#6 - Nonstop Printing (w/ Micah Martinez)
20 Sided Stories
MARVEL: Survivors of The Snap
Episode 6 - Nonstop Printing
Air Date: April 27, 2020
[Podcast Intro music plays throughout.]
Sage G.C.: 20 Sided Stories has absolutely no affiliation with Marvel Studios, Marvel Entertainment, The Walt Disney Company, or any other associates or official canon.
Travis Reaves: This is a fan-made parody piece created in fair use, and all mentioned names, products, trademarks, and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.
Jessica Dahlgren: The bulk of what you're about to hear was recorded live by improvisers who love the MCU, and we're so excited for you to join us on this superpowered adventure.
[Intro crescendos.]
Travis: Thank you.
Jessica: And welcome.
Sage: To 20 Sided Stories.
[Intro fades out.]
Prologue |
[Radio switches on.]
Woman: You're listening to…
[Rock music introduction.]
Man: 616 Power!
Bart: HooWa! Good afternoon, Los Angeles. It’s me, The News! And I’m in the captain’s chair ready and rarin’ to go.
[Clears throat.]
Just read a new article on Medium. I hate Medium, man. I always check it every morning lookin’ for news, because it’s one o’ the only outlets that’s still publishing new articles given all the terrible stuff that’s been happening in the world. And, uh, Medium’s got this new puff piece up here on the Fort and their poster team [sighs]. Let’s call them the ScAvengers. Talkin’ about how great, grand, and wonderful they are. They’re apparently doing shopping for blind kids, they’re knockin’ over mafia dons, they’re cleaning up toxic waste. I don’t know what the hell these people are actually doing.
All I know is they believe they can make up their own rules about what’s right and wrong. They’re vigilantes, alright? There’s nothing new. I’ve been in this business a long time. I’ve seen a lot o’ vigilantes, and I know how it always ends. With innocent people getting hurt!
[sighs] I’ve taken some heat personally for some remarks I’ve made about S.H.I.E.L.D. back in the old days, and I just want to clarify the remarks I made. S.H.I.E.L.D., as I said, had some political problems in the top brass. But that didn’t necessarily filter down to everybody who had their boots on the ground.
And I just want to point out, if anybody here’s ever worked for a company and thought that the corporation they were working for was evil, but didn’t do anything about it, that’s the most normal thing in the world! And what I’d like to point out is, without S.H.I.E.L.D. what did we get? Half the population of the planet got murdered. And that’s not an exaggeration. That’s not even a joke. That’s just a fact. Half the population got murdered.
So the point I’m tryin’a make to people, before you start enjoying the Fort—I’m calling them the Fort Frickers, because I’m tryin’a watch my language this year and if I swear accidentally, I’m sorry if it slips out—but remember if a superhero can do whatever they want and choose which laws they obey, do we still technically have a democracy?
So before you start fondling all over the Fort remember that these people are waging a war in the streets. And it’s an anti-democracy war at all our expense.
And now, I’d like to bring you over to weather, uh, it’s sunny. Thank you.
[Door creaks open. Suspenseful music.]
Mysterious Man: Status?
Lackey: The double agent…uh. He’s dead. He didn’t come back, and we got a confirmed kill. Just…out in the dumpster.
[Mysterious Man sighs.]
Yeah…
Mysterious Man: Then we need more recruits. A lot more. Every starry-eyed undergrad. Every unemployed drifter. Every desperate young soul. We will provide a home for them. A purpose for them. You understand?
Lackey: Yes. I— Yes, of course.
Mysterious Man: Good.
Lackey: We did get something.
Mysterious Man: Is that so?
Episode 6 – Nonstop Printing |
[Action music.]
Bart: I’m sorry to harp on this point, but the only other thing in the news really is that a quote unquote “villain”—who’s actually more of a burn-out and a has-been who’s off his meds—named Gun Hand Man has allegedly robbed a bank in Anaheim and escaped into Disneyland.
[Running footsteps stomp and scuff to a halt.]
Lily: Oh, we’re in. Uh…
Masha: I’m surprised no one’s here besides Gun Hand Man.
Lily: We have to bring Short Circuit when we come back.
Masha: Oh, yeah.
Eric: Oh, that’d be fun.
Lily: So he can turn everything on.
Narrator: Time is passing our heroes by. Masha Mirova aka Roulette, Lily Kline aka Bloodhound, and Eric Stanton aka Scry, collectively the ScAvengers, are gaining a reputation. Picking up bigger and bigger jobs to help the greater good.
Masha: Oh, I think I see somebody! I think I see him on the Matterhorn.
Eric: What?
Lily: Are you sure that’s not a yeti?
[A gunshot rings out and a bullet hits the dirt nearby. Masha and Lily cry out.]
Eric: Jesus!
Gun Hand Man: [distant] Hey!
[Masha and Lily cry out.]
Eric: Huh?
Gun Hand Man: [distant] Stay back ScAvengers!
Lily: Oh, he knows who we are!
Masha: You know- wow, hi! Uh…
Gun Hand Man: [distant] I’ve heard of you. You’re not taking my money!
Narrator: With the help of the independent press, the Fort has placed itself among the eyes of lowly heroes and Accord supporters all across the greater Los Angeles area.
Lily: Gun Hand Man!
Eric: Hey, Gun Hand Man!
Masha: Gun Hand Man!
Lily: Come out with your…hands up? Your guns up?
Eric: Gun Hand Man! Gun Hand Man who snuck into Disneyland man!
Lily: Just come here so we can fight you!
Gun Hand Man: [distant] Never!
[Gunshots ring out and bullets ricochet.]
Masha: Let’s go on the Matterhorn!
Lily: Let’s fuckin’- let’s fuck up these bobsleds and go get ’im.
Masha: Yeah!
Eric: I’m gonna go climb the mountain. See ya there.
[Running footsteps fade.]
Lily: Masha, get in, put your seatbelt on.
Narrator: But as they level up their rep, Lily and Masha also continue to see their powers change for reasons unknown.
Lily: Man, Rose used to love this ride.
Masha: Wait a minute.
[Metal bangs. An echoing creak draws out. Noise begins to warble. Lily and Masha’s thoughts echo.]
Lily: Oh, no. [sighs] Oh god [sniffs].
Masha: [groans] Oh not again. Alright, steel this time, I guess.
[Noise returns to normal. Masha sighs.]
Did we both just…
Lily: Oh my god the wind! [gasps] I can feel all of my arm hairs moving. Oh no. Do I have…
Masha: Lily.
[Roller-coaster clicks as it begins to move.]
Lily: Am I Spiderman now?
Masha: Lily, wait what happened?
Lily: I don’t know what’s going on. We can talk about it later. Yeah. Table it.
[Roller-coaster clicks as it rises]
Masha: Oh, looks like we’re going anyway.
Narrator: Eric too still struggles to pin down the cult that’s targeting his life, but for the three of them, the truth is inching itself closer and closer.
Gun Hand Man: Hey!
Eric: Yup.
Gun Hand Man: Stand back!
Eric: Look, man. You got nowhere to go.
[Masha and Lily’s screams get closer.]
Lily: Jump! Jump!
Masha: Watch out!
[A thud as Masha and Lily land on the platform with the others. Gun Hand Man grunts as Masha lands on top of him.]
[laughs] We got you now!
Eric: I had him! I didn’t need to get- go-god dammit. Asshole, come here!
[A scuffle as Eric grabs the man and takes his guns.]
Gun Hand Man: Hey, no! No!
Eric: Yeah. I’ve got your gun-hands now. I’ve got your gun-hands.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Gun Hand Man: Not my gun hands!
Eric: You’re just Man at this point.
Lily: I’m just gonna punch ’im! I’m gonna punch ’im really hard!
[A thud as Lily punches Gun Hand Man in the nose.]
Gun Hand Man: Ow!
Narrator: Together, and in their own scrappy way, the ScAvengers are making their mark and doing their part to offset the blight of the Snap.
[Music quiets.]
Eric: Okay, can we go? Did we get ’im?
Gun Hand Man: Damn you, ScAvengers! Damn you!
Lily: Shut up! You’re, like, the worst villain.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Gun Hand Man: Fuck off, I was born this way.
