20 Sided Stories

POKÉMON! Pen & Paper Version

Episode

Air Date: September 12, 2018

[Podcast Intro music throughout.]

Sage G.C.: This podcast and series has no affiliation with Nintendo, The Pokémon Company, Game Freak, Creatures Inc., or anything in the official Pokémon franchise whatsoever. It is a non-profit, fan-made parody piece created in fair use and all product names, trademarks, and copyrights are the property of their respective owners. The bulk of what you are about to hear was recorded live by improvisers who simply love the franchise, and we thank you for joining us on our nostalgic adventure through Kanto. Enjoy.

[Intro crescendos.]

Jessica Dahlgren: Thank you and welcome to 20 Sided Stories.

[Intro fades out.]

Episode 7 - The Curse of Lavender Town

[Birds chirp in the background. Light, Route-travel music.]

Narrator: Continuing through the dark and treacherous Rock Tunnel, and assisted by Candace’s Abra, our trainers have made it out of the cave safe and sound.

Candace: [quiet] Nice.

Xander: Little bit of Kabuto-diarrhea, but that’s to be expected.

Candace: Ew, it’s a hamburger, remember? We don’t mention this—

Xander: Eat centuries-old Pokémon.

Candace: We do not mention this to anybody ever again.

Skip: I’m saving the shell.

Xander: [quiet] Oh…

Candace: [scoffs; whispers] No, you have to leave it.

Skip: [whispers] Why?

Candace: [whispers] Oh, wait! Our fingerprints’ll be on it.

Skip: It’s valuable.

Xander: [whispers] Actually, he’s on to something. We could prob’ly sell that.

Candace: [whispers] Okay, keep it.

Xander: Anyways. [burps] Oh, there it is again.

[Candace clears her throat loudly.]

Narrator: Travelling south on the elevated Route 10, Candace, Skip, and Xander are eager to find proper shelter, but it appears nighttime is already upon them.

Candace: Well! We made it outta that Rock Tunnel and we are on our way.

Skip: Great job, Dream Police! Cartwheel!

[Clothes rustle as Skip and Candace run into position.]

Candace: [yells] Somersault, heavy panting, pose!

Skip: Pose!

[A light thud as they stick the landing.]

Xander: Okay, guys. I’m committed, but I’m still working on it.

Candace: Well, you gotta come up with something at one point. This is getting ridiculous.

Xander: Uh, jumping jack!

[Thud.]

Candace: Better!

Skip: And put your arms up!

[Xander grunts as he throws his arms up.]

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Role for Efficiency.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Net chime.]

[clicks tongue] Mmm. Uh, it’s a pretty okay jumping jack.

Travis: [quiet] Mother Fucker…

[Chuckling.]

You’re gonna tell us to hurry it up, you just made me roll for a fucking jumping jack.

[Greg giggles.]

Wait a minute? That was a calis—

Sage: [loud] It is about 6 PM—

Travis: That was a calisthenic check!

[Chuckling.]

Sage: —and the trainers, Dream Police, come through a rocky overpass and this city, very small, starts to show itself from behind the cliffs.

[Shoes crunch over grass and dirt as The Dream Police walk down the road.]

Skip: [impressed] Ooo.

Xander: I’m just surprised there was nobody else in that tunnel. Did you guys see anybody?

Skip: Well, if there was, I think I might’ve Dragon Raged them out.

Xander: That was awesome!

Skip: Right?!

Xander: Like, okay. I’m not- I’m still… I don’t know—

Candace: You love Pokémon!

Xander: Well, I’ve never had anything against ’em. I’m just saying, I’m—

Skip: You’re gettin’ into this.

Xander: I- I get this. I get it.

Skip: You’re gettin’ into it.

Xander: Yeah, I got this Marshtomp. Ac- somethin’s been weird, though.

Candace: What?

Xander: Like, we never talked about the fact that we didn’t- we didn’t win that last badge.

Candace: Um…

Xander: He just straight gave it to us.

Candace: Because we deserve to win.

Skip: Also, he’s like an ex-military special forces Pokémon trainer, and we took him to the edge. I mean, do we have to, like, kick his butt to get a badge?

Candace: Yeah, we’re kids.

Skip: Or are we just earning ’em?

Xander: I mean, alright, I’ll fol—

Candace: We straight up earned that chiz.

Xander: I’ll follow your lead on that one. I don’t know.

