20 Sided Stories

POKÉMON! Pen & Paper Version

Episode 10 - Sabrina & Saffron

Air Date: March 12, 2019

[Podcast Intro music throughout.]

Sage G.C.: This podcast and series has no affiliation with Nintendo, The Pokémon Company, Game Freak, Creatures Inc., or anything in the official Pokémon franchise whatsoever. It is a non-profit, fan-made parody piece created in fair use and all product names, trademarks, and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.

The bulk of what you are about to hear was recorded live by improvisers who simply love the franchise, and we thank you for joining us on our nostalgic adventure through Kanto. Enjoy.

[Intro crescendos.]

Jessica Dahlgren: Thank you and welcome to 20 Sided Stories.

[Intro fades out.]

Prologue

[Cheerful music; Show Me Around reprise.]

Narrator: After investigating the ex-Team Rocket hideout with Officer Jenny, our trainers find themselves at the Celadon City sheriff's office.

[The Sheriff leans back in his chair.]

Sheriff: Now kids, Officer Jenny put her life on the line to protect you. I suggest you don't get involved in any more Team Rocket shenanigans and just go ahead and move on to Saffron City. And I think there's a fighting dojo there that you might be interested in.

Skip: Good idea. [chuckles] I think we should leave this stuff up to the professionals. We’re just kids!

Candace: Yeah, we don't know anything. We're just stupid little kids!

[Beat.]

Skip: Quip. Come on.

Candace: You’re turn, Xander.

Xander: What? Why do I have to—

Candace: You have to confirm that we're stupid.

Xander: [sighs] We’re- we're children. We're children. We're kids!

Candace: We're the world.

Skip: We are the future.

Xander: Yep.

Sheriff: Now, you kids don't go meddling in any more Team Rocket shenanigans.

Candace: Wow, shucks!

Xander: Wouldn’t even know- wouldn’t know it if it hit me on the head.

Skip: We don't even have a van!

Candace: Or a dog!

Sheriff: You know there’s a fighting dojo over in Saffron City—

Xander: I see where this is going.

[Travis chuckles.]

Sheriff: —that you might wanna go to.

Candace: What? Wait, wha- what’d you say?

Sheriff: There's a fighting dojo over in Saffron City that you might be interested in visiting.

[Xander mumbles.]

Skip: Fighting? Oh, sorry, we shouldn't be meddling anymore.

[Beat.]

Sheriff: Now, you kids aren't gonna go meddling in anymore Team Rocket shenanigans—

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Xander: [shouts] Let's go!

[The Dream Police exit the sheriff’s office.]

Candace: Wait a minute.

Xander: [irked] What?

[Greg and Jessica stifle laughter.]

What? Why are we- everybody here is crazy! That's the answer. I don't see what else- it- everybody here’s insane.

Candace: Okay, you’re right! Alright! I just- I just- you know what? Never mind. Let's just leave.

Xander: Well, like- well, no what- what's your question? What is it?

Candace: Nothing.

Xander: No, what- what is it?

Candace: [quiet] No, it's fine.

Xander: Oh, am I supposed to feel sorry for you?

Candace: No.

Skip: Candace, what's going on?

Candace: [irked] Nothing! I’m just not feeling very 100% ever since we got here.

Skip: Do you need to check in with the nurse?

Candace: [irked] No, I'm fine! I got a great immune system.

Skip: [hesitant] Need to… Okay.

Candace: [irked] I'll recover, I'm just being weird. Just get over it! God, stop looking at me like that.

[Xander mumbles.]

Skip: Sorry.

[Xander sighs.]

Sage: And so our trainers embark on to Saffron City, which is really not that far away. It's kind of odd that two huge-ass cities are right next to each other.

[Episode Intro music.]

Episode 10 - Sabrina & Saffron City

[Cheerful Route music plays.]

Candace: So, Skip, what else was in that journal from Team Rocket? I barely got to look at it before you gave it away as evidence.

Skip: Well, here's a picture I took with my Pokédex.

[Pokédex clicks open and beeps as it powers on. Suspenseful music is heard as the diary is read.]

Dear Diary,

The Poké Petco initiative is in full swing. I left the islands for the first time in years. It's been rough but I have two new colleagues to get this operation off the ground.

A failed gym leader—What was his name? Baggy shirt, douchey voice, Oak’s grandson. Trainer...Trainer Purple? Ah, who cares—and some hot-shot young business guy Cedric Svitak.

Currently waiting for Cedric to arrive. We're gonna snag some supplies and contacts from the old nerve center here under the Celadon Casino.

Forgot how much I missed this place. She's seen better days, but the arrow maze still works though. I'm a genius!

And with the help of these two young ’uns Team Rocket’s gonna blast off into a new generation. Exotic Pokémon for sale on every street corner! Then bring it to every region on that cruise liner. Yes, an empire of Poké Pals stolen for free, caught en-mass, and sold for sweet, sweet profit.

Hmm. I think I hear squatters down here. Eh, they'll be fine.

Skip: So Cedric is working for Team Rocket.

[Pokedex clicks shut and clothes rustle as Skip puts it away.]