Eric: That’s actually pretty insensitive.
Gun Hand Man: Look at my hands. Look at them! You think I would choose this life?
Lily: Buddy, you could’a had ’em, like, replaced. There’s technology. Both of ’em—
Gun Hand Man: That’s what the money was for!
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Eric: He’s like the free health clinic version of the Weapon X program.
[Travis stifles laughter.]
[Lily sighs.]
Lily: Well, did anyone bring [hesitant] handcuffs…for his gun-hands?
[Handcuffs click.]
Gun Hand Man: [sighs] Both fuckin’ suck. I hate you guys.
[Sage and Travis stifle laughter.]
Masha: Hit ’im again.
[A swish and a thud as Masha punches him.]
Gun Hand Man: Ow!
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
Eric: Good job, Masha.
[Muffled rock music from a band playing inside the Fort.]
Narrator: A few days later, things are good and our heroes are looking out to the skyline on the balcony of the Fort.
Eric: You know, it’s been a pretty okay couple o’ weeks around here.
Lily: Yeah. This week has not sucked.
Masha: It was really nice going to Disneyland.
[Eric chuckles.]
For a quick moment.
Lily: Yeah, we should definitely go back.
Eric: And bring, uh, uh, uh, Gaff Tape, uh…
Masha: Short Circuit.
Eric: Yeah!
Lily: Yeah, your best friend.
[Masha snickers.]
Eric: Yeah, we’ve been getting a lot of good stuff done. Like this work we’ve been doing. These jobs we’ve been goin’ on. Like, we’re starting to effect some real change and, like, even the Fort seems like everything- like they’re- everybody’s getting their shit together.
Sage: It’s a little cleaner! They got a Roomba!
Eric: They got a Roomba. One Roomba for the entire Griffith Observatory!
[Lily and Masha chuckle.]
Like, we’re startin’ to make some friends around here, you’re not kicked outta school yet. That’s good.
Lily: Yeah. You can thank Henry for that. He somehow managed to get us school credit for hero work?
[Masha scoffs happily.]
Masha: Henry’s just the sweetest.
Eric: Yeah. I think I see him. Hey, Henry! Hey!
Henry: [distant] uh, I’m busy! I just- I turned the kitchen into steam, so I’m gonna fix it, and then I can go later.
Eric: Oh, okay. He’s busy. How’s the… You still feelin’ like a raw nerve? This whole touch…enhanced touch thing?
Lily: Yeah, I mean, it’s- it’s definitely, like, weirdest when I wake up in the morning and I forget that I have it and it’s, like, oh god sheets. But…
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
I don’t know. I guess I’m kinda getting used to it. In a weird way, it’s not as bad as, like, hearing. ’Cause hearing is just overwhelming, but with the touch at least I feel like, I don’t know, like, more attuned to what’s going on. I don’t hate it. And I feel like Spiderman. Which I also don’t hate. Surprisingly. ’Cause I hate most things.
Eric: Word.
Lily: Puberty is rough.
Eric: Okay. Yeah [stifles laughter].
Masha: I’ve been going to therapy.
[Beat.]
[Chuckling.]
Lily: Oh.
Masha: It’s okay. My therapist told me to be honest and upfront and proud of it.
Lily: I thought you were dating someone.
Masha: No [sighs].
Eric: I thought you couldn’t do that. You can’t date your therapist, right? You’re not…
Masha: No! It was something that I didn’t- I wasn’t…um… I’m proud of it now. I just, um.
Lily: Yeah, I mean, like, no- no shame at all. Just yeah. You didn’t tell me.
Masha: Um, yeah, no I-I… Just ever since I lost my steel power on the Matterhorn I’ve been feeling pretty reserved and kind of…shamed by it. But I’m trying not to be that way.
Lily: Did you…did you, like, choose like the last time? Did you smoke weed?
Masha: No! So—
Eric: If that happens every time you smoke weed, you should stop smoking weed.
Lily: Yeah.
Masha: Yeah, no, I thought that’s what it was. I smoked weed once and it didn’t happen, and then it happened, and I wasn’t high. So process of elimination. I just- I don’t- I can go inward and I-I just know it’s not there anymore. Which, yeah, I chose that because, um… I don’t know. It’s just, I’m tired of being really destructive, and that one was pretty destructive [nervous chuckle]. Um…
Lily: Okay. Uh, h- are you…
Masha: I’m talkin’ to Theo about it as well. We’re tryin’ to figure out. I don’t e- ’cause I don’t even know why I’m like this anyway, um, and my therapist has been really great and, like, tryin’a help me with that as well, ’cause I don’t know.
Lily: [hesitant] Yeah, I wasn’t sure if I should say anything, but the ticking in your chest is…slower.
Masha: Yeah, it’s still very alarming that my body ticks [nervous chuckle]. No one really knows what that means, so… Um, anyway. Yeah, that’s all I know. And I will tell you if I know more.
Eric: That’s…
Lily: Okay.
Eric: That’s great. And whatever you’re—
Lily: Thank- thank you for sharing. Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, that’s—
Masha: I just want us to be honest with each other.
[Beat.]
Eric: Yeah.
[Gentle guitar music.]
Sage: We cut outside the Griffith Observatory. Somebody approaches to the door. He’s alone, doesn’t quite remember how he got up here, but he knows he came up here for a reason. He heard about it. Door Guy sees him approach.
[Footsteps scuff to a halt.]
Door Guy: What’s the password?
Man: Who’re you?
Door Guy: I am [assertive] Door Man.
Man: Alright, looky here guy, um, I—
Door Man: Door Man.
Man: Guy, um—
Door Man: [slowly] Door. Man.
Man: Door person. That’s the best you’re gettin’.
Door Man: Close enough.
Man: Alright. Um—
Door Man: No, that was the password. You can come on in.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Man: Oh! O-okay.
Door Man: Welcome to the Fort. I’m working on my shpeal because I’m taking on a lot more responsibility. I’m moving up in the management structure.
Man: Oh, there’s management here?
Door Man: Is this your first time at the Fort?
Man: I don’t know where I am right now, so…
Door Man: You’re at the Fort.
Man: I heard. Thank you. Um—
Door Man: This is a place where people with powers can come together, powwow, and potluck and have all kinda good time.
[Jessica stifles a laugh.]
Man: Okay, yeah, so that was my question. So like—
Door Man: Come on in!
Man: Okay.
Sage: Cranks open the door.
[Door Man makes “Chch” noises as the door cranks open.]
[Jessica laughs.]
[Footsteps tap.]
And as Spencer walks into the Fort, pretty cool there’s lots of stuff on the walls. It’s totally different than Griffith Observatory.
Door Man: I’m prob’ly gonna have to close the door behind you, okay?
[Footsteps scuff to a stop.]
Spencer: That’s fine.
[Door Man makes “Chch” noises as the door cranks shut.]
[Stifled laughter.]
Sage: He looks to his left, and Spencer sees a group hanging out. Three heroes who are then joined by— What does Theo look like?
Chad: [stifles laughter] Theo wears, like, Birkenstocks and sweats and, like, a robe.
Jessica: Oh.
[Stifled laughter.]
Travis: With a pony tail?
Chad: Hair’s definitely real shaggy.
Sage: Three heroes are then joined by—
Travis: Some fuckin’ hippie.
[Laughter.]
Sage: In Birkenstocks and some robe. He’s- he’s a chill guy. But we all know it’s Theo. Gift Bag is his nickname and Theo is his real name.
Theo: Hey, I think I figured it out.
Lily: Really?
Theo: It’s not what it looks like. It’s not a form suit.
[Clothes rustle as Theo shows off a suit.]
But it’s kind of a form suit. I think this’ll help with the touch thing. It’ll help keep out the senses you don’t want.
Lily: Oh.
Theo: I-I mean it’s a prototype, but it- it should mitigate it a little bit. You’ll still be aware. You won’t be overwhelmed. I hope. I mean I think it’s gamma. I’m pretty sure it’s connected to gamma.
Lily: O-okay. So…
Theo: I didn’t, like, there’s no color to it in particular. I don’t know what- you guys aren’t at the point where you’re tryin’a pick out color schemes but, like, if you want we could.
Lily: Um, I think- I don’t know. I feel like my- my color scheme’s kind of, like...blood red.
