20 Sided Stories

POKÉMON! Pen & Paper Version

Episode

Air Date: September 18, 2018

[Podcast Intro music throughout.]

Sage G.C.: This podcast and series has no affiliation with Nintendo, The Pokémon Company, Game Freak, Creatures Inc., or anything in the official Pokémon franchise whatsoever. It is a non-profit, fan-made parody piece created in fair use and all product names, trademarks, and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.

The bulk of what you are about to hear was recorded live by improvisers who simply love the franchise, and we thank you for joining us on our nostalgic adventure through Kanto. Enjoy.

[Intro crescendos.]

Jessica Dahlgren: Thank you and welcome to 20 Sided Stories.

[Intro fades out.]

Prologue

[Birds chirp and adventurous Route music plays.]

Narrator: After a spooky encounter with Lavender Town and the ominous Pokémon Tower, our trainers have travelled across Route 8 toward Saffron City, camping out, exploring tall grass, and leveling up their Pokémon.

[The Dream Police walk down a dirt road.]

Xander: [hesitant] So, uh, are we ever gonna talk about what happened in Lavender town?

Candace: [loud] Uhhh, nope! Uh, let’s talk about something else!

Xander: I mean, are y—

Candace: [loud] Uh, congratulations, Xander! Uh, Ramona is now Pidgeotto, so now you have, like, two evolved Pokémons, you know. Two! That’s so great!

Xander: Uh, I mean, thanks, but, like, we… I think we almost died and we haven’t addressed that, like, at all—

Candace: Okay, Xander, will you just stop? Alright? I’m tryin’a be nice right now and you’re being so rude because you keep not wanting to talk about it! I’m… Okay, just, you know, everything’s fine. Take the freakin’ compliment!

Xander: Okay, uh, thanks. Um, yup. Sup- sup—

Candace: [irked] You’re welcome.

Xander: Yup. Super happy, uh, both my Pokémon are evolved. It’s really cool and everything’s normal and nothing happened and we’re fine. ’Kay.

[Automated door slides open and they walk inside.]

Narrator: They arrive at the checkpoint to Saffron City once more, but this time at the east side.

Skip: Hey guys, look at my finger.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll for Health.

[Stifled laughter.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

[Laughter.]

Xander: We gotta get that- we gotta get you to the hospital, like, now!

Skip: I tried to fix it myself.

Candace: Oh, god. You’re not a doctor!

Skip: Yeah, clearly.

Candace: You’re not even a Nurse Joy.

Guard: Can I help you kids?

Xander: Oh, uh, we’re just passin’ through.

Skip: No, no, no.

Guard: Oh, so road’s- road’s closed, sorry.

Skip: I do need help.

Candace: Look at his hand.

Xander: Yeah, we need—

Skip: Look at this.

Xander: Actually, yeah, we need medical attention.

Candace: Put it right in his face.

Guard: Uh, you probably wanna go to the Pokémon Center in Saffron city. Right through here.

Xander: [loud] His hand! His human hand!

Guard: There’s a hospital there too.

Xander: [loud] Whe—

Guard: In Saffron City. It’s a big city.

Xander: Is that through there?

Guard: Yes.

Xander: Can we go?

Guard: No. Road’s closed.

Xander: [yells] What?

[Travis chuckles.]

Candace: Look at his hand! He’s dying!

Xander: This is a medical emergency!

Guard: I know, but I’m really thirsty.

[Candace growls.]

Skip: Guys, under the barricade, over here.

[Skip walks over to the barricade.]

[Stat test chime.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

Guard: Don’t go back there!

Skip: Screw you, I need to get my hand fixed!

[Greg chuckles.]

Guard: Well, okay. Well, just take the Underground Pass to go to Celadon City.

Skip: Why can’t I go across this road?

Guard: Road’s closed!

Skip: What does that even mean, grown-up?

Guard: Dude, I’m just a cop—

Candace: He’s on the other side!

Guard: —and I’m really thirsty. Do you guys have anything to drink? Like tea?

Skip: Here, have some water.

Guard: No, no, no, no. I- water is like our- we already got water. I really want, like, tea or something.

[Candace groans.]

Xander: Okay, is there a hospital or a Pokémon- is there anything in- in—

Guard: Yeah, Celadon’s, like, you know…uh, big and—

Xander: You’re se- you’re really lackadaisical about this, guy.

Candace: Let’s just go to Celadon!

Guard: Oh, it’s just I’m just so thirsty.

Skip: Okay! What’s the fastest way to Celadon?

Guard: Oh, just go right back there. There’s an Underground Pass. It’s gonna go under Saffron straight to Celadon.

Xander: It’s not a tunnel is it? Is it like a tunnel?

Guard: It’s a tunnel.

Skip: [groans] Let’s go, guys. Let’s take the tunnel.

[Episode Intro music.]

Episode 8 - Celadon City Parade!

[The Dream Police shuffle along the Underground Pass.]

Sage: Our trainers cross through the underpass—

Candace: Abra, Flash.

[A high-pitched whine as Flash goes off.]

[Travis stifles laughter.]

[Skip groans.]

Sage: There were lights already in the underpass.

Skip: We didn’t n—

Candace: Abra, return.

Sage: Please roll for Effectiveness.

[Jessica groans.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Hidden Power chime.]

Ooo. What is your Hidden Power? [chuckles]

Jessica: Brawn.

Sage: Hmm. How could that translate to your Abra?

Jessica: I tackle it. A loving tackle.

[Clothes rustle as Candace launches forward. Thud! Abra cries out. It returns to its Poké Ball with a whoosh.]

Candace: I’m sorry. It’s just all the tunnels we’ve gone through are spooky and scary so I just assumed.

Xander: This is like a- looks like- this is actual tunnel. This is, like, a pass.

Candace: Oh, okay.

Xander: This was, like, made to walk through.

Candace: I’m shake- I’m shook!

Xander: That’s fine.

Sage: They see the other side but not before two little shits.

[Rival entry music. Blue and Zach run up.]

Rival Zach: Hey, nerds!

Blue: Hi, losers!

Skip: Just keep walkin’. Just keep walkin’, guys.

Rival Zach: Oh, what’re- where you guys goin’?

Blue: Where you goin’?

Rival Zach: Yeah!

Blue: Yeah!

Xander: [mumbles] Oh god.

Candace: I’m shaking my head so hard.

Rival Zach: Yeah, tell ’em Uncle Blue!

Blue: You know what we’re gonna go do?

[Backpack zips open.]

Skip: I’m getting a video of this, guys.

[Pokédex clicks open and beeps as it powers up.]

