude, Lily. Just a little bit.

Lily: You smell fine.

Masha: Thank you.

Henry: You can do better than that guy.

[Lily sighs in exasperation. Masha chuckles. Footsteps scuff closer.]

Sage: Siggy comes in with a nice, new piece of parchment, ready to give a job to whoever wants it. Callin’ out.

[Parchment crinkles as Siggy waves it around.]

Siggy: Hey, hey, hey!

Henry: I got it! Me!

[Parchment rustles as Henry snatches it.]

Siggy: Heey! How’s it goin’?

Henry: Oh, great!

Siggy: Matter O' Fact! How you doin’, pal?

[Henry giggles.]

Henry: Yes!

Masha: Oh my gosh, word travels fast.

Siggy: What’re you doin’ hangin’ out with these guys?

Henry: Uh…

Siggy: These are small timers.

Henry: Yeah, I’m slummin’.

Siggy: Yeah, well, alright.

Eric: ’Scuse me?

Lily: Yeah, okay birdhouse.

Henry: Ooo, that hurts.

Masha: He knows Fury.

Eric: What? [stammers]

Siggy: Fury…what?

Henry: This is, like, Nick Fury’s basically best friend.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Siggy: Fury who?

Eric: [quiet] Oh, Jesus Christ.

Masha: Nick Fury! The guy with the eye patch.

Siggy: Nick…Nick who?

Lily: This is Nick Fury’s son.

Siggy: Nick…I don’t—

Henry: You don’t know who Nick Fury is?

Eric: Not—

Masha: They look exactly alike!

Eric: ’S not important.

Siggy: I don’t…I’m—

Lily: You should tell everybody.

[Emily stifles laughter.]

Eric: [loud] So you got a job for- you got a job?

Siggy: Uh, well, yeah, yeah. I mean, it’s a little below your- your pay grade there, Matter O' Fact, but um…

[Will stifles laughter.]

Masha: We don’t even get pai—

Lily: ’Scuse me!

Siggy: But yeah! We have somethin’ that actually could be kinda fun. So you guys obviously remember. We were visited by a Castle chick.

Masha: Oh, I remember.

Siggy: Yeah, I bet you do! Well, uh, we thought it might be fun to, uh, have a little payback. But we’re gonna do it Fort style.

Eric: So we’re gonna throw trash at ’em?

Lily: We’re gonna throw soup on them?

Siggy: Well, if that- whatever floats your boat. See, this- this job, uh, involves a little creativity. You gonna go over there, you gonna do some’in’ to, you know, ruin their day. You could be funny, it could be—

Sage: Siggy starts handing Masha, Eric, Lily, and Henry, uh, [amused] garbage, eggs, toilet paper.

[Items clatter as Siggy shoves them into everyone’s arms.]

Siggy: I got whoopie cushions. Yeah, you know get creative. Do your thing.

Eric: You’re sending us on a- on a pranking mission?

Siggy: Hell yeah, I am.

Henry: This is awesome.

Siggy: Yeah, it’s perks o’ the job, baby!

Masha: But this doesn’t really- this has nothing to do with, like, saving humanity or the world or the city. This is just…

Siggy: Well, it’s- it’s a matter of perspective.

Henry: I have a question.

Siggy: Yeah?

Henry: Can we use our powers in this prank?

Siggy: [amused] Yeah.

Henry: This is great.

[Masha sighs.]

Siggy: Yeah. Actually, really, I can’t think of anybody better for the job than M.O.H. over here. Or, uh, F. M.O.F over here.

Henry: I can turn the trash into gas while we transport it, and then solidify it when we get there. It’s interesting about objects, if you turn them into gas and then resolid—

Eric: Holy shit, what can you do?

Henry: I can turn the- change the states of matter. If you turn an object into gas, I have found—and I’m still sort of figuring it out—and then you resolidify it, it tends to reassume the shape it already had without any manipulation from me. It tends to want to be the shape it was.

Which is good, ’cause I accidentally turned my dad’s dresser into billowing steam. But I got it back before he went home. Which is how I could- I know I could fix your car, if you give me, like, five minutes.

Lily: Yeah, the operative phrase was tends to want to return.

Henry: Doesn’t always.

Lily: Yeah.

Siggy: Soup Guy, loves this kid.

[Footsteps tap and scuff as someone approaches.]

Sage: [amused] Soup Guy comes in with some soup.

Soup Guy: Big ass soup!

[Travis stifles laughter.]

Eric: Oh good, it’s Soup Guy.

[Soup lid clatters.]

Soup Guy: Soup?