[Masha chuckles.]
Theo: I-I was gonna go with that, but I—
Lily: It also helps ’cause, like, if other people bleed on me, like, I don’t have to wash it.
Theo: Ah, I really worry about you guys.
Masha: [tsks] You probably should wash it. Is it dry clean?
Eric: Is that a Body Glove logo on it?
Sage: Spencer approaches the group.
[Footsteps scuff closer.]
Theo: Uh, hi!
Spencer: [hesitant] Hey.
Theo: I don’t think we’ve met. I-I’m Theo.
Spencer: Oh, yeah, I’m, um, um, my name’s Spencer. Um, yeah.
Theo: Spencer.
Spencer: Hi. I don’t know what’s going on, but my friend said to come here and then there’s this weird person at the door that is loud as hell and now here I am.
Eric: Did he make a sound like “chug, chug, chug, chug” when he—
Spencer: For whatever reason he decided to do that today.
Eric: ’S Door Man. No, no, no, that’s every day [stifles laughter].
Spencer: Okay.
Masha: Yeah, he does it all the time.
Lily: All the time.
Spencer: Oh! Oh.
Masha: It’s a coping mechanism.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Spencer: Okay. Um, that’s good. Good for him. Um…
Eric: Who’s your friend that told you to come here?
Spencer: Uh… So I can do this thing where I can just make things happen, and then I start forgetting stuff. So I know that this person is my friend because they said that they were, and they said to come here because you guys might be able to help me, and that’s…
[Muffled rock music plays.]
Eric: Ah.
Spencer: That’s all I got.
Eric: Prob’ly Elle’s article.
Masha: Yeah. Probably.
Lily: So you have powers?
Spencer: Yeah.
Eric: And you n-need help?
Spencer: Yeah. Yeah.
Theo: O-okay. Do you wanna- do you wanna come into my lab? We—
Spencer: That sounds weird. What?
[Sage chuckles. Jessica stifles laughter.]
Theo: I’m so sorry.
Eric: Yeah, you gotta—
Theo: It used to be- it used to be the gift shop, um…
Eric: You gotta come on a little softer with these things.
Spencer: That’s still gettin’ weird.
Theo: [sighs] It’s…you know—
Lily: He- he’s really nice.
Spencer: Okay.
Lily: Like, I’m a young woman and he’s never touched me so we’re probably—
Theo: Not even close.
Eric: And again, you always bring it back to that.
[Travis stifles laughter.]
Lily: It’s hard out here for a teenage girl.
Masha: She’s not wrong.
[Footsteps tap as the group moves to the lab.]
Theo: Y-you said memory. Do you know how long this has been going on?
Spencer: I mean, I know it’s been since the world went to shit, basically. But um…
Theo: ’Kay.
Spencer: Before that I was just, like, normal. I would just make stuff. Like, I mean, like with my hands. Like, I-I write- I like—
Theo: And now you make things with your mind.
Spencer: Yeah. Yeah. And I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know how to make it not go on. But it happens. And it happens a lot more frequently now.
Eric: Spencer, when you say make things, do you mean, like, do you- do you make real, like, things? Like what you think of? Or is it—
Spencer: Real, tangible, hold them, like—
Lily: Can you show us?
Spencer: If I show you I might forget you. So, um, if that’s—
Theo: [stammers] Let’s hold— I mean I think you found— Th-these- this is Scry, this is Roulette, and this is Bloodhound.
Eric: Hi.
Theo: Bloodhound got her abilities during the Snap.
Spencer: Okay.
Eric: Um, Roulette, it’s a roulette any time you try to use your abilities and if you need a peer group…
I mean, I’m doing research in this, but it’s- it’s a long process. I-I’ve got a few avenues narrowed down. I could try to help if you’re interested, but that might be a little… That might not be short-term enough for you.
[Lab music. A door creaks open and then shut.]
Sage: We go into the lab. We finally arrive, we see all of Theo’s tech. It’s all been upgraded. Basically some street agents, you know, in the Fort have done what they can to, like, scavenge different kinds of technology and upgrading things. His database is still a little outdated. It’s still the old version. The pre-Hydra S.H.I.E.L.D. database, but he has access to that. So he boots up his machine, um, and he has the ability to run a test.
[Computer beeps as it boots up. A mouse clicks a few times. Chair squeaks as Theo rolls around the room in it.]
Theo: If you’re comfortable, most people do just a very short blood test. Barely more than what a, you know, diabetes test would be. It’s…
Eric: Spencer, how can we help you?
Spencer: I just don’t know what’s going on, dude. Like, I’m… I feel like everything’s upside down and I don’t know how to, like, not make it that way. Especially ’cause I don’t really remember where I’m from.
[Masha gasps quietly. Gentle guitar music plays.]
I don’t remember wh…stuff before this. And, um, and it’s scary, but I know if I can make stuff happen then I’d like to hopefully make something good out of it or maybe at least stop forgetting every goddamn thing in my life [nervous chuckle].
Masha: You’re literally, like, speaking my soul right now.
[Spencer chuckles nervously.]
I really under- I feel that. Um, you can hang out with us today, if you want.
Theo: Yeah, maybe if you’re having memory issues, being around a few others who can keep track of you and vouch for y— I can vouch for these three. Th-they’ve done a lot of good. And I-I can run a- start with a blood test. A quick scan and get back to you maybe by the end o’ the day I can at least have, like, an avenue.
Spencer: O-okay.
Theo: Okay. Little- little finger prick.
Spencer: O-okay.
Theo: Alright. Took it like a champ.
[Chair creaks as Theo scoots back.]
Okay. I’m gonna get to work on this, guys. Call me if you need anything.
Eric: Yeah. We’ll, uh, we’ll show you around.
Spencer: Cool.
Lily: Yeah, we’ll give you a tour.
Sage: And we walk through the Cosmic Connection. You get back upstairs. It’s very tranquil for a moment.
[Calming background noise.]
Eric: This is the Cosmic Connection.
Lily: It’s very tranquil. For a moment.
[Voice whispers “Cosmic Connection”.]
Eric: Ignore all the profanity on the walls.
[Voice whispers “Eat shit”.]
Lily: Yeah, eat shit’s kind of like a…
Masha: Our slogan.
Lily: Yeah.
Eric: So—
Lily: Not our slogan, but like the- the…
Eric: The battle cry.
Lily: Yeah.
Spencer: I like that slogan.
Sage: And we exit the Cosmic Connection.
[Gentle guitar music.]
And we’re back upstairs, and we’re standing outside the planetarium, kind of in that main entrance hall.
Spencer: What’s that little circle thing on the floor over there?
Masha: [quiet] Um…
Lily: [quiet] What?
[Roomba whirs as it moves around the room.]
Spencer: It’s like a vacuum?
Masha: Oh, it’s the- it’s our Roomba.
Lily: Oh, yeah.
Masha: Have you seen a Roomba before?
Spencer: Uh…maybe.
Masha: Oh! Right. Okay, this is a Roomba. It’s kinda like a vacuum but it’s like a little robot, and it, like, roams around. It has these little S-Swiffer arms that just, like—
Eric: It’s like if a dog ate trash but you didn’t yell at it.
Spencer: I love that.
Masha: And it bumps into walls sometimes.
Spencer: [chuckles] Like that too. Okay.
Lily: We- we named it Tony Stark.
Spencer: Wait, he’s, uh, he’s one o’ the- the Avengers. Right?
Masha: Yes.
Lily: Yeah! Good job!
Spencer: Okay. I remember, like, some stuff. But not like…
Lily: Okay, cool.
Eric: He was sort o’ captain o’ the ship. He’s… Does anybody know where he went?
Masha: I think he, like, went into the woods or something. That’s what I heard. I heard he, like, went into the woods—
Lily: I thought he went to space? I don’t know.
Masha: Oh.
Eric: Maybe he’s at sea.
Lily: I get all my information from Henry.
[Roomba makes vague, electronic speaking noises.]
Masha: Oh. This Roomba also talks [stifles laughter]. Normal Roombas don’t, but this one does.
Lily: Yeah. Theo’s good with tech and Short Circuit really did a number on this one.
Eric: Someone else who works here.