Candace: Hey, shitheads!

Xander: Oh.

Candace: Guess what Pokémon I just got?

Xander: Don’t- don’t—

Blue: [bored] You probably caught, like, a Ghost Pokémon or somethin’?

Candace: Yeah!

Rival Zach: [bored] Yeah, I bet you guys went up the Tower and were really successful and found the cult that we mentioned before and then you caught a Pokémon and you got out safely.

Blue: [bored] How cool.

Candace: Yeah!

Xander: You didn’t mention a cult. What are you talking about?

Blue: [bored] That’s fantastic.

Rival Zach: You didn’t see the cult in there?

Xander: We saw- yeah, but you didn’t tell us about it. Jerks.

Rival Zach: Oh, yeah, we did. You just weren’t listenin’.

Candace: Yeah, why would we listen to you, shithead?

Rival Zach: [yells] Hey, hey, hey! Look at me!

Candace: [yells] I- I am sadly looking at you!

Rival Zach: No, look at me, look—

Candace: You ugly piece of shit!

Rival Zach: Hey!

Candace: What?

Rival Zach: Look at me!

Skip: Candace, Candace, Candace.

Candace: [shocked] Are you about to kiss me?

Rival Zach: What?

[Sage stifles laughter.]

No—

Candace: Get outta here, you stupid face!

Rival Zach: No, no, what’re you talkin’ ’bout?

Skip: Candace, Candace, let’s keep mov- whoa, hey! Were you tryin’ to kiss Candace?

Rival Zach: No, no, not at all!

[Stat test chime.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Net chime.]

Sage: You’re not sure. It looks like he m- he prob’ly was.

Skip: Dude, what about Klara?

Rival Zach: Uh, Klara, uh, you know, uh, I mean… Like my Uncle Blue always says, uh, women, can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. Uh, need one at the pallet and one at the palace.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Blue: [to himself] Have I ever said that?

[Jessica laughs.]

Xander: Let’s go.

Candace: I’m outta here.

Rival Zach: Hey, do you got this though?

Sage: And he reveals a—

Greg: Third nipple.

[Jessica laughs.]

Rival Zach: Oh, shit. No, no, the Rainbow Badge!

[Zach shows off his Badge.]

Skip: [impressed] Hey, cool. Good support, man.

Candace: [impressed] Yeah, that’s very progressive of you.

Rival Zach: What’re you talkin’ about?

Xander: Is that a Pride pin?

Rival Zach: What’s that?

[Beat.]

Xander: Equal marriage rights?

[Beat.]

What is that thing that you have?

Blue: It’s the Rainbow Badge.

Rival Zach: From Erika’s Gym.

Blue: In Celadon City.

[Candace gasps.]

Xander: Oooooh.

Rival Zach: Right over there.

Xander: It’s a Gym Badge.

Candace: That’s where we’re goin’!

Xander: [mumbles] God, I feel stupid.

Candace: And we’re gonna get that pin and even more, soooo.

Rival Zach: Well- well- well, b’cause of my uncle- b’cause of my uncle I’m goin’ faster than you.

Candace: Um, really? because I thought you didn’t get that- what- what was our first pin that we got, guys?

Xander: It was a—

Skip: Boulder.

Xander: Rock. Rock badge. What?

Candace: Yeah, you didn’t get a Rock Badge from Brock.

[Beat.]

Blue: [quiet] Did you not get the Boulder Badge?

Rival Zach: No, I was gonna go back and do it. He wasn’t there!

Blue: You can do that in, like, two seconds. Don’t even worry about it.

Rival Zach: No, but he wasn’t there. He wasn’t there. Just, like, the sign said “Gone”.

Candace: So really, you’re not ahead of us. You’re kind of tied, a little behind?

Rival Zach: Uncle Blue, Uncle Blue, Uncle Blue. Can your Pidgey, uh, Fly us back to Pewter City?

Blue: [groans] Yes, we can.

[Clothes rustle. Pidgeot exits its Pokeball and cries out.]

Rival Zach: See ya, smell ya later, uh, lo- Uh.

Blue: [bored] Yeah, smell ya later, I guess.

Xander: [loud] You’re in a tunnel!

[Wings flap. The Pidgeot bounces around and hits walls.]

Blue: Yeah, this is a great plan!

[Pidgeot squawks.]

See ya later, idiot.

[Rival exit theme. Wings flap and clucking is heard.]

[Beat.]

Xander: What the fuck—

Skip: Guys.

Xander: —is wrong with those guys?

Skip: I recorded it all on my Pokédot.

[Pokédex beeps. A beat passes in silence.]

Xander: Okay.

Skip: I’m gonna send that to Klara.

Candace: [groans] Oh, Okay…

Xander: [amused] Aw, you’re jus’ stirin’ up shit, now.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Skip: Yeah!

Xander: [amused] Uh-huh.

Candace: Why do we care? Is this all for your own—

Xander: Are you guys always- you just start yellin’ at ’im. You called him a shithead.

Candace: He is a shithead!

Xander: Well, yeah, but we don’t—

Skip: I don’t- I don’t yell that.

Xander: We don’t have to- [sighs] …Let’s go. These guys stress me out.

[Jessica chuckles.]

Skip: Aaand send.

[Pokédex chimes.]

[Cheery music.]

Sage: Our trainers enter the vibrant…uh… [sighs]

Travis: Vibrant…?

[Laughter.]

Jessica: Rainbows!

Sage: Celadon City!

Xander: Wow.

Skip: To the hospital!

[Laughter.]

Candace: Look at all the diversity!

[Automatic door slides open. The Dream Police approach the front desk.]

Nurse Joy: Welcome to our Pokémon Center!

Xander: Ah, Jesus Christ.

Skip: Hey, Nurse.

Nurse Joy: [glitches] We heal your Pokémon back h- perfect health! Sh-shall we heal your Pokémon?

Candace: Yeah, here’s our Pokémon.

Xander: [yells] Is there a doctor in the house?

[Backpack zips open.]

Skip: Here’s my hand.

[Poké Balls clatter as Candace sets them on the counter.]

Nurse Joy: Okay, we’ll need your Pokémon.

Candace: [irked] I gave you my Pokémon, but we also need his hand to be checked out.

Xander: You got—

Nurse Joy: Thank you! Your—

Candace: [groans] Why do I even try?

[Candace snatches her Poké Balls back and zips them inside her pack as she and Xander leave the counter.]

Nurse Joy: [distant] —Pokémon are fighting fit! We hope to see you again!

Xander: ’Scuse me.

Man: Yup? How’s it goin’?