Lily: We’re not hungry, thank you!

Soup Guy: Big ass soup?

Henry: I’ll have some soup.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Soup Guy: Heey!

Henry: Look, hey! Lily, look at this. I can turn the soup into cubes. Look.

[Low, vibrating hum. Soup squelches.]

Lily: Oh, yeah. The old soup cube trick…go for it, Henry.

Henry: You want one?

Siggy: Yeah, it’s good for the on-the-go hero.

Henry: D’you want a broth cube?

Lily: Um, can I throw it at Eric?

Henry: Uh, yeah.

Lily: You wanna catch this judo?

Eric: I don’t want it stu— Don’t throw the soup.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll for a full blue. Space and Combat, Eric.

[Dice roll on table.]

[Success chime.]

Travis: Got a 19, yes.

Sage: Great, you know what to do.

Lily: Catch!

[A swish is heard as Lily tosses the soup cube. A thwack is heard as Eric slaps it away.]

Henry: Ooo, that was nice.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

That was a Fury-level block.

[Sage chuckles.]

Eric: Don’t throw soup at me. Please.

Lily: I warned you.

Eric: Alright…

Sage: We cut on over to Malibu.

Special Thanks

[Commercial jingle.]

Bart: Okay, and now a word from our sponsor.

[Tape rewinds.]

Will: Superhero is called Matter O' Fact.

Jessica: Need that trademarked, by the way.

Will: Mm-hmm. Fine.

Jessica: Okay.

Sage: Fine.

[Everyone chuckles.]

Will: I surrender it. I expect to not be using it—

[Everyone chuckles.]

—in the future. Matter O' Fact. He is a young boy who can control the states of matter. Change liquid to solid to gas, and vise versa, of anything—

Sage: You say young boy.

Will: Uh, I think a teenager, yeah. Like a sixteen-year-old.

Travis: Great!

Sage: Oh my god. Excellent.

Emily: Oh no.

Sage: You 100% went to school with Lily Kline, who’s sitting next to you. She’s playing a sixteen-year-old.

Will: Oh, excellent.

Emily: I’m sixteen, yes.

Will: Yes, me too. I’ve never emotionally advanced beyond that—

[Travis and Sage chuckle.]

—so I don’t see any reason why my avatars should.

Emily: Wonderful! We’re gonna have a great time. [chuckles]

[Tape fast-forwards.]

Sage: That was a snippet from last week’s Adventure Pass episode where we sit down with Mr. Will Hines, voice of Matter O' Fact, and dish about comics and build out his character sheet and all that fun stuff. One of many episodes from the Catacombs series, which is essentially the non-fiction companion podcast to 20 Sided Stories. Who are we really?

Well, for $3 you can find out.

Patreon.com/20sidedstories

Speaking of which, thank you to…

Jessica: Han Griggs

Emily: Lady Bear

Sage: Eurish51

Travis: Eric John E.

Jessica: Dally

Travis: Ben RiTou

Jessica: Chris Brooks

Travis: Joshua

Jessica: Megan Mueller

Travis: Chaley Brown

Sage: Andre Rasmuchev

Emily: Eric Mathis

Sage: Ty Underwood

Travis: And Joshua Yeup. [pronounces it differently] Let me know if I’m doing that wrong.

Sage: We love you all so much.

We hit a new record last month, which was awesome! So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! Let’s keep the momentum going at

Patreon.com/20sidedstories.

Now, if you’re wondering, “Okay, I like the show and I wanna support it, but I can’t drop cash,” no problem! Just share it. Share it. Share it with someone. Anyone. Make sure you hit that subscribe button and then tell some of your nerdy friends to as well. None of us are famous, so we could use all the help we can get, you know?

Alright, let’s get back to it.

The Castle – Part II

[Gentle action music. Crickets chirp in the background.]

Sage: It’s a warm, dark night in Malibu, California. Right on the tip of the coast, just west of Los Angeles, and our four heroes, with their pranking supplies in hand, arrive. They’re in the trees shrouded before they get into the parking lot of the driveway of this mansion that looks a little rough. [stifles laughter]

Henry: What’s up with…are these people rich or not?

Eric: Well, see, Tony Stark was rich. And they just live here now.

Henry: [whispers] What?

Eric: Yeah, this is his old house.

Henry: [whispers] Are you pooping me?

Lily: They’re just squatters with attitude.

Eric: No. We’re not- we’re not pooping you. We’re not…

[Sage and Jessica stifle laughter.]

Lily: God, Henry.

Henry: Tony Stark used to live here?

Masha: Yeah, he did.