Candace: Oh my god. Does this mean that Team Rocket is, like, stealing Pokémons and selling them for profit?

Skip: Yeah, it looks like they're gonna do somethin’ really messed up.

Candace: [groans] We have to stop ’em!

Skip: Of course. Xander, are you in on this?

[Beat.]

Candace: Wake up, Xander.

Xander: I'm awake I just… What part—

Candace: I mean just, like, in your, like... You’re moving your head back a lot in disbelief. Are you- you all good? Are you chokin’ on something?

Xander: We- we're fine. Let's just go.

Candace: [quiet] Okay.

Skip: Ooo, look, a skyline!

[The group approaches the checkpoint. Automated doors open. Cheery music plays on a radio.]

Candace: Hello, officer!

Skip: We are the Dream Police.

Candace: Somersault. Heavy panting.

[Swish, tap, Candace pants.]

Guard: Gee, I'm thirsty.

Skip: Hey, Xander.

[Backpack zipper opens. A cup clacks, water pours, a tea kettle whistles. The prepared tea is poured into a cup and the Guard sips.]

Guard: Wow, that's good. Oh, uh, you can go on through, if you want.

Xander: Really?

Candace: Yes. Don’t question him.

Skip: I think we used the right bribe. Let's go team!

Candace: Hoo wa!

[The group walks through the checkpoint.]

Guard: [voice fades] Hey, uh, keep this- keep this on the DL, though. Road’s closed.

Candace: Okay, will do. Thanks, sir.

[An automated door opens.]

Sage: You guys come out of the checkpoint and see tons of people passing through as if the road is not really closed.

Candace: What the heck? This guy's a liar!

Sage: And our trainers enter Saffron City!

[Radio music bursts to life.]

It is one of the most beautiful cities in all of Kanto. Centered in the land, you have to cross through Saffron to get to most other towns. Pretty dang big. Skyscrapers galore. Towered, of course, by the Silph Co. Tower. Lots of technological advancements. Think of them as the Google of Pokémon.

Candace: This place is very urban.

Skip: It’s full of a diverse group of people.

Candace: They all look very cool.

Skip: This is the center.

Candace: [quiet] This the hub.

Skip: This is where it all goes down.

Candace: This is where the magic happens.

Skip: The magic of Pokémon!

Candace: Oooo!

[Music stops. Beat. Cars honk.]

Xander: Why d’you guys keep looking at me after you get- what? You- you’ve got it co—

Candace: We’re a team, Xander!

Xander: You've got it covered.

Candace: You have to chime in.

Xander: Why?

[Good-natured music.]

Skip: Hey, you know, we were having a hard time back there as a team. I think maybe we can talk about that a little bit.

Xander: Oh.

Skip: You guys were arguing a lot.

Xander: You wanna talk about that now?

[Beat.]

Skip: [quiet] I mean, is there a better time?

Xander: It’s just- just wanted to push past it then. It's fine. It's—

Skip: Well, we were running out of oxygen.

Candace: I think it was a very high-stress situation. And Xander, if he has any issues or problems, he should just voice it now.

Xander: I don’t have- I don’t—

Candace: Or forever hold his peace.

Xander: I- I've got nothing.

Skip: Let me try this. Xander, correct me if I'm wrong.

Xander: What?

Skip: You're having a hard time conforming to the team identity that we're trying to build.

Xander: There's no hard time. There's- there's- I'm jus—

Candace: So you’re having a fun, easy time?

Xander: I'm just here.

Skip: Let him get his thoughts out.

Xander: [irked] I’m just- jo- Both you, sh- oh, sh- please, just do- just do your thing. Just do your thing.

Skip: Now—

Xander: We're- we’re fine.

Skip: Candace.

Candace: [quiet] Yes?

Skip: You want Xander to conform to the team identity that we're trying to build.

Candace: [tsks] Oooh. Essentially, yes. Yeah.

Skip: Perhaps what we need to do as a team, is we need to evolve beyond this idea of Xander conforming to us, and we all find a middle ground that we can stand on together.

[Beat.]

Candace: [quiet] Well, that sounds like I'm gonna be having to sacrifice my goals.

[Xander sighs heavily.]

Um, and my, uh—

Skip: What if it’s not—

Candace: I hold this team to a standard, uh, that Xander’s just, like, not meeting for some reason.

Xander: I- this is- that's fine. I don't need to meet…

Skip: Is it the posing?

Xander: There’s no—

Candace: Xander, what do you- what do you need to be happy?

Xander: I don’t—

Skip: If we stop posing, will that work?

Xander: I don’t—

Candace: Do you need your dad?

Xander: Stop looking at me. Everybody stop looking at me.

Candace: [quiet] Okay. Stop. I closed my eyes.

[Music ends.]

Skip: I figured it out.

Candace: What?

Skip: All those checkpoints? Team Rocket.

[Beat.]

Xander: [quiet] What? I don’t—

Candace: [quiet] How did you figure that out?

Skip: [shouts] Hey, look there's the Gym!

[Skip runs over to the Gym.]

Sage: You look and there are not just one Gym, but two Gyms, identical, right next to each other.