Spencer: Okay.
Eric: Yeah.
Spencer: I was just about to ask. Um—
Eric: So where- where you from?
Spencer: Um… Is “around” an answer? I mean, like, I—
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
—I remember—
Eric: You get that a lot around here.
[Micah stifles laughter.]
People are pretty cagey with personal info. Sorry for bein’ so invasive.
Spencer: Oh, you’re fine. I remember I was, like, from out east when I was younger.
Masha: Oh, wow.
Spencer: And then it kinda gets dicey memory-wise when I start getting into my late teens, early twenties.
Lily: How old are you now?
Spencer: Um, now I’m…
Masha: Oh no.
Spencer: [mumbles] That’s a fun question.
Eric: Age is a number. It’s whatever. Here, we’ll introduce you to some more o’ the people around here. There’s uh…
[Footsteps tap as someone approaches.]
Sage: And right on cue, Siggy approaches.
Siggy: Hey, kids.
Eric: Hey!
Siggy: How’s it goin’?
Lily: Hey, adult.
Siggy: Alright.
[Micah stifles laughter.]
Masha: This is- this is Siggy!
Spencer: Hi, Siggy.
Siggy: Uh, hey. Uh, who’s- who- who’re you?
Spencer: Um, uh, Spencer.
Siggy: Spencer?
Spencer: Yeah.
Siggy: Alright. Who’s Spencer, kids?
Eric: Spencer’s, uh, comin’ in here for a sort of a routine checkup.
Lily: He’s cool. He’s with us.
Siggy: Alright, alright. Well, I’ll trust you. Well, listen. We got a- a request in. Are you guys up for a job?
Masha: Yeah! Yeah.
Lily: I mean, I…
Masha: As the ScAvengers. Is that what—
Lily: We’re the [enunciates] Scavengers!
Siggy: Are we- boy, you’re stickin’ with that?
Lily: It’s Scavengers!
Eric: We’re keeping that?
Lily: It’s cooler when it’s Scavengers!
Siggy: Scavengers is cooler.
Eric: That asshole disk jockey is gonna name—
Lily: We’re gonna reclaim it from the man!
Siggy: But that voice, though. Man.
Eric: It’s really nice.
Spencer: I mean the first one sounds like some sort of disease, right?
Masha: Yeah.
Lily: ScAvenger. Yeah.
Eric: ScAvengerosis.
Lily: The ScAbies.
Masha: I think I mighta been saying it wrong. He said it so weird. I think it was to mock the Avengers.
Lily: He said it ’cause he was making- yeah. He was making fun of us.
Eric: Yeah.
Masha: Yeah. Okay. Well, Scavengers. We’re the Scavengers.
Lily: But, hold on, like—
Eric: [mumbles] If I ever see that guy…
Lily: —we are sort of in charge of Spencer right now. Like, are we just gonna take a job?
Eric: [hesitant] I’ve- in charge of- we’re just showin’ ’im around—
Lily: Well—
Siggy: Uh, it’s actually, as you mention it, it’s a four-person gig, so…
Lily: Oh.
Siggy: If you have the fourth person might as well put him to use. Assuming that he is capable…
Lily: [hesitant] Are you comfortable using your powers?
Spencer: Eh, sure.
Eric: Wanna go for a ride-along?
[Travis stifles laughter.]
Spencer: Yeah.
Lily: Yeah, just- just come with.
Spencer: I’ll just watch.
Lily: You don’t have to do anything. Don’t worry.
Masha: And you don’t necessarily have to use your powers. Just, like, it’s a four-person job. So, like… But if you wanna use ’em, you totally can. No pressure. Like, no worries.
Lily: Yeah. Like, see what we do.
Spencer: O-okay.
Lily: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Maybe- let’s—
Siggy: You’ll have an opportunity. First mission with the big dogs.
Masha: Yeah. And, like, Eric barely uses his powers with us anyway, so it’s like, you know.
Eric: [bitter] Because every time I even mention it, I get shit for it. So, you know.
Spencer: Wait, what’s your power?
Lily: Wha- sorry. What’d you mention?
Eric: Um.
Masha: His powers.
Lily: Oh!
Eric: I—’cause we’re all being honest—whenever I make physical contact with somebody, at any point in time after that I can, uh, tap into their senses and watch them like TV.
Spencer: Okay. So you stay over there.
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
Lily: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, I get that.
Lily: Same.
[Anticipation music.]
Siggy: So this one feels like a real crisis to me. There’s a printing company. Have y’all heard of Nonstop Printing?
Masha: [hesitant] Yeah.
Lily: [hesitant] No.
Spencer: Mmm…
Masha: Wait, isn’t it on Santa Monica?
Siggy: Yeah. Santa Monica. Yeah, exactly right. You know your geography.
Eric: Print shop?
Siggy: Yeah, so Nonstop Printing. It’s a very literal name. Before now they have never stopped printing. But now they have stopped printing, and it’s a problem. And it’s…
Masha: It’s a crisis?
Siggy: I mean, it’s a big deal. They have stopped printing.
Spencer: Is it, like, new management?
Eric: Has something stopped them?
Lily: Are we, like, saving trees or something?
Eric: That’s—
Lily: Also, who needs a print shop right now? In the world we live in?
Siggy: Are you kidding me? With everything that’s happening, you’re willing to lose a print shop?
Spencer: I mean, we still have cell phones.
Siggy: Oh my god.
Masha: Well…
Eric: Siggy, this feels like—
Siggy: [quiet] Fucking kids these days.
Eric: —something a little more personal. Like, you might have an attachment to dead formats and, like… Is this your job, or is this the Fort’s job?
Siggy: No. This was- this was put up on the board, alright. I’m not, you know- but it’s- it was like, you know, a big red stamp. Like, it’s fuckin’ urgent.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. I know. You stam- but you have the stamp, don’t you?
[Jessica stifles laughter. Sage chuckles.]
Masha: Well…
Lily: This is a—
Siggy: Just because I have the stamp—
Lily: This has, like, a special place in your heart.
Siggy: Alright, fine. Fine! Fine. Yes, alright. I have a- I have a vested interest in this shop. It’s run by some friends.
Masha: Uh…
Lily: [quiet] What kind of friends?
Eric: Okay. [fast] Are they in trouble? What the- what do- what’s the- what’re we gonna go do?
Lily: Is somebody in bodily harm?
Masha: Do they just need to hire a repairman? Is the printer broken?
Siggy: Oh my god.
Spencer: What is… Do we need an on switch?
Siggy: I don’t know, alright?
[Pot lid clanks open.]
Soup Guy: Low-carb soup?
[Stifled laughter.]
Siggy: I have been try—
Masha: Soup Guy, no, not today. Thank you, though.
Lily: No!
Soup Guy: [disappointed] Mmm.
[Pot lid clanks shut quietly. Soup Guy shuffles away.]
Siggy: Some friends of mine requested that I send a team over to check out the Nonstop Printing shop for them.
Spencer: Did they try turning it off and turning it back on again?
Eric: That was gonna be my next question.
Siggy: I’m assuming they probably did but, you know, that’s your job to find out.
Spencer: Oh.
Eric: Dude, you don’t have an IT— Are we your IT team too? Come on?
Siggy: We don’t actually have an IT team, so yes.
Eric: Alright we’ll talk about that when we get back.
[Travis stifles laughter.]
Siggy: You kids are gettin’ fuckin’ picky now.
Masha: Uh, we—
Lily: Well, just…[scoffs]
Masha: We- we were on the radio.
Spencer: I’m new.
Eric: And you’re gettin’ pretty fuckin’ choosy.
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
Siggy: Well…
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: Masha, can you roll me Soul.
[Dice roll on table.]
Jessica: Yup.
[Success chime.]
Sage: You wholeheartedly trust Siggy.
Jessica: Yeah.
Sage: You know he has never lied to you. Every job he’s given the three of you has been something that has at least led to something important. And you guys get the best work. So even though this is personal for him, you know that he wouldn’t do it if he didn’t think it was something that needed to be done. Also, he gave it to you guys. Nobody else.
[Gentle guitar music.]
