20 Sided Stories

POKÉMON! Pen & Paper Version

Episode 3 - From Viridian City to Mt. Moon

Air Date: August 14, 2018

[Podcast Intro music throughout.]

Sage G.C.: This podcast and series has no affiliation with Nintendo, The Pokémon Company, Game Freak, Creatures Inc., or anything in the official Pokémon franchise whatsoever. It is a non-profit, fan-made parody piece created in fair use and all product names, trademarks, and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.

The bulk of what you are about to hear was recorded live by improvisers who simply love the franchise, and we thank you for joining us on our nostalgic adventure through Kanto. Enjoy.

[Intro crescendos.]

Jessica Dahlgren: Thank you and welcome to 20 Sided Stories.

[Intro fades out.]

Prologue

[Police sirens wail. Birds chirp in the background.]

Narrator: Hours have passed, and while our trainers were able to temporarily hide from law enforcement, they still don't have a way through the dense trees of Viridian Forest.

[Sirens stop. Misadventure music.]

Candace: [quiet, groaning] Oh my god.

Xander: This is fucking ridiculous.

[Beat.]

Well, I don't think the cops are coming.

Skip: No, I think we're good.

Candace: What are we going to do?

Xander: I’ve had a s- I've had a deep sense of panic up until right this moment.

[Travis stifles laughter.]

Skip: I'm going to try to squeeze through guys. [groans] Eeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll for Swiftness.

[Dice roll on table.]

[Failure chime.]

Sage: Mmm. You, uh, you hurt. You get a couple of splint—

[Laughter.]

You get a couple of splinters—

Travis: [mocking] You hurt.

Sage: —uh, Skip.

Skip: Ow.

Candace: What are- what are you doing?

Skip: I was trying to squeeze past the tree.

Candace: Here let me try.

[Stat test chime.]

Greg: Make the squeeze sound. [chuckle]

[Everyone chuckles.]

Candace: [groans] Eeeiiiioooooooooooooouuuugggggggggghhhhhhh.

[Dice roll on table.]

[Failure chime.]

Sage: Oh no, Candace!

Jessica: But I do have a +1.

Sage: Okay so it's not critical, but Candace still gets kinda trapped for a sec’ and can't move and gets a couple splinters when she gets herself out.

Candace: Ow!

Skip: I got you. [grunts]

Candace: [irked] Fudge. Ugh. Gross.

Xander: This can't be the only way out of town, right? This got- is- is there anything else we can do? Can we go anywhere—

Skip: An axe! We can cut down the tree.

Xander: What?

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Somebody roll me Wisdom.

[Dice roll on table.]

[Success chime.]

Um. Alright. Xander looks around. Grass is weak to Fire. Trees burn down.

Xander: Hey. Hey, Candace.

Candace: Yeah?

Xander: Get your Vulpix out. Is it already out? Where is it?

Candace: It's in my Poké Ball. Why?

Xander: I have an idea.

[Episode Intro music.]

Episode 3 - From Viridian Forest to Mt. Moon

[Suspenseful music.]

Candace: I- I have a lighter.

Xander: Yeah, but [scoffs] your Vulpix literally spits balls of fire. [chuckles]

Candace: I really just feel uncomfortable making her do things like that but, yes, I’ll- I’ll- [reluctant] Vulpix, go.

[Vulpix exits its Poké Ball with a cry.]

[Stat test chime.]

[adoring] You’re so cute!

Sage: You’re using Ember, so just roll one.

Jessica: Alright! Just roll one of these?

Sage: Yup.

[Dice roll on table.]

[Success chime.]

[Vulpix coughs, flames whoosh.]

Xander: That's a start.

Candace: [groans] Should I just...

Sage: And then it spreads a little bit.

Xander: Do it- do it again.

[Stat test chime.]

Skip: Oh, oh! Uh, use your Mudkip to spray down the trees next to it, as to prevent them from catching.

[Dice roll on table.]

[Net chime.]

Sage: It's spreading a little bit faster.

Skip: [concerned] Hurry.

Xander: [calming] No, no, no we got this. We got this. Just gotta- we gotta wait this out.

Sage: And then other trees start catching on fire.

Skip: [frantic] Dude, dude, dude, dude!

Xander: [calm] I g- I know. Alright, Mudkip.

[Mudkip exits its Poké Ball.]

Mudkip: Mud!

Xander: You ready?

Mudkip: [coughs] Kip.

Xander: Alright. That- that tree to the left of the one that’s on- the most on fire, use- use Water Gun.

[Stat test chime.]

[Mudkip gathers water in his mouth.]

[Dice roll on table.]

[Failure chime.]

Sage: Alright, it's not very effective.

[Water splashes.]

It seems to be dampening the trees, but it's not going down.

Xander: Uh-oh. Use it again.

[Travis stifles laughter.]

[Stat test chime.]

[Dice roll on table.]

[Success chime.]

[Mudkip sprays more water.]

Sage: Alright, that tree seemed to stop burning. However, you look to your left and most of the forest has started to burn on fire.

[Slow, danger-warning music.]

Mudkip: Mud!

Xander: [anxious] Guys the forest is burning on fire.

Skip: [frantic] Dude, dude, dude, dude!

Xander: Oh my god!

Skip: Dude, dude, dude!

Xander: I didn't even- I didn't know!

Skip: Put it out!

Xander: But—

Sage: A Bug Catcher runs out of the forest, screaming.

Boy: Whoa! Ahah! Yah! Ehn, no! Wh-whoa, what’s- what’s going on?

Skip: [calm] Oh, interesting outfit man.

