20 Sided Stories

Adventure Pass

MARVEL - Lily Kline (Prologue)

Air Date: December 18, 2019

Sage G.C.: The following podcast has absolutely no affiliation with Marvel Studios, Marvel Entertainment, the Walt Disney Company, or any other associates or official canon. This is a fan-made parody piece created in fair use, and all mentioned names, trademarks, and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.

[Podcast Intro music plays.]

Jessica Dahlgren: Thank you and welcome to 20 Sided Stories.

[Intro fades out.]

MARVEL

Lily Kline (Prologue)

[Slow music.]

Sage: Character prologue one of three.

Lily Kline, currently age thirteen, is being forced against her will by the man, by adults, by society to attend a public education system. What a drag. One day it will get better, but she’s only in eighth grade. Though soon to graduate, Lily is bored out of her mind and, right now, asleep in science class.

[Music fades.]

Teacher: Lily, wake up! Lily!

Lily: [grunts, coughs] What?

Teacher: You fell asleep on your desk again.

Lily: Mmm, I don’t know about that. I was, um, examining the molecular structure of the desk and therefore was still doing my work.

Sage: The whole class is watching this of course, because this teacher Mr... Darelinski. [stifles laughter]

Emily: Fuck that guy.

Sage: Yeah. He is pointing you out again. He’s done this before.

[Stat test chime.]

Let’s roll for Soul.

[Dice roll on table.]

[Success chime.]

Great! That is as much of a success as you could possibly get.

[Misadventure music.]

Mr. Darelinski stares at you for a moment.

Mr. Darelinski: Oh. Oh. Okay, um… Well, did you come to any conclusions about the molecular properties of the desk?

Lily: Uh, yup.

Mr. Darelinski: We are studying [Sage stifles laughter] molecules at the moment.

Lily: I found that it is, in fact [knocks on desk] a solid.

Mr. Darelinski: Very good. Very good! There are three types. We have the solids, we have the liquids, we have the gases. Right? [Sage stifles laughter] That’s all of ’em.

Lily: Nope. There’s a fourth one and it’s plasma.

Mr. Darelinski: Ahh, very good, very good!

Sage: This goes on for the next forty-five minutes, and then the bell finally rings.

[Bell rings. Electric guitar music.]

Lily: [quiet] Oh thank god.

Sage: Lily leaves the classroom and gets ready to head over to her next class, which is band. The final class for the day.

[Lily sighs. Instrument case zips open.]

Lily: [quiet] Okay, okay, okay.

[She blows her lips in a raspberry to warm up.]

[quiet] You got this, you got this. Embouchure, you got it girl, come on.

[She blows another raspberry.]

Okay. You’re gonna be fine.

[Footsteps approach.]

Gonna be fine.

Boy: Um, are you practicing band stuff?

Lily: Yeah. Do you not practice your embouchure, Ted?

Ted: Oh, well—

Lily: Or do you play the violin?

Ted: Well, I actually, um—

[Instrument case clicks open.]

—well, it’s funny ’cause I just actually recently, um, as of recently- if this is—

Lily: I don’t need your life story.

Ted: Well, I just- I—

Lily: I need to go to band practice. I need to get my fucking mouth position right. I need to get an A on this.

Ted: Well, I guess I’m, like, gonna be your partner. [nervous] Well, like, I- well, I- I was on violin, and they said that I wasn’t, um, uh, that I just, uh, best, you know, just not- [mumbles] I’m not very good at it. So I’m not, um, gonna be playing the violin anymore. They said I’m going to join the bass clarinets.

Lily: Oh.

Ted: So now—

Lily: [irritated] Oh good. That’s- that’s just me.

Ted: Yeah.

Lily: That- yeah. One.

Ted: So there’s now two of us. It’s just me and you. Um… [clears throat] So I’m heading to the same place you are. Um, you wanna walk together?

Lily: Nope. Can you read music, Ted?

Ted: Can I— What does that mean?

Lily: Yup. Okay. Bye.

Ted: Wait. Wait! [distant] Wait!

[Shoes tap on tile as Lily heads to class. She blows her lips to warm up the whole way.]

Lily: [quiet] Fuck.

Sage: Lily bumps into some jock asshole.

[Thud. Light rock music.]

Jock: Hey! Watch where you’re going.

Lily: [quiet] You fucking watch it. I swear to god, I’ll beat your ass with a bass clarinet!

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Let’s roll for Power.

[Failure chime.]

[Stifled laughter.]

[groans] Lily feels the fire inside of her, however, after this very awkward exchange with Ted, she is not feeling totally confident. So what she said came out a little more meek.

Jock: Sorry, nerd? You talkin’ to me like that? Do I have to go start somethin’ somewhere?