Masha: Hey, hey, guys. Um, you know what? I— So my therapist wants me to be more honest, as I said, um, but I have the most, uh, natural instincts of the three of us. Like, my intuition is the better one. It is. It’s a fact. And—
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
Lily: Uh—
Masha: I’m just- I’m sorry. Don’t look at me like that, Eric. You look offended, but it’s just- it’s just the truth. Um, I may be indecisive sometimes, but I just… Siggy I trust you. And I don’t think he would send us on something that isn’t pointless. Maybe something personal in his life, but you know, we- I—
Siggy: Well, it’s also important.
Masha: You’re a friend! You’re a friend to me, and you’re a friend to us.
Siggy: I appreciate that.
Masha: And we- we will do this.
Siggy: I consider you my friends.
Lily: [irked] Okay, we’re going! Fine!
Siggy: These are my friends. Friends in need. Friends of friends. One- one last thing, kids. When you get there, if anybody asks, tell ’em the lizardmen sent you.
Masha: The lizard…
Spencer: The— Who?
Masha: Are you the lizardman?
Lily: Wait…
Eric: Let’s just not read into this.
[Sage chuckles.]
Let’s go.
Siggy: Lizardmen. Men.
Lily: Wait…
Masha: Men. Oh.
Eric: Nope. We’re gonna go. Give me that map!
Lily: [loud] Like the lizard people of L.A. that live in the tunnels?!
Eric: [shouts] We’re going!
[Emily chuckles.]
Siggy: Good luck kids.
[Footsteps tap as the group leaves.]
Sage: Our trio, joined by Spencer, exits the building and they pass Agent Fragrant along the way, who’s going to enter the Fort.
[Lily inhales deeply. Masha quietly groans.]
Dan: You guys gonna do a job?
Lily: [awed] Oh, I smelled him from a mile away.
Masha: We—
Eric: Yeah!
Dan: [resigned] Hey, Lily.
Eric: We got somethin’ for Siggy.
Lily: [quiet] Hi, Dan.
Eric: Somethin’ real important only to him.
Masha: Listen, Daniel. We’re doing a four-person job and this is our new friend Spencer. He’s pretty awesome.
Spencer: Hi.
Masha: And he’s going to be joining us.
Dan: Nice you meet you, Spencer.
Spencer: Nice to meet you.
Dan: Daniel Daniels. Please call me Dan, otherwise known as Agent Fragrant. That’s why everything smells really—
Spencer: Daniel Daniels?
Dan: Daniel Daniels is my legal name.
Spencer: Alright.
Dan: Yeah, I didn’t pick it. You know, my parents did.
Spencer: That’s not—
Dan: It’s not my fault—
Spencer: That was rude of them.
Dan: —so please just relax. Um, anyway.
Eric: Dan.
Dan: Yes?
Eric: What’s up?
[Travis stifles laughter.]
Dan: Uh… Oh! Uh, I-I’m going in to get a job. Uh, just passing through, but, um, do you wanna talk later?
[Beat.]
Eric: Okay, yeah.
Dan: Okay. Yeah. Uh, no- no biggie, but just—
Eric: S.H.I.E.L.D.? Did they call?
Dan: Uh… It’s a whole thing. You guys do your thing.
Eric: Alright.
Dan: We’ll talk when we have time.
Lily: [awed] Okay. Talk when we have time. Goodbye, Dan.
Dan: [nervous chuckle] Lily, stop winking at me, please.
[Footsteps fade away as Dan goes into the Fort.]
Lily: [whines] I can’t control it.
Spencer: Are you with S.H.I.E.L.D.?
Masha: He was a secret Nazi, but he’s not anymore.
Spencer: Oh. ’Kay.
Eric: [loud] I was not a se— [sighs]
Masha: He didn’t know it at the time.
Lily: He worked for secret Nazis.
Eric: Look, just because your therapist s-said you sh- you should be honest doesn’t mean about other people [nervous chuckle]. Some of us can’t a—
Masha: Well, honestly- honestly, I feel like I have to pick up the slack. And I don’t mean to be rude, Eric, but you hold back from us a little bit, and I- I’m not— You tell me on your own time, but you can be honest in saying that you lie to us, and you have lied to us, and I, you know, I respect your boundaries, but I’m just being honest for everybody. [tearful] I’m just tryin’a be stronger. Okay? I’m sorry.
Lily: Oof.
Masha: No, I’m not sorry. We’re going to the print shop! Let’s go!
Special Thanks |
[Commercial jingle.]
Bart: Okay, and now a word from our sponsor.
[Tape rewinds.]
Sage: So it’s just reality manipulation, but…
Micah: Reality manipulation but, um, the kind o’ crux for it is going to be that any time it’s used, he loses a little bit of his own sanity. Just because it’s like while he’s bending the world around him, he’s also bending his own mind. I know some people, like, wish they had super strength. I know some people wish they could teleport, everything like that.
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
But like, I could just, like, get out the shower and be like “I don’t wanna wear this outfit” and it just happens. Like, I could just manipulate the world around me and warp it to be what I want.
[Jessica chuckles.]
That’d be fuckin’ lit! [laughs] So that’s where the idea for reality manipulation comes from.
Sage: No argument there.
Micah: Like, I’m just like yeah, like, I want spaghetti carbonara, and it just appears and I’m just like Boom!
[Stifled laughter.]
Like, that would be really cool for me.
Jessica: Honestly, that makes me think of, like, when I play the Sims.
Micah: Right.
[Laughter.]
Jessica: Like, I’m always just, like, if I wanna get a new couch, I just bloop, bloop.
Micah: [laughs] Right.
Jessica: Like, that’s it.
Micah: And then you, like, walk into the room and then clap and Simlish and then just walk away. And it’s really…
[Laughter.]
Like, it’s a non-issue. And you just move on with your life.
[Laughter.]
[Tape fast-forwards.]
Sage: That was from our Patron-exclusive interview with Micah Martinez where we talk about X-Men and MCU premiers and build out his original superhero, Spencer Croix. It’s available to and made possible by our lovely patrons. Speaking of which, thank you to…
Travis: Hasha Machasha
Emily: Ryan Parks
Jessica: Emma Marshal
Travis: Jackie Bets
Sage: Taylor Sprayberry
Jessica: Johnathan Aurel
Emily: Girra Moriarty
Sage: Matthew Anderson
Jessica: Pal Minniar
Sage: You’re all so great. I know if you keep caught up on the show we prob’ly sound like a broken record at this point, but the Patreon really is a huge part of what keeps this show going and we do our best to keep the Adventure Pass feed up to date and interesting with new stuff every single month.
But maybe you’re like, “Ew! Subscriptions. Ugh, subscriptions.” Well, if you go to 20SidedStories.bandcamp.com you can snag any series of the show for a single, one-time purchase. Name your price and there’s a really, really, really good time to do it coming up!
May 1st, which is also, coincidentally, our three-year sort-of-versary. Bandcamp is waiving their fees on May 1st. May 1st! So if you want a cheap, quick, awesome way to help us out, open up your calendar and put that in there. May 1st! Support 20 Sided Stories on Bandcamp on May 1st!
Look, you’re gonna forget if you don’t jot it down now. So do it right now. You know you will! Jot it down. May 1st.
Or you can just follow us on social media and we’ll do the work for you and remind you. See what I did there?
Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll stop panhandling. Let’s get back to the episode.
[whispers] Love you all.
Nonstop Printing – Part II |
[Light-anticipation music.]
Sage: We arrive at Nonstop Printing.
[Footsteps tap on sidewalk.]
There’s not a lot of chaos going on. Seems like a regular evening.
[Lily inhales deeply.]
Masha: What is it, Lily?
Lily: Paper.
Eric: She can smell really good.
Spencer: Checks out.
Lily: Not, like, I smell really good, like [whispers] Daniel—
[Masha groans]
—but, like, I can smell very well.
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: Would you like to roll me full blue?
[Dice roll on table.]
[Success chime.]
Emily: Yes and 7 [stifles laughter].
[Net chime.]
Sage: In addition to all the parchment, which sometimes can smell good, like a new book. Like a library. Like a FedEx. A Kinkos. You also smell people. And you’re quick to distrust people.
[Stifled laughter.]
Travis: Wow.
Lily: Okay, well, it smells like paper and also people.
Eric: That makes sense. It’s a print shop and there are people in there.