Boy: Thanks. Uh, why is the forest on fire?

Skip: Hey, do you have any Water-types?

Boy: Uh, no. I'm a Bug Catcher.

Skip: Oh good. Then keep complaining and [irked] stop helping.

Xander: [frantic] Mudkip, use Water Gun!

[Water splashes.]

Boy: You're a jerk. Hey, don't spray me! Oh, you're spraying the trees. That's very smart of you. Uh, Metapod, go!

Xander: Keep Water Gunning!

[Water splashes.]

Boy: Metapod, use…Harden!

[Harden chimes.]

Xander: What are you doing?

Skip: He’s- he’s hardening.

[Beat.]

Mudkip: Mud.

[Water splashes multiple times.]

Sage: So Mudkip is trying his hardest to use the Water Gun as effectively as possible to save Viridian Forest from burning down—

Xander: [nervous] Ah, come on, Muddy. You can do this!

Sage: —and it's not going too well. But a path of fire has cleared some trees, and you could get through the forest.

Candace: [worried] Come on, let's just get out of here!

Skip: Hey, Bug Catcher guy.

Boy: [oblivious] What?

Skip: [irked] Go get the fire department!

Boy: The fire department?

Skip: Yeah. Okay, let's go see if there's anybody who needs to be rescued in the fiery forest guys.

Candace: Yeah! Let's go be—

Boy: You wanna be the rescue team?

Candace: Yes.

Skip: You go get the fire- fire…

Doug: Oh, but I, uh, wa- I’m, uh, my name is Doug and- do you guys wanna battle?

[Music stops. Beat.]

Candace: No—

Skip: Bye!

Xander: [yells] Doug!

[Rustling is heard as Xander grabs Doug.]

Doug: Ow!

Xander: Doug!

Doug: What?

Xander: Come here.

Doug: AH!

[Danger-warning music resumes.]

Xander: [yells] Go get anyone! Go get help!

Doug: Officer- Officer Jenny?

Xander: Do it! Yes!

Doug: Okay.

Xander: I don't care! Go do it!

Doug: Okay.

Xander: That’s your only job! Do it now!

Doug: I'll tell her you burn the forest down and that you said—

Candace: Nooo, no! That was not us!

Xander: Dude! No! We didn’t do it!

Doug: I'm going! I'm gonna go now.

Candace: We are—

Doug: I’m gonna go!

Candace: [yells] Hey, hey, hey, no!

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll for Brawn.

Jessica: [she-hulk voice] I'm rolling for Bra- [normal] How many?

Sage: Uh, the- the rev- tha- That’s two. It’s two.

[Dice roll on table.]

[Success chime.]

[Candace roars.]

Critical Hit.

Skip: Candace, attack!

Sage: Throws him to the ground and his head is bleeding a little again.

[Candace slaps Doug a few times.]

Xander: [horrified] You did it again! You can't keep doing this. Oh my god!

Candace: [she-hulk voice] I'm helping us! Doug.

[Doug moans in pain and fear.]

Listen to me. We are the saviors of the forest.

Doug: [crying] Metapod, use Tackle.

Skip: Dratini—

Xander: On her? On a person?

Skip: Dratini, Block!

[Dratini trills.]

Doug: Oh, are we battling?

Skip: Yeah!

[Trainer Battle music.]

Doug: Yeah, you piece of shit. I'm gonna battle you!

Xander: Shhhit.

Candace: Dammit!

Doug: [crying] Ow, my head!

Skip: Thunder Wave!

[Thunder Wave zaps.]

Doug: Oh my god. You have a Dratini?

Skip: Thunder Wave!

[Thunder Wave zaps.]

Doug: No, wait! Metapod, come back!

[Metapod returns to its Poké Ball with a whoosh.]

Okay, go Weedle.

[Weedle exits its Poké Ball.]

Skip: Thunder Wave!

Doug: Hey!

[Dratini trills. Thunder Wave zaps.]

Uh, Weedle, use Bug Bite.

[Chomp!]

Ha! It's a little effective ’cause-

[Paralyze zings.]

Oh no, Weedle’s Paralyzed.

Candace: Ha!

Skip: Dratini, Wrap it up.

[Dratini trills. Squeezing is heard as Dratini constricts.]

Doug: Oh no, oh no, oh no. Oh no. Uh, use Bug Bite again, Weedle.

[Chomp!]

Oh no, he's wrapped up. What’re you guys doin’ there?

Skip: Alright, Dratini, time to end it. Wrap it up.

[Dratini trills.]

Doug: Stop saying that! It was only funny the first time.

Skip: Alright Dratini, let’s finish him off. Wrap it up!

[Dratini trills throughout.]

Doug: I hate you! Weedle, keep using Bug Bite.

[Chomp!]

Shu- Tell your Dratini to shut the fuck up! It's so annoying!

Skip: Shh. Dratini, you're doing great.

[Dratini trills happily and continues squeezing.]

Except this time, Wrap!

Doug: Stop it. Shut up! Your Dratini is so annoying! Weedle use Bug Bite!

[Chomp! Music stops. Dratini falls silent and a slow-motion fall is heard.]

Sage: It's super effective—

[Greg gasps.]

—for some reason and the Dratini faints.

[Dratini moans weakly.]

Skip: Dratini!

[Dratini faints with a thud. Fire roars in the background.]

Doug: Ha! That's right! You got any other loser Pokémon? Oh shit.

Xander: Um—

Doug: Viridian Forest is on fire.

Xander: Yeah, the forest is on fire at this point, right? Like, fully on fire?