Xander: Uh, well, thank you. Um, do you ha—

Man: What are you thanking me for?

Xander: For—

Candace: For asking.

Xander: I got this. [nervous chuckle]

Candace: [loud] For caring about how he’s doing!

Xander: I- get- Candace, Candace! I’m tryin’—

Candace: What’s up your ass?!

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Xander: Jesus, shut up! Jesus fucking Chri—

Candace: I will fight you!

Xander: You- you are having problems today!

Sage: He throws up all over his chest.

[Man coughs and vomit splashes.]

Xander: [groans] Oh! Oh no!

[Man coughs.]

I’m sorry! She didn’t mean it! Are you okay?

Candace: [moans] No, I don’t like the smell of vomit.

[Stat test chime.]

Oh god, I’m gonna throw up.

Xander: Candace don’t you throw up too.

[Travis stifles laughter.]

[Candace dry heaves.]

[Failure chime.]

[Candace heaves, vomit splashes on the ground.]

[yells] What?

[Man heaves, vomit splashes on the ground. He coughs again.]

[groans] Oh, what the f—

[Candace heaves again. More vomit splashes on the ground.]

Ah! Everyone’s throwing up now.

[Candace starts crying.]

Man: Hey, uh, kid, kid, kid. Everthin’s fine. Alright? Everthin’s fine. It’s just, here in Celadon things’re- things’re feelin’ weird.

Xander: [fast] Is there a cult? Is there a cult? Is there like a ritual?

Man: A cult? Oh, no, no, no. Did’ja come from Lavender Town?

Xander: Yeah, we’re j- we’re jumpy.

Man: Yeah, don’t go there. It’s been weird past couple years. It’s gettin’ weirder and weirder.

Xander: Years?

Man: Yeah.

Xander: Nobody has bothered to address that?

Man: Ever since the Cubone incident.

Xander: What?

Man: It was like seven years ago.

Xander: The what incident?

Man: Trainer Red, there was a whole curse thing goin’ on.

Xander: What’s this Re—

Man: Team Rocket—

Xander: A curse?

Man: —captured a guy. He was, uh, what was- there’s, uh, he’s a Pokéma- he’s a Pokémon guy—

Xander: This sounds like bad fan-fiction.

[Skip walks over.]

Skip: ’Scuse me. Hey, uh, first of all, guys, I think—

Man: Who’s this nerd?

Skip: I think our work’s—

[Beat.]

[Candace laughs.]

Xander: [quiet] Wow.

Candace: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh.

Skip: [hesitant] I think I worked things out with Nurse Joy. Hey, dude. Do you wanna go?

Man: Mmm. Uh, I have a Tauros, so…

Skip: That’s okay. I got a Candace.

Man: Look- wh-what is that? Like, candy? Is that—

Candace: That’s me!

Man: —like a Rare Candy?

Skip: No. She’s a girl who can kick the butt of anyone.

Man: Alright, look, look, look, kids. I’m- I’m just here to get a couple of checkups, ’cause everyone’s been throwin’ up around town.

Xander: [loud] Sir!

Man: What?

Xander: [loud] Is this where people go to get medical attention?

Man: Yeah, why the fuck do you think I’m here?

Xander: [loud] Jesus Christ!

[Jessica laughs.]

[loud] I don’t know. Before all this you were just a man.

Skip: I’m gonna check, then.

[Skip walks away.]

Xander: Now you’re an angry man who’s thrown up all over himself, and—

Dill: My name’s Dill. Nice to meet you. What’s your name?

Xander: My name is Xander. And who- and this is Skip and his hand hurts.

Dill: Oh, I’m not a doctor, so I can’t help you.

Xander: That’s fine. I just wanted to make sure we were in the right place, and all we have to go off of is Nurse Joy, who I think is legit catatonic. Do we sign in somewhere?

Candace: Are you waiting to go inside?

Dill: Yeah.

Candace: Did you talk to somebody?

Dill: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sage: And then a Chansey comes out from the back room.

[A door creaks open.]

Candace: They’re so cute!

[Soft footsteps tap toward the group.]

Chansey: Chansey, Chansey!

Sage: She grabs Skips hand—

Chansey: Chansey!

[Skip cries out and groans.]

Sage: I will roll for the Chansey.

[Stat test chime.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Net chime.]

Xander: Do you have insurance?

[Travis chuckles.]

Sage: Hmm. She looks at you with a very concerned face holding your hand. Looking down from the hand back up to your eyes. She wraps it in a bandage and then just shrugs. [chuckles]

Skip: Guys, I’m totally healed! Watch.

[He reaches into his pocket.]

Dratini! OW!

[Poké Ball bounces away.]

Candace: Oh my gosh. You have to let it rest.

Xander: The health care system in this region is in fucking trouble.

[Misadventure music.]

Sage: After a couple of hours inside of the hospital trying to get the attention of Nurse Joys that come in and out and Chanseys, Skip’s hand is just wrapped in a bandage. There’s not much he can do but it’s not critical. He can still battle, he just might throw Dratini off the stadium.

Candace: Ah, snap.

Sage: Doesn’t mean he’s disqualified, but Dratini might get disoriented.

Candace: Have you tried drinking your own Potion?

Skip: I don’t think I’m legally allowed to do that?

Xander: Not that. I mean the one for- that you have for your Pokémon.

Skip: Oh. Does that work on humans?

Xander: I don’t know.

[Clothes rustle.]

Skip: Hey, Pokédex.

[Pokedex clicks open. A gremlin yell is heard.]

Candace: [mumbles] Oh, god.

Xander: They need to-

Candace: Our- our-

Skip: Hey, uh—

Xander: That- that OS start up noise is—

Sage: [amused] Everybody looks to the right and there’s a Psyduck that just waddles back into the hospital. [chuckles]

[Duck feet slap on tile.]

Candace: Aw, how cute.

Psyduck: Psyduck!

Xander: Is that thing wearing a nurse’s hat?

Skip: Pokédot, can I use a potion on myself?

Pokédex: [beep] It is not advised to use Pokémon [glitching static] build...things on yourself.

[Sage chuckles.]

[Pokédex crackles and falls silent.]

Candace: It’s not wise, but it—

Xander: That Pokédex thinks you’re dumb.

Skip: I’ve got some hidden wisdom, and it’s tellin’ me not to do that.

[Pokédex clicks shut.]

Candace: Fine. Um, sir?

[Misadventure music resumes.]

Dill: Uh, I was just about to go. What’s up?

Candace: Where can I find a Stone shop?

Dill: Stone shop? You one o’ them hippies?

