20 Sided Stories

POKÉMON! Pen & Paper Version

Episode 11 - Cycling Road

Air Date: March 19, 2019

[Podcast Intro music throughout.]

Sage G.C.: This podcast and series has no affiliation with Nintendo, The Pokémon Company, Game Freak, Creatures Inc., or anything in the official Pokémon franchise whatsoever. It is a non-profit, fan-made parody piece created in fair use and all product names, trademarks, and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.

The bulk of what you are about to hear was recorded live by improvisers who simply love the franchise, and we thank you for joining us on our nostalgic adventure through Kanto. Enjoy.

[Intro crescendos.]

Jessica Dahlgren: Thank you and welcome to 20 Sided Stories.

[Intro fades out.]

Prologue

[Electronic humming and warbling as Xander recalls a memory. Everything sounds lo-fi, as if through a radio. Nostalgic, sad music plays.]

Xander: Okay, guess I’ll just go outside.

[Footsteps on grass. Mudkip coughs weakly.]

The hell’s that?

[Mudkip coughs.]

What is this?

[Mudkip hacks.]

Oh. Oh! God. Uh, you don’t look so good.

[Mudkip groans weakly.]

This is a- this is a Pokémon. You don’t look like any of the ones that are around here.

[Mudkip groans weakly.]

Oh, shit. You’re really hurt. Okay. Uh, okay. Um, let’s take you inside.

[Rustling as Xander picks up Mudkip. Mudkip groans weakly.]

What?

Mudkip: [weakly] Mud.

Xander: You’re co- uh, yes. That is what you’re covered in.

Mudkip: [weakly] Kip.

Xander: I don’t get the- let’s get you a bath.

[Xander hurries across the grass and up to his trailer. A door creaks open and clunks shut.]

Oh, man. You don’t look so good.

[Mudkip coughs weakly. Water runs from a faucet.]

Oh, jeez. Can’t put you back outside.

Mudkip: [coughs weakly] Mud.

[Water shuts off.]

Xander: Do you… Do you wanna stay here?

Mudkip: [loud] Mud!

Xander: Oh.

Mudkip: Kip! [coughs weakly]

Xander: Okay, cool.

Mudkip: [loud] Mud!

[Water splashes.]

Xander: Uh, well, I guess I should call you somethin’. Um.

Mudkip: [loud] Mud! [coughs]

Xander: I’m not gonna call you that. That’s mean.

Mudkip: [loud] Kip!

Xander: [hesitant] M- uuuhhh. How ’bout...mud...uuuhhh...Muddy...Da...da…Muddy Wwwaters?

[Beat.]

Muddy Waters: Mud! [coughs] Kip!

Xander: Okay, see this is more for me than for you.

[Rustling as Mudkip nuzzles Xander’s chest. Mudkip calls out happily, muffled by Xander’s shirt.]

Oh, well, this shirt was dirty anyways. Alright. We’re good.

[Rustling as Mudkip backs up. Mudkip coughs.]

[Electronic warbling and whooshing as Xander returns to present day.]

Episode 11 - Cycling Road

[Rain falls throughout.]

Xander: [sighs] This is it.

[Footsteps squish on grass. He groans softly and sighs.]

Okay, which one is it? [quiet] Okay.

[Footsteps on stairs as he carefully walks up to a trailer. He knocks lightly on the door. A beat passes. The door opens.]

Stranger: [goofy voice] Hello?

Xander: [hesitant] Hello?

[Porch creaks as the Stranger steps forward a bit.]

Stranger: Hi, little boy.

Xander: Oh. I’m- I’m sorry. I have the wrong trailer park. Uh, I’m- I’m looking for my dad.

Stranger: Who's your dad?

Xander: [hesitant] Las- last name’s Griffiths. First name Mark.

Stranger: Mark Griffiths?

Xander: Yeah.

Stranger: Oh, he’s over that way.

Xander: Do you know which trailer, specifically?

Stranger: ’S the one with the big ol’ “M” on the front.

Xander: Got it. Thank you!

Stranger: [distant] Bye!

[Door clunks shut.]

Xander: [sighs] He wasn't kidding. Okay. That's fine. That's fine. This is fine.

[Xander steps onto the porch, takes a deep breath, and knocks loudly.]

Mark: [muffled] I don't want any.