Doug: Okay, uh, uh, let's just deal with this later. Uh…

Candace: Yeah, no shit. Hey!

Doug: I know a secret path through the forest if you just wanna follow me.

Candace: Oh.

Xander: Yeah, okay.

Candace: I don't trust this dude. He doesn't know where he's going.

Doug: Alright the forest is on fire.

Skip: But the path is clear, right?

Doug: Yeah, we can walk through.

Skip: Alright. Well let's- let’s go.

[Suspenseful music starts; Viridian Forest Theme]

Doug: Gonna finish [small burp] this battle later.

Candace: [amused scoff] Did you just burp?

Doug: [Sage stifles laughter] Shut your fucking mouth.

Skip: Hey, don't talk to my friend like that. Candace!

Candace: Hey, I almost broke your skull in.

Skip: I could attack you with her.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

[Music continues. Footsteps crunch on dirt as the group travels through the forest.]

Mudkip: Mud. [coughs] Kip.

Xander: [sad] You did great.

Doug: So are you guys trying to, uh, beat the Gym Leaders?

Skip: Yeah.

Doug: How- what about Viwidian Gym? Did you get the Gym Badge from dat one?

Candace: No. My aunt, who is the Gym Leader there, has gone fishing.

Doug: Oh is that- is that, uh, Clair?

Candace: Yup.

Doug: Mmm. Yeah I heard she took over for Blue when Blue left.

Candace: Yes.

Doug: I twied to fight her and I lost.

Candace: That doesn't surprise me. At all.

Doug: What do you mean it doesn't su’pwise you?

Candace: Well, you're a little shithead like another shithead I know.

Doug: Hey.

Candace: And my aunt is amazing. She gave me my Vulpix.

Doug: I’m a Bug Trainer Doug. Can't call me dat.

Candace: Yeah, you train bugs.

Doug: Yeah, ’cause Bug-type are cool and uh… [quiet] shut up.

[Jessica and Sage stifle laughter.]

Skip: Hey. Hey, man. Did you wanna finish that battle?

[Beat.]

Doug: You know what? Yeah. Yeah, we’re outta the forest fire. You guys wanna get to Pewter Forest- Pewter City. Is that where tryin’a go?

Candace: I guess so.

Doug: You're gonna have to get through me.

Skip: Dratini, Thunder Wave!

Doug: Your Dratini’s fainted, you idiot.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Skip: [quiet] Oh. Dratini wake up.

[Dratini trills weakly.]

[Beat.]

Doug: So are one of you two nerds gonna fight me or what? I mean—

Xander: Do you wanna go or am I supposed to go? I don't know.

Candace: [chuckles] I think you're supposed to go. Vulpix was already—

Xander: Me?

Candace: Yeah. Wait, what- what- what d’you have?

Xander: He had a Weedle.

Skip: Burn. That. Bug.

Candace: Yeah. Burn him. Me burn him?

[Greg stifles laughter.]

I'm talkin’ to myself.

Doug: [irked] Are you gonna fight me or what? What are you doing standing there talking?

Candace: Vulpix, go!

Xander: Look, man.

Skip: I’ll fight you.

[Vulpix exits its Poké Ball and cries out.]

Doug: Oh no, that's a Fire-type. That's not good. Alright, Metapod, this time is your time to shine, alright? You might be weak against a Dratini, but you’re gonna do it.

Candace: Oh, shut the fuck up. Vulpix, Ember!

Doug: Uh-oh.

[Music intensifies.]

[Vulpix coughs, flames whoosh.]

Super effective? Metapod, use Harden! Be defensive.

[Harden chimes.]

Candace: Vulpix, Ember!

Doug: Stop burning my Metapod he's- oh no.

[Vulpix coughs. More flames rush forward.]

He's dead.

[Metapod groans weakly. Candace laughs.]

Metapod, come back.

[Metapod returns to its Poké Ball.]

Come back. It's okay, I've got more Pokémon like my…Kakuna!

[Kakuna exits its Ball.]

Candace: Um, alright. Vulpix, Ember!

[Vulpix coughs and flames shoot out.]

Doug: [irked] You can't keep doing the same move!

Candace: Uh, yes I can!

Doug: Oh no, it’s super effective. [moans] Oh, Kakuna’s gonna die!

[Vulpix cries out happily.]

Candace: Good job!

Doug: Uh, String Shot! String Shot!

[String Shot swishes.]

Candace: [groans] Go, Vulpix, Ember!

Doug: Oh but see- but see- see you're half the speed now, so I get to go first, and now I used it again so you're even slower a-

[Kakuna wobbles weakly.]

Oh no! Kakuna!

Candace: Shut the fuck up. Do you wanna fight me again?

Doug: Alright fine.

[Kakuna returns.]

I- I got the real- the real deedle- I- the real deedle wittle Weedle has [Sage stifles laughter] been awakened alright?

Candace: What kinda Pokémon is that?

Doug: It’s a Weedle. Go, Weedle!

[Candace groans. Weedle exits it’s Poké Ball.]

Skip: Careful! This is his most dangerous Pokémon.

Candace: Vulpix, Ember!

[Vulpix cries out.]

Doug: It's not fair ’cause you have a Fire-type and Fire-types are very effective—

[Vulpix coughs, flames whoosh.]

—against Bug-types! Oh no!

[Doug devolves into frantic, incomprehensible stammering.]

Candace: Vulpix, you got this! Ember, again.

Doug: [whining] You are such a bitch. I can’t believe this.

[Vulpix coughs, flames whoosh.]

Nooo Weedle, no! Use Tackle, noooo!