Eric: Yeah. Then they- and then—

Henry: Okay, if I accidentally turn into steam, I will come back.

[Eric chuckles.]

Sometimes that happens when I get excited.

Masha: Please don’t do that, because I don’t want your parents to worry.

Henry: No, no. I- th- changing myself is the easiest thing I can do.

Sage: A car comes by!

[A car whooshes past the group.]

Henry: AHH!

[Low, vibrating hum. Steam gently hisses.]

Masha: Henry.

Lily: Henry.

Eric: Holy shit, he wasn’t kidding.

Sage: A couple of seconds go by.

[A whoosh is heard as Henry solidifies.]

Henry: Sorry.

Eric: I didn’t- I mean, I don’t have any of you in me, right? That’s not…

Henry: I don’t think so.

Lily: Did you inhale?

Eric: Uuuuuh. Yes.

Lily: I would check your stool later.

[Eric groans.]

Masha: Ew. [amused scoff]

Henry: I have wondered if I teleport with somebody, if there could be a fly-like situation, where our genetics fuse, but I haven’t had a chance to try that out.

Eric: Gift Bag must love you.

Henry: Uh, yes. Everybody loves me!

[Sage stifles laughter. Jessica chuckles.]

Lily: Hey, Henry, can I t- can I talk to you for a second?

Henry: Course. We’re talkin’ right now.

Lily: Uh, no over here.

Henry: Oh.

Lily: Over- over here.

[Footsteps crunch on leaves and dirt.]

What an interesting tree. Follow me.

Henry: Secret, secret.

Lily: Follow me this way.

Masha: [tsks] Awwww.

Lily: [whisper hisses] Masha.

Eric: This is honestly adorable.

Lily: [whisper] Henry.

Henry: Yes?

Lily: I swear to god, if you embarrass me—

Henry: Okay.

Lily: —in front of my sister and [clears throat] Eric, I will—

Henry: You hate Eric.

Lily: —never speak to you again.

Henry: Okay.

Lily: Or be your partner in wood shop.

Henry: Okay.

Lily: Yeah?

Henry: Can I just say that I appreciate you being honest with me and I’m going to respect that boundary. Can I just ask one question? What did I do that was embarrassing? Is it just, like, I’m being a lot?

Lily: You know, sometimes when you steam yourself, it’s not- it’s not the opportune moment for it.

Henry: Mm-hmm.

Lily: And, uh…

Henry: Okay.

Lily: Please, please don’t accidentally fuse your genetics with anyone I know.

Henry: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Easy.

Lily: Other— People I don’t know? Fine.

Henry: No, no. I don’t wanna fuse my genetics with anyb- that’s- I’m down with that. I’m cool.

Lily: Okay.

Henry: Yeah.

Lily: We’re…we’re fine.

Henry: Yeah.

Lily: We understand each other.

Henry: Yeah. You really like that Fragrant guy?

Lily: Okay. We’re in—

Henry: He seems like a douche.

[Stifled laughter.]

Lily: [loud] Okay, Masha, we’re catching up!

[Footsteps crunch on leaves and dirt.]

Henry: Looks like a capital A- capital A douche.

Lily: [loud] We’re catchin’ up to you!

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Masha: Alright, you guys.

Sage: The party reconvines, and they get back in their little spot shrouded in the bushes. They’re looking up towards the window. It’s pretty well lit, even though it looks a little rough, but it is generally trying to emulate the same kind of structure that Tony Stark’s mansion had. It’s almost like they rebuilt the same house with less of a budget. And they see something very peculiar.

[Stat test chime.]

Who wants to roll Space?

Travis: I’ll do it.

Sage: Eric is gonna roll for Space.

[Failure chime.]

Travis: Nope.

Sage: Nope. Lily, roll for Space.

[Failure chime.]

Emily: No.

Sage: Masha, roll for Space.

Jessica: [groans] Good luck, guys.

[Net chime.]

Jessica, Sage: [together] Eh.

Sage: She sees about what I already told you.

[Everyone chuckles.]

And then Henry.

[Dice roll on table.]

Will: Nope.

[Failure chime.]

[Everyone chuckles.]

Emily: Superheroes!

Jessica: We’re so aware!

Henry: I’m not good with perception, sometimes. I get excited and I can’t perceive information in a fast way.

Lily: Yeah.

Sage: So, these windows are a little obscure. It’s kinda hard to see what’s goin’ on in there. They don’t know if they have a clear shot.

Henry: If- if you want, I can turn to gas and float up there and solidify and take a look.

Eric: I got…wait.

Henry: Oh. You’d be better at this.