Candace: Oh, this is- are you guys seeing double or did the gas just, like, really mess me up?

Skip: I like this one! It's got a…

Sage: [amused] Door.

Skip: In front of it.

Candace: This one has a door in front of it too, ya doof!

Skip: Yeah, but this door…

Sage: Is open. [chuckles]

Candace: This door is open too, ya doof!

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Skip: Okay, but there's a sweet image above this door of a…

[Pokédex clicks open and beeps.]

Pokédex: Hitmonlee. Fighting-Pokémon.

[Poxédex clicks shut and clothes rustle as Skip puts it away.]

Skip: So that makes me want to take down a Hitmonlee.

Candace: [hesitant] Alright, well I guess—

Skip: [quiet] You ever get that urge?

Candace: Well, I get the urge to, like, beat everybody. So, I mean, that's like every day of my life. [sighs] It’s exhausting.

Skip: You're the fightingness of us.

Candace: I got a lotta Brawn in me.

[Skip runs forward and bursts through the door of the Gym. A gong rings out.]

Skip: My name is Skip! Leader of the Dream Police!

[Travis laughs.]

[Light Dojo music plays. Candace cries out.]

We're on an ad—

Candace: [shouts] Excuse me!

Skip: Just a moment, Candace. We're on a journey to become the greatest Pokémon team ever! And we're here to take you down, and take one of your Badges.

Candace: [fast] And PS I'm the leader of this team.

[Xander reluctantly follows the other two inside and shuts the door.]

Man: Who is the leader?

Skip: I am the leader.

Candace: I am the leader.

Man: You can’t both be the leader.

Skip: Why? Are you afraid?

Man: Me? Afraid? [laughs]

Skip: I think it's funny too that you would ask that, specifically because there's nobody else besides you.

Man: Oh, arrogant children these days.

Candace: Who are you?

Man: Uh, I’m, uh—

Skip: Do you not wanna do this?

Black Belt Kiyo: [unenthused] No, no, I do. I'm Black Belt Kiyo.

Skip: Because I'm ready!

Black Belt Kiyo: [unenthused] Yeah, yeah, I just… I don’t know, I get tired of all these kids coming in here. All the violence. It's… It’s exhausting.

Skip: Maybe you should’ve chosen a different persp- fession. Oh God, whatever you have is rubbing off on me, Candace!

Candace: [loud] I don’t have anything! Gosh, this is your fault. You're all tongue-tied ’cause you're probably [mocks] in love with him. You fall in love with everybody you see!

Skip: [quiet] That’s not true, please stop that.

Black Belt Kiyo: [clears throat] Honestly, children I'm interested in battling this one over here. Those who remain quiet, usually have the most to say.

[Footsteps fade away. The door creaks open.]

Sage: [laughs] Xander just 180s immediately and walks out into Saffron City.

[Door creaks shut.]

Skip: Just a moment. We'll be right back.

Candace: [loud] Xander!

[Stat test chime.]

[Candace and Skip run after Xander. The door creaks open.]

Sage: Roll Agility.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

They both got successes. So they run out and they catch up with Xander right at the edge of Saffron where he’s about to go back through the checkpoint.

[Music fades out.]

Skip: Xan! Hey, man.

Candace: What the heck is your deal?

[Beat. Traffic rumbles by in the background.]

Xander: [weary] I’m leaving. Th-this sucks. I'm leaving.

[Automated door opens.]

Skip: Wait, what sucks?

Xander: This. I don't want to- uh, I'm done.

Skip: You have come so far with us.

Xander: Don't talk down- don't- I don't—

Skip: Don't talk to you?

Xander: Just- there's no- there’s not anything- there’s not—

Candace: I’m not saying anything right now. I'm trying to let you talk and explain yourself.

Xander: Then shut up.

Candace: I was freaking quiet. Why are you being such an asshole, you shit face?

Skip: Hey, names aren't gonna solve anything here.

Candace: [shouts] Well, he just told me to shut up and I have been quiet this whole time. So why don't you start talking, bro? What's your deal, man?

[Beat.]

Xander: [quiet] I don't- I don't really wanna be here anymore. So I'm gonna go.

Skip: Well…why?

Xander: [hesitant] ’Cause…you guys are loud and you argue and you're…just, I don't… You know? I'm not- it's not- it's not working out. I'm gonna go.

Skip: No, you know what? You're right. We haven't been a good team lately. And you bring up a good point, Xander. We really gotta work on us. Because if we're not gonna function as a unit, then we're just not gonna function.

Xander: Skip, you're not- I- I don't think you're getting it. I…

Skip: You're right. Help me out.

Xander: Yeah. Go- you guys got this. You- you've- whatever you guys are doing, it's working. That's…that's great. Good for you. I don't feel comfortable. I- I just…I haven't. And I'm gonna—

Skip: What things are making you uncomfortable?

Xander: It’s just with the—

Candace: He already said.

[Xander sighs.]

We’re loud and we argue all the time. And he just doesn't like Pokémon and he's ungrateful.

Xander: I ju- ungrateful?