Skip: I mean, if I was a Gym Trainer, and I, like, had to get my butt kicked every single time, I- I feel like the League would fire me. You just keep losin’ to kids. It’s a messed-up system.

Candace: Little bit.

Xander: [sighs] I got a lot to learn.

Skip: Me too.

Sage: Our trainers arrive at the entrance to Lavender Town. The sign is very dusty. Something seems old and strange about it. And then…two little shits come running by.

[Rival entry music.]

Blue: What’s up tiny looosers?

Rival Zach: Losers!

Blue: Yeah! You got ’em Zach.

Rival Zach: Yeah! Zach!

Candace: Quit talking to yourselves, alright? You guys need to get admitted to an insane asylum, because y’all are the shitheads, okay?

Rival Zach: Nah, man. My- my uncle’s just teaching me how ta be the ultimate Pokémon master so I can beat Red!

Candace: You mean the ultimate frickin’ shithead!

Rival Zach: [yells] You don’t know shit!

Candace: I know that you’re a shithead and he’s a monster shithead!

Blue: Zach, dude, don’t worry about it. The training I’ve been giving you? They’re not even worth your time.

Rival Zach: You’re right!

Skip: Yeah, can you guys leave us alone and stop following us?

[Candace, Xander, and Zach talk over each other.]

Candace: Oh, don’t worry, you’ll—

Xander: [quiet] Yeah, this is really—

Rival Zach: Yeah, it’s fine, yeah.

Skip: …No, I wanna follow up on that. Can you leave us alone and stop following us?

Rival Zach: Yeah, yeah, totally.

Skip: Okay, go!

Rival Zach: Yeah. Screw you guys! We’re gonna stay right here.

Blue: Have fun in creepy town, losers!

Rival Zach: Yeah, losers!

Candace: [yells] Um, I wasn’t the one who lost the Gym in Viridian City!

Blue: [quiet] I will kill you.

Candace: [yells] Ex—

Blue: [quiet] Child, I will murder you. They will never find you.

[Stifled laughter.]

Xander: Guy’s, let’s go.

[Candace, Skip, and Xander shout over each other.]

Candace: Try me! Try me, bitch! I’ll fight you! I’ll fight you!

Skip: Candace! Get ready for attack.

Xander: Let’s go, let’s go. Let’s go! [yells] Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s—

[Stat test chime.]

Travis: Gah. Drag her off.

Sage: Roll for Brawn, Can—

[Jessica chuckles.]

Candace roll for Brawn.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

[Jessica chuckles in worry.]

gasps] Oh, it’s a critical failure. But, Xander succeeds.

[Success chime.]

So he’s gonna balance out that critical, it’s just a regular failure.

[Candace growls and charges at Blue.]

Candace goes to throw a punch at Blue, and he just grabs her fist, pushes her back.

[Candace gasps and yelps. A soft thud on the grass as she falls over. Xander groans in worry.]

Blue: Listen, if there’s anything I learned from being an [mumbles] ex [normal] Pokémon Champion, it’s n- it’s nerves of steel. I have the reflexes—

Rival Zach: Steel!

[Beat.]

Blue: I have the reflexes of a trained master.

Rival Zach: Master!

Xander: Okay, guys.

Blue: Why’re you doin’ that?

Xander: Guys—

Rival Zach: [nervous] I wanna be like you.

Candace: He’s your hype-man, duh!

Rival Zach: [quiet] I wanna- you’re the coolest uncle.

Skip: Can you stop tryin’a fight children and leave us alone?

Candace: Yeah, you really hurt me!

Skip: I’m gonna report this to the authorities.

[Beat.]

Blue: Hey, Zach, we should get going.

[Rival guitars play.]

Rival Zach: [loud] The authorities? You mean the authorities who are totally after somebody who burnt Viridian Forest? I bet it was your Vulpix.

[Candace makes a guilty squeal, but manages to speak cooly.]

Candace: Vulpix would never do that.

Rival Zach: I mean, I don’t know, maybe. I don’t know, maybe your—

Candace: She’s a saint.

Rival Zach: She’s pretty good. [quiet] Do you think- do you think her Vulpix could do that? I mean, I don’t know.

Skip: I bet it was Team Rocket.

Candace: Yeah, Team Rocket’s on the loose! Not that you care. Or you, Blue.

Skip: Hey, do I notice that you guys look guilty?

Blue: Do you?

[Stat test chime.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

Sage: No.

[Failure chime.]

[Music intensifies.]