Eric: Well, no, but when you’re gas, can you, like, see things? Can you—

Henry: Mm-hmm. Yes.

Eric: Whoa.

Henry: Uh, I have a more limited field of vision then, it’s not as good as solid eyes.

Masha: Okay, but- but I don’t want Henry to stay gas for a long time. Wouldn’t that like- do- would you scatter?

Henry: Nah, it’s great.

Masha: Oh.

Henry: If I get tired I’ll just turn solid again pretty automatically.

Eric: Yeah, why don’t you gas up there and see what’s goin’ on?

Henry: Alright. Here we go.

[Low, vibrating hum is heard as Henry activates his power, turning himself into a gas. He chuckles quietly.]

Lily, tell me this isn’t cool.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Lily: This isn’t cool.

Henry: Oh. Didn’t expect that. Here we go.

[Jessica and Travis stifle laughter.]

Sage: Henry starts floating into the mansion, and he makes his way through the air-conditioning. It’s cold.

[Henry groans in discomfort.]

[Sage chuckles.]

And then he comes out into the living room.

Henry: I’m gonna solidify to get a better look.

Sage: Henry then comes out of his gaseous form and lands.

[Low, vibrating hum. A tap is heard as Henry’s feet hit the ground.]

Henry: Hmm. This place is dumpy.

Sage: And, since Henry failed on his Space roll, he’s gonna turn around, and there’s a woman standing right there. [stifles laughter]

Glitter Can: Who’re you?

Henry: Oh, uh…

Masha: [whispers] Is he talking to somebody?

Eric: Uh, let’s find out. Alright, hold on. Please be quiet.

Lily: Wait... What the fuck is he doing?

Masha: [quiet] I don’t know.

[A rumbling whoosh is heard as Eric taps into Henry’s hearing.]

Henry: My name is… I’m- I’m Clyde.

Glitter Can: When- when’d you get here?

Henry: Clyde. I got- I’ve been here for…oh! I’ve been here for, uh, this afternoon. A while.

Glitter Can: Your name is Clyde?

[A rumbling whoosh is heard as Eric untaps.]

Eric: Oh, he’s fucked, we gotta get in there.

[Action music.]

Masha: What? Wait.

Lily: You have powers! You have powers!

Eric: Oh, shit I forgot.

Masha: Oh my god, what did you just do?

Eric: Don’t worry. We have to get in there.

Lily: You have fucking powers!

[Eric frantically shushes her.]

Masha: What is wrong? Is he okay?

Eric: This is not— The wrong—

Lily: Fine, but are talking about this later!

Eric: That’s fine.

Masha: Alright, guys, let’s go! It’s Henry!

Sage: They run across the street. A car’s coming!

[A car horn blares. Masha cries out in surprise.]

They’re fine. They get up to the other side of the street and the door’s locked.

Masha: [groans] Oh my god.

Sage: But you’re standing in front of very big windows.

Masha: Is that…

Eric, Glitter Can: [together] Glitter Can.

Sage: Glitter Can, out of her suit, sees them run up to the window. They’re banging on the window.

[Glass rattles and loud knocking.]

Masha: Henry!

Glitter Can: [muffled] What is going on?

Lily: Oh look, it’s Shitter Can.

Glitter Can: [muffled] It is Glitter Can, you little girl!

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Gonna roll power?

[A buzzing crinkle is heard as Masha’s power activates.]

Jessica: Turn to steel.

Lily: Run through the wall! Run through the window!

Jessica: 15.

[Success chime.]

Sage: You’re good!

[Masha’s voice echoes as though it’s coming from a metal tube. She growls and heavy footsteps thud as she charges forward.]

Masha: Oh my god!

[Glass shatters.]

Sage: Glass shatters everywhere.

Henry: Whoa! That’s awesome. I don’t know them. I don’t know her. But that’s cool!

Masha: What’s up, Trash Can?

Sage: Also, when Masha ran in, she dropped all of her toilet paper and her eggs, and there’s just a mess on the floor right now.

[Travis and Emily chuckle.]

Masha: You got a mess to clean up after me!

Glitter Can: [gasps] My Glitter Can suit is around here somewhere!

[Footsteps tap as she runs off.]

Eric: Henry.

Henry: Yeah?

Eric: Turn into gas and float over here.

Henry: Oh.

[Low, buzzing hum.]

Sage: As Glitter Can is looking for the suit and her- her- she’s looking for her iPad so that she can tell the suit to attach to her body. She can’t find the iPad. She goes into a closet, she’s rummaging through.

[Glitter Can grunts as items rustle around.]