Skip: No, no, no, no, no. The evolution kinda Stone.

Candace: Yes.

Dill: Like- like Erika? S’all good. No judgment here.

Candace: Uh, yeah, like Erika. ’Cause the Pokémon trainer?

[Music stops.]

Dill: You’re a hippie like Erika?

Candace: S- Pokémon trainer.

Xander: No.

Dill: Yeah, the Gym Leader.

Xander: Yeah. We- she’s asking—

Dill: She’s got the Rainbow Badges on the flowers. Smokes a lotta hookah.

Candace: Um, yes, but is there a- a place where I can purchase a Stone?

[Beat.]

Dill: Oh! You talkin’ about the mall!

[Music resumes.]

Candace: Yeah! The mall, the mall! Yeah, where’s the mall?

Dill: Yeah, right this way.

[Dill walks away.]

Skip: Let’s all go to the mall.

Xander: You’re gonna lead us there?

Candace: [sings] Let’s go to the mall!

Xander: Did you get seen already?

[Music stops.]

Dill: Oh, yeah, I’m fine.

[Sage and Jessica chuckle.]

Xander: What about—

Dill: No, no, look, look, look.

[He walks away. Pokémon Center doors slide open. Cheerful Celedon City music plays. The group walks down the street.]

Around Celadon City, it’s been a little weird. It’s almost as if everyone’s just gettin’ sick and throwin’ up fer a sec. No one feels a lotta pain, but there’s just this weird, uh… I don’t know. Last couple o’ days some’ins been off. You know?

[Mall door slides open. Music stops. Mall patrons chatter in the background.]

Xander: Does everybody have a big recital coming up?

Dill: For what?

Xander: I don’t know. What’s—

Candace: A music recital?

Xander: Yeah.

Skip: Dratini, don’t go in there. That’s a Spencer's Gifts.

[Dratini trills.]

Xander: So what d’you mean they been getting sick? So does anyone- just everybody’s just been throwin’ up every once in a while?

Dill: Yeah. Uh, the- the officers are here with- blue-haired ones. Uh, Jennys?

Candace: Officer Jenny.

Dill: Yeah, the Jennys. Yeah, they’re here. One of ’ems here tryin’a figure it out. Guess she was lookin’ for a lead on Team Rocket.

Skip: [quiet] They still have a KB Toys in here?

Xander: Oh, on Team Rocket?

Dill: [quiet] Yeah, they used ta hide out here but, uh, some legendary trainer named Red kicked their ass.

Candace: [whispers] Nice.

Dill: [quiet] Oh, you heard of Red?

Candace: [quiet] Yeah. Red’s like my hero.

Skip: He’s the hometown hero.

Dill: Mm-hmm.

Candace: Yeah. Second to my aunt.

Dill: You from Pallet?

Skip: Yeah!

Xander: Mm-hmm.

Dill: Wow. Well, good luck to ya fellas. And fell- uh, “a”s feminine already. So what would be the feminine form of fella?

Xander: Gal?

Dill: Mm. Alright. Later, fellxs.

[Dill walks away.]

Xander: …Wow.

Candace: Look! There’s the Stone shop! Let’s go inside.

[Candace hurries inside, the others follow.]

Skip: Wow! Check out the décor in this place. It rocks.

[Beat.]

[Candace and Xander grab Skip.]

Why’re you guys pushing me out?

[Shoes drag across the floor.]

Sage: And as they push Skip out, Officer Jenny comes in, looking very worried, kind of weak.

[Suspenseful music.]

Officer Jenny: [coughs] Oh, mm, hello children. [coughs]

Candace: Officer Jenny?

Officer Jenny: Hi. [coughs weakly] Mm, yes. A lot of Celadon City have been feeling very sick lately. [clears throat] Are you alright?

Candace: Y-yeah. We’re great.

Xander: Yeah. I mean—

Candace: ’Cept for Skip. His hand’s, like, decapitated.

Skip: [muffled] Tell her about Team Rocket!

Officer Jenny: You have information about Team Rocket?

[Music intensifies.]

Candace: The boat.

Xander: [gasps] the boat.

[Music fades.]

Who’s That Pokémon?

[Who’s That Pokémon? music.]

Candace, Skip, Xander: Who’s that Pokémon?

[Pokémon cry.]

AD BREAK

[Airhorn blows.]

Jessica and Sage: Announcement!

[Upbeat music throughout.]

Sage: Right now it’s International Podcast Month, or IPM, where creators from the RPG and audio drama podcasting communities have banded together to record various one-shots and bonus mini-sodes to celebrate the world of podcasts.

Jessica: And we contributed! We recorded and put together a bonus sketch just for you. Here’s a sneak peek.

[Suspenseful music.]

[Xander gasps.]

Officer: Wake up!

Xander: Wh-where am I?

Officer: You’re in custody, son. And it’s not looking good.

Xander: Wha—

Officer: I need you to go ahead and sign this piece of paper without reading it and do it right now.

[Xander stammers.]

Officer: Now, boy. Now.

Xander: My hands are handcuffed to- [yells] Why are they- why am I handcuffed?

Officer: Are you Xander Dream Police Whitten?

Xander: [sighs] Yeah.

Officer: I’ve been following you for a long time, son. You’re one of the worst offenders that this area has ever seen.

[Paper rustles.]

Xander: W-wait am I under arrest?

Officer: Absolutely. For multiple things. Abusing wildlife—

Xander: [loud] What?

Officer: Did you or did you not break a Pidgey’s leg?

Xander: Okay—

[Radio static.]

Sage: Consider it episode 6.5. It will be releasing soon on the podcast feed I Am Hear. That’s I Am H-E-A-R on, you know, most podcasting platforms. If it’s not already up, subscribe now so you can hear it when it is.

Jessica: And obviously check out the loads of other content on there. Though our Adventure Pass holders get to hear it right now.

Sage: Oooh! If you go to Patreon.com/20SidedStories, Dream Police: Kanto’s Most Wanted, is up in the exclusive Adventure Pass feed. It’s only $3 and here’s the cool part. There’s tons of other stuff in there already and stuff to come. Bonus episodes from us that are not available anywhere else.

Jessica: That’s patreon.com/20SidedStories and to find out more about IPM and I Am Hear, go to internationalpodcastmonth.com.

Sage: One last thing! I want you on whatever app you’re listening on, right now, to go to that little share button. Copy the link of the feed or the episode or whatever and send it to a friend who used to play or still plays Pokémon.

Jessica: Someone who plays video games and might be able to laugh with you and at us.

Sage: While we are thrilled with the growth of the show, we don’t exactly have a marketing budget.