Candace: Well, I mean—

Xander: You said being poor was something wrong with me.

[Beat.]

Candace: I was just saying that's like the only- I meant to say, like, it's your disadvantage in life.

Skip: Alright, that’s a prejudice.

Xander: Oh, yeah. That's- that's good- that's good to—

Skip: It's a prejudice that we can get over.

Candace: I'm just saying that I acknowledge the fact that I am from a wealthy family and that that has given me advantages. And I—

Xander: That’s what you meant?

Candace: Well, gosh! Uh, yeah!

Xander: When you said, “The only thing that's wrong with you is that you're poor.”

[Beat.]

Candace: I said the only thing that's your fault, not your fault.

[Xander groans in disgust.]

But, a fault of yours is that you’re poor!

Xander: No, no. Keep- keep digging. That's fine.

Candace: A fault of yours is that- because you're poor! Because—

Xander: And your fault is that you- you- you’re just really—

Candace: Finish your sentence!

[Xander stammers.]

Say it!

[Xander sighs. A beat passes.]

Xander: You suck, man, I’m—

Skip: Whoa…

Xander: I'm going.

Skip: No, hey.

[Xander walks towards the checkpoint. Sad music starts, the Teamwork Motif plays slowly.]

Xander: Let me outta here.

Skip: What do I suck for?

Xander: Just- you’re jus- just jumping into everything and, like, that's- that's- you guys are doing the thing. And I'm not doing the thing. And that's it.

So you guys go. I'm gonna go do something else. I'm- you know, I'm only here because I can't go back home and I- and I- and this isn't as- this isn't better. So I'm going. I'm just gonna go.

Skip: Well—

Candace: Oh, just give up on him, Skip. He just is gonna leave us and abandon us, and he’s not acknowledging the fact that he was meant to be a Pokémon trainer. He’s just gonna be- just be on his own. That's fine. That's fine. Let's see how you do without us!

Skip: [sad] Okay, Xander, fine.

Xander: Great.

Skip: [sad] Here. Take these.

[Backpack rustles.]

Xander: What?

Skip: The Badges.

Candace: What? No! He's a—

Skip: Every Gym trainer—

Xander: I don't give—

Skip: —gave them to him.

Xander: I don't care about these. You can have them.

Skip: We don't deserve them without you.

Xander: That doesn't make any sense.

Candace: Oh my god, you guys are both crazy!

Skip: It wouldn’t be honest if we kept the Badges.

Xander: Shut up! Stop being so goddamn pretend nice to everything. You don't know what you're doing or what you're talking about, and neither do you, and neither do I. And that's fine. Except I'm not pretending!

Candace: I’m not pretending anything.

Xander: Then you're delusional.

Guard: [in background] Gee, I’m thirsty.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Candace: Have you been listening to our conversation this whole time?

Guard: Road’s closed.

[Clothes rustle and boots stomp away as the Guard returns to his post. Tea is noisily prepared and the Guard sips. Footsteps fade away as Xander leaves. Sad music resumes.]

Sage: Xander exits out the other end of the checkpoint.

Skip: Hey, wait up!

Candace: Xander! Xander!

Sage: And two-thirds of the Dream Police watch the doors close.

[Candace sighs.]

[Sad music fades out.]

Who’s That Pokémon?

[Who’s That Pokémon? music.]

Candace, Skip, Xander: Who’s that Pokémon?

[Pokémon cry.]

AD BREAK

[Radio clicks on. Cheery music.]

Sage: What’s up?

Jessica: Hello!

Sage: Sage and Jess here with even more patrons to thank. Starting with Chelsea G. Chelsea, thank you so much.

Jessica: Sasan K. Thanks Sesann.

Sage: Mr. Jay Spec. Long-time supporter of the show. Jay, thank you so much.

Jessica: Brian C.P. Thank you very much!

Sage: Brandon S. Love you, Brandon.

Jessica: Matt S. I love you, too.

Sage: And Matthew L.R. Two Matts!

Holy crap, guys. Thank you so much for your support. Seriously, it means the world to us and it helps the show out a lot.

Jessica: As always, if you want to support 20 Sided Stories, and get yourself some delicious bonus content, go to patreon.com/20sidedstories. The direct link is in the show notes.

Sage: And now for our final podcast spotlight of the season. Very excited about this one.

[Radio switches off.]

[Water pours. A pot thunks on a table. A tea cup clatters on its saucer. Sipping is heard and a man and woman sigh happily.]

Man: Cocoa from Les Deux Magots. The epitome of bliss. The pinnacle of creation! The—

Woman: We're down to our last thermos.

[Cup clatters on saucer.]

Man: What? Impossible. Put in an order to Paris right away. Chop, chop, vite, vite! Delivery takes 10 hours at least! What are you waiting—

Woman: No.

Man: No?

Woman: No. We haven't had any new clients in over a month. Until business picks up, we have to tighten our belts.

Man: [growls] But I can't work without cocoa.

Woman: You're not working! Not at the moment.

Man: Because we haven't had any clients!

Woman: Because you turned them all down!

Man: But they were so boring.