Sage: And then it smells like…non-people. [chuckles]
Lily: [sniffs] Hold on, this smells like a… Oh, oh, oh. Okay, I’m havin’ like a- I’m havin’ a mem- Help me out. It’s, it’s— Okay, remember, remember, um…
Masha: Okay. Charades.
Eric: Alright.
Masha: We’re- we’re a team. Here we go.
Spencer: [mumbles] I'm bad with singing.
Lily: Okay. Okay, you remember on Burbank Boulevard.
Masha: Mm-hmm.
Lily: You know the place? The place with all the- the animals. It smells like- it smells like- Oh, sh—
Eric: The zoo?
Masha: Oh like, uh, Petco!
Spencer: Petsmart!
Lily: Yes! It smells like pets! Pets!
Spencer: I remember pets!
[Micah stifles laughter.]
Eric: That zoo that burned down?
Masha: Okay, okay…
Lily: Not the zoo. No, no, no. Pets. Like pets…
Masha: Like a- like a cat? A dog? A turtle? A bird?
Spencer: Hamster!
Lily: N-n-no.
Masha: A fish? A gerbil? A snake?
Lily: N-not a fish. Not a—
Eric: Dog. Jackal?
Lily: [sighs] Okay. Here’s the thing, here’s the thing, here’s the thing, hear me out. He said lizards and now I can’t unsmell lizards.
[Light Rock music intensifies.]
Eric, Masha, Spencer: [together] Oooh!
Masha: The lizardmen!
Eric: [mumbles] A lizard?
Lily: But I don’t know. I really- I don’t know. It just… In my brain, it’s like—
Masha: You don’t know if it’s, like—
Lily: It’s like paper and- and feces—
Masha: Ew.
Lily: —and- and scales, maybe.
Eric: I mean, this is also Los Angeles.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Smells like shit, like, all the time.
Masha: Why don’t we just—
Lily: Yeah, but this is like… I don’t know. This is… [groans]
Eric: Why don’t we just—
Masha: Let’s go in!
Eric: —go in? Yeah.
Masha: Yeah. Let’s just go in.
Sage: Somebody comes out of the Nonstop Printing shop.
[Door creaks open. Footsteps scuff on sidewalk. Light suspenseful keys play underneath.]
Woman: Hey.
[Door clicks shut.]
Masha: Oh, hi.
Woman: Who’re you?
Lily: Siggy sent us.
Spencer: I’m Spencer.
Woman: We’re closed, Spencer.
Lily: Yeah but Siggy sent us. He said he’s friends with—
Masha: He said the lizardmen. Siggy? The lizardmen?
Woman: Hmm.
Eric: You guys in trouble or…
Masha: We heard—
Woman: No!
Lily: We heard the printing stopped.
Woman: There’s no trouble here.
[Masha moans with uncertainty.]
What made you think we’re in trouble here? We’re closed!
Lily: Yeah, that’s- that’s what we thought that the trouble was.
Masha: What’s your relationship to this shop?
Woman: Uh…none o’ your business. I don’t know you.
Spencer: Are you the manager?
Woman: N- m- yes.
Spencer: Mmmmm...
[Emily stifles laughter.]
Sage: Spencer…
[Stat test chime.]
Can you roll me Personal Soul?
[Dice roll on table.]
[Success chime.]
Micah: Oh! I did that.
Sage: Great. Spencer has excellent intuition. He looks in the eyes of this person guarding the door. She doesn’t want to be doing this. It’s almost like she’s scared and she has to not let you guys in. She’s definitely the manager.
Woman: Y-you want— Y-you- you can’t be here! Yes, I am a woman.
[Jessica stifles laughter. Micah chuckles.]
Masha: Oh.
Spencer: Alright.
Woman: Just for clarification.
Spencer: So, before I take my badge out, do you wanna just have us go in or would you like me to call for backup?
Woman: No, no. I don’t need backup! I’m— We’re closed! Scram!
Eric: Look, we can have the whole squad here in fifteen seconds if you don’t let us into this building.
Woman: N- you- wait, why would you—
Sage: [amused] Wait, you’re all lying to say you’re cops? Is that what you’re—
[Micah and Emily laugh.]
Travis: [loud] Yeees!
Jessica: That’s what’s happening! Pick it up!
Emily: We’re cops!
Sage: Alright.
Chad: [sings] Let’s be cops.
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: I want everybody to roll Personal Reality and Personal Time.
[Dice roll on table.]
Travis: Yes and no.
[Net chime.]
Emily: Same.
[Net chime.]
Jessica: Yes and no.
[Net chime.]
Sage: Is everybody yes and no?
Emily: Yeah.
[Net chime.]
Micah: Holy shit.
Sage: Uh…
[Sage and Kaitlyn chuckle.]
[sighs] You know they’re not the cops, but you also know you can trust them.
Woman: Hmm…
Masha: Hey, ma’am. Woman to woman.
Woman: Yeah?
Masha: We’re here for you.
Woman: You don’t understand.
Lily: Okay, help us understand.
Eric: What’s goin’ on? Are you in danger?
Spencer: Who hurt you?
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
Woman: I’m not hurt. This is just- I’m supposed to be here. Just standing here right now and not letting anyone- anyone in. Including cops, but you’re obviously not cops. But—
Lily: Do you want us to, like, pretend to punch you and you can just, like, lay down?
[Beat.]
Woman: Yeah.
[Stifled laughter.]
Sage: [amused] Lily punches her in the face.
[A swish and a thud are heard as Lily’s fist connects with the woman’s face.]
Woman: Oh shit!
[A thud as the woman falls to the ground.]
[Laughter.]
Eric: Oh, you hit her hit her.
[Masha gasps. Spencer hisses in a breath and moans.]
Masha: Uh oh. Are you okay?
Spencer: Have fun watchin’ that channel, bud.
Eric: Let me help you up.
Woman: Ow.
[Masha groans.]
Lily: No...
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: I’m gonna roll for her durability really quick. Okay. She’s fine.
[Success chime.]
That was a tough hit, but she gets back up.
Woman: You got a mean punch, kid.
Lily: Thanks [chuckles].
Eric: Alright, now that you’re standing again, I-I’m now confused as to why we all just went through that.
[Jessica chuckles. Emily stifles laughter.]
Lily: I told you! Let her lay on the ground!
Eric: I forgot what the plan was!
[Masha groans.]
Lily: I’m gonna have to hit her again!
Eric: Goddammit!
Masha: I’m go- I’m going inside. I’m going inside.
[Footsteps tap on pavement.]
Eric: Let’s just go. Let’s go. You’re fine.
Spencer: Just throw something at the window.
[Door handle jiggles.]
Sage: The door is locked.
Spencer: God damn…
[Eric groans.]
Woman: [quickly] There’s a really important information that you need to know. I will die if I let you in.
Spencer: Okay, so, um, so is it a key that we need or, like, what is it? What’s…
Woman: I can’t tell you.
Eric: Aw, fuckin’…
Woman: I… You all seem like great people, but this is a life or death situation.
Eric: I’m gonna kick Siggy’s ass when we get back. This sucks.
Masha: What if I told you- what if I told you I could protect you?
Woman: [quiet] No one can protect me.
Masha: [quiet] But I can.
Spencer: I’m gonna go check out this lock real quick, guys.
Eric: Sounds good.
[Footsteps tap as Spencer walks over to the door.]
Lily: I’m gonna, I don’t know, try to go around the side, see if there’s maybe a window where I can hear something.
[Footsteps fade as Lily goes to find a window.]
Woman: You don’t understand. Anyone gets in here, I die.
Spencer: [calls over shoulder] It looks like it’s just a keycard.
Sage: This lady with the gravely, reptilian voice, uses her keycard and slips inside as fast as she can, giving them a look and then shutting the door.
[Masha scoffs.]
Lily is already on the side right now, and she listens in.
[Stat test chime.]
Lily, roll me Powerful Combat.
[Dice roll on table.]
How are your senses? How is your hearing?
Emily: [giggles] 24!
[Success chime.]
[Travis whistles.]
I rolled a natural 20.
Sage: There’s basically not walls for your ears. You are hearing directly into the room right now. However, you are separated from everybody else.