Jessica: Or any budget.

Sage: So getting this into the right ears really starts with you guys. And of course, for those of you who have already done this, thank you, truly. I’ve noticed.

Jessica: Alright, we’ll let you get back to the episode now.

Sage: Yup! See ya.

[Radio switches off, music cuts off.]

Who’s That Pokémon?

[Who’s That Pokémon? music.]

Candace, Skip, Xander: It’s Vileplume!

[Vileplume cry.]

Celadon City Parade! - Part II

[Suspenseful music.]

Officer Jenny: You have information about Team Rocket? Please, tell me now.

Candace: Uh, was it S.S. Dan?

Xander: Dan. S.S. Dan.

Candace: S.S. Dan. The- Team Rocket was on that boat.

Xander: Well, we don’t—

Officer Jenny: You saw them on the boat?

Candace: Well…

Xander: No.

Candace: We- we- we were going through the hallway and a room was open and I went inside and there was a uniform that said, uh…

Xander: R.

Candace: R

Xander: It said R. There was an R on it.

Candace: [loud] R for Rocket!

[Jessica chuckles.]

Xander: There was an R on the uniform.

Candace: But it’s- you know!

Officer Jenny: Well, are you sure it was an R for Rocket?

Candace: Yeah! It was a—

Officer Jenny: Could’a been Red Robin.

Candace: No, no, no. Because it was that whole white suit with the R in the center real big and red.

Officer Jenny: Oh.

Candace: Like Team Rocket! And then, the guy who owns the boat, what’s-his-name, Cedric Svartski? I don’t know your last name, bro.

Skip: [muffled] I’m behind a glass window. I can’t hear you.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Candace: Cedric- Cedric the Businessman, who’s Skip’s brother, owns the boat. He was being really fishy about it.

[Music stops.]

So yeah. That’s my information about Team Rocket’s boat.

Officer Jenny: Well, we really appreciate your information and will use it however we can.

Candace: S.S. Dan.

Clerk: Are you gonna buy anything?

Candace: [loud; singsongs] Yes, sir! I would like to buy a Fire Stone!

Clerk: Hmm. Fire Stone. That’ll be ₽1,000.

Xander: That’s it?

Candace: Ah. Perfect! I have ₽1,150! Here you go!

[Rustling as the money changes hands. The register dings open.]

I’ll keep my ₽150.

Clerk: Here’s your Fire Stone.

Candace: Amazing!

[Skip comes inside to join them.]

Xander: [quiet] Really expensive rock.

Skip: Check it out, guys! We got matching hats! Dratini, show them.

Dratini: BrrrRRRRrrRRR!

Clerk: Ah, I see you saw the parade.

Skip: Yup. We got rainbow hats.

[Beat.]

Xander: So anything else you guys wanna do in the mall?

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Candace: Nope! I just wanna put this Fire Stone...on my…

Clerk: We also sell TMs here, if you need a TM.

Xander: [mumbles] What?

Clerk: That’s a Technical Machine to teach your Pokémon a move. Unfortunately, our upper floors have to be closed for the moment.

Xander: Oh.

Clerk: Technical Machines.

[Items rustle in a box.]

Uh, Stones, this is all we got. So I have Poké Balls, if you want those.

Xander: Oh, I’d love them.

Clerk: Uh, we had a whole bunch of stuff, but we had to close the upper floor.

Xander: You guys renovating?

Clerk: I can go through the whole inventory if you want me to.

Xander: Well, what do you have here right now?

Clerk: Um...

[Items clatter around in a box.]

Let’s see what we’ve got. Ultra Balls, if you want one of those we can—

Xander: Hold on, hold on, hold on. What?

Clerk: Ultra Balls.

Xander: What’s that?

Clerk: Like a Poké Ball but stronger. Better than a Great Ball, better than a Poké Ball.

Xander: There’s a Great Ball?

Clerk: Mm-hmm.

Xander: Is there an Okay Ball?

Clerk: That’s the one that’s just white and red.

Xander: [enunciates] Poké Ball. I get it now.

Clerk: Yeah, so...

Skip: What’s the green one?

Clerk: The green one?

Skip: Yeah, I was watchin’ the Pokémon League on TV and somebody chucked a green and white ball out there.

Clerk: Mmm. They might’ve painted it.

[In the background, Candace releases Pixie the Vulpix from her Poké Ball.]

Or it was a Nest Ball. Couple of things it could’ve been. We don’t sell that here.

Skip: Dratini, we’re paintin’ your Poké Ball.

[Dratini trills.]

Clerk: Like I said, we had a whole- we had a whole department for Poké Balls upstairs but we had to consolidate everything down here.

Xander: Well, so what does- what’s an Ultra Ball do?

Clerk: Well, it’s stronger.

Xander: Oh, so it makes it easier to catch ’em?

[A deep, humming whoosh is heard in the background.]

Clerk: Yeah, that’s right.

Candace: [excited] Guuuys!

Skip: Whoooa!

Xander: [yells] Ahh! What’s goin’ on?

Candace: Holy moly! I’m so excited I can’t… [groans happily]

Xander: [slow] What the fuck?

[The gentle chimes of a completed evolution are heard.]

Skip: It’s so pretty!

Candace: [awed] She’s so beautiful, Pixie!

[Pixie the Ninetales coos.]

[awed] Oh my gosh, you’re so glorious!

Clerk: Oh, we also have tea.

[Candace gasps and bangs her hands on the counter as she leans in.]

Candace: You have tea?

Xander: We need a lot of that.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Candace: Please!

Clerk: ₽30.

Xander: I’ll take five.

[Register dings. Money rustles.]

Clerk: Okay.

Xander: How much’re your Poké Balls?

Clerk: Ultra Ball’s gonna be ₽1,100.

Xander: What about a Poké Ball?

Clerk: Regular Poké Ball’s ₽500.

Xander: What about anything that’s less expensive than that?

[Register clicks as the Clerk puts the money away.]

Clerk: Uh, no, Poké Ball’s as shitty as it gets. You want a regular Potion, I can give you that. If you want a—

[Clerk mumbles in the background as Candace shouts over him.]

Candace: How is nobody excited right now? My Ninetales is just leaping around the room—

[Barking, soft footsteps pad around the room.]

—just being glorious and sparkling and just...

[Pixie coos and wiggles its tail cutely.]

Travis: I walk out—

Clerk: —and that’s our whole catalogue.

Travis: [amused] We walk out with a Poké Ball.

[Register dings.]

Candace: Ninetales! Ninetales!

[Upbeat music.]