Woman: It can't be Jimmy Hoffa and D.B. Cooper every day.

Man: Making people disappear is an art.

Woman: Yeah, I’m just saying, it can't be parachutes and plain hijackings all the time. We have to take on some good old bread and butter disappearances to keep the lights on around here. Or, in our case, to keep the cocoa flowing.

Man: Okay, next client to contact us. I’ll take on their case.

Woman: You promise?

Man: I promise. Now, give me the last of that cocoa.

[Phone rings.]

Woman: [gasps] It looks like we have a new client!

[Music.]

Announcer: The Amelia Project, a podcast series full of suspense surprises, twists, laughs and cocoa. Go to AmeliaPodcast.com or search for “The Amelia Project” wherever podcasts can be found. And remember, leave your message after the beep.

[Music fades out.]

Who’s That Pokémon?

[Who’s That Pokémon? music.]

Candace, Skip, Xander: It’s Meowth!

[Meowth cry.]

Sabrina & Saffron City - Part II

[Traffic noises rumble in the background.]

Candace: [quiet] Well…guess we go…get our Badge.

Skip: But…the team's broken up.

Candace: Well, you know, bands and teams, they break up, but we just gotta keep moving on. Okay? You know? Like—

Skip: If one of the wheels of a tricycle falls off, do you know what happens to that kid?

Candace: He falls, gets back up, and now he's riding a bicycle!

Skip: But it can only turn in one direction! He's just gonna go around in circles!

Candace: Well… [sighs]

Skip: Look, face it. Without Xander, we're just doing donuts. And I'm not hungry for breakfast.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Candace: [tearful] Oh my god, Xander. I miss you!

Skip: [tearful] Xander!

[Candace and Skip cry.]

Sage: Our crying trainers somehow end up back at the dojo.

[Door creaks open. Rapid footsteps as Candace and Skip hurry inside.]

[Laughter.]

[Stoic Dojo music returns. Candace and Skip cry.]

Black Belt Kiyo: Oh my god, children, children. Uh, what happened?

Skip: [tearful] Sensei.

Black Belt Kiyo: What? What d’you want?

Candace: [tearful] Xander.

Skip: [sad] We've lost our way.

Candace: [tearful] We're broken.

Skip: [sad] We’re no worthy.

[Travis laughs.]

Black Belt Kiyo: Uh, that's- that's okay. That's good. Humility is good. Children, I will show you the way.

Candace: Please.

Skip: Teach us how to be good friends.

Candace: [quiet] Just teach us something.

Black Belt Kiyo: Alright. Normally, this is the moment where I send out [loud] Hitmonlee!

[Hitmonlee exits its Poké Ball and cries out.]

And Hitmonchan!

[Hitmonchan exits its Poké Ball and cries out.]

And my two master Fighting-type Pokémon who would battle you right here in the dojo. However…

Sage: We see Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan slowly hug each other.

[Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan moan quietly.]

Candace: Do your Pokémon, like- are they in love?

Black Belt Kiyo: Well, you see children, you've learned the most powerful lesson that any Pokémon trainer could learn. Humility.

I would like you to take your Pokémon out and have them all hug each other.

[Beat.]

[Dojo music picks.]

Skip: Dratini, go.

[Skip tosses a Poke Ball and Dratini exits, trilling.]

Dratini, when the other Pokémon come out, use Th-THUNDER…hug.

[Dratini trills questioningly, then trills in nonchalant acceptance.]

Candace: Okay…

Skip: Come on, Candace.

Candace: Um…

[Candace sighs. Her backpack zips open and rustles as she pulls out her Poké Balls.]

Pixie, Abra, Gastly out!

[All three Pokémon exit their Poké Balls and cry out.]

Um… Yeah, so, group hug! With, uh, Dratini.

[Gastly whispers eerily. Abra croaks in confusion.]

Gastly, you don't really- I don’t know how you hug. Just rub your body against them.

[Dratini trills.]

Sage: While all this is happening Black Belt goes over to the sign that says “Fighting Dojo” [amused] crosses out the word “fighting” changes it to “hugging”. He also writes with a fist, you know? Like, the pencil, in kindergarten not knowing how to use their index finger.

Travis: All I know are fists!

Greg: And feet!

[Stifled laughter.]

[Music shifts more a positive, uplifting tone; Gym Lobby melody.]

Black Belt Kiyo: Now, children, going forward, you do know the most important thing to being a Pokémon trainer, yes?

Candace: Is to catch all the Pokémon in the world and—

Black Belt Kiyo: Okay.

Skip: Is to function as a team?

Black Belt Kiyo: [quiet] Mmm. Close.

Candace: Is to love each other and- and appreciate who they are?

Black Belt Kiyo: [quiet] There you go.

Candace: With- even if they have faults?

Black Belt Kiyo: Why should your Pokémon battle for you?

Candace: Well, ’cause we gotta get the Badges?

Black Belt Kiyo: No, but why do you need the Badges?

Candace: So I can have some kind of pride in myself.

Black Belt Kiyo: But- okay. But- but how do you get that?

Candace: You love…each other?

[Black Belt Kiyo grunts in encouragement.]