[Beat. Xander knocks loudly again.]

[muffled] I said go away!

Xander: Just get outside!

Mark: [muffled] That…voice.

[Muffled footsteps from inside. The door creaks open. A beat passes while Mark stares at Xander.]

What? Wh-what are you… What are you doing here? What… Why aren't you back in Pallet Town with your mother?

Xander: Uh, I- I left.

Mark: Why'd you leave?

Xander: I got, uh, called into Professor Oak's office, and I- I got wrapped up in this Pokémon thing and… Uh, ju- uh, and then the- I didn't like the people I was- I was traveling with. So I was around, so I just stopped by.

Mark: [quiet] Whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Wait, wait. [normal] You were traveling with others?

Xander: Yeah. S—

Mark: You weren’t traveling like, you know, one person against the world. Like, “I can beat the odds.” You were actually, like, getting help with the people around you?

Xander: Well, I mean, it was just kids from school. I didn’t—

Mark: Why didn't you ever, like, write back to me or something? Like, “Hey Dad, I'm actually” like...

Xander: Well, I mean… I don't know. I didn’t think you cared.

Mark: Care? Why do you think I sent you all those coins?

Xander: What d’you mean you sent me all those coins?

Mark: Sent you letter after letter…of little tiny Poké coins. For you to save up for a better education.

Xander: What? I… I never got anything like that.

Mark: Oh, wait, hold on.

[Rustling as Mark turns away from the door.]

Yeah. They’re on my counter.

[Stifled laughter.]

Sorry.

Xander: [loud] You didn't send them?

Mark: I meant to but, you know, the whole postal service here is kinda wack. I didn't have any stamps.

Xander: Y—

Mark: [loud] Why don't- why don’t you come on it?

[Xander steps inside and the door creaks shut. Muffled rainfall taps on the roof throughout.]

Anyway, uh, that's the television. That's my bed. That's the spaghettio pyramid that I made…of cans of spaghettios.

Xander: Hey, um…

Mark: Not much to look at, I know. But, you know, I call it home.

Xander: Well, no, it’s- it’s… [quiet] I mean, you know, Mom and I live in a trailer too. It's fine.

[Mark walks away and opens the refrigerator.]

Mark: You want a beer?

Xander: …No. Thanks.

[Mark grunts and closes the refrigerator.]

Mark: Um… Yeah, don't drink until you're the correct age. Me, on the other hand.

[Can hisses and cracks open. Mark sips and sighs in satisfaction.]

Xander: Listen, is it cool if I crash here for a day or so? I just gotta figure some stuff out before I go back home.

Mark: Yeah, I suppose so. I mean, I could always just move- move this—

[Furniture scrapes against floor.]

—over here. And just get the whole TV moved [strains] into the cor—

Xander: Here, let me- let me help.

Mark: Yeah.

[Furniture scrapes. Mark groans.]

Anyway. So you got a- got some Pokémon then? Part of that Pokémon scene?

Xander: Uh, yeah, yeah. Uh, [nervous chuckle] I found one behind the- behind the trailer.

Mark: Oh, you found one?

Xander: Yeah. It was- it got—

Mark: Oh, sweet.

Xander: It got hit by a car.

Mark: Oh.

Xander: And I mean, you know, didn't- couldn't leave it there. Um…

Mark: Was it, like, a Pidgey?

Xander: No, it was a—

Mark: Ratatat?

Xander: [nervous chuckle] It was- it was a Mudkip and, um, ac-actually it evolved and I…

[He pulls a Poké Ball off his belt and releases Muddy Waters.]

Muddy Waters: Marshtomp. [coughs]

Mark: Oh god. Wow. That’s—

Xander: Yeah.

Mark: It’s a lot bigger than there is room in here right now.

Xander: Yeah, I’ll- I’ll…

[Muddy Waters returns to his Poké Ball, crying out.]

Mark: Yeah, put ’im back.

Xander: And then I- I actually- I did catch a Pidgey. I- I picked it up and I- I didn't know- I mean, I’m not- I'm still new to this.

Mark: You picked it up?

Xander: Yeah.

Mark: Like… What d’y- what d’you mean “picked it up”?

Xander: Well, it was in a f- I- I didn't know what it meant to- I, you know, I didn’t know, like, how you catch one, so I just grabbed it. And then I- I—

Mark: You- you set off on a Pokémon journey without, like, knowing the fundamentals of, like, Pokémon catching or trading or anything like that?