Sage: Great! So you all go to downtown Celadon and start to see the sickness over everyone and [chuckles] there’s a parade? Uh, Pride Parade’s goin’ on today and it’s awesome. Aside from the vomit everywhere, everyone’s havin’ a great time.

Candace: This is a party! It’s like they’re all celebrating because I have a Ninetales now!

[Officer Jenny runs up to the group. She blows her whistle.]

Officer Jenny: Hey. [clears throat] Hey, wait a minute. [groans]

Candace: Yeah?

Officer Jenny: Um, [groans] I can’t figure out how to get into the Team Rocket hideout, but we think there might be information there.

Candace: Whoa.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Candace can you roll Intuition?

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

You have the idea that, since you’re now a master Pokémon trainer with a Ninetales—

Jessica: Yes!

Sage: —you are on par with the police force. Candace puts on the detective hat.

Candace: I have switched my hat and put on my secret, super duper—

Skip: Hey, that’s Dratini’s hat!

Officer Jenny: [clears throat] I’m glad that you put on your detective hat because when I say we don’t know how to get into Team Rocket’s hideout, I mean we have no idea where it is or even if it exists.

Candace: Well, bebs—

Officer Jenny: I’m very sick, could we- I really would like your help with this.

Candace: [bad Noir voice] I’m just letting you know that I’m pretty sure I know where Team Rocket’s hidden. And if you follow us, I’ll show ya.

[Jessica chuckles.]

Officer Jenny: I- I follow y- I—

Xander: [quiet] Is she Southern, now?

Officer Jenny: I didn’t think you’d been here before.

Candace: [Jessica stifles laughter] Oh, I have been around, lady.

Officer Jenny: Okay, well, that’s great but can you tell us where you think—

[Candace walks off.]

Candace: Just follow me and I’ll show ya.

Sage: And Candace leads everyone to the…Gym? [chuckles]

[Jessica chuckles.]

Candace: Here we are!

Officer Jenny: Oh, this is- this is nice, but this is just our town Gym. I don’t- I don’t the- Team Rocket would hideout in such an obvious location.

Candace: Oh, right! Team Rocket.

[The door opens with a whoosh. Footsteps shuffle across the pavement.]

Erika: Welcome to the Celadon Gym.

Xander: [coughs] ’S a lotta smoke in there.

[Candace drops her Noir impression, returning to her normal voice.]

Candace: Hi! Are you Erika?

[Erika pulls out a perfume bottle and spritzes it.]

Erika: Yes, I’m Erika the Gym Leader.

[Beat.]

What’s up?

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Xander: Oh.

Skip: Alright, guys, let’s do it!

[Skip pulls out his Poké Ball.]

Dratini, go! OW!

Xander: What the fuck?

[The Poké Ball bounces on the ground. Dratini exits and Gym Battle music begins.]

Sage: Right outside of the Celadon Gym, not officially on the stadium and in front of the parade, who happens to hear the yelling and get really excited by [gaps] an impromptu Pokémon battle! They gather around the entrance.

[The crowd cheers and whistles throughout.]

And Dratini is summoned, and so is…

Erika: Go, Bellsprout.

[Bellsprout exits its Poké Ball.]

Skip: Alright, Dratini. Let’s get things started by ending it. Thunder Wave!

[Dratini trills. Thunder Wave zaps.]

Erika: You may’ve Paralyzed my little Bellsprout, but you’re no match for the acidy goo that grows in his belly. Do the gastro Acid, buddy.

Sage: And then projectile vomit spews out from Bellsprout.

[The crowd groans as Acid squelches. Bellsprout cries out.]

Skip: Let’s Twist things up. Twister!

[Dratini trills. Heavy wind whirls toward Bellsprout.]

Erika: Hey, stop it. You almost hurt it to death.

[Crowd: “Wow!”]

Put it to Sleep, little shit brain.

[Bellsprout cries out. Rustling is heard as Sleep Powder is shaken over Dratini. Dratini trills sleepily and falls over.]

[Crowd: “Ooo!”]

Candace: Oh, no. Wait, Dratini.

Skip: Dude, wake up!

Erika: Can’t wake up once you’re Asleep. That’s the rules.

Skip: Come on, Dratini! I believe in you!

Candace: Dratini, I’ll give you your hat back!

Erika: Hey, shit brain, what’re you doin’? Move around. Why’re you so Paralyzed right now?

Skip: Come on Dratini! Wake up and let’s Rage like a Dragon!

Erika: Loosey brain. [clicks tongue] Wake up.

[Dratini snores.]

Do your little vomit thing again.

Xander: Officer Jenny, is this legal?

Officer Jenny: Well, [groans] in Celadon, “legal” is a very loose term. And, uh, we have a lot of, um, openness here. Uh, especially when we have crimes like the, uh, potential bike thievery that’s been going on in other surrounding cities. Uh, we start to question whether or not we really want to perpetrate other perpetrators who may or may not be condoning activity that one might consider illegal—

Xander: Sound like you have no idea what you’re talking about.

[Jessica laughs.]

Sage: Everyone squints for a couple of moments, slowly turns around and sees a sign that says, “What happens in Celadon, stays in Celadon.”

Erika: It’s the Rainbow Way.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Now, go ahead and do that vomit thing I told you to do, Bellsprout.

[Acid squelches.]

Skip: Dratini, WAKE UUUP!

[Dratini snores.]

Xander: Do you wanna swap in?

Skip: Come on, Dratini!

Xander: This would be a pretty cool time to see what Ninetales can do.

Candace: Alright. Ninetales, go!

[Candace tosses a Poké Ball and Ninetales enters the battle.]

Erika: Whoa!

Sage: Its tails are flowin’, it is one of the most beautiful Pokémon anybody’s seen. The whole parade goes, “Oooo!”

Crowd: Oooo! [cheers] How many tails does it have?

Candace: Nine tails! Get ready! We’re gonna paint the town! It’s time for Will-O-Wisp!

[Will-O-Wisp hits Bellsprout. Acid splats over Ninetales. The crowd gasps.]

Oh no, Ninetales. You’re-

Erika: Hey, buddy—

Candace: You’re poisoned!

Erika: Yeah, because my little buddy—

Xander: Candace, Candace.

Erika: —did Poison Powder on—

Candace: What?

Erika: Hey…

Xander: Remember when we burned down the Viridian Forest?

Candace: Yeah.

Erika: What?

Xander: Burn down that Bellsprout!

[Travis chuckles.]

Candace: Oh!

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Xander, I need you to roll for me. One roll, Wisdom.

Travis: Got it.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Hidden Power chime.]