Eric: All I’m sayin’ is, like, this can’t…like the Avengers. They don’t get- they don’t get told no. They just get into places. They just break the fucking door. Can we just- can we just do this now?
[Masha sighs.]
Aren’t we cool enough to break doors and- and not be- not- and get away with it?
Spencer: Well, I mean if, like, we just need to get in, I could, like, make a keycard.
Eric: What?
Spencer: Yeah. Remember, whole thing.
Eric: Oh.
Spencer: I can make things.
Eric: Shit, that’s right. Is that a—
Spencer: Yeah. That’s what I was tryin’a figure out. And then she ran inside ’cause she a punk.
Eric: Well I mean, I don’t want you… Don’t do anything that’s gonna hurt you or…
Spencer: It doesn’t hurt. I’m just gonna prob’ly, like, forget, like, algebra or something. But I don’t do math anyways.
Eric: I think that’s a risk I’m willing to take.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Sage: Cutting over to Lily, who’s spying in on the inside of Nonstop Printing, both her nose and her ears are going nuts. She’s hearing a bunch of people talking. Some of them are scared and they sound…not totally human. The rest of them are cold, dark, and they smell like that green door. They also smell…like Rose.
[Music crescendos.]
Not roses. But Rose.
Man: He needs to come in here alone. If the other two are with him— How many are out there?
[Beat.]
I said how many are out there?
[Beat.]
Man 2: How many are out there?
Man: Answer m—
Man 2: He’s asking you a question!
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Man: Answer my goddamn question!
Woman: I’m sorry.
[Kaitlyn stifles laughter.]
I’m so scared. There’s four. There’s four of them.
Man: If he doesn’t get in here alone, I’m killing you and I’m going down into those sewers and I’m killing all of the rest of you.
Woman: No! Please!
Man: [slow, intense] Scry needs to be alone.
Woman: Okay, okay.
Man 2: Get rid o’ the other three.
Woman: How— I’m just- I’m just the manager. How ’m I supposed—
[Jessica and Kaitlyn stifle laughter.]
Man 2: Manage!
Woman: How else- how else—
Man 2: Just tell them whatever they wanna hear and get them out of here!
[Action music.]
Sage: Spencer uses the keycard. At the same time Lily comes running around the corner, and at the same time that the manager opens that front door.
[Suspenseful music.]
Lily: Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Masha: What, what, what?
Spencer: Uh, keycard’s done.
[Laughter.]
Masha: Are you okay?
Eric: What d’you know. Let’s go.
[Micah stifles laughter.]
Lily: They only want you.
Eric: What?
Lily: They only want you.
Eric: Who only wants me?
Lily: The—
[Door clicks shut.]
Woman: How d’you know that?
Spencer: She can hear real, real good.
Woman: Oh. Shit.
Lily: I know. I know they’re holding you hostage. Somebody hostage. I don’t know. They want you, Eric.
Eric: Who wants me?
Lily: These lizard people.
Eric: What?
Lily: They’re gonna kill a whole bunch of people if you don’t go in there alone.
Woman: Yeah.
Lily: Which, I’m not saying go in there alone. I’m just letting you know that, like, little lizardlings are gonna die.
Woman: Literally what she said.
Spencer: Are they, like, tadpoles?
Lily: You forgot biology.
Eric: Let’s get this straight. Are you a lizard person?
Woman: Yes!
Masha: I thought the lizardmen sent us?
[Beat.]
Eric: Again. I’m gonna kick Siggy’s ass when we get back. This—
Lily: Oooh. Siggy’s in with the lizard people.
Eric: Is Siggy a lizard person?
Masha: Is that why—
Woman: Siggy!
Lily: Have you seen that tattoo on his neck?
Masha: We said Siggy!
Lily: The lizard person tattoo?
Woman: That’s our guy.
Eric: We asked you that when we got here!
Woman: Oh.
Man: [muffled] Miss Manager? What’s going on at the door over there?
Spencer: [falsetto accent] Housekeeping.
[Music stops.]
[Jessica laughs.]
Sage: Alright. Roll Reality.
[Stat test chime.]
[Laughter.]
[Suspenseful music resumes.]
[Dice roll on table.]
Is it under?
Micah: No.
[Failure chime.]
Jessica: Aw.
Man: [muffled] Bullshit.
Sage: You hear a gunshot inside the Nonstop Printing shop.
[Muffled gunshot. Masha gasps. A muffled thud is heard as a body collapses. Muffled scream.]
Woman: Oh god, please.
Man 2: [muffled] Someone just got Nonstop Printing shot!
Masha: Oh my god…
Woman: You got- you gotta help us!
Lily: How d’we get into the sewers?
Eric: Hmm?
Woman: If you smell a line of rat poo, you will find—
Eric: [yells] It’s L.A. it’s all rat poo!
Spencer: That’s also true.
Woman: Half the rats are dead.
Eric: Okay. Hold on, hold on.
[Micah stifles laughter.]
So we’re going to assume that, not only could you A) get into the sewer system, but then B) you’d find a tunnel like it’s some sort of ninja turtles bullshit—
Masha: I’m just gonna use any of my powers because any outcome will help us! I can either bombard in like a freakin’ hulk, I can heal whoever just got shot, I’ll freeze time and make everything stop, or I’ll be super fast reflexes and no one can frickin’ touch me!
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: [urgent] Masha and Eric, I need you both to roll for Time. Personal Time.
[Dice roll on table.]
Travis: Yes.
Jessica: Yes.
[Success chime.]
[Success chime.]
Sage: Great! Okay, even though you were screaming in this room, you were all whispering and you were very focused.
[Laughter.]
Man 2: [muffled] Have you gotten rid of the other three yet?
Man: [muffled] What is going on over there? I’m gonna shoot more lizards if I have to. Get Scry in here alone!
Lily: Wait. Spencer, I know it’s a lot to ask, but could you make another Eric?
[Masha gasps. Action music.]
Spencer: That’d be weird. Are you…that…cloning?
Eric: What’re you…I mean… Look, man, weird is…
Spencer: I just… Think about it.
Masha: Let’s just try it.
Spencer: Alright.
Eric: I’ve got an idea. Yeah.
Masha: If that’s okay with you. If that’s totally okay—
Eric: Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it.
Spencer: Alright, gimmie a minute [sighs].
Lily: Okay.
Sage: Alright, Spencer.
[Stat test chime.]
Full purple. You’re gonna roll both dicesss.
[Dice roll on table.]
Did Personal pass?
Micah: Yes.
[Success chime.]
Sage: And d20. What is the total when you add that number to it?
Micah: Uh, 22.
[Music intensifies]
[Success chime.]
Sage: Fuck yes.
Emily: Fuck yeah! Mmm!
Jessica: Oooh!
Travis: Thank god.
Sage: An absolute, uncanny clone of Eric “Scry” Stanton forms.
[Soft squelching is heard as the clone forms.]
Masha: [slow] Oh my Thor!
Lily: That is really messed up.
Sage: Spencer has never tried to create a full human before but it’s a perfect one to one of Eric.
David: What about mentally?
Sage: It’s the same person.
David: Oh, okay. So this is full on—
Jessica: It’s like the meme with the spidermen that go “Hey!....Hey!”
[Laughter.]
Emily: Somebody has to do fan art for that.
[Laughter.]
Sage: Eric and Eric look at each other.
Woman: Should I take the real one or the fake one?
Masha: Which one’s the fake one? I forgot.
Lily: Take the fake one.
Spencer: So…what is his name?
Lily: [gasps] Does the clone have powers?
Sage: The clone has powers.
Lily: Ho—
Man 2: [muffled] What’s the holdup out there? I’ve got Black Talons loaded in the clip ready to take out these fucking lizards.
Woman: No! Please, fake Eric, come with me.
Eric: Alright, here, hold on.
Clone Eric: Man Not This You! Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow. A bottle of pippin stocks for Man Not This You! Sphinx of black quartz, Uh, hey.
Eric: Hey.
Clone Eric: Hey?
Eric: Hey.
Man 2: [muffled] Five…four…
Eric: Alright, high-five. Ready?
Clone Eric: Okay. Fine.
[Rapid footsteps tap as Clone Eric runs to the door. The two Erics high-five as he passes.]