Masha: Okay, well, while you’re lookin’, I’m destroyin’ your house!

[Walls and windows shatter. Masha grunts and heavy footsteps thud around as she tears through the house.]

Glitter Can: No! Just gimme five minutes!

Sage: Masha’s destroying her house.

Masha: I’m pranking!

Sage: Glitter Can, looking through the closet, throwing out coats, and then she throws out a coat that lands on Lily.

[Music quiets. Lily sniffs.]

And immediately, Lily knows whose coat this is.

Emily: Whose coat is this?

Sage: This is Rose’s coat.

[The sounds of Masha’s destruction continues.]

Lily: Masha! Masha!

Masha: What is it?

Lily: Masha!

Masha: I’m wreckin’ house!

Lily: Masha!

Masha: What? What?

Lily: Rose was here!

Masha: What?

Lily: Rose was here!

Masha: No…what? No, she’s not.

Lily: This is her—

Sage: We cut on over to Eric and Henry. Henry floats over and then, in gaseous state to Eric, hugs him around a little bit, and then turns to solid.

[Low, vibrating hum. Shoes squeak on the floor as Henry lands.]

Henry: Ah, fun, right?

Eric: Yeah. Well, for one, I just kinda wanted you over on the side where there’s more people that you knew. Other than—

Henry: Oh.

Eric: —over there. Um…

Henry: Thanks, yeah.

Eric: Uh, but also, uh—

Henry: I had that woman fooled. Cold.

[Eric snorts as he stifles laughter.]

Eric: And it was honestly great.

Henry: Oh. Thank you.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Henry, really quick, just to make sure. Can we roll for Personal Reality?

[Dice roll on table.]

[Success chime.]

Will: Yes, I got it.

Sage: Okay, yeah. Yeah. She was genuinely fooled. His name is Clyde.

[Stifled laughter.]

[amused] Um, he has no association with you whatsoever.

Eric: Well, obviously this has gone…completely off the rails.

Henry: I think it’s goin’ pretty good.

[Travis stifles laughter.]

[Masha grunts and the sounds of her destruction resume.]

I mean, we’re supposed to prank the place, right? This is pretty pranked. Like, we have a steel woman wrecking the joint.

Eric: That’s fair.

Henry: That’s solidly pranked. We hate these people, I assume? Are they, like, super bad?

Eric: From what I understand this is some sort of test—

Henry: And we’re committing a crime right now, so this is…

[Travis and Sage stifle laughter.]

[hesitant] Is it worth it? [firm] I’m down. I am in.

Eric: And we love that.

Sage: Masha’s powers subside. She turns from steel back to her normal, fleshy self.

[Masha pants.]

Lily: Masha!

Masha: What?

Lily: Look!

[Clothes rustle as Lily waves the coat.]

Masha: What- why’d—

Glitter Can: Oh, you’re not steel any more, are you?

Lily: Shut the fuck up!

[Glitter Can squawks.]

This is Rose’s!

Sage: And then, Glitter Can’s glitter iron woman suit—yes, it’s covered in glitter. That’s canon—attaches to her body and she lifts up her arm to shoot a phat-ass laser beam at our huddled heroes in the corner of the living room.

[Clicks and whirring are heard as the suit attaches. The suit lifts off the ground and hovers a bit.]

Masha: Um.

Glitter Can: [muffled inside suit] You think you can prank me? My iPad is working now. Get the bloody fuck out of here or I will blast you with my iPad hand.

Masha: Uuuumm.

Lily: Whose coat is this?

Glitter Can: You know what? I don’t want to tell you, ’cause you’re all rude and you’re trying to prank this house.

Lily: I’m not kidding around with you anymore, Glitter Can. Who does this belong to?

Glitter Can: Does it look like I’m kidding around?

[Electronic whirring is heard as the laser powers up.]

I have my hand in your face.

Masha: Okay.

Henry: We’re takin’ the coat with us, but we’ll go.

Glitter Can: What?

Henry: We’re takin’ the coat with us, it’s ours, but we’ll go.

Glitter Can: Clyde, Clyde, stay out of this.

[Everyone stifles laughter.]

I thought you…

[Kaitlyn stifles laughter.]

I thought you lived here.

Henry: I do! I’m taking it with me to my room. Excuse me.

[Clothes rustle as he pulls the coat away from Lily.]

Masha: Yeah, we’re—

Glitter Can: Well, you know what—

[Lily punches Henry and yanks the coat back.]

[Jessica scoffs in amusement. Travis stifles laughter.]

—I still have a very—

Henry: Ow!