Blue: No. What? That’s stupid. You’re stupid.

Sage: But, they are very insecure. [chuckles]

Skip: You- you’re throwin’ a lot of insults to children when you’re a grown-up.

Candace: Hasbeen.

[Zach stammers.]

Skip: Insecure hasbeen.

Rival Zach: [stammers] Whatever. You’re just mad ’cause- ’cause we already went up the Pokémon Tower and, uh, fought a bunch of creepy ghosts. And we’re all done! [quiet, quavering] ’Cause it’s really scary and we’re done.

Blue: No, it’s ’cause you’re tough, Zach. Because you’ve gotta have it, man!

Rival Zach: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Xander: [whispers] Guys, can we go? Let’s just go.

Rival Zach: Well, I mean I couldn’t- I couldn’t catch the Gastly. I couldn’t catch the Gastly.

Candace: [whispers] Yeah, let’s just sneak away. Okay.

[Footsteps crunch on dirt as The Dream Police leave.]

Xander: [whispers] Let’s walk away.

[Blue and Zach’s conversation fades.]

Candace: Whoa, that’s a lot of problems and trauma goin’ on on that.

Xander: Bunch of fuckin’ Russian nesting douches.

Skip: Zach needs to take a Tide Pen to the crotch of those pants.

Candace: [scoffs] Tell me about it.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Can everybody roll me Sense?

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

[Success chime.]

[Jessica groans in worry.]

Hmm. Skip is the only one in on this. Xander and Candace both see Lavender Town as a regular town that’s maybe a little bit outdated and old—

Greg: But smells great.

Sage: But as they pass through, Skip is noticing…that nobody’s moving.

[Eerie music; Lavender Town theme begins.]

Skip: Guys…

Candace: What is it?

Skip: Have you noticed that nobody’s moving?

Candace: What?

Skip: Hey, you!

[Beat. Crickets chirp in the background.]

Nothin’.

Xander: Uh.

Skip: Hey, uh, uh, girl with backpack and backwards hat.

[Beat.]

[whispers] Nothin’.

Xander: [groans] Is this like—

Candace: Is this like a giant mannequin challenge?

[Beat.]

I don’t… I don’t know, I—

Xander: I… This…

Candace: I think this is just a mannequin challenge.

Xander: Yeah.

Skip: Alright.

Candace: I think we’re just—

Skip: I’m pokin’ ’im.

Xander: I think this is performance art.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll for Brawn.

Greg: [chuckles] To poke?

Sage: [chuckles] Yup.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

Critical fail. It breaks your finger.

[A sickening snap. Skip screams in pain.]

Candace: Why’d you have to go an‘ touch somebody? You hurt your finger.

Skip: I didn’t know touching someone was gonna break my finger!

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll for Health, Skip.

Xander: What the fuck?

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

Sage: Fail. Skip is in a lot of pain.

[Skip pants.]

He doesn’t know if he can throw his Poké Balls out.

Skip: [pained] Guys, I need to get to a Human Center!

[Candace groans quietly.]

Xander: You just- you touched that guy and your finger broke?

Skip: That’s what happened! I can’t explain it!

Candace: What’re you made of glass?

[Eerie music intensifies.]

Xander: Okay this is- this is not okay. I- I- this is no longer okay. Guys… Let’s- let’s—

Candace: Now we gotta go to a hospital?

Xander: Let’s get- what d’we need to do here?

Sage: You see a Pokémon Center.

Skip: Good enough, let’s go! Oh, wait, it’s Nurse Joy in there. You guys go for me.

[Xander and Candace yell over each other.]

Xander: Wha- you- we need you in there!

Candace: No, it’s your finger! You need to go in there. You guys aren’t even together. This is a different Nurse Joy!

Skip: [scoffs] Fine.

[The trio walk over to the Pokémon Center. Eerie music crescendos and fades out.]

[Creepy Pokémon Center music. The automatic door slides open.]

Sage: You enter the Pokémon Center and it’s a lot colder than the previous ones.

Nurse Joy: [glitches] Welcome to our Poké-émon Center. We heal your Pokémon back to perfec’ health. Shall we hear your Pokémon?

Skip: Hey, Joy, it’s- it’s me, Skip. I hurt my finger.

Nurse Joy: Okay. We’ll need your Pokémon.

Skip: Here, just take me instead.

Nurse Joy: [glitches] O-okay. We’ll need your Pokémon.