Man 2: [muffled] I’m gonna shoot you, manager.
Eric: Okay go. Go, go, go, go!
Sage: Clone Eric goes inside and the door is shut from behind. But luckily Spencer still has a keycard, so if they need to barge in, they can.
Eric: Alright, everybody, I’m… I need to focus. Need to quiet. I need…
Sage: Real Eric is tapping in on Clone Eric.
[Warbling is heard as Eric taps into his clone’s senses.]
Eric: Oh, the metaphorical ramifications of this are much…
Sage: There is a feedback loop much like a mic being dropped near a speaker. Eric is almost listening to himself think. It’s like if you were to wear headphones and the mic is also putting your own voice into your ears.
Travis: For the audio nerds in the crowd [chuckles].
Sage: And…
[Stat test chime.]
He’s able to focus up after rolling full blue.
[Dice roll on table.]
[Success chime.]
Travis: 16!
Sage: Great. What sense are you using?
Travis: Sight.
Sage: Okay. Clone Eric walks in. Real Eric focuses up and he sees the situation. There are two men in trench coats.
Eric: Lily, can you listen?
Lily: Yup.
Eric: I don’t have ears.
Sage: They’re both pointing guns at a bunch of people, but they have, like, reptilian eyes. Some of them have, what appear to be, scales underneath their clothes. They’re pretty well disguised, but after getting to know the manager, you can recognize there’s a bunch of lizard people being held hostage. The employees who ran the shop! These two men in trench coats see the fake Eric walk in.
[Footsteps tap and scuff to a halt.]
Clone Eric: Alright. What d’you want?
Man: There you are.
Clone Eric: Here I am. Who the fuck are you?
Man: I didn’t think we’d get this far.
Man 2: I’m…I’m happy, but I’m also a little…one foot off the merry-go-round. It’s been such a wild success that we got ’im here.
Man: Yeah. This is kinda- okay [clears throat].
Lily: They’re saying they’re surprised that they got this far?
Man 2: I’m giving myself a nice fair pat on the back.
Man: Eric…you have two options here.
Man 2: Two!
Man: Me and my partner shoot you in the head.
Man 2: Boom.
Man: That’s the preferred option.
Man 2: Yeah.
Man: Option two, you come with us and you meet the Tie Breaker.
[Music intensifies.]
Lily: They want you to meet the Tie Breaker. That sounds ominous.
Eric: Yeah, no shit.
Clone Eric: Alright.
[Beat.]
Man 2: Alright to which one?
Man: Yeah. A or- A or B?
Clone Eric: You’re not gonna shoot me in the head. We’re not doing that.
Man: Alright.
Clone Eric: Now, before I go anywhere, are you the assholes in the trench coats with the glasses that keep showin’ up on every fuckin’ corner everywhere I go? Just tryin’ to have a normal life and there’s somebody there that I have to murder. I don’t want to. In fact I’m trying not to. But I keep doing it on impulse. Is that you?
[Beat.]
Man: All will be explained in time. The end is near. Fear the Tie Breaker. As you can see, my partner is putting his hands up and making weird little “Whoo, ooo, ooo” patterns.
[Man 2 whistles low and wiggles his hands.]
Lily: They’re being weirdly cryptic.
Man: This is our job. We have to say this stuff, so just go along with it. Okay.
Clone Eric: Yeah, it seems like everybody involved in this would kinda rather not be doing it. Is that- I’m getting that? Is there…
Man: Well, I don’t wanna die. Hence plan B—
Clone Eric: Well, neither do I!
Man: —which is taking you to the boss, alright?
Man 2: Some people commute for, like, an hour to work.
Clone Eric: [sighs] Let’s go.
Man 2: People do what they don’t wanna do.
Sage: They pull out what appears to be high-tech vibranium-powered handcuffs. And this shit is intense. Boom! Cuffs your hands together.
Travis: Do I touch them?
Sage: You have a very quick moment. I’m adding a difficulty modifier to this.
Travis: Sure.
Jessica: Wait, so does this mean Clone Eric—
Emily: Yeah. [laughs.]
Travis: Inception, baby!
[Stifled laughter.]
Sage: Clone Eric has a brief moment before getting handcuffed where he can maybe scuff one of the trench coats.
[Stat test chime.]
Roll for Powerful Combat.
[Dice roll on table.]
Travis: [snorts] I got, like, 4.
[Failure chime.]
Sage: Clone Eric tries and they knee him in the gut.
[Clothes rustle and a thud is heard. Clone Eric grunts and falls to his knees with a thud.]
Man: Nice try, buddy.
Clone Eric: Before anything else happens [quiet] fuck [coughs], if I go with you, you gonna let them go?
[Beat.]
Man: No.
[Music intensifies.]
Clone Eric: What?
Woman: What?
[Stat test chime.]
[Dice roll on table. Sage chuckles in mild horror.]
Sage: Got a 20! Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
[Gun cocks. Five gunshots are heard.]
Credits |
[Episode End music throughout.]
Mayanna Berrin: 20 Sided Stories is produced by Sage G.C., Jessica Dahlgren, and Travis Reaves
Masha Mirova was played by Jessica Dahlgren
Eric Stanton was played by Travis Reaves
Lily Kline was played by Emily Ervolina
Spencer Croix was played by special guest Micah Martinez
Guest Spotlight |
Sage: Hooray!
[Everyone cheers.]
Jessica: Oh my god!
Sage: Micah! Thank you so much. They’re gonna hear a little more of you on the next episode, but we had so much fun and we hope you did as well.
Micah: I had a blast. This was great.
[Chuckling.]
This was fun.
Travis: Oh good.
Sage: Where can the people find you? What would you like to plug?
Micah: You can find me on twitter.com/micahmartinezx1 on Instagram @micahmartinezx2 and you can follow my JustForFans.
justfor.fans/micahmartinezx1
Thank you.
Sage: These are Not Safe For Work links, correct?
Micah: No! Sure not. [laughs] No way.
Sage: Okay. No worries.
Jessica: Yay! Thank you.
Travis: Finally, some sex appeal.
[Laughter.]
After-Credits Scene |
[Phone dialing tone is heard.]
Elle: [on answering machine] Hi, this is Elle. Sorry I missed your call. If you’d like to leave your name and a phone number, I can get back to you as soon as possible. This includes any leads or public contact information. Thank you.
[Beep.]
Roach: [on answering machine] Yo, yo, yo! E-L-L-E! Elle! This is Roach. Roach is callin’. That’s me. I’m Roach. And I am the big asshole who didn’t let ya into the Fort when you were tryin’ to do some research on your article. Same article that I...just read. And I uh, just wanted to apologize, ’cause, uh, yeah. I don’t even know what to say. This is… It means a lot, that’s all. I really…
Coulda really done us under if you mentioned Steven Lenard, uh, but you didn’t. And I heard- I heard he’s makin’ a full recovery, by the way. Still keepin’ his faith.
Look Elle, uh, you’re welcome back any time. I know you know some folks in there. Scry, Agent Fragrant. You don’t need to call me back or anything, I-I got nothin’ for you. Just…just thank you.
Credits |
[Episode End music plays throughout.]
Mayanna Berrin: Additional Voices by David Michmerhuizen, Chad Ellis, Kaitlyn Cornell, and M. Colton Brodeur.
Music, Editing and Sound Design by Sage G.C.
Character Artwork by Rhea Lonsdale
Episode Artwork by Josh Wolf
Special thanks to Greg Reasoner, Matt Johnston and all our Patreon Supporters
Podcast Directed by Sage G.C.
You can get the soundtrack to this series for free at
sagegc.com/music
Follow 20 Sided Stories on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook @20SidedStories
Or visit our website at 20sidedstories.com
[Episode End music fades out.]
Extras |
Bart: Gun Hand Man, uh, has skipped his meds and, uh, robbed a bank in Anaheim, and he’s escaped into Disneyland to hide out.
And if it had been me, I would’ve hidden in California Adventure, ’cause nobody fucking goes to California Adventure. I would have the place to myself. You could hide out there for, like, a month. Live like a king.
I-I wonder if he actually has a gun for a hand or if he’s just always holding one. Uh, c-can we pull up a picture here? Are we still on air?