[A thud is heard as Weedle faints. Music fades out. Birds chirp in the background.]

Candace: That's what you get when you fight Candice Carter—

Doug: [sad] I can't believe this.

Candace: —the niece of Clair Carter

Doug: [mumbles] I can't bewieve this at all.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

[sad] Bug Catcher Doug is lost- he's lost the game. [sad, irked] What’re you whispering about?

Xander: [quiet] I just… What are we doing?

[Beat.]

Doug: [sad] Well, you guys are go—

Xander: Why are you guys fighting?

Doug: ’Cause that is what Pokémon trainers do.

Xander: That’s it? You're supposed to just wander around the forest and- and fight each other?

Candace: Yeah.

Doug: Yeah, I mean, you know, whatever.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Skip: Hey, you know, um—

Xander: So what happens now? Do we, like, take your shit? Or like…

Skip: Yeah, do we get some stuff?

Doug: Oh, I mean, I have to give you some money.

Xander: Oh, for real?

Skip: Oh, cool.

Xander: Wait, hold on. [yells] We make money doing this?

Skip: Yeah!

Candace: Yeah, that's why we be- get fame—

Doug: Yeah, th- uh, there’s kind of like a bet thing.

[Beat.]

Xander: Like- did you—

Candace: Sock it over.

Doug: Like, when you- like, when- when—

Xander: Did you guys agree on that beforehand or is like a wager?

Doug: When you lose a battle- when you lose a battle you have to give over some money to the other person.

Xander: Well, how much? What's up?

Doug: Oh, here’s ₽100.

[Money rustles as Doug counts it out and hands it over.]

Xander: [yells] ₽100?

Candace: Thanks, Doug.

[Candace zips open her backpack and stuffs the money inside. She zips the pack shut.]

Xander: What? I want to fight you now! Let me- let me do that.

Candace: Well, all his Po—

Doug: Well, all my Pokémon are fainted.

Candace: Yeah, ’cause Vulpix—

Doug: I’ve gotta go to the Pokémon Center.

Xander: Oh. Well, you got any friends?

Doug: [Sage stifles laughter] Oh, there's lots of Bug Catchers around here if you really wanna fight ’em.

Xander: Yeah, man.

Skip: I'm tryin’a level my- my Dratini up, so I’m down to... As long as the fire’s back there.

Candace: Vulpix, back in the Poké Ball.

[Vulpix cries out and returns.]

Doug: I mean, it does look like it's spreading this way a little bit so you might wanna…

Skip: Alright, let's get out of here.

Xander: Are you gonna go too?

Doug: Oh, I gotta go back to Viridian. That's where my house is.

Xander: Well, good luck with the fire.

Skip: You're gonna- you’re gonna die if you head south.

Doug: [quiet] Oh no.

Candace: You wanna just come with us for now?

Skip: Yeah, do you wanna just be our partner for the rest of this journey?

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Doug: Not really.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Candace: Just for a moment then?

Doug: I'm an NPC, I shouldn't do that.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Xander: Dude, where are you from?

Doug: Viwidian City! I just told you!

Skip: Is that the Viridian City accent?

Xander: Do an- Does anyone else talk like that?

Doug: Uh, my dad.

Candace: I think it's a speech impediment.

Doug: Hey!

Skip: Hold on, I'm having a flashback to the people I've met at Viridian City.

[Beat. Forest ambience.]

No. No, it- you're the only one who sounds like that.

Doug: [quiet] Shut the fuck up. You guys are mean!

Sage: And he cries and runs into the fire. [stifles laughter]

[Jessica chuckles in shock.]

[Viridian Forest drums come back in.]

Xander: Oh!

Candace: Wait, Doug! Doug!

Skip: Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!

[Greg stifles laughter.]

Sage: You can’t tell if he’s on fire yet, but he’s definitely running straight towards it.

Xander: [shocked] I think we just killed that kid.

Skip: Let's go, let's go. We need to not be around for this.

[Greg stifles laughter.]

[Candace groans.]

Xander: We should not be around, period.

Sage: And our trainers cross into Pewter City.

Who’s That Pokémon?

[Who’s That Pokémon? music.]

Candace, Skip, Xander: Who’s that Pokémon?

[Pokémon cry.]

AD BREAK

[Radio switches on.]

[Suspenseful music.]

Victrola! Announcer: Victrola! a weekly improv podcast with all the unfunny parts cut out for your listening convenience. Please enjoy this tiny sampling of our wares, you vultures.

[Music crescendos and fades out.]

Control Booth Guy: Traffic Parka Outpost, this is Control Booth. First guests are coming into the park. Looks like it's gonna be another beautiful day.

Gary: Hey, this is Gary, quick question. Which of these dinosaurs are smoochable? Which ones are [stifles laughter] good kissers?

[Intense action music.]

Jared: Hi, I'm Jared Leto the Joker in the upcoming film All Joker’s Men.

Director: Okay, we’re gonna cut right here.

[Music cuts off.]

Uh, Jared, that's not the name of the movie that you played the Joker in.

Jared: It's not?

Director: No, it's Suicide Squad. Okay, we’re starting over. Starting over.

[Intense action music.]

Jared: Hi, I’m the Joker, star of the upcoming film Suicide Men.

Director: Nope.

[Music cuts off.]

Okay.

Jared: But— [chuckles]

Director: Uh, no.

[Suspenseful music.]

Victrola! Announcer: That's it! That's the gist of our podcast. Wanna hear more? You can find us online wherever podcasts are found! Or head to victrolapod.com. Keep watching the stars.

[Music crescendos and fades out.]

Who’s That Pokémon?