Skip: I’m tired of these games, Joy. I need to be helped.

Xander: [quiet] There a doctor in the house?

[Nurse Joy’s voice glitches, changing pitch throughout.]

Nurse Joy: Okay. We’ll need your Pokémon.

Sage: Our trainers look around, and there is nobody else in the Pokémon Center except for the single Nurse Joy looking straight out, dead-faced, at the entrance.

Xander: Maybe they just have some, like, iodine or something. Why don’t—

Candace: Hey, maybe we can sneak through the back door?

Xander: —we just go through the- maybe supplies or something.

Skip: [irked] Been a lot of help, Joy.

[The trio walk away from the counter.]

Nurse Joy: Thank you!

Candace: [loud] Alrighty, guys! [quiet] It’s time to get real Mission Impossible on this stuff.

Xander: You started off really fuckin’ loud, but I’m glad you brought it down.

Candace: [whispers] Yeah, because I know this is serious business.

Xander: [whispers] Okay, we gotta go find a potion for—

Skip: There’s just a little door right here, guys.

Xander: [quiet] Oh, shit. Alright, let’s go through the door.

Candace: [whispers] Go through the door.

Sage: You go through the door.

[Stat test chime.]

[The door creaks open.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

Critical fail, Candace trips and hits her forehead.

[Thud!]

Candace: Ow! Ugh!

Xander: [whispers] Shhhh! God, now we gotta find Potion for you, too.

[Failure chime.]

Sage: Skip trips on her. He doesn’t get hurt as bad.

Skip: Ahh!

[Thud!]

[Success chime.]

Candace: Skip!

Sage: Meanwhile, Xander’s just standing in the doorway, pretty calm, but uncomfortable about the idea that nothing < i>is back here.

[Eerie music echoes.]

It’s just a black, empty room.

Skip: This town is terrible.

Candace: This is—

Skip: We’re getting hurt touching people.

Xander: [uneasy] Guys. Guy’s, there’s nothing here.

Skip: Going through doors.

[Greg stifles laughter.]

Xander: This- this isn’t the Pokémon Center.

Candace: This is a literal ghost town?

Xander: This isn’t a- what’d you just say?

Candace: A g-g-g—

Xander: Oh, not you too!

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

I’m not gonna stand for both of you doing this shit!

[Candace stammers. Xander groans.]

Candace: G-g… Spirits!

Xander: It’s a- [growls]

Skip: [uneasy] Can we leave this place?

Xander: I would love that.

Skip: I’m only getting hurt no matter what happens. I- I’m afraid to walk right now.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Xander: Let’s go outside.

Skip: Alright.

[They hurry outside.]

Sage: Our trainers exit the Pokémon Center, back into the courtyard of Lavender Town. The sun has completely set behind the hills up north, the Rock Tunnel where you guys came from. And towering literally above you is the purple, spooky, huge Pokémon Tower.

[Eerie music intensifies.]

Xander: Is that the Gym?

Candace: [moans] Ohhh yeah, I think so.

Skip: Forget the Gym. Let’s go to Celadon.

Xander: Can we?

Skip: Yeah, head west.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Candace, can you roll me Smarts?

Jessica: Yes.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

Sage: Fail. Candace is convinced this is the Lavender City Gym and that is a Gym Badge waiting to be got.

Candace: [fearful] We cannot abandon an opportunity to get a Gym Badge, despite how scary it is!

Skip: But I can’t help you guys out! I can’t throw a Poké Ball!

Candace: Suck it up!

Xander: Jus’ use your other fucking hand!

Skip: I’m not allowed to do that!

[Beat.]

Xander: What? How? I don’t unders—

Skip: Watch! This is me tryin’ ta pick up the Poké Ball with my hand that I usually use.

[Clothes rustle.]

Ow!

Xander: Use your other hand!

Skip: I don’t know what you’re talking about!

Candace: [yells] You have two hands!

Xander: Your left hand! Oh, fine! Let’s just go in the tower.

Candace: Come on, Skip!

Sage: The door drifts open on its own.

[A heavy door creaks open, echoing in the silence.]

Candace: [fearful] Oh my gosh they—

Skip: They have technology!

Candace: [excited] —know we’re here!

Skip: Oh.

Xander: That’s just a door- a door—

[Travis laughs.]

[Morale-boosting Halloween music.]

Candace: They are doing a grand entrance for us because they know that we are the undefeated Dream Police! [sings] Surrender!