Use love in battle. Use love, not hate.

Skip: How can a Pokémon be victorious in battle if its trainer doesn't believe in it, and it doesn't believe in its trainer? It's a symbiotic relationship.

[Music ends. Awkward rustling and pounding is heard.]

Black Belt Kiyo: Oh, okay. Okay, somethin’s gettin’ freaky in that- in that- Uh, call your Pokémon back. Uh, Hitmonlee! Hitmonchan! [groans in worry]

[Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan return to their Poké Balls.]

Uh, call your Pokémon back! This is not a breeding center. It’s not a breeding center! Call ’em back!

Candace: Uh, Pixie. Pixie return!

[Ninetales returns to its Poké Ball.]

Black Belt Kiyo: There you go, there you go.

Candace: Gastly, return.

[Gastly returns to its Poké Ball.]

Black Belt Kiyo: Okay.

Skip: Dratini!

[Dratini trills.]

Candace: Oh, Abra!

[Abra returns to its Poké Ball.]

Black Belt Kiyo: I don’t need that- I don’t need that on the dojo floor. Uh, sorry children.

Okay, so, uh, there's a Gym next door. I don’t know if you guys have been there before. Sabrina's Gym?

Candace: Oh, yeah the other Gym that I wanted to go into. Sorry, your Gym’s the same but slightly different.

Black Belt Kiyo: Wha-what does that mean?

Candace: I just walked up to- I don't know. Nothing.

Skip: Hey, let me cover this one.

[Motivational music starts to build.]

Sir! You're a great trainer of Fighting-types. I was wondering if you could help me with my Dratini.

Black Belt Kiyo: What do you need?

Skip: Well, it's got this new move Slam. It's a Normal-type, not a Fighting-type move, but I was wondering If you could give any sort of tips?

Black Belt Kiyo: Hmm. See this dummy over here that looks like a…dummy?

Dummy: Hey!

[Sage chuckles.]

Black Belt Kiyo: Tell your Dratini to slam it a couple times.

Dummy: What?

Skip: Dratini, go!

Dummy: Oh? Uh-oh.

[Music intensifies and grows angelic.]

[Dratini rushes forward and Slams into Dummy with a thud. Dummy cries out in pain.]

Skip: Dratini, Slam!

Dummy: Oh, no!

[Dummy groans. Dratini trills throughout as she Slams him multiple times.]

Sage: Dratini does this for a couple of minutes. They all watch as it basically slams this guy into the wall. And he looks like a dummy. And the Dratini, you see it’s getting stronger and sweatier.

Dummy: Ah, ow! You’re so sweaty!

Sage: And then a burst of light unleashes from Dratini.

Skip: You’re doin’ it Dratini!

Dratini: Brrrr brbrbrbrbrrbrbr Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Skip: Wow, Dratini’s evolving! It’s turned into a Dragonair!

Sage: And one final Slam pushes the Dummy into the wall, and he crashes through the wall, into the next Gym.

[Loud clattering! The wall breaks and debris settles.]

Candace: Holy smokes!

Skip: Way to go, Dragonair!

Dummy: Hi, Sabrina.

[Mystical, still music starts.]

Sage: And you look and you see in this next Gym, it is silent. There are weird china and silverware and appliances floating amongst the air being very still. Also, there's a woman with her eyes closed, just floating.

Skip: Sorry!

Candace: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think she's, like, meditating or something.

Black Belt Kiyo: Sabrina has been in a psychic coma for years.

[Beat.]

Candace: [slow] Can we fight her Pok- wait, we're not supposed to—

Skip: She's in a coma. Why would we fight her?

Candace: Oh, [stammers] I just don't know how to function without fighting Pokémon! I’m—

Black Belt Kiyo: This is a lesson you must learn on your own children. I'm going back into my hugging dojo.

Skip: Thank you, sir.

Black Belt Kiyo: Hitmonlee!

[Hitmonlee exits its Poké Ball.]

Hitmonchan!

[Hitmonchan exits its Poké Ball.]

Uh, build this wall back up.

[Bricks clack together rapidly.]

Candace: Um…

Skip: Excuse me, ma'am? My name is Skip. This is Candace and this is Xa… Okay, Xander’s not here right now, but we're here to help you.

Candace: I don't- I don't even know if she can hear us.

Sage: And then there's a big flash of light coming from Candace’s pocket.

Candace: What is going on? Is this- is this Abra?

[Music intensifies.]

Sage: It unleashes from the Poké Ball and you watch Abra float around the room, start picking up spoons, banging it against its head.

Candace: Abra, be careful! Don’t hurt yourself!

Sage: It grows a longer tail and puffs out and adds some red on it. Its mustache gets really long and it opens its eyes.

[Music calms. Candace gasps.]

And then, with its single spoon, points across the room.

Skip: What is that?

Candace: Wow! It's a- it’s a Kadabra!

Sage: Pointing at an Alakazam.

Skip: Whoa! What is that?

Candace: Oh my gosh, it’s a—

[Item clatters, Pokédex clicks open.]

Candace: Uh, Pokédex.