Lily: Yeah- yeah, like where? D’y- d’you know the names of places and things?

Jock: Like right here.

Sage: And he pushes Lily down on the floor and walks off.

Lily: Bye, tiny dick! See ya never!

[Emily stifles laughter.]

[Shoes scuff to a stop.]

Ted: Are you talking to me?

Lily: You really need to learn some self-respect, dude.

Ted: I just- I- I was going the same direction as you, so I just caught up naturally.

Lily: Did you push a helpless, young woman to the floor?

Ted: N-no. I’m Ted. ’Member me? I’m Ted?

Lily: Yeah, I know.

Ted: I saw him pushed you. Um…

Lily: Yeah, I know Ted.

Ted: That’s—

Lily: Ted. Ted.

Ted: Yeah.

Lily: I’m gonna give you a little piece of advice.

Ted: Okay. What’s your name? Sorry. You go first.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Lily: Ted… Shut up.

Ted: Oh.

[Footsteps fade as Lily walks away. Rock music picks back up.]

Sage: [chuckles] Ted waits for Lily to leave and then, as you get a couple feet ahead of him, he has to go in the same direction, so Ted is shadowing right behind you, maybe three to four feet.

[Lily sighs.]

And looks away every time you turn around.

Lily: Keep up. [blows lips]

[Music crescendos and fades.]

Sage: We cut towards the end of band class. You have been partnered up to work together and practice.

[Various instruments play randomly in the background. Lily sighs.]

Lily: Don’t forget to empty your spit valve right in front of Greg so he slips.

Ted: Oh, that’s a lot. [clears throat]

Lily: Yeah. Tip it upside down.

Ted: Okay.

Lily: Tip- tip it upside down.

[Liquid splashes.]

Ah, that’s a splash.

[Ted groans in disgust.]

Oh, yikes. That was gnarly.

Ted: [quiet] Yeah.

Lily: You got a lot o’ spit in you for a little man.

Ted: Yeah, I salivate a lot.

Lily: Yup.

Ted: I have…

Lily: Okay.

Ted: I have generalized—

Lily: Nope! Nope. We’re good.

Ted: Okay.

Lily: We can stop there. Wonderful.

Ted: What is your name? You never told me.

[Lily sighs.]

Ted: Oh wait. The teacher said it. Lllila.

Lily: Yeah. Sure, we’re gonna go with that one. Okay. Hold on. Hold this end while I empty the spit out.

[Instrument case rustles.]

Ted: Okay.

[Clarinet clicks open and liquid splashes.]

Lily: Whoo-whee! Very good. I guess, uh, I’m salivating a lot too.

Ted: Oh.

Lily: Wonderful. Alright, well someone’s gonna have to clean that up… Not me. How much time until this is over?

Ted: Five minutes.

Lily: Yeah, okay. Miss- Miss- Miss Jameson? Uh…

Miss Jameson: Yes?

Lily: Can I use the restroom?

Miss Jameson: Uh, well, there’s five minutes until the bell rings, I think you can wait.

Lily: I don’t know about that. Pretty sure they’d, uh, changed that law recently, where you can’t deny students going to the bathroom.

Miss Jameson: Uh, I didn’t get a memo for that. You’re just gonna wait five minutes. Okay.

Lily: Well, there’s already a lot o’ liquid on the floor. Might as well…

Ted: Hey- hey, Lila, I had a question. I don’t have anybody else to ask this question. Um, I don’t get along very well with my brother, Robin. He’s really mean to me and, uh, I don’t know. You’re kind of cool. Do you know anybody who… Do you know how to… How do I get along with my brother?

Lily: I’m in the middle of trying to go pee, Ted. Can we- can we table this one?

Ted: Well, the teacher said you can’t.

Lily: Yeah…

Ted: So you can’t do it.

Lily: Right. But do you see how I’m currently dismantling my instrument, putting it in my case, and standing up to go?

[Instrument clatters and rustles. Misadventure music builds.]

Ted: I know. I just- I’m gonna have to see my brother soon, and so—

Lily: Goodbye. Goodbye, Ted.

[Footsteps tap as Lily hurries away.]

It’s an emergency, Miss Jameson! I’ll see you tomorrow!

[Door creaks open. Music crescendos. Bell rings.]

Sage: Relief!

Lily: [sighs] …Fucks sake.

Sage: Finally, another day in the system has been conquered.

Lily: Smash that. Nailed it. Up top, my man.

Sage: [amused] You randomly high-five somebody. They go along with it.

[High-five claps.]

So Lily normally rides the bus, so she heads for the bus.

[Bus door creaks open.]

Gets on the bus, and there’s only—

Lily: [quiet groan] Oh good.

Sage: —one seat left on the bus. [stifles laughter]

Lily: [groans] Awesome.