Skip: I’m gonna hold off- I’m gonna hold off on the cartwheel.

Xander: Candace. Candace, I can’t- I can’t tell if you’re scared or not anymore. [chuckles]

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: [chuckles] Roll for Confidence.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

[Catchy drum beat starts.]

Travis: Oh, shit.

Sage: Nope! Critical success. Candace is so goddamn excited to get this “Ghost Badge” or whatever she thinks it’s called.

Xander: She’s in the zone!

Candace: [sings] G-g-g-ghost Badge!

Sage: The failure at Vermilion City has motivated her to just come back ten-fold.

Candace: I’m ready! I’m ready and set, and I will take on any freakin’ Pokémon Ghost-thing that might be in this creepy tower!

Sage: She runs up the staircase. It’s a lot longer than it looked from the bottom.

[Candace pants as she charges up the stone steps.]

Skip: You know, even though I’m not gonna be able to throw a Pokémon, I think she’s got this.

Xander: Let’s follow her.

Candace: [distant] Come on, guys! Keep up!

Skip: Alright.

Xander: I think we might die.

Sage: We go inside the Pokémon Tower.

[Music crescendos and fades out.]

Who’s That Pokémon?

[Who’s That Pokémon? music.]

Candace, Skip, Xander: Who’s that Pokémon?

[Pokémon cry.]

Who’s That Pokémon?

[Who’s That Pokémon? music.]

Candace, Skip, Xander: It’s Mr. Mime!

[Mr. Mime cry.]

The Curse of Lavender Town - Part II

[Eerie organ plays; Pokemon Tower theme.]

Sage: Inside the Pokémon Tower, there is a dense fog oozing throughout the circular room like a mist. It’s hard to see. It’s very dark and lowly lit with lanterns.

Candace: My god, it’s like a rock-star entrance.

Xander: My dad has one of these.

Candace: They have a fog machine!

Skip: I can clear this up.

[Clothes rustle.]

Dratini!

[Poké Ball bounces away.]

OW!

Candace: Oh my god, [loud] use your other hand!

Skip: [loud] I don’t know what that means!

Candace: Oh, you’re so—

[Candace growls in annoyance.]

Xander: Alright, can I throw it? Let me try. Can I throw Dratini?

Skip: Alright. Dratini! Follow his instruction.

[Xander picks up the Poké Ball.]

Xander: Alright, I’m gonna throw the Dratini Poké Ball. Here we go. [grunts]

[Poké Ball bounces on the ground.]

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: For being a Pokémon trainer for someone else’s Pokémon, I’m gonna say you have to roll Confidence.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

Success! Dratini comes out.

[Dratini exits her ball with a whoosh.]

Xander: Hey!

Skip: Sweet, Dratini, Twister! Let’s blow this mist outta here.

[Dratini trills. Wind tears around the room.]

Xander: [mumbles] I just realized Ramona coulda done that too.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll for effectiveness, Skip, ’cause it’s your Pokémon.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

Dratini is not strong enough to push this mist out of the way. As a matter of fact, she just kind of damaged some of the walls and throws some things around.

[Dratini trills apologetically.]

Xander: Fuck that. Ramona! Get out here.

[Ramona exits her Ball and chirps.]

Skip: Dratini, come back.

[Dratini returns.]

OW!

Xander: Alright, Ramona. Use Gust.

[Stat test chime.]

[Success chime.]

Sage: That worked a little bit better.

[Wings flap and wind rushes through the area.]

You see the fog clear out and there’s a stairway that goes up a floor.

Xander: Whoa. Guys…it’s a stairway. [chuckles nervously]

Candace: Let’s go!

[Candace sprints forward.]

Xander: Alright. Ramona, come back.

[Ramona returns.]

Skip: This is just like in Game of Death.

Xander: What? The ho- What?

Skip: Let’s keep goin’!

Xander: Ah, man!

[Beat. Music fades out.]

[Shoes stomp on creaking wood steps as the group continues to climb the tower.]

Xander: So it’s really—the fog machines—it’s not actually fog. It’s like a- it’s like a chemical compound they use to push outta the mister. It’s really cool. My dad has that and, like, a whole lighting rig and stuff. It’s like—

Candace: It’s a rock star entrance!

Xander: Exactly! But it’s- here it’s just really spooky. I don’t quite get what’s goin’ on.

[Wind blows and whistles eerily through cracks in the walls.]