Pokédots: [beep] Alakazam. A Psychic-Pokémon stronger than Kadabra. Evolves from Kadabra.

Kadabra. A Psychic-Pokémon stronger than Abra. Evolves from Abra.

Abra. Psychic-Pokémon. Pretty fucking useless.

[Stifled laughter.]

Candace: Okay. Your Dratini evolved after hugging. So maybe I can get my Kadabra… Kadabra go hug Alakazam!

Sage: Arms out wide, the Kadabra goes towards the Alakazam, which has two spoons, which is one more spoon than the Kadabra has.

Skip: It's got way more spoons than you!

Candace: [groans] Too many spoons?

Skip: Candace, what are we gonna do?

Candace: Uh, there- are there no silverware in here?

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Sage: Kadabra goes in for the hug. Candace, role for Effectiveness.

[Stat test chime.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

They hug and a Psychic aura starts building.

Candace: [whispers] Holy Moly.

[Music intensifies.]

Sage: Our trainers look around and the literal matter of the walls and floors and ceiling start fading away into a cosmic aura of stars and galaxies and pixelated visions.

Candace: This is beautiful!

Skip: This is what it looks like whenever I monologue.

Candace: This is what it probably looks like when we die.

Sage: And then there is an explosion from the Alakazam and the Kadabra, and they launch across from each other and they feel anger.

Candace: Kadabra! Don't get angry! Center yourself.

Sage: Alakazam looks inward and uses Future Sight.

[An echoing buzz is heard as Alakazam uses its move.]

Candace: What should I do? Skip, am I supposed to fight this Alakazam?

Skip: Fight it with love!

Candace: I did! And now they're angry.

Skip: Keep on lovin’.

Candace: Um…

Skip: Candace trust in yourself. In this moment, you need to focus on the heart of the situation.

Candace: Alrighty. Kadabra, use Disable?

Sage: Alakazam focuses inward and uses Calm Mind. But then, the Kadabra used Disable, and the Alakazam starts spazzing out and his eyes start bouncing around. And the spoons that he's holding start bending, and he gets very confused and he realizes he can not stay calm no more.

Candace: Maybe. Wait a minute. I remember Psychic Pokémon…they… [gasps] Kadabra, return!

[Kadabra returns to its Poké Ball]

Gastly, go!

[Candace throws a Poké Ball and Gastly exits.]

Sage: And then, Sabrina's eyes open wide. She stares directly at the Gastly, her eyes concerned but also determined. She's yearning for something, but you don't know what it is. And then the room starts fading away.

All the stars start turning dark, the room turning to blackness, and it all swirls around Gastly, and then strips it out into nothingness!

You don't know what's happening. Your limbs start feeling as if they're not part of your body, your brain fading in and out. Consciousness, reality as you know it is fading.

Candace and Skip, you can barely see each other. You start opening your eyes and can just barely make each other out. You don’t know what's happening. It feels as if you're fading away.

Candace: [shouts, echoing] What's happening?

Skip: [echoing] Maybe this is all a dream. [slaps himself] Wake up! Wake up!

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll to wake up.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

[Failure chime.]

Critical success and failure. Skip wakes up.

[Music cuts off. High-pitched ringing.]

Skip: [gasps] We never left the fighting dojo.

[Beat.]

Wait a second! Dragonair, go!

[Dragonair exits its Poké Ball with a whoosh and trills.]

Okay. I just wanted to make sure that Dratini actually evolved. Sweet. Dragonair, come back.

[Dragonair returns with a trill.]

There’s hardly enough room in this dojo for you anyways.

Sage: There's no sign of Black Belt Kiyo, but next to you is Candace, passed out.

Skip: Candace, wake up!

[Skip shakes her.]

Sage: Nothin’.

Skip: Candace, wake up!

[He shakes her again.]

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll for Brawn. [stifles laughter]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

Critical failure. You slap yourself because you get so scared of the idea of hurting your friend.

[Stifled laughter.]

Skip: Don’t do it, man. [slap] Okay, I won’t. Oh, I'm really cracking. [sighs] Okay, um… Water! I’m gonna pour some water on you.

[He twists the cap off his canteen.]

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Candace, will you roll for Nerve?

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

[sighs in relief] Candace has this natural reaction to drowning–as in she doesn't like it–and immediately stands up and puts up her chops.

[Candace growls and swings her fists around.]

Candace: [shouts] Get outta my room!

Skip: Whoa, Candace, stand down! There are no enemies.

Candace: What the fudge an’ sickles are we- what?

Skip: We're goin’ through a bad dream. But we're awake now.

Sage: Our trainers look over and see a passed-out Kadabra and Gastly.

[Eerie, echoing music.]

Candace: Kadabra? Gastly.

Skip: Quick, recall your pokemon.

Candace: Kadabra return, Gastly return.

[They both return to their Poké Balls.]

Oh man, I don't feel very good.

Skip: Did you get the Marsh Badge?

Candace: No, w-was that a battle? Did you get the Marsh Badge?

Skip: No.

Candace: Oh my gosh, that was so crazy. I just remember a woman was there and- and she was glowing.