Sage: Mmm. Make sure that Officer Jenny did not hear you just admit—

[Jessica laughs.]

—[amused] that you burned down Viridian Forest.

Travis: Oh sh— [laughs]

Sage: Whatever his Hidden Power is—

Travis: Confidence.

Sage: Alright. With Confidence.

[Music slows to only drums.]

Officer Jenny: Son?

Xander: [nervous] Uh, yeah?

Officer Jenny: Wha- uh, what was that you just admitted to?

[Beat.]

Did you just say you burned down the Viridian Forest?

Xander: No.

[Music stops.]

Officer Jenny: Well, okay then.

[Beat.]

[Gym Battle music resumes!]

Sage: And the battle resumes.

[Crowd claps and cheers.]

Candace: Alright, Ninetales! It’s time to bring out your Embers. Ember, go!

[Ninetales hacks, flames whoosh.]

Erika: Hey. Whoa!

[Crowd cries in awe.]

That was like vomit but in fire form.

Candace: Heck yeah, it was! My Ninetales is gonna take you down!

Erika: I don’t think so, because I got something for you. It’s like a dinosaur and a plant.

[Erika pulls out another Poké Ball.]

It’s my Ivysaur.

[Ivysaur exits its ball and cries out.]

Candace: Yeah? Well, my Ninetales is much more majestic than that thing.

Erika: I agree.

Candace: An’ it’s gonna take you down! Ninetales, Ember!

[Ninetales hacks, flames whoosh.]

Erika: You’re Ninetails has eyes of pearls, but guess what? Bullet Seed time!

[Ivysaur fires seeds at Ninetales like a gun.]

Do it, Ivysaur. Spit out your little pink plumes.

Xander: Oh. Oh, it’s shooting seeds at it.

Candace: Oh my gosh!

Xander: Candace, Ninetales doesn’t look so good.

Candace: Yeah, she was Poisoned a little- a couple turns ago.

Erika: Yeah.

Xander: Was she?

Candace: Yeah.

Erika: The Bells—

Xander: I’m not paying attention.

Candace: Come on, keep up!

Erika: I believe that Bellsprout did that.

Xander: Sorry! I’m tryin’a get the hang of this stuff, okay?

Candace: Ninetales, Payback!

[Chimes are heard as Ninetales focuses. It charges and slams into Ivysaur.]

Erika: Lock and load! Bullet Seed again!

[Seeds shoot out and the crowd cries out.]

Candace: Oh, guys, what do I do?

Erika: Pew, pew, pew.

Xander: Uh, well, what’s that on its back?

Candace: It’s a bulb.

Xander: But what’s below that?

Candace: Leaves.

Xander: What burns leaves?

Candace: [growls] Fire!

Xander: You’re gettin’ it!

Candace: Alright, Ninetales! Ember!

[Ninetales hacks, flames whoosh.]

Erika: Oh you will not destroy—

Candace: Take that!

Erika: —my Ivysaur. It’s too strong. Do it again! Bullet Seed, Bullet Seed, Bullet Seed.

[Seeds hit Ninetales in rapid succession. Ninetales collapses. Candace groans.]

Pew, pew, pew.

Candace: Okay, stop! Ninetales is on the ground!

Xander: She’s already fainted! She’s already fainted!

Skip: Xander!

Candace: You’re a savage!

Xander: What?

Skip: Get in there!

Xander: Uh, me?

Candace: Come on, Ninetales, return.

[Ninetales returns to its Poké Ball.]

Xander: I’m not gonna fight a Pokémon!

Skip: Well, no, throw a Pokémon.

Xander: Oh, sh- alright. Uh, let’s see.

[Backpack zips open.]

[frantic] Uh, I’ve got two, uh. I didn’t write any of their names on these Poké Balls, I don’t know.

Erika: I’ll just sharpen my nail.

[Two exit-whooshes are heard.]

Sage: Both of Xander’s Pokémon come out at the same time.

[Pokédex beeps rapidly.]

Xander: [yells] I’m sor—

Pokédex: Illegal move. Illegal move. Illegal move.

Candace: What’re you doing?!

Xander: [frantic] Mudkip come back! Mudkip come back! Mudkip.

[Marshtomp returns.]

Candace: Oh no!

Xander: Alright, Ramona, get in there.

[Wings flap as Pidgeotto enters the battlefield.]

How do you guys know what fuckin’ Pokémon’s in the ball?

Erika: My grandma’s name’s Ramona.

Candace: [tearful] Cool story. You just hurt my Ninetales. I hate you!

Xander: Are you high right now?

Erika: I ate some mushrooms off of my Paris and it’s good for your skin.

Xander: Fine! Alright, Ramona, use Quick Attack!

[Ramona cries out and blurs forward. A thud is heard as it smacks Ivysaur.]

Erika: Whoa!

Candace: Nice one!

Erika: That was fast but not as fast as this.

Xander: It's literally faster than that.

Erika: Sleep Powder. G’night, Ramona! Sleep.

[A swish is heard as the powder covers Ramona.]

Just like that other thing did.

Xander: Oh no. Don’t do it! Ah, shit. Alright.

Candace: Ramona, wake up.

Xander: Wake up! Wake up and use Quick Attack.

Candace: Ramona, I’ve got worms!

Erika: You should go to the doctor for that.

[Crowd laughs.]

Candace: What?

Xander: Fine, you’re not gonna wake up. Ramona, come back.

[Pidgeotto returns.]

Alright, Muddy Waters, go!

[Muddy Waters exits and cries out. Ivysaur fires seeds at it, and it cries out in pain.]

Candace: Oh no!

Xander: [horrified] OOOH!

Candace: What did you do?!

[Muddy Waters collapses.]

Xander: [yells] Oh, it happened again! This is the fourth time!

Erika: Don’t you know that plant types are strong against Water-types?

Xander: Don’t you know—

Erika: And earth type, er, Ground-type, er, Rock-ty- I’m high.

[Jessica chuckles.]

Skip: Dratini, go!

[Skip tosses a Poké Ball. Dratini exits its Ball and snores.]

Candace: Aw, Dratini.

Erika: Hey, you know what? You’re gonna die.

[Ivysaur fires seeds at Dratini. The crowd groans.]

Skip: Damn, she’s really good with these. Dratini! Wake up.

[Dratini snores.]

Dragon Rage!

Erika: Snooze, snooze. Bullet time! Pew, pew.

[Rapid thuds are heard.]

You’re in the Matrix.

Candace: Oh my gosh.

Xander: It’s like every time—

[Dratini trills.]

Skip: Dratini!