[Who’s That Pokémon? music.]

Candace, Skip, Xander: It's Geodude!

[Geodude cry.]

From Viridian City to Mt. Moon - Part II

[The trio walk down the sidewalk.]

Candace: [sighs] I am so exhausted.

Skip: I need to get myself and my Dratini to a little R&R.

Xander: Well, do we go back to the Pokémon Center in Viridian or like…

Candace: No, we’ll go to the—

Skip: No, we’ll go to the Pokémon Center—

Candace: Pewter City.

Skip: —in Pewter City.

Xander: There's one here too?

Skip: Yeah.

Candace: Yeah, there's one in every town. Oh my god, Xander. Do you know nothing?

Xander: [irked] No! Guys, I've just been a normal kid.

Skip: Also—

Xander: I have to take- I have to help take care of my family.

Candace: That's not normal.

Xander: Wha—

[Xander stops. The other two slow to a stop and turn back to him.]

You’re a bitch.

Candace: [shouts] What?

Skip: Whoa, dude. Back off, man.

Xander: [shouts] No, f- You guys have been giving me shit like I’m- I’m some sorta weirdo because I've been living a normal life this whole time. Like, I'm sorry I haven't had time to fuckin’ learn about Pokémon. I've just been at home with my mom, and it's really stressful, and I can't go back to school because I’m not- ’cause I’m a- I mean, ’cause I got flunked out and it's—

Candace: This is your calling.

Xander: Bw- in- ich- I got pushed on this by a guy with Alzheimer's!

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Candace: Whatever the way you got pushed into it, it doesn’t matter. This is your calling, okay? We are a team.

Skip: We just made a hundred bucks.

Candace: And this is just the beginning. We’re in this for the long haul. Embrace it.

Skip: Also, we got some free stuff from Mark.

Candace: Yeah, we did.

Xander: [quiet] Alright, let’s just go. I don’t- I don’t wanna talk about it. Let’s just go.

Skip: [gentle] Hey Xander?

Xander: [quiet] What?

Skip: Dinner’s on me.

Xander: Get outta here.

[Sage and Jessica chuckle.]

Sage: Our trainers cross over to the Gym. They ask a couple people around and they've been pointed to the Pewter City Gym where the leader, Brock, normally trains. Except they go to the door and there’s—

Travis: What was his name?

Sage: Uh, Brock.

Travis: It wasn’t ‘Barack’?

[Chuckling.]

Jessica: Barack.

[Chuckling.]

Greg: [Obama impression] Hi, uh, I’m the, uh—

[Jessica laughs and claps.]

—Rock trainer here.

[Squeal. Chuckling.]

Sage: And the door of the Pewter City Gym has a sign on it.

Jessica: [hesitant] Well, what does the sign say?

Sage: Just “gone”.

[Laughter and clapping.]

Skip: This is perfect. I need to go get my Dratini healed up first.

Candace: [concerned] Oh, let's go to the Poké Center.

Skip: Look at her!

Candace: I- I’m saying let's go.

Skip: Okay.

[The trio walk down the sidewalk.]

Hey, you know, I was thinkin’ maybe we should stop by the post office. I would like to write a letter back to Pallet Town and see if Klara’s okay.

Candace: You’re gonna write a letter to Klara, who’s not even your girlfriend, but you won’t write a letter to your mother?

Skip: [scoffs] I’ll write one for her too.

[Automated door slides open. Poké Center music.]

Sage: Skip sits down to write his letter while Candace takes the Dratini.

[Stat test chime.]

Skip, can you go ahead and roll me Charisma for your letter?

[Dice roll on table.]

[Success chime.]

Alright. Critical hit. It is a very heartfelt letter and you feel good about it. You’ve never written so poetically in your life.

[Pencil scratches on paper.]

Skip: You know, I really think that she’s the one. I just get- I just get these- these tingly feelings inside when I think about her.

Sage: And then you seal up the Poké mail and you deliver it to the Poké…pneumatic tube. Whatever.

[Stifled snort.]

And then it— [stifles laughter] You look over and you see Nurse Joy.

Skip: [awed] Huh?

Candace: [irked] It’s Nurse Joy.

Skip: [awed] Hi.

Nurse Joy: Welcome to our Pokémon Center! We heal your Pokémon back to perfect health! Shall we heal your Pokémon?

Skip: Uh, I feel like we've met before.

Nurse Joy: Okay. We’ll need your Pokémon.

[Restoration machine beeps.]

Skip: Oh. Did a Dratini come through here?

Nurse Joy: Thank you! Your Pokémon are fighting fit. We hope to see you again!

Skip: You already took care of my Dratini? Wow, I didn't even ask.

Nurse Joy: Welcome to our Pokémon Center! We heal your Pokémon back to perfect health! Shall we heal your Pokémon?

Skip: Um… No, I- it- you already healed it. But, um, if you're not doing anything later, I- I would—

[Candace shoves Skip towards the door.]

Candace: Oh, Skip! Let’s get outta here!

Nurse Joy: Okay. We'll need your Pokémon.

Skip: Guys, she was beautiful.

[Beat.]

Candace: Xander, you gonna take this one?

Xander: Hmm?

Candace: Are you gonna handle this?

Xander: Oh. She doesn't care about you.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Skip: What?

Candace: God, that’s not what I—

Xander: What? She doesn't.

[Restoration machine beeps.]

Like, she doesn’t care about anything. Look at that.

Skip: How do you know? Nobody knows this one.

Nurse Joy: Thank you! Your Pokémon are fighting fit! We hope to see you again!