Sage: And you’ll never guess who’s in the other seat. [chuckles]

Emily: [chuckles] How did he get here before me?

[Bus starts and the engine revs as it pulls away. Lily takes a deep breath and sighs.]

Lily: [mumbles] Mother of…god…

Ted: Oh.

Lily: [mumbles] This is why god invented headphones. [scoffs]

Ted: Wow. Uh, wait, oh. Can you not… Hey.

Sage: Lily is drumming on her thigh.

Ted: Hey, hey!

Sage: Ted starts poking you on the shoulder.

Lily: [sighs, resigned] Yes, Theodore.

Ted: Don’t you think— Oh, you used my full name. That’s…like what my mom says. And my brother when he’s being a dick.

Uh, I think it’s just kinda neat that somehow, we ran into each other in passing before we got partnered in band, and then also we’re on the bus together, and it was the one seat that was left. Don’t you think that’s kind of neat?

Lily: [false awe] Wow. It’s like cosmic destiny.

Ted: Yeah, like, they- cosmic.

Lily: No, Ted.

Ted: Like the cosmos is like—

Lily: We are two people in a six-hundred-person school, and we’re in the same grade.

Ted: [quiet] Oh. Yeah, I guess the odds aren’t—

Lily: Do you like math, Ted? I’m gonna go with yes.

Ted: [quiet] I’ll just stop talking.

Lily: That’s—

Ted: [mumbles] Everybody I talk to doesn’t like me when I just say things—

Lily: Ted.

Ted: —and then everybody hates me. So I’ll stop.

Lily: It’s not- it’s not- it’s not you, Ted. I just- I’m not good with people. Especially people who talk for an extended amount of time at me. Not- not great, but… [sighs] I- I have a sister.

[Sentimental music plays.]

Ted: Oh.

Lily: I- I know [mumbles] what it’s like to have a sibling and, you know, have it be hard. So… [normal] Cosmic fate. [laughs mockingly]

Ted: What’s- what’s your sister’s name?

Lily: H-her name is Masha.

Ted: [quiet] Oh, that’s neat.

Lily: Yeah. It’s, um, Russian.

Ted: She go here?

Lily: Uh, no. She- she goes to, uh, Hamilton High School.

Ted: Oh, okay.

Lily: Yeah.

Ted: So she’s older. That’s cool. My brother’s older than me too. They’re— Are all older people mean, or is it just my brother?

Lily: [sighs] What I find is that when Masha is having a hard time with herself and what’s going on, that sometimes she’ll take it out on me or the people she loves, but it doesn’t- it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me or whatever. It just means that, you know, sometimes people are doing stuff that you don’t see and it makes them act different. But you didn’t do anything wrong? Or something. I don’t know. I don’t [mumbles] fuckin’ know.

Ted: No that’s…that’s helpful. Thank you, Lila.

Lily: It’s- [sighs] it’s Lily.

Ted: Oh. Is that what the teacher said? I’m sorry.

Lily: No, it’s fine. I don’t think she likes me very much, so…

Ted: Yeah. You yell a lot...

Lily: Also pretty sure her last name’s not Jameson, I just saw her getting wasted at a staff party once, so…

Sage: All of a sudden…

[Eerie whoosh. The Snap echoes.]

You feel like something’s up, and the bus veers off the road.

Lily: What the… Holy shit!

Ted: Uh oh. That can’t be good.

[Bus drives over the rumble strips.]

Sage: Everyone begins to take notice. The bus is about to crash into a building and ash is flying into your face from the front.

[Children begin murmuring. Muffled screaming is heard in the street.]

Lily: What the fuck?

Ted: Oh no. Oh no. Ah! Ugh. My eyes! Wait…

Lily: Oh my god. What is this?

[Ash rustles softly.]

Ted: Uh…

Lily: Is this a- this dust?

Ted: Uh, Lily…

Lily: Ted. Oh, oh shit.

Ted: Where is my arm going?

Lily: Ted.

Ted: Why are- what is happening?

Lily: [quiet] Fuck. [normal] What the fuck? Does this normally happen to you?

Ted: [worried] No.

Lily: Fuck. Oh…

Ted: [worried] Thanks for the advice.

[Tires squeal as they jump the curb.]

Lily: Holy—

[Bus slams into a building, glass shatters, deafening silence.]

[Fire crackles. Ash rustles as it rains down. Lily moans as she wakes up and coughs.]

Lily: Ted?

Sage: There is ash all over the bus. When you look in the front seat there is no driver.

Lily: Hello?

Sage: There’s no Ted next to you.

[Lily exhales in panic.]

There’s not students onto your left side either, in the other two seats.

[Lily exhales in panic again.]

But you do see some people, somebody passed out further on the bus.

Lily: [grunts] Hello?