Xander: [quiet] Well, ’s not like anyone was there to play Pokémon catch with me.

Mark: Whoa… ’S kind of a low blow.

Xander: I'm sorry.

Mark: [quiet] Yeah.

[Beat.]

’S not like I didn't wanna be there. I just ran out o’ gas.

Xander: What?

Mark: My- my trailer, it ran out of gas here on Cycling Road.

Xander: That's why you didn't come home?

Mark: It's not like I didn't try. I just ran out o’ gas. You know how far away Pallet Town is from Cycling Road?

Xander: [irked] Yeah. I just walked here.

[Beat.]

Mark: Oh… Guess I coulda just hoofed it.

Xander: Well, It was a whole thing we went- I got called into Professor Oak’s lab and he's cra- he's legitimately crazy.

Mark: Yeah, he is.

Xander: Yeah, he's- he's gone.

Mark: Are you kidding me?

Xander: He’s so gone.

Mark: Have you seen his eyes? [chuckles] They're- they're cross-eyed half the time, am I right? [chuckles]

Xander: Yeah. It was this- and- and then there was this thing, and it was me and two kids from school. Then there's this other kid who's a…jackass, and he was a jerk and then—

Mark: You don’t wanna hang around jerks.

Xander: I, well- I—

Mark: Don't hang around jerks, alright?

Xander: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No problem.

Mark: Bad news, you hang around them.

[Pounding on the door.]

Xander: Um...

[A beat passes as Mark and Xander look toward the door. The pounding resumes. Mark walks over to the door and opens it.]

Man: Hey, are you gonna f- gonna fucking pay up or what?

Mark: Oh, Jersey.

Jersey: It's been three weeks, buddy.

Mark: Look, I told you I mailed the coins.

Jersey: You mailed the co- we don't- [irked] We're right around the corner. The gang’s right around the corner. We’re not just gonna sit here and wait.

Mark: Uuuhhh. One second.

[Floor creaks as Mark turns around.]

Uh, hey kid, um… You don’t have any money I could borrow, do you?

[Beat.]

Xander: [hesitant] How much?

[Feet scuff as Mark turns back to the door.]

Mark: Hey, uh, hey, Jersey?

Jersey: The fuck you want, man? Where's the money?

Mark: With the whole like—

Jersey: I don’t wanna have to bash your skull in, dude.

Mark: Oh, an- yeah, you don't- nah, I- I don't want you to bash my skull in either. I’m just sayin’—

Jersey: Nah, we don’t want you lookin’ like no Cubone.

Mark: Yeah, uh, I was just wondering—

Jersey: So just pay up and I can get out o’ here with my boys.

Xander: [quiet] Dad.

Mark: With interest, you know—

Xander: [quiet] Dad, what’s going on?

Mark: —what does- what does the whole thing come to?

Jersey: Ah, you know, like ₽10,000.

[Mark turns around.]

Mark: Y-yeah only ₽10,000. [quiet] I mean, I'll pay you back. I'll send you the coins.

Xander: [quiet] I don’t have ten- I have- I have ₽450. That’s—

Mark: [quiet] Mmm, I don't know if they're gonna like that.

[Floor creaks as Mark turns toward the door.]

Hey, uh, could you, like, take a retainer of, like, maybe ₽400?

Jersey: A retainer?

Mark: Yeah, I'll get you the rest, just—

Jersey: A retainer? How many times you gonna give us retainers? When are you gonna get off your ass and go make some money in Celadon?

I'm sitting here in this trailer park. Me and my boys, we got plenty of stuff working out, alright? Goin’ an’ robbin’ trainers, blastin’ through Cycling Road.

You know, if you ever want to join us, it won't be a bad route. Except…you're a fucking loser, so we don't want you to.

[Mark grunts sadly.]

Tell you what. We'll take the ₽450, so the next payments gotta be ₽12,000. That or we take your Trubbish, and we throw it out the side of Cycling Road inta the water.

Mark: [groans] Oh, don't do that, come on. It’s the- one of the few things I have left in this world that I can call something very proud of being.

Jersey: Well, then, Marky-Mark, you better pay up.

[Mark walks back to Xander.]