Sage: You get up to the first floor and immediately in the doorway, this purple ball appears in front of you with a ghostly face and a weird, weird, weird uncomfortable grin that seems almost like it’s insinuating something not good.

[Music builds and cuts off.]

Gastly: [whispers] Boo.

Dream Police: AAAAHHHHHHH!!

[Creepy rendition of the Wild Pokemon Battle music plays.]

Candace: What is that?

[Pokédex clicks open.]

Pokédots: [beep] Gastly. A Ghost-Pokémon.

Xander: [yells] What?

Candace: Holy moly.

Skip: [quavering] You mean that Pokémon can be ghosts?

Candace: This is incredible!

Sage: Our trainers look around and realize they’re surrounded by Pokémon tombs.

Skip: This. Is. Terrible.

Xander: Oh my god. [stammers] Marshtomp! Go!

[Xander unzips his pack and pulls out a Poké Ball, throwing it forward. Muddy Waters exits his ball and cries out.]

Hi, Marshtomp. Oh, god. It’s so fuckin’ weird. Use- use Mud-Slap!

[A wet smack is heard as Muddy Waters slings mud.]

What’s it doing?

[Eerie whoosh.]

Uh, it just went right through him! The mud went right through him!

Skip: [fearful] This is terrible!

Candace: [fearful] Oh my god!

Xander: Alright. Uh, Marshtomp use Water Gun!

[An eerie whoosh. Muddy Waters cries out in pain as Gastly’s attack hits. Water splashes as he spits it at Gastly.]

[groans in concern] Are you okay? Whoa, that worked.

Skip: Whoa! [stammers]

Candace: Keep doin’ the Water Gun!

Xander: Water’s its weakness!

[Gastly whispers eerily.]

Alright, use Water Gun.

Skip: Get it!

[Water splashes. Otherworldly whoosh.]

Xander: Ugh, shit.

[Muddy Waters groans in pain.]

Candace: Oh my god.

Xander: It’s okay, Marshtomp! It’s okay! Keeps shootin’ out this, like, purple light. Ugh. Use Water Gun!

[Muddy Waters cries out, water splashes. Gastly whispers eerily.]

Alright, I’m gonna try to- I’m gonna throw a Poké Ball.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll a d100.

[Backpack zips open.]

Candace: Do it, do it. Oh my gosh.

Xander: I just want this thing to go away. [nervous chuckle]

Candace: Yeah.

Xander: Alright, here we go. [deep breath] You’re mine, you sick fuck!

[The Poké Ball flies at Gastly. The music quiets. Candace groans in worry.]

Skip: Come on, Dream Police!

[Gastly enters the Poké Ball with a whoosh.]

Sage: Did you roll a 69?

[Everyone laughs.]

[Poké Ball wiggles in the background.]

Travis: Guess what’cho doin’.

Sage: So, he’s a regular, you don’t get a bonus for that. It- you- uh, its health is in fact below 50% so you get -10, so it’s actually a 59. Status, there is no status effect. No bonus there. It is a lower level than you, that’s -5. Do you have any bonuses against Ghost-types?

Travis: No.

[Beat.]

Sage: You do not catch the Gastly.

Xander: [frantic] Can’t be caught! Can’t be caught! It’s a ghost! Can’t be caught!

[Candace moans in fear.]

Does anybody else wanna try?

Candace: I’ll do it!

[Shoes scuff on the floor as Candace and Xander switch spots.]

Xander: Okay.

Candace: [nervous] Alright, ya stinkin’ Ghost Pokémon. [quiet] Okay, okay. Here we go. [grunts]

[She chucks the Poké Ball at Gastly. It enters with a whoosh.]

Sage: 21.

[Jessica grunts.]

It is a lower level, so it is a 16. Its health is lower than 50, -10, making it a 6.

[Candace squeals.]

Under 10.

[Successful capture chime.]

Candace: Holy smokes!

Skip: You...caught...a ghost. You are a ghost catcher!

[Xander moans in relief.]

Candace: I’m- I’m a ghost catcher! [growls playfully] I’m a ghost hunter!

Sage: And then our trainers hear the sound of chanting coming from across the room.

Candace: [whispers] Oh my god, do I have followers now?

Skip: Wait…

Candace: Am I the queen?

Skip: There are more ghosts in this room?

Candace: No, I think they’re here to worship me.

Sage: The fog clears out at the other side, and a circle of Channelers surrounding each other with their heads bowed.