Sage: You crawl, try to get their attention.

[Metal creaks. Clothes rustle.]

Lily: Hey. [fast] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Wake up!

Sage: You roll them over, and it’s that asshole, bully jock who pushed you earlier.

[Jock grunts in pain.]

Lily: Hey.

Jock: [dazed] What’s happenin’?

Lily: I don’t fucking know.

Jock: Oh my god, my neck hurts.

Lily: What happened to everybody?

Jock: I had- the driver just started fading into dust.

Lily: [quiet] Fuck.

Jock: I feel sick. I don’t know if that’s the car… [groans] My stomach. I feel, like, nauseous.

Lily: Okay. Don’t throw up on me, first of all. [nervous chuckle]

Jock: Did I push you earlier?

Lily: Yeah. You fucking did!

Jock: [dazed] I’m sssorry.

Lily: [quiet] I don’t give a shit.

Jock: Your nose is bleeding.

Lily: [sniffs] Yeah. I know.

Jock: Did you hit your nose?

Lily: Well, probably! Does it…does it look broken?

Jock: It looks like… It’s, like, profusely running.

[Lily sniffs and groans.]

Sage: And then Lily gets in- this insane, unbelievably, overwhelming sense of smell.

[Suspenseful music. Lily sniffs and groans in discomfort.]

Ash. Burnt metal and rust. Blood.

Jock: Are you okay?

Lily: Oh…

Jock: What’s going on?

Lily: [worried] I don’t know, I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on. [sniffs] Can you smell that?

[Lily pants in suppressed panic.]

Jock: Uh, no. I mean, it smells like smoke a little bit.

Lily: [sniffs] Oh my god.

[Lily covers her nose.]

[muffled] Oh my god. I have to go.

Jock: W-wait.

[Shoes stomp as Lily runs.]

Sage: Lily leaves. She looks around and hears chaos throughout the city of Los Angeles.

[The bus engine idles. People scream in the streets. Glass breaks. A panicked child’s shrieking cuts over the noise. Car horn blares ahead.]

People are running around and screaming. There’s ash, there’s- like, everywhere. You feel sick. You feel throughout your veins that there’s- it’s, like, almost this burning sensation, and you just can’t get over the sense of smell. You can smell everything around you. It is so overwhelming. Between shit on the streets, the smoke from the cars, the ash on the ground.

Lily: [groans] Oh. Masha. Shit! [fast] Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

Sage: Lily pulls out her phone.

[Phone dials and rings. Lily groans in discomfort from all the smells.]

Lily: [plugging her nose] Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up. Oh my god, please pick up.

Sage: It doesn’t.

Voice Mail: Hi, you’ve reached Masha Mirova—

Lily: Fuck!

Voice Mail: —please leave a message after the tone. Bye. [beep]

Lily: [plugging her nose] M-Masha! It’s- it’s- it’s me. I… Everybody turned to dust and [groans] god the smell. Oh my god. [sniffs] The smell. [groans] Please, please call me back. I-I’m gonna try to get home, okay? You try to get home too. Okay? [exhales in panic] Please call me. [exhales] Oh fuck. D-did Mom pick up Rose? Oh, sh- fuck. Okay. I’m going home. I’m going home. I’m going home. Please meet me at home. Please.

[Phone beeps as she hangs up.]

Guess I’m walking. [groans] Shit.

Man: —just disappeared. Everybody’s just gone!

Lily: Wh- h- excuse me. Excuse me.

Man: [gasps] What?

Lily: Do you know what’s going on?

Man: No! Everyone just disappeared! I gotta go find my family. Get away from me!

[The Man shoves her and runs away.]

Lily: Ugh. Fuck. ’Kay.

Sage: That person smelled.

Lily: Ugh. Take a bath! [muffled] Jesus.

[Shoes continue on pavement. Lily groans as she walks home.]

Sage: Finally, Lily gets to the door of her house. She is feeling very worn down.

Lily: [sighs, calls out] Mom? Dad? Masha? Rose? Are you- are- are you home?

[Clothes rustle as she searches her pockets.]

I can’t find my fucking keys.

Sage: [chuckles] Lily stands outside of her front door for quite a while.

Lily: I’m going to have to break the fucking window. [groans, quiet] Oh Jesus. Oh my god.

[A brick scraps as she picks it up.]

Sorry, Mom.

[Lily grunts and a window shatters.]

[Episode End music.]

Credits

Sage G.C.: 20 Sided Stories is produced by Sage G.C., Jessica Dahlgren, and Travis Reaves.

Lily Kline was played by Emily Ervolina.

Direction, Editing, and Music by Sage G.C.

Thank you all for your support, as always. Two more prologues are on the way, so I’ll see you on the next 20 Sided Story. Later.