Mark: I'm sorry about this kid. I’m just…

Xander: [quiet] Yeah, no problem.

[Money crinkles as Xander hands it over. Mark turns back to the door.]

Mark: Here. Here you go.

[Floor creaks as Jersey walks inside.]

Jersey: What’s your name, kid? You look like a Pokémon trainer.

Mark: His name’s Xander.

Xander: [mumbles] No, I’m—

Jersey: Xander! Xander the Pokémon trainer. You from Pallet? Heard a lot o’ good trainers come from Pallet Town.

Xander: [nervous] Mm-hmm. I'm from Pallet Town.

Jersey: [laughs] Followin’ in Trainer Red’s shoes, I bet!

Xander: I’m, uh, no, I'm just passin’ through. I’m jus’…

Jersey: Jus’ passin’ through?

Xander: [quiet] I'm not—

Jersey: Jus’ passin’ through.

Mark: What are you doing?

Xander: Hey, man, what’re you—

Mark: Y-you have the money now. What- I mean, [quiet] you’re kind of degrading me in front of my kid. Like, you know, if I was- if I was a weaker man, I'd be crying right now.

Xander: [quiet] Oh, Dad, come on. [normal] Okay, look, what is this all about? What happened? Dad, what happened?

[Mark groans quietly and sighs.]

Mark: Alright, so here's the thing. Like, back in the day, um, we were just, you know, a couple of crazy hooligans part of a cover band. We were called Mighty Wings back in the day. And like, I- I promised everyone that I would pay them all the money that we earned, you know, but—

Jersey: And what’s a promise mean in Kanto, huh?

Mark: Promise means that a fair- der—

[Mark echoes Jersey as he speaks slowly.]

Jersey and Mark: [slow, messy] Very...important...task...must be paid...faaaiiirly—

Xander: Is this an acronym?

Jersey: Damn right!

Mark: It doesn't spell anything in particular, it's just—

Xander: H-hold on. So you took- s-so you took all the money you made from the cover band and you not only didn't help your family, but you didn't even pay your bandmates?

Jersey: [laughs] Marky-Mark’s got a lot o’ dirt. Probably why his Pokémon’s literally a piece of trash, am I right? [chuckles]

Mark: Go, Trubbish.

[Trubbish exits Poké Ball and farts.]

Xander: Oh, wha… [nervous chuckle] What is that?

Mark: [quiet] That's Trubbish.

[Trubbish farts.]

Xander: Oh. Is that trash bag a Pokémon?

Trubbish: Trub.

Xander: Oh, man, it stink—

Jersey: Somehow got here all the way from Unova! Could you fuckin’ believe it?

Mark: [fast] Trubbish, return.

[Trubbish returns to its Poké Ball.]

Jersey: Hey, Marky-Mark. See this television?

[Baseball bat swings and the television shatters.]

We'll be back in a couple weeks.

[Electricity from the television pops. The trailer floor creaks as Jersey leaves. The door creaks shut.]

Mark: Mm. I’s hopin’ to sell that…to get some money.

Xander: [quiet] What—

Mark: To pay you back.

Xander: —[slow] the hell was any of that?

Mark: You see, I was part of a group—

Xander: [loud] I- I know the band you- I know! You—

Mark: No, no, no, that's not it. We weren't just a band. We were traveling mates.

[Sad, nostalgic music.]

And then one day I just start questioning it all, you know? I was like, why are we doing this? This is cruel and unusual for the Pokémon that we are carrying around.

You know I had- I had a Raticate once. This Raticate, when I caught it, it was Rattata. I named it Kakuna. You know, because of the whole Kakuna-Rattata thing? But once it evolved, joke completely lost. I had a Raticate named Kakuna. It was embarrassing.

Every time I would get into a battle I would go “Go, Kakuna!” and boom, bang, this ’s really a Raticate. Like, sometimes it threw them off. They were like, “Oh, this- that's not a Bug Pokémon.” Oh but no, no, no. Wouldn’t you know it, eventually an Arbok ate it.

Xander: Wa- Arbok ate it?

Mark: Yeah, it’s a- it’s a snake.

Xander: Oh my…god.

Mark: Snake eats rats.

Xander: Just ate it?

Mark: Snake eats—

Xander: Like, it’s gone? It got eaten?

Mark: Yeah.