[Whispering and eerie music intensify.]

Candace: Oh my god, they’re bowing to me.

Xander: No, they’re in a circle. They’re bowing to each other.

Candace: Well, I thought that [Jessica stifles laughter] they bow, they bow to me.

Xander: That is a- a very broad stroke.

Candace: Here, I’ll go in the middle. I’ll go in the middle of their circle.

[She hurries over to the Channelers.]

Xander: [loud] Don’t- don’t go over there! Don’t do it!

Sage: Candace enters the middle.

[Stat test chime.]

Candace, can you roll me Luck?

[Dice roll on the table.]

Skip: Dratini, cover her!

Sage: Too late.

[Net chime.]

Net. How fun. She enters the circle and all of the Channelers slowly in unison lift their heads.

[A dark, pounding echo.]

Candace realizes she is standing on some sort of hex on the ground.

[Hex zaps.]

Candace: Uh-oh.

Sage: It looks dark and ominous and they’re all staring directly at her.

Candace: Um, guys, I think I was mistaken. Um…

Xander: [fearful] Candace get outta there!

[Candace moans in fear.]

Sage: And then, very quietly and building, they hear...

Channelers: [very slowly] Kaerf. Maeg. Kaerf. Maeg. Kaerf. Maeg. Kaerf. Maeg.

[Chant continues throughout.]

Xander: [whispers] This is not okay.

Candace: Oh, this is some kind of, like, demon—

[The Dream Police talk over each other.]

Skip: [whispers] Can-Can-Candace get out of that circle.

Xander: Get outta there, get outta there, get outta there!

Candace: I’m come- I’m come- I’m getting out! I’m getting out!

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll for Brawn.

Jessica: It’s- it’s my Hidden Power. [moans in worry]

[Failure chime.]

Sage: Failure. She tries to get through and not unlike a game of Red Rover on the playground, they just launch her back in the circle.

Candace: Ow!

Xander: Let’s go get her.

Candace: Help! Help!

Skip: Okay!

Xander: Charge.

[Stat test chime.]

[Skip growls.]

[Hidden Power chime.]

Sage: What is your Hidden Power, Skip?

Greg: Wisdom.

Sage: Alright, Skip looks at this and realizes they’re worshiping something from another realm, perhaps even another dimension, and that a Pokémon like Gastly could, in fact, distract them through awe.

[Eerie music intensifies.]

Skip: Candace, release your Gastly.

Candace: Oh, but I just got it.

Skip: No, no, no. Trust me.

Candace: Oh, but it’s got a low health. Okay, I’ll do it. Go, Gastly!

[Candace tosses the Poké Ball and Gastly exits. The chanting and music stop.]

Sage: All the Channelers look up towards Gastly.

[Beat. Quiet, eerie music pounds.]

Xander: [quiet] Get up! Get outta the circle, get outta the circle!

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: There’s a slight opening that Candace must roll Swiftness to get out of.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

[Shoes pound on the stone floor as Candace bolts for the opening.]

She does it. She sees her opportunity and seizes it.

Skip: [whispers] Get over here, get over here!

Sage: Joins Xander and Skip.

Skip: We’re all hugging.

Candace: [quiet] Okay.

Xander: [whispers] Call back your Gastly!

Sage: The Channelers are looking at the Gastly that’s floating around them like a will-o-wisp. They have a chance to call the Gastly back.

[Stat test chime.]

If they want to get out as quickly as possible.

Candace: Gastly, return!

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

[Candace groans in fear.]

Sage: [exhales in pity] The Poké Ball misses and bounces off of the back wall and hits one of the Channelers in the head.

[The Poké Ball plinks as it bounces away.]

Candace: God dammit!

Sage: They all stare and take Poké Balls out of their robes.

Xander: [quiet] Guys. Not okay. Not okay.

Sage: Slowly, they lift them up, as if they’re going to unleash a whole horde of Ghost- and Dark-type Pokémon at our trainers unless they escape right now and abandon the Gastly.

[Pokédex clicks open.]

Xander: Pokédex, what moves does Gastly know?

Pokédex: [beep] Gastly knows Dark Pulse, Curse, and Confuse Ray.

[Pokédex clicks shut.]

Xander: Tell ’im- tell your Gastly to use Confuse Ray.

Candace: [fearful] Okay. Uh, Gastly use Confuse Ray!

[Stat test chime.]

[Gastly groans eerily.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

Sage: Success.