Skip: Yeah. D’you think maybe that she was… [scoffs] I don't know.

Candace: What, tryin’ to help us?

Skip: Yeah!

Candace: I sensed that. There was, like, a really… I don't know...

Candace and Skip: Cool energy.

Candace: Oh my gosh, yeah!

Skip: Alright. We're gonna need to take our Pokémon to the Pokémon Center. They've been through some Psychic damage.

Candace: Yeah, let's go.

[The two trudge outside.]

Sage: You arrive at the Pokémon Center.

[Automated door opens. Atmospheric music plays quietly.]

Nobody's inside, not even a Nurse Joy.

Candace: What is happening? Are we aslee- is this like a- like an inception?

Skip: Hold on. I’m gonna look outside real quick.

Sage: Since it's kinda late in the evening, it's hard to tell, but doesn't seem like anybody's out there. Saffron’s really, really quiet.

Skip: Hey, there's nobody out there.

[Candace joins him by the window.]

Candace: We're the only two people out here?

Skip: Quick! Pinch me!

Candace: Pinch!

Skip: Ow! Alright.

Candace: Well, pinch me… OW!

Skip: Okay, so we're- we're either in the same dream together or we're the last two people on Earth. Poké Earth? Kanto.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Both of you roll me Wisdom.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

Skip and Candace start exploring Saffron looking for any sign of human life. They figure out how to heal their Pokémon on their own. It's really easy. They just put ’em on a machine and press “On”, so their Pokémon are fine.

But it doesn't seem like anybody is in Saffron. And they think back to this experience they just had in Sabrina's Gym and start getting these flashes.

[An electronic zap and hum are heard as a vision flashes into both their minds. Candace gasps. Skip groans.]

Candace: What’d you see?

[Music becomes tranquil and mysterious; Pokémon Main Theme melody faintly echoes.]

Sage: Skip sees the image of a Blastoise.

[Vision chimes.]

Skip: It’s huge and blue with two bazookas on its shoulders.

Candace: [quiet] I don’t remember seeing that.

Sage: ’Cause Candace saw a Charizard.

Candace: ’Cause all I remember was seeing was a Charizard. You know? It’s got fire.

Skip: A giant red dragon?

Candace: Well, orange.

Skip: [mumbles] Well, you know. Whatever.

Candace: But, yeah. That's what I saw.

Sage: And then simultaneously—

[Electronic zap and humming as they both see another vision.]

Candace and Skip: Venusaur!

Candace: Whoa! These are like all of the, like, basic one Pokémons that we got that were fully evolved. Why are- what?

Skip: Well, that we should’ve started with, but we—

Candace: We should’ve, we didn’t.

Skip: Well, no, we got cool ones in the beginning, so…

Candace: Well, yeah. I love my Pokemon. So what does this mean?

[Beat.]

I'll use my Brawn to figure it out!

[Stat test chime.]

[Laughter.]

[Air swishes as Candace swings her fists.]

Candace: Take that, air!

[Failure chime.]

Sage: Candace starts punching the windows of Silph Co. They’re too strong, hurts her knuckles.

[Fists slam into thick glass a few times.]

Candace: [groans] I didn’t figure anything out.

Sage: Our trainers scratch their heads for a couple minutes.

Skip: If only Xander was here. He’d know exactly what to do.

Candace: [whines] Oh, I can't believe I miss Xander!

[Beat.]

Skip: Hey, should we try to head out to Cycling Road? I recall Xander’s dad lives out there. He might’ve gone that way.

Candace: I guess so. If he was running somewhere, where else would he go?

Skip: But he's got all the tea. How are we going to get past the- oh, there's nobody here at the checkpoint. It says the road’s closed.

Candace: But he told us that it's not, remember?

Skip: Yeah, also I have a skateboard, so I'm a little rebellious.

Candace: Yeah, now I have a Kadabra, which is pretty dope. So…

Skip: Let's go be dope together.

Candace: Sweet.

Skip: Tandem skateboarding.

[Skateboard rolls on pavement.]

[Mysterious music. A catchy drum beat starts.]

Sage: And our trainers make way for a Cycling Road to the West.

Credits

[The Lavender Town and Pokémon Main Theme melodies come in and out.]

Marlena Jean: Thanks for tuning in! This has been a 20 Sided Stories production.

Candace Carter was played by Jessica Dahlgren

Skip Svitak was played by Greg Reasoner

And Xander Whitten was played by Travis Reaves

With Additional Voices by David Michmerhiezen and Sage G.C.

The original music from the Pokémon Red, Green, Blue, and Yellow Versions was composed by Junichi Masuda

With Arrangements and Additional Scoring by Sage G.C.

Additional Production and Audio Assistance by Travis Reaves

Game Master Assistance and Pokémon Battle Management by Grant Bouffard

Original Character artwork by Ariana Cabebe

Podcast Directed, Edited, and Sound Designed by Sage G.C.

You can get the soundtrack to this series for free at

sagegc.bandcamp.com

And of course, visit our website at 20sidedstories.com

[Transcripts by Tiffany Chapman]

[Music fades out.]

[Strange glitching static.]