Xander: It's the same thing. Just like four ti- you’ve been- you just let your Dratini, like, go through the rinse cycle again for no reason.

[Greg stifles laughter.]

Skip: What’s your name?

Candace: [irked] I told you, her name is Joy.

Xander: Look, it says on her—

Skip: No, we already- I- I remember Nurse Joy. I'm over her.

Xander: Yes. It’s also Nurse Joy.

Candace: Yeah, this is also Nurse Joy. [loud] They're all Nurse Joy that's ho- why I know she's Nurse Joy.

Skip: [whispers] What?

Candace: They’re all, like, sisters or like sister-in-law's and—

Xander: I don’t even- I don't know anything and I know that.

Candace: Yeah, come on.

Skip: [whispers] But…why would they all be the same name?

Candace: That's just how they are. It's the same with, uh—

Skip: Who was their dad or mom?

Candace: Well, they're all, like, sisters, sister-in-laws, cousins like—

Xander: [mumbles] Maybe an Amish community.

Sage: This rugged looking older gentleman comes walking up.

Gentleman: Where did you kids come from?

Skip: Pallet…

Xander: Not the fire.

Skip: …Town?

Candace: Pallet Town.

Gentleman: So you heard about the fire at Viridian Forest?

Candace: We saw smoke in the air.

Skip: We outran it.

Gentleman: You better be careful kids. Don't go into Viridian Forest, and always make sure you’re watching yourself. Only you can save yourself from... [Sage stifles laughter] fire.

Candace: Wow.

Skip: You sound like a program that's been defunded.

[Stifled laughter.]

Gentleman: I’m gonna go back to my post now.

Xander: What are you- what are you- what? What’s your post?

Gentleman: Oh, here. I just sit here in the Pokémon Center, and I give people tips of advice.

Candace: Can you give me advice?

Xander: Like unsolicited or…

Gentleman: Yeah, if you come up to me, I will- I will start giving you advice.

Candace: It- so this is like fortunes. Give me my- give me a- an advice.

Gentleman: Okay. Go ahead and look at me.

Candace: I'm looking at you.

Gentleman: Great.

I heard Brock is out of town. Something seemed to really upset him. He might be in Mt. Moon. I'm not sure.

Candace: [quiet] Where's Mt. Moon?

Xander: Okay, I want to try now. Alright, alright, alright, look- look at me.

Gentleman: Mm-hmm.

Xander: Alright, go ahead.

Gentleman: I'm not sure where Brock is. He might be in Mt. Moon, some people say.

Xander: I get it.

Candace: Ugh, fuck…

Skip: Hey, excuse me, sir. I hear that you're really great with helping people with advice. I'm kind of in love with this one girl—

[Candace punches him.]

—[groans] but I'm starting to have feelings for these other girls that I meet along the way. What do I do?

Gentleman: Man, women? Can't live with ’em [Sage laughs throughout] can't live without ’em.

Candace: Well that was new.

Xander: It could’ve- yeah, I didn’t- thought they would just keep talking about Brock.

Candace: That had more alive and character to it.

Xander: It’s- guys…

Skip: Guys, I think we should head to Mt. Moon.

Xander: [mumbles] This guy hates women.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Gentleman: Excuse me, what?

Xander: Nothiiing.

Candace: Where’s Mt. Moon?

Gentleman: Are you going to Viridian Forest? Don't do that.

Candace: No, we’re going to Mt. Moon.

Xander: No. You just asked.

Gentleman: Oh, good job! You know, I heard Brock is there. Oh, I already told you that.

Xander: Mmm. Yeah.

Candace: Yeah, you did.

Gentleman: Okay. Alright.

Xander: [whispers] God.

Candace: Um, can you tell us which direction Mt. Moon is?

Xander: Starting to get the feeling everybody here had memory problems.

[Beat.]

Gentleman: Are you going to Viridian Fo—

[Sage chuckles.]

[Candace groans.]

Xander: Oh my god!

Sage: [stifles laughter] Do you guys want to go to Mt. Moon?

Jessica: Mt. Moon!

Travis: [irked] Yes!

Sage: [chuckles] Okay.

[Pokémon Center music fades out.]

[Wind blows through town and the group walks down the sidewalk.]

Skip: [distant] Guys I found a sign that says, “This way to Mt. Moon”!

Candace: Amazing! Let's go.

Sage: Except next to that sign some...kid shows up.

[I See You chime. Follow Me music.]

Candace: Aw, it smells like shit in here.

Kid: Hey are you guys tryin’ to get to Mt. Moon?

[Travis laughs.]

Candace: Oh.

Skip: Hey, kid, you need to take a bath!

Kid: What?

Candace: I thought- well, I thought- you looked a lot like this—

[Jessica stifles laughter. Greg laughs in the background.]

—shithead I know.

Kid: Uh…

Candace: I thought you were this shithead that we know.

Kid: That’s rude. No look I just- I- you can't go to Mt. Moon without getting, uh, a Badge from Brock.

Xander: [quiet] Everybody keeps fucking talking to us.

[Travis stifles laughter.]

Candace: Brock is in- at Mt. Moon.

Kid: No, no, no. I’ll show you where his gym is. Follow me.

Candace: [groans] No, his gym is clo—

[Jessica laughs.]

Xander: No, dude. Dude…

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: [chuckles] Hold on. Roll for Defense to see if you can break out of his hold.

Travis: All three of us?

[Dice roll on table.]

[Failure chime.]

[Success chime.]

Sage: Mmm. So the only person who can is Candace.

Jessica: ’Cause I'm fuckin’ strong.