[Jessica squeals.]

A beam of light and aura starts circling around this Channeler group and things go terribly wrong.

[Chaotic screaming. Static noises screech in the background.]

[Jessica groans in worry.]

Running into the tombs of Pokémon, praying down, eating rocks, all kinds of weird, weird, dark stuff.

[Horrifying scream!]

Xander: [nervous chuckle] This is not okay. Let’s get the fuck outta here!

Skip: We need to not make fun of these people and we need to leave.

Candace: [nervous] Okay, uh.

Xander: [stammers] Get the Poké Ball, let’s get outta here!

[Candace groans in fear. She runs to retrieve Gastly’s Ball.]

Candace: I’m runnin’ to get the Poké Ball. Gastly, return!

[Gastly returns.]

Okay, let’s get outta here!

Sage: And our trainers exit Pokémon Tower.

[Lavender Town theme gently returns on guitar. Crickets chirp.]

Sage: Everybody in the town that they had seen is standing completely still at the center of town. Looking in completely different directions as if there might be a pattern but doesn’t look like there could be.

[Footsteps crunch on dirt.]

Skip: We did it, guys. We got outta there. Great job team!

Xander: Guys, I think this- I think we stopped this in the middle of something. I think what they were doing in the tower was gonna do something. I… Guys, we have to go back in the Tower.

Skip: What?

Candace: Wait, what?

Sage: The door shuts all the way.

[The door bangs shut. An eerie laugh echoes in the distance.]

Xander: Never mind.

[Candace moans in fear.]

Skip: That sounds like Vincent Price.

Candace: Who’s that?

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Somebody roll me Sense.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

Alright, there’s enough successes there—

[Success chime.]

—and a critical success! From the top of the Pokémon Tower staircase, Xander is able to see a path on the west side of Lavender Town going towards Saffron City, and he looks—it is miles and miles away—but he sees the Silph Co. Tower and knows that if they just sprint right through all these people, they can probably get outta Lavender Town alive.

Xander: Fuck my plan, let’s go that way.

[Travis chuckles.]

Skip: Okay!

Candace: [fearful] Alright.

[Running footsteps crunch on dirt, fading away.]

[Lavender Town Theme crescendos and quiets.]

Credits

[Music continues throughout.]

Marlena Jean: Thanks for tuning in! This has been a 20 Sided Stories production.

Candace Carter was played by Jessica Dahlgren

Skip Svitak was played by Greg Reasoner

And Xander Whitten was played by Travis Reaves

With Additional Voices by Noah Sturtridge, Mariah Ramblas, and Sage G.C.

The original music from Pokémon Red, Green, Blue, and Yellow Versions was composed by Junichi Masuda

With Arrangements and Additional Scoring by Sage G.C.

Additional Production and Audio Assistance by Travis Reaves

Game Master Assistance and Pokémon Battle Management by Grant Bouffard

Original Character artwork by Ariana Cabebe

Podcast Directed, Edited, and Sound Designed by Sage G.C.

You can get the soundtrack to this series for free at

sagegc.bandcamp.com

And of course, visit our website at 20sidedstories.com

[Transcripts by Tiffany Chapman]

Special Thanks

Sage: Hey everyone. Sage here.

Something I realize I probably should’ve said upfront is that all of the trailers used for our mid-roll breaks, those are not ads. Those podcasts and creators are not paying for that slot and I’m not selling it. The shows you’ll hear are hand-picked by me. They are shows that I like or I listen to. A sort of, “If you like 20 Sided Stories, you might like this.” sort of thing.

So thank you to all the podcasts so far that have lent me their trailers, or especially the ones who have made new trailers just for that slot. Really cool, thank you. You’ll always be able to find direct links to these recommendations in our show notes, along with links to our Patreon, Social Media, Website, etc.

Though I know that a solid half of our listeners are on Spotify and, I mean, I use Spotify every day, but I know they don’t- I don’t think they allow direct links or really long descriptions of things, so sometimes it’s cut off and yeah there’s no direct links. So sorry about that. But no worries, all you gotta do is do a quick Google search and chances are it’ll be on the front page of whatever you’re looking for.

Episode 8 - Celadon City Parade! will premiere next Wednesday, so hit that subscribe button if you haven’t yet. Plot’s getting thick.

Thanks for listening. Keep catchin’ ’em all, and I’ll see you on the next 20 Sided Story. Later!

[Lavender Town Theme crescendoes and fades out.]