Xander: That can hap—

Mark: That’s when I decided to leave Mighty Wings.

[Beat. Muffled rainfall patters on the roof.]

And then that's how I ended up here. I- I ditched them in the dead of night when we were all in Fuchsia City.

[voice wobbles] And you know how hard it is to drive an RV up Cycling Road? Do you know how much gas it took to push that thing? That's why I ran out of gas by the time- but no I didn't have no poles. I can drive that thing all up Route whatever-it-is near Lavender Town—

Xander: Yeah, no. I g-g- I- I get it. So, let me get this straight. You ditched your band, your Pokémon got eaten by a snake.

Mark: One of them, yeah.

Xander: Drove your RV backwards up a bike path, ran outta gas, parked, and you’ve been here for like, s-seven years?

[Mark mumbles.]

Why haven’t you done anything?

Mark: It did not take them long to find me.

[Beat.]

Xander: What?

Mark: My bandmates, aka traveling mates.

Xander: Was that one of them?

Mark: That was- yeah Jersey’s one of them.

Xander: So now your bandmates are extorting you for the money that you owe. What did you even do with all that money?

Mark: I spent it in gas.

Xander: You spent all of your earnings on gas getting up the fucking bike path?

Mark: I thought I could- I- I underestimated how much it would actually cost.

Xander: I- di- you- the level of insanity, I cannot comprehend.

Mark: Well, what about you? You're here. Where are your bandmates?

Xander: [irked] I don't have bandmates. They were people I was just walking with and I didn't wanna do it anymore ’cause I don't wanna do anything—

Mark: That’s exactly- that's exactly what happened to me. That's what I'm saying, kid. You don't know what kind of responsibility you owe them.

[Sad music thrums.]

You don't know what it's like to be part of the Pokémon League. You see, it's like a marriage, alright? When you agree upon traveling with two other people or five other people or twenty other people like myself—

Xander: Do- twenty people in your band?

Mark: Yeah, it was a whole orchestra. And now they're all Bikers—

Xander: It wasn’t—

Mark: —waiting for me to go down Cycling Road. D’you know how scared I am to go to the west?

Xander: How could you just give up on your drea- I mean my name- I am named after the last name of the singer of the band you are a cover band of.

Mark: I am named after the first name of that same name. I changed my name to Mark out of…out of shame. My name’s- my real name's Robin.

[Beat. Muffled rainfall.]

Xander: I feel like that's supposed to affect me somehow, but I don't get how that’s- I don't get how that lands.

Mark: Don't you see? I'm gonna grab you by the head.

[Floor creaks and clothes rustle as Mark steps forward and reaches up.]

Xander: Ah, okay. [quiet] That’s close.

Mark: I push my forehead up against yours, and I want you to see.

[Xander groans.]

And then I turn your head to the mirror, and you look in the mirror next to my face is your face. And it's the same face.

[Music pulses. Xander cries out as he gets creeped out.]

Xander: Agh. Okay. Okay.

[Xander backs away.]

Mark: Don't be like me, kid. That's what I was trying to tell you from the beginning.

Xander: Why do I- then what do I do to not be a—

Mark: You got to get yourself into a fiduciaryly safe situation. Go find your traveling mates, continue your journey, become the Pokémon Champions.

[Beat.]

Xander: So in order to be successful…I have to do stuff.

Mark: Exactly.

Xander: So no matter how much it sucks, or how uncomfortable I feel, I have to do it.

Mark: Yeah. I mean, obviously, you've gotten some badges, right?

Xander: Yeah, but one of them they gave to me. Like, I didn't win. They just gave it to me. He said he liked my heart or something?

Mark: You know, battles are completely, like- you don't have to battle in order to get a badge.

Xander: You can just- it…

Mark: You have to please the owner of the Gym in a way that makes them feel that you are indeed- there's a whole rigorous process—

Xander: So there’s—

Mark: —that Pokémon Gym Leaders have to go through before they are allowed- it's not like you could just, “Oh, go up to Indigo apply for a Pokémon Badge license.”

No, I tried that. I tried opening a Gym in Pallet Town. That's why I started goin’ around with my traveling mates and my band, which was okay. We were alright. But you know, I was just saving up the money to start my own Gym so that you wouldn't be ashamed of me.

[Beat. Music fades out.]