Glitter Can: —haphazard about this. This is not okay, you all must pay. Not you, Clyde. You’ve been very super in this.

Henry: Thank you.

Glitter Can: Everyone else, get the fuck back to the Fort right now, or I’ll blast all of you in the face!

[A chime is heard and Glitter Can’s voice echoes over a loudspeaker.]

Castletons, everyone evacuate! We are in lockdown! This is a code 4-8-3, that means—

Henry: So many codes.

Glitter Can: —get the fuck out.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Henry: Four hundred and eighty three codes? How many codes do we have?

Masha: That’s a lot o’ crazy. Let’s just grab- kee-keep the coat, Lily. Come on, let’s go!

Eric: Yeah I don’t think we got- I think we just got the one.

Lily: I need to follow her scent! I’m staying here!

Glitter Can: Blast- blasting! I’m gonna start blasting!

Masha: We have to go now!

Glitter Can: Now!

[A low, vibrating buzz is heard as the laser powers up, and a high-pitched squeal is heard continuously.]

Sage: There is no other scent of Rose in this house. Lily tries her best to figure it out. It ends with the coat.

Masha: I don’t know! We’ll figure this out later, let’s go back.

Henry: Lily, just leave it. We’ll- we’ll come back and get it—

Masha: No, no. We’re taking it with us. Keep it, keep it.

Glitter Can: Coding in a blast formation!

Henry: Okay, let’s go.

Lily: Okay fine! We’re going, we’re going!

[Footsteps tap as the group walks away. The high-pitched squeal fades as the laser powers down.]

Henry: We’re going! And I’m gonna go with ’em, even though they’re strangers, ’cause I have a good sense about them.

Masha: He’s gonna escort us out.

Henry: Get outta here, you jerks! And I’ll be right with you. Me, Clyde, that...I’m comin’ back to someplace I live around here.

Glitter Can: Thank you, Clyde.

Henry: You’re welcome.

[Light-suspense music. Footsteps tap as the crew walks into the Fort.]

Sage: And we cut to the Fort. Everybody runs in, exasperated.

Masha: Oh my god.

Henry: That went great.

[Eric grunts. The garage door cranks shut. Masha moans.]

Sage: But before they can even catch their breath, Theo, aka Gift Bag, comes in with a little surprise.

[Indistinct chatter is heard in the background.]

Theo: Oh, Henry! Almost got those test results ready.

Henry: Ooo.

Theo: Roach should be back soon. You guys wanna follow me down to the lab real quick?

Masha: [mumbles] Alright.

[Footsteps tap and shoes squeak as the crew heads to the lab.]

Sage: And we all shuffle down to Gift Bag’s lab. It’s getting pretty late.

Theo: Oh my god. Coffee. Do you guys want any coffee?

Henry: Yes!

Masha: Yeah.

Henry: I’ve never had it.

Theo: Matter...yeah.

Lily: [sighs] Do not give him coffee.

Theo: Matter O' Fact, uh, Henry.

Henry: Yeah?

Theo: Could you- there’s- there’s a residue in this vial, could you please turn it into a liquid.

Henry: Yes.

Theo: It’s…please.

Henry: Yup.

[Low, vibrating hum. Liquid bubbles.]

There you go.

Theo: [sighs] Thank you. Um, your results. Yeah. So we’ve managed to isolate—

Henry: We’re using me to turn small amounts of inorganic material to different matter.

[Coffee pours into a cup.]

I can’t do living things yet, except for me, which I’m good at.

Theo: Yeah. Um—

Henry: Is that cool? Do you guys want me to dump exposition into conversation? Or do you guys not do that?

Theo: I love exposition. I mean, as much as possible.

Henry: Me too! I love it!

Theo: Absolutely.

Henry: I’m gonna be a history major—

Sage: This goes on for an hour.

[Travis and Jessica chuckle.]

[One hour later.]

Henry: Yeah, and then I found- I think I’m gonna- AP history is gonna be the class that I’m really looking the most forward to—

Theo: H-Henry I think you—

Henry: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure.

Theo: I think you’ve out done me o-on this one.

[Footsteps pad across the room. A chair wheels over to a desk.]

So about your powers. I think it’s genetic.

[A mouse clicks and a keyboard clacks.]

You have something in common here with many other people.

[Search result chimes.]

Henry: Oh. Other people who can control matter?

Theo: There are a number of different ways it manifests, but this is the common element.

Henry: Okay.

Theo: I wish I could tell you more than that, but this is at least a start. It’s a genetic thing.

Henry: Uh-huh.

Theo: I don’t think it’s dangerous.