Candace: Oh, Dratini! She woke up!

Skip: Burn it!

[Dratini trills. A hum builds and flames surge toward Ivysaur. Ivysaur collapses and the crowd cheers.]

Erika: Oh, that put you away. Go, Bellossom!

[Ivysaur returns. Erika tosses another Poké Ball and Bellossom joins the fight.]

Skip: Dratini, burn this flower with your Dragon Rage, now.

[A dull hum builds and flames fly at Bellossom.]

Erika: I’ll admit that was pretty good. But guess what? Fightin’ fire with lightning. Stun spore!

[David chuckles.]

You’re Paralyzed, just like a Thunder Wave would.

[Paralyze buzzes.]

Skip: Dratini, shake it off! Burn it with Dragon Rage!

[Dratini trills and builds its attack. Flames envelop Bellossom, and it collapses. The crowd cheers.]

That’s right! Nothing can defeat Fire when you’re made of Grass. Because I’ve learned through my experience that Pokémon made of Grass burn with Fire!

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Uh, Skip, can you roll me Smarts?

[Dice roll on the table.]

Xander: I just realized that Pokémon is wearing a dress.

[Giggling.]

Sage: Critical success. As you spout all this, you realize, “Oh, it’s a Dragon-type move”.

[A rumbly whoosh. Skip enters internal dialogue.]

Skip: [thoughts echo] So… It doesn’t matter that fire’s coming out of its mouth. I mean, it’s not even red. It’s this purple flame. It’s totally a Dragon move. Dratini, I’m so sorry.

Xander: [whispers] Is he okay?

Skip: [thoughts echo] You are a Dragon, through and through.

Candace: [whispers] It’s his moment, shut up.

Xander: [whispers] Okay. Sorry.

Skip: [thoughts echo] And one day you’re gonna sprout wings and you’re gonna [emotional] fly like a butterfly.

[A chime is heard as he returns to reality. The sounds of the crowd cheering returns.]

[groans] I’m back.

Sage: Skip looks down to see that in his hand is the Rainbow Badge.

[The crowd cheers louder.]

Erika: Now, let’s all enjoy the parade!

Sage: And they do! Except for Officer Jenny. But that’s not because she’s an intolerant jerk.

[Danger-warning crime music.]

Officer Jenny: There’s not time to enjoy any parades today, young folks.

[She coughs and vomit splashes on the ground.]

There’s still somethin’ else we gotta check out. And I know you guys are excited that you got your Badge, and that’s great, but we still haven’t found the Team Rocket hideout, and I think I know where it is.

[Candace switches to a bad Noir-voice, almost as if she’s drunk.]

Candace: Oh, lady, lady, lady. I’ve put- I adjust my cap.

[Jessica chuckles.]

Officer Jenny: Okay, well take your hat off because you failed the last time.

Xander: John Wayne?

[Guitar chord. The group walks through the city.]

Sage: There’s a little bit of confusion of who’s leading who to the Celadon Game Corner. Officer Jenny and Candace and Skip and Xander all kinda just walk together and look to the left and right and try to look for all the slot machines that are lying around. And they find the Celadon Game Corner and head inside.

[Automatic door slides open.]

It is still open for business, but there’s not as many people there.

[Slot machines clack.]

Also, it smells like puke.

[The group walks around the Game Corner.]

Officer Jenny: Now, this seems promising to me.

Candace: Yeah, it’s a good thing I found it.

Xander: [mumbles] I think this is where my parents met.

Skip: I don’t think I’m legally allowed to be inside of this building.

Candace: Wait, Xander, where’s your dad?

Officer Jenny: How old are you kids?

Candace: Uh…

Skip: Twenty-one?

Candace: Old enough.

Xander: If we tell you, are you gonna be embarrassed that you’re asking us for help on your police work?

[Beat.]

Officer Jenny: So I think this is a good place to start looking for the Team Rocket hideout.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Can everybody roll me Sense?

Jessica: Yes. [clears throat]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

Sage: Great, it's all successes. You look straight across [amused] and there is a poster with an “R” on it.

[The group approaches the poster.]

Candace: Well, uh, my senses, uh, because I’m a real good detective, uh, there’s an R right over there. Like Team Rocket.

Skip: Hey, that’s the same R that was on the uniform we found.

Candace: You bet it was- is.

Officer Jenny: Well, pull the poster down. What’re you waiting for?

Xander: Why would we pull the poster down?

[Skip grabs the top of the poster and tears it off the wall.]

Skip: Yah!

Xander: What’re—

Candace: Oh.

Xander: You want a closer look at it?

Skip: Hey, guys. Look what’s behind this poster.

Xander: Oh shit, there’s a switch there?

Sage: A very mysterious-looking switch.

Candace: Whoa.

Officer Jenny: This is why you never question the police.

Xander: You- there- no way. No way you coulda known that was there.

[Travis chuckles.]

Officer Jenny: I just thought if there was nothing else, why not pull the poster down?

Xander: [whispers] You’re asking children to help you.

Candace: You’ve outsmarted me, Officer Jenny. I tip my hat to you.

Skip: CLICK!

[A clank is heard and a power door groans open.]

Sage: A passageway opens to their right and stairs form out of the ground into the basement. It looks like there are no lights on in- down there and it smells like dust.

Candace: At least it’s not barf.

Skip: Hey, Candace, why don’t you Flash this?

Candace: You got it.

[Abra exits its Poké Ball.]

Xander: There are no lights on in- down there.

Candace: Abra, Flash.

[A high-pitched hum builds and an echoing chime goes off as Abra uses Flash.]

Credits

[The Team Rocket motif builds. Music morphs from 8-bit to hard rock.]

Marlena Jean: Thanks for tuning in! This has been a 20 Sided Stories production.

Candace Carter was played by Jessica Dahlgren

Skip Svitak was played by Greg Reasoner

And Xander Whitten was played by Travis Reaves

With Additional Voices by David McEuen, Noah Sturtridge, Mariah Ramblas, and Sage G.C.

The original music from the Pokémon Red, Green, Blue, and Yellow Versions was composed by Junichi Masuda

With Arrangements and Additional Scoring by Sage G.C.

Additional Production and Audio Assistance by Travis Reaves

Game Master Assistance and Pokémon Battle Management by Grant Bouffard

Original Character artwork by Ariana Cabebe

Podcast Directed, Edited, and Sound Designed by Sage G.C.

You can get the soundtrack to this series for free at

sagegc.bandcamp.com

And of course, visit our website at 20sidedstories.com

[Transcripts by Tiffany Chapman]

[Music crescendos and fades out.]