Xander: Dad, I was never ashamed of you, ’cause I didn't… I just didn't know. I didn't know you. [sad exhale]

[Sad music.]

Mark: Well, I guess that is…’s partially my fault.

[Beat.]

Trubbish. Come out.

[Rustling. Trubbish exits Poké Ball and farts.]

Xander: Oh, god. He smells. He smells so much.

Mark: How ’bout a big group hug?

Xander: Does Trubbish have to be a part of it?

Mark: He’s part of the family.

Xander: Oh.

[Rustling as they awkwardly hug. A beat passes.]

Have you tried, like, calling Mom?

[Beat.]

Mark: [mumbles] No.

Xander: Okay.

[Beat.]

Mark: Should I?

Xander: Yeah.

[Beat.]

Mark: Alright. I'll take some of your mail money. Go down to Celadon and use the local payphone.

Xander: Can I have a little bit of that too?

[Beat.]

Mark: No.

Xander: Okay.

Mark: I'll pay you back.

Xander: [quiet] Okay.

Mark: But you know what?

Xander: What?

Mark: You can have—

[Clothes rustle.]

—this bicycle voucher.

[Voucher crinkles as Mark hands it over.]

[Gentle, happy music.]

Xander: Whoa.

Mark: It's worth ₽1 million.

Xander: [loud] Wha- nu—

[Xander takes a step back.]

Mark: But it's only exchangeable at the bike, uh, place in Cerulean city.

Xander: Why don't you just give this to your bandmate?

Mark: ’Cause he's got a bike and [mumbles] you know. [scoffs]

Xander: You know what? Fine. Look, Dad, this is awesome. This is the greatest thing you or anyone has really done for me. However, I'm really worried that you're gonna get your kneecaps broken on Tuesday. [nervous chuckle]

Mark: They'll never find me.

[Mark moves away.]

Xander: [loud] You've been in the same trailer park for seven years.

Mark: I’m aban—

Xander: [loud] He knocked on your door.

Mark: I’m abandoning it all. I’m coming back to you guys. I just hope I remember the way.

Sage: Xander’s Dad goes up and pulls down an old, rusty bicycle and rolls it outside.

[Clattering as Mark pulls the bicycle down. The door creaks open. Mark hauls the bike outside and gets on.]

Mark: [distant] You'll know where to find me when the time is right!

[Xander runs out the door.]

Xander: [shouts] At my house?

Mark: [distant] At my house.

[Wheels crunch on dirt. Bicycle horn honks.]

Sage: And just as Xander's dad rides off into the horizon, we see…

[Music shifts to hopeful; the We Can Do This melody from Episode 1 reprises.]

[Running footsteps on the dirt road. Skip pants.]

Skip: Xander?

Candace: [weary groan] Xander?

Skip: Xander!

Candace: Xander, are you here? Are you seeing your, like, weird dad?

Skip: Xander!

Candace: Xander!

Xander: [distant] Hey guys!

Candace: [hopeful] Xander?

Xander: Hey, I’m- I’m up here!

[Candace and Skip walk up to the trailer.]

Skip: [pants] Oh, jeez.

Candace: Oh my gosh! Hi!

Skip: Hey, man.

Xander: [hesitant] Hey.

Skip: You okay?

Candace: I’m gonna give you a hug!

Xander: Oh, uh, yeah. Okay. Okay.

Candace: That’s what I learned today.

[A thump as Candace half-tackles Xander and gives him a tight hug. Xander groans quietly.]

Skip: Here I come!

[Skip jumps forward to join.]

Xander: [startled] Oh!

Candace: Group hug!

Xander: Oh, you jumped on me.

Skip: Yup.

Xander: Alright. [nervous, happy chuckle] Ah, right on.

Skip: Hey. Thanks for not pushing me off.

Xander: Oh, no problem. Guy’s, look, I gotta—

Skip: [happy surprise] Ooo, you hugged me back a little bit.

Xander: Well…yeah. I came up here ’cause I was gonna crash with my dad ’cause I didn’t really know what else to do, and then I was gonna figure out what to do. Guys, I gotta- I got- [sighs] My dad’s a loser, man. [sad chuckle]

Candace: [quiet] Oh.

Skip: I’m sorry.