Sage: So Candace stays put and he just ignores Candace entirely and you see this kid—

Jessica: Is it because I’m a woman?

Sage: —just start walk- like, pushing you guys literally toward the Gym.

Skip: Uh.

[Shoes drag across the pavement.]

Xander: Stop, stop.

Skip: Candace! You're my safety blanket.

Xander: Stop, please.

Skip: Oh, look at that!

Kid: Why would I stop? You guys need to get a Badge before you can proceed.

Candace: Hey, kid!

Kid: What?

Candace: Again, [enunciates] Brock is not there.

Kid: No, no, no. I just need to show you where he is and then I'll let you pass.

Xander: [mumbles] Oh god, I’m hating this.

Skip: Hey dude. Look at the sign. It says that he's gone.

[Music cuts off. A beat passes.]

Kid: Yeah, so he's probably inside.

[Music continues. Candace groans.]

He's gone inside so why don't you guys go ahead? See you later!

[Rapid footsteps fade away.]

Sage: And he goes back to the post.

Xander: Well, let's just- let’s just see if he's- let's just go. Can’t- it’s not like he’s gonna do that again.

Skip: Alright, alright.

Xander: Yeah, let’s go.

Skip: Let's head back over to Mt. Moon.

Xander: Alright. Do it.

Candace: Going to Mt. Moon.

[I See You chime.]

Kid: Are you guys going to Mt. Moon?

[Follow Me music. Candace groans.]

Xander: Oh, what the fuck!

Skip: What's that smell?

[Xander chuckles.]

Candace: [chuckles] Smells like a new shithead.

Kid: You guys look like new trainers. Hold on, hold on. I think you need to battle Brock first.

Skip: Dratini, Thunder Wave!

[Dratini trills.]

Kid: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't have any Pokémon!

[Music stops. Candace growls.]

Skip: Okay. Dratini, stay where you are on my neck.

[Dratini trills.]

Like a scarf.

Kid: Uh, you’re not threatening me, are you?

Skip: Maybe?

Kid: No, no, please don’t do that!

Skip: Are you going to push us around?

Kid: Yeah, yeah, no. I'll show you where Brock is—

Skip: Dratini!

Kid: AHH! What?

[Dratini trills.]

Xander: Look, dude, we’re just gonna go. We’re gonna go.

Kid: No, you shouldn't go without a Badge, though.

Xander: You’re gonna- We’re gonna go.

Skip: Why?

Kid: ’Cause you’re new trainers, and if you go on this Route you’ll have to fight another trainer.

Skip: That's fine.

Candace: Yeah, Brock.

Xander: Okay.

Skip: We got a pretty good record.

Xander: We could also not. We could just not fight them.

Candace: We need to get a Badge. We don't have a Badge yet.

Xander: Well, I know, but we could fight—

[I See You chime. Follow Me music.]

Kid: Oh, oh! I know where you can get a Badge. At Brock’s place—

Candace: [roars] I- I will- wanna tackle you right now! [roars]

Skip: Candace, Tackle!

[Stat test chime.]

[Dice roll on table.]

[Net chime.]

Sage: Mmm, it's net. You do tackle him to the ground. He's not hurt though. Instead he rolls over and he starts pushing you towards Brock's [stifles laughter] Gym.

[Shoes drag across the pavement.]

Candace: Oh my god!

Kid: I'll show you. Don't worry. I know, I know. Don't worry. Once you beat Brock, you're gonna be able to get through Mt. Moon no problem!

Skip: Hey, hey kid!

[Footsteps stop.]

Kid: What?

Skip: [slow] Get your hands off her.

Candace: [yells] Assault! Assault!

Kid: What are you gonna do?

Skip: Dratini!

[Dratini trills.]

Thunder Wave!

Xander: That sounds like a bad idea.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Role for effectiveness. It’s 1d fudge.

Candace: [yells] Police! Police!

[Dice roll on table.]

[Net chime.]

[Thunder Wave zaps.]

Sage: Okay it shocks him and it doesn't hurt and he’s like—

Kid: Whoa. Uh.

Skip: And there’s more where that came from.

Kid: Hey, it’s illegal to have Pokémon attack people.

Skip: Being pretty inhumane to us, so I don't consider you “people”.

Kid: You know what? You know what?

[Clothes rustle.]

Skip: [hopeful] Are you leaving?

[Phone clicks open.]

Kid: I’m gonna call the cops.

[Phone dials.]

Candace: [whines] I’m already calling for the police. You assaulted me!

Kid: Your friend just assaulted me with his Dratini.

Skip: Are you—

Kid: And that's illegal.

Xander: No, he didn’t.

Skip: Are you hurt?

Xander: No, he didn’t.

Candace: Yeah, he didn’t do that.

Xander: He didn’t do that.

Skip: Yeah, show me on your body where he- where he hurt you.

Xander: He didn’t do that.

Kid: Uh, there’s prob’ly—

Candace: Like it—

Skip: There's nothing on you.

Candace: Where?

Xander: You’re—

Kid: My word will be better ’cause I’m gonna go there first.

[He runs away.]

Xander: Well, let's go.

Candace: [speaks through teeth] Run. Let's go to—

Xander: Let’s- why? What's he gonna do?

Candace: What?

Xander: What's he gonna do? Let's just walk. Let’s go. [scoff]

Candace: No, let's just- just swiftly go to Mt. Moon while he's going to get authorities.

Skip: [distant] Guys, this way!

[Calm Route-traveling music plays.]

Sage: And you’re on the path and you guys stroll through Route 3 and Route 4 and it was very tiring. There wasn't a lot a trainers surprisingly, but you had to- you had to trespass over- not tres- you had to, uh, tra—

[Travis laughs.]