Henry: Oh, I don’t feel dangerous.

Theo: I mean, if—

Lily: You don’t look dangerous.

[Stifled laughter.]

Henry: Thank you!

[Jessica chuckles.]

Oh wait. You’re bein’ mean.

[Stifled laughter.]

Well, that’s— You can— You’re figuring out how I work?

Theo: I-I hope so.

[Chair creaks as he leans back.]

I think so.

Henry: Can I help? Do you want— Should I cut off a finger?

[Sage and Chad scoff in surprise.]

Theo: Uh, no. No, no, no. Well, l-let’s cover this next week. I’ve got a project that’s, uh, occupying a lot of my time. I don’t think this is urgent. I think you’re safe. I haven’t slept in thirty-seven hours. Um, I really appreciate the help with the vial. And the exposition, top notch. I think—

Henry: [quiet] Thank you.

Theo: I think that gate guy would love that. He seems really bored these days.

Masha: Do you have any updates on my powers?

Theo: Sorry, Roulette, not yet. Still workin’ on it.

Sage: And then!

[A clock ticks loudly as it changes hours and begins chiming.]

The clock strikes midnight.

Henry: Oh, I’m sorry, I—

Eric: Wait, what time does your dad get home?

Henry: Midnight. Oh boy. Uh, uh, does anybody have a working car?

[Beat.]

Lily: [quiet] Henry.

Henry: I can— Gimme a shot. Oh, no. We walked away from it. Um…Okay, I gotta go. I gotta go. Does anybody have a bicycle?

Masha: There’s a zipline.

Lily: Just cloud over home.

Henry: I go slow as a cloud.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Eric: Gift Bag, have you got any way to get this kid home?

Henry: I mean, if it was like, a windstorm that happened to be blowing northeast, I could do it.

Theo: Yeah, no. He- yeah, I’ll- h-have Roach drive you home. I think he needs to have a talk anyways.

Henry: Okay. Thank you. I’m sorry. I wasn’t, uh…

Theo: No, no, no. You’re perfect! A week. Next week!

Henry: Okay!

Theo: Thank you.

Masha: Henry?

Henry: Yeah?

Masha: Oh, I just wanted to say bye. Um, I hope you get home safe, and I hope your dad isn’t mad. I’m sorry that I couldn’t get you a ride home.

Henry: Are you standing near me, right now?

Masha: Um…

Henry: Thank you.

Masha: Yes. [chuckles] You’re welcome.

Henry: [whispers] Lily. Your sister likes me.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Lily: Uh…

Henry: [whispers] I hope this doesn’t hurt our friendship.

Lily: No, you’re right, Henry.

Henry: [whispers] Okay.

Lily: Yeah, no, she... No, that’s too mean. Never mind.

[Everyone chuckles.]

Sage: And everybody heads back upstairs in a haste, but they’re stopped by Roach, who looks pretty concerned.

Roach: Uh, hello? Hello! Hey, newbie team? Uh…why’s my phone blowin’ up about some Castletons goin’ nuts? Some’in’ ’bout a lockdown over there. Some’in’ about kickin’ my guys up on the streets. Some’in’ about some big ol’ window got blown up. Some’in’ about stealin’ jackets. Some’in’ about, uh, some guy, some operative named Clyde—

[Will scoffs in amusement.]

—was helpin’ people out. Like, what’s— You guys, first off, someone got killed on your last mission, and now this mission—which was supposed to be a very simple prank—you’re tellin’ me you’re blowin’ up the walls o’ their house. What the hell is goin’ on?

Eric: We pulled the greatest prank of all. We fucked with their heads.

Henry: Yeah, we did.

Masha: Yeah, Henry’s “Clyde”.

Henry: I’m “Clyde”. And I’m also Henry. I’m mostly Henry.

Roach: You’re Matter O' Fact!

[Henry giggles.]

Henry: Yes!

Roach: I’ve heard of you, yeah. This ’s a little low- this ’s a little below your pay grade, this job.

Henry: [chuckles] Yeah, I’m slummin’. Take it easy.

Eric: How high is his pay grade?

Roach: Matter O' Fact’s tier three.

Eric: First off, are we getting paid?

[Will stifles laughter.]

Roach: Well you’re paid in—

[Sage stifles laughter.]

—exposure, and—

Lily: We don’t have time for this! We need to find Rose!

Masha: [sighs] I mean. You- you just smell Rose—

Lily: Yeah, we finally found something that proves she’s still here! And you’re not taking it seriously.