Xander: It’s fine. You just- you know, you- you have a thought about something that, like, you want to be true really bad, and then it’s just not, and it’s kind of a huge bu—

Anyways. He taught me something, though. He taught me that…life is hard. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth it, though. And it made me realize that I’ve been closed off and basically a jerk from the start of this for no reason. All you guys have been generally nice.

Candace: Well, I mean—

Xander: If a little…aggressive.

Candace: [quiet] I’ve been kind of aggressive.

Xander: [mumbles] I’ll give you that. I’ll give you that.

Candace: And a bit in over my head.

Skip: I’ll admit it, guys. I’ve been the thing that’s really been driving us apart. I’ve just been putting way too much pressure on you guys. Maybe we never should’ve been a team in the first place.

Candace: I don’t know if you’re very self-aware, Skip. But that’s- I don’t- I don’t—

Xander: [quiet] I don’t think that—

Candace: I don’t think that was you at all.

Xander: I- I think you- you’re good.

Skip: Hey, look. Right now, I’m doin’ it again. I’m taking all of the attention and it shouldn’t be on me. I’m sorry.

Xander: Hey—

Skip: Again.

Xander: Look, we’re all sorry. This’ll-

Dream Police: [slow, messy] I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Candace: I apologize.

Xander: I am sorry.

Skip: Dragonair, go.

Xander: Whoa!

[Dragonair exits her Poké Ball.]

Skip: Say, “I’m sorry”.

Candace: Oh, yeah, look! Kadabra, go!

[Abra KaDebra exits her Poké Ball and cries out.]

Xander: Whoa! Whoa!

Candace: Say, “sorry”.

Xander: Oh, it’s got a sp-spoon. Does it always have a spoon?

Candace: It’s got a spoon now.

Skip: Say, “Sorry”, Dragonair.

Dragonair: [sad] Brrr.

Xander: Wow, it’s tall. This is amazing.

Skip: Thirteen feet, baby.

Xander: Oh my god.

[Music fades out.]

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Xander, can you roll me Sense?

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

Travis: Yeah!

Sage: [chuckles] Okay.

Travis: I did so well.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Skip, roll me Sense.

Travis: Dammit. [stifles laugh]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

[Jessica chuckles.]

Sage: [amused] Okay.

Travis: He did equally as well.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Candace, roll me Sense. Last chance.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

[Everyone laughs.]

Wow. All three of you.

Greg: Team!

Jessica and Travis: Teeeam!

Sage: [amused] Not a single success. Awesome, I’m just gonna keep it at that.

Xander: Guys, I don’t care what goes over our heads. As long as we’re together.

[Travis stifles laughter.]

Candace: Yeah, that’s what’s most important.

Skip: That’s why I never look up.

Candace: Professor Oak brought us together for a reason.

Xander: I- I think that reason might be because he’s senile. But it’s still a reason.

Skip: Also! We’re all we have. If not, we’re just a couple o’ kids, lost far from home.

Candace: Yeah.

Xander: Yeah, is that really- we are so far from home.

Candace: Yeah, we did a lot of stuff.

Skip: So we should just stick together for survival if anything.

Xander: At this point, it seems like a good idea.

Candace: Plus, we might have, like, warrants out for our arrest cause we did sorta [whispers] light a forest on fire.

Xander: I have not even begun to come to terms with what that was, or—

Candace: So we gotta stick together.

Xander: —what we did to Officer Jenny.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Skip: You guys cool with the team name?

Candace: Dream Police?

Skip: Xan?

[Beat. Birds chirp.]

Xander: I mean…

Skip: We named it after you.

Candace: Yeah.

Xander: I know.

Candace: I just kinda rings.

Xander: I think I get what kinda gesture it is now, and you know what? Yeah. Yeah, I’m good with it.

Candace: Cool.

Xander: Its a stupid middle name, but it's a great team name. [chuckles]

Candace: So do you guys, uh, d’you guys want to maybe, uh, you know, do the…

[Running footsteps. Air rushes as Candace flips.]

Somersault!

Skip: Cartwheel!

Xander: [amused] Jumping jack!

Candace: Dream police! [pants]

Skip: Dream police!

Candace: [whispers] Your turn.

Xander: I ju—

Candace: [whispers] You gotta say “Dream Police”.

Xander: Oh. Dream Police!

[Anime-style crash sound and shimmer! Go Dream Police!]

S- cool.