You had to traverse over some ledges and rocks, and you made it to the entrance of Mt. Moon.

Xander: Okay, so I don't think we should- we should make a point. Let's not make anyone's head bleed…as much…if we can. I feel like we’ve done a lot of—

Candace: I can’t promise that—

Xander: [worried] You’ve got anger problems.

Candace: —but I can try. Everybody- why...why are they all so stupid?

Xander: I…

Candace: They all repeat themselves! How am I- I can’t. I just- I- this is not what I was expecting. I’m a little surprised and disappointed. Um…

Xander: What, that being vagabonds is gonna be more fun and exciting?

Candace: [sad] Well this is everything I ever wanted. I’ve always wanted to go on adventures like my aunt. And she was not even there! That’s so unlike her.

Xander: Yes, ’cause that’s- I mean, she’s probably on an adventure.

[Candace scoffs.]

’Cause people, when they like this lifestyle, they leave [enunciates] and they don’t come back.

Candace: [quiet, disappointed] Yeah, that’s cool.

Xander: Yeah, it’s great. Super cool when people leave and they don’t come back.

[Beat. Crickets chirp.]

Skip: [hesitant] Hey, Xander? I’m starting to get the feeling that what you’re talking about isn’t what she’s talking about.

Xander: [loud] So where’s Mt. Moon?

Candace: We’re here.

Xander: [loud] Okay, let’s go.

Sage: You go inside Mt. Moon.

[Suspenseful music; Mt. Moon theme on solo piano.]

It’s dark but not too dark. You seem to be able to see without light. Somehow. Doesn’t really add up.

Skip: [whispers echo] Hey, Candace. I think Xander’s got some personal problems.

Candace: [whispers echo] Yeah, clearly.

Xander: [distant shout] Whispers carry in here.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Could somebody roll me Sense? All three of you.

[Dice roll on table.]

[Failure chime.]

Jessica: Mmm.

Sage: Well, you got two blanks, right?

[Travis laughs and groans.]

Two blanks means you can use your Hidden Power.

Greg: Wisdom.

Sage: Alright. Using Wisdom you remember. Gone. I heard Brock was at Mt. Moon. That means Brock’s here in Mt. Moon.

[Snickering. Sage chuckles.]

Skip: Guys.

Travis: [sarcastic] Can we play that back real quick? That went over my head.

Sage: “Gone”. Brock’s- Mt. Moon. Brock’s in Mt Moon. [chuckles]

Skip: Guys I just had an, uh, I just had an epiphany.

Candace: Please tell me.

Skip: [slow] Brock is here in Mt. Moon.

[Beat.]

Candace: No shit!

[Stifled laughter.]

Sage: To give you some wisdom on that, you realize something might’ve upset Brock, and so he ran here and he’s hiding. And maybe he’s leaning against a rock somewhere.

Skip: I’ve got an idea.

Xander: What?

[Music cuts off.]

Skip: [shouts] Brock?

Candace: That’s very simple.

Skip: [shouts] Hey, Brock?

[Distant moaning.]

Hey.

Xander: [mumbles] Is someone jerking it?

[Stifled laughter.]

Candace: Ew!

Skip: Is that you, Brock?

[Moaning.]

Xander: [mumbles] I think someone’s jerking it in here.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Skip: Uh, make a sound if you hear me.

[Heavy breathing.]

Xander: [hesitant] Y-yeah…

Skip: Okay make a different sound if you can understand me.

[Beat. Man grunts.]

[excited] There we go.

Xander: He’s done.

Skip: Where are you?

[Beat.]

Candace: Brock?

Skip: Brock?

[Clothes rustle. Echoing footsteps on cave floor approach.]

Man: Who are you?

Skip: [startled] Dratini!

[Pokémon Main Theme plays.]

Credits

[Music continues throughout.]

Marlena Jean: Thanks for tuning in! This has been a 20 Sided Stories production.

Candace Carter was played by Jessica Dahlgren

Skip Svitak was played by Greg Reasoner

And Xander Whitten was played by Travis Reaves

With Additional Voices by David McEuen, Mariah Ramblas, and Sage G.C.

The original music from Pokémon Red, Green, Blue, and Yellow Versions was composed by Junichi Masuda

With Arrangements and Additional Scoring by Sage G.C.

Additional Production and Audio Assistance by Travis Reaves

Game Master Assistance and Pokémon Battle Management by Grant Bouffard

Original Character artwork by Ariana Cabebe

Podcast Directed, Edited and Sound Designed by Sage G.C.

You can get the soundtrack to this series for free at

sagegc.bandcamp.com

And of course visit our website at 20sidedstories.com

[Transcripts by Tiffany Chapman]

Special Thanks

Sage: Hey all, it’s Sage.

Just wanted to thank everyone for listening and spreading the word. Literally looking at a graph here of the downloads and with only two episodes and the introduction we’ve already surpassed what our first two seasons accomplished in full combined. And it’s going up every day, crazy. So thank you so, so much.

If you like what we’re doing, we have a Patreon. For $1 you get a shoutout on the show, and for $3 you get an Adventure Pass. Visit patreon.com/20sidedstories to check that out.

Special thanks to Chad Ellis, Kadet Kuhne, and our Patreon producers.

Episode 4 - Showdown with Brock & Misty premiers next Wednesday. Make sure to hit that subscribe button so you don’t miss it. Keep catchin’ ’em all, and I’ll see you on the next 20 Sided Story. Later!

[Pokémon Main Theme crescendos and fades out.]