Masha: I am taking this seriously. It’s just a lot to comprehend right now and- and I don’t like the idea that Rose is in some frickin’ evil, ex-Tony Stark mansion.

Eric: We don’t know that they’re evil. They just seem contentious at best.

Henry: How well do you know Rose?

[Beat.]

Masha: Um…

Henry: Are you sure she’s good?

[Beat.]

Lily: She’s our sis—

Masha: She’s our sister.

Henry: Th-then she’s still good. She’s still good somewhere.

[Episode End music builds.]

Eric: Look, Roach, sorry we caused a bunch of commotion. Won’t happen again.

Roach: Sorry?

[Roach scoffs in amusement.]

With Henry here, we got an insider now.

Sage: Roach walks over to some display case, pulls out a mace.

[Footsteps tap, a door creaks open. Heavy metal clunks and a swish is heard as Roach twirls the mace around. Footsteps tap as he rejoins the group.]

Roach: This city is gonna be ours, and the war to claim it has just begun.

[Episode End music crescendos.]

Credits

[Episode End music throughout.]

Mayanna Berrin: 20 Sided Stories is produced by Sage G.C., Jessica Dahlgren, and Travis Reaves

Masha Mirova was played by Jessica Dahlgren

Eric Stanton was played by Travis Reaves

Lily Kline was played by Emily Ervolina

Henry Sampson, aka Matter O' Fact, was played by special guest Will Hines.

Guest Spotlight

Sage: Hooray!

Jessica: Yay!

Travis: Hey, we did it.

Emily: Whoo!

Sage: We did it. Will Hines, thank you so much for being here.

Will: Man Not This You! Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow. A bottle of Man Not This You!Oh, yeah, my pleasure.

Sage: So much fun! Love your character.

[Stifled laughter.]

Will: Oh, thank you.

Travis: [quiet] Good lord.

[Everyone chuckles.]

Emily: Thank you. Thank you for that.

Will: Oh, yeah.

Sage: Where can the people find you?

Will: I’m on Twitter @willhines. W-I-L-L-H-I-N-E-S. They’re all lies. It’s 100% lies.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Travis: Highly recommended follow.

Will: And then I have an improv book called How to Be the Greatest Improviser on Earth you can find that on Amazon. If you’re an improv nerd, you might like it. Those are my plugs.

Sage: Fantastic. Thank you so much!

Jessica: Thank you!

Emily: Thank you!

After-Credits Scene

[Static crackles. A switch clicks and the noise stops.]

Elle: TV’s not working.

Eric: Again?

Elle: Again. Is Best Buy still a thing? I haven’t seen one in a while.

Eric: That’s the problem, is that there’s…it’s hard to find any kind of, like, uh, retail store that’s accepting returns at this point. Like, every market crashed. So we’re kinda stuck, I mean, I don’t…

[Elle sighs.]

Elle: Have you been going to the Fort?

[Beat.]

Eric: No.

Elle: It just…it seems fishy. It seems like you have been there.

Eric: Well, I've just been busy at work. You know. Goin’ out on missions, leavin’— Like, we’re doing important stuff these days. We’re gettin’ everything back together, um, and we’re gonna start makin’ the world a safer place again. Really. And I know, it’s been taking me everywhere but here. And just, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to just, since I am here, I’d like to spend my time with you and leave that outside.

Elle: Do we- well, we can’t even watch TV.

Eric: There’s plenty of other shit we can do!

Elle: What’re we gonna do?

Eric: I don’t know! We could… Board game? I don’t know.

Elle: I suppose we could go old school.

Eric: Like, looks like you’re just try- you’re- you’re looking to be mad at me about this.

Elle: Let’s sleep on it.

Credits

[Rock music throughout.]

Mayanna Berrin: Additional Voices by David Michmerhuizen, Chad Ellis, Kaitlyn Cornell, and M. Colton Brodeur.

Music, Editing and Sound Design by Sage G.C.

Character Artwork by Rhea Lonsdale

Episode Artwork by Josh Wolf

Special thanks to Greg Reasoner, Matt Johnston and all our Patreon Supporters

Podcast Directed by Sage G.C.

You can get the soundtrack to this series for free at

sagegc.com/music

Follow 20 Sided Stories on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook @20SidedStories

Or visit our website at 20sidedstories.com

[Rock music crescendos and fades out.]

Extras

[Table saws buzz in the background.]

Mr. Allsworth: For any children who smoke cigars, feel free to use this template for a humidor. But make sure that you’re using fine oak! If you pick the wrong one, you’re gonna be screwed for the rest of your life!

Just like I picked the wrong lawyer! Who screwed my wife and then screwed me!