Candace: We did it!

Xander: I thought there was gonna be more… Man that- we’re jus- we're alone so that didn't really…

Candace: But it was the first time—

Skip: Hey, um, hey, Xander.

Xander: Yeah?

Skip: Candace.

Candace: Yeah?

Skip: [quiet] Do you guys wanna go get some Badges?

Candace: [stoked] Yeah.

Xander: If it keeps me from gettin’ extorted by my former bandmates, absolutely.

[Motorcycle rumbles closer. Dangerous music builds.]

Jersey: Ah, little boy over there!

[Xander groans.]

You still around?

Candace: Who’s this weirdo?

Xander: [quiet] This is a friend of my dad’s.

Candace: Oh, well, um. [shouts] Bye, weirdo! You, uh, smell—

Xander: Hey.

Candace: —funny and you should take a shower!

Xander: Hey, no, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. Hey’s what’s your name?

[Confidence-inspiring music shift.]

Jersey: Jersey! Didn’t you hear your pops call me that a bunch of times, or you a little too slow in the brain?

Xander: I don't pay attention to assholes.

Candace: Oooo. Do you need some ice for that burn, mister?

[Leather creaks and feet scuff on pavement as Jersey gets off his bike.]

Jersey: You threatening me?

Skip: He's not threatening you. We are!

Xander: So let's go…motherfucker?

[Candace and Xander chuckle quietly.]

Jersey: [amused] Whoa ho ho ho oh.

Candace: Say it with confidence! Confidence, Xander!

Xander: Mmm—

Candace: No question!

Xander: Mother—

Candace: Exclamation point!

Xander: Motherfucker!

Candace: Yeah!

Xander: Here's the deal. I beat you, you leave my dad alone forever. Despite the [nervous chuckle] thousands of dollars that he owes you.

Candace: Holy moly!

Xander: Don’t- we’ll talk about it later.

Candace: And when we beat you—and I say when we beat you—you remember that it was the Dream Police. We’re gonna be the best darn Pokémon trainers in the nation. Kanto will- will be cheering our name for years and years!

[Music builds.]

Xander: [wobbly] Yeah.

Skip: We’ll be the best—

Candace: [sings] Around!

Skip: —there ever was! Or that way.

Xander: Yup.

Jersey: Alright, you little shits.

[Music halts. Candace gasps]

Candace: You’re a big shit.

Xander: [snickers] Let’s do this!

Candace: Do you wanna take this, Xander?

Xander: I do.

[Exciting 8-Bit cover of "Dream Police" by Cheap Trick plays!]

Jersey: Snake, go! I mean, Ekans, go!

[Jersey throws a Poké Ball and Ekans exits, hissing.]

Xander: Go, Muddy Waters!

[Xander throws a Poké Ball and Muddy Waters exits, crying out.]

Jersey: Alright, Ekans, scare it with your Intimidate! Make it feel smaller than you.

[Ekans hisses and glares at Muddy Waters, puffing itself up.]

Bully it until it submits! That’s right, look at your low Attack level.

Xander: Hey, Marshtomp!

Muddy Waters: Marsh?

Xander: Hit it with a Mud Bomb!

Candace: Yeah!

[Muddy Waters growls as mud bubbles and shoots forward, covering Ekans with a splat.]

Jersey: Oh my god, my Ekans! You’re just drowning it in mud! No, let it out! Let it out for air!

Candace: Take that!

Jersey: You sick- you sick fuck!

[Candace laughs mockingly.]

Stop drowning my snake! [tearful] Ekans, come outta the mud!

[Ekans returns to its Poké Ball.]

[growls] Alright, twerp. You may have defeated my Ekans, but try out this for size! Koffing, go!

[Jersey throws the Poké Ball and Koffing exits.]

Xander: Hey, Candace. Why don’t you send out your [impressed chuckle] sick-ass new Kadabra?

[Muddy Waters returns to his Poké Ball. Candace runs forward.]

Candace: Yeah, that’s right, mister. Bet you never seen one o’ these before! Go, Kadabra!

[Candace throws a Poké Ball and Abra KaDebra exits.]

Jersey: Whoa, that’s a Psychic-type. Good thing I got the move Grudge!

[Air rushes and hums as Koffing uses Grudge.]

So now, if you hurt me and you kill me, you’re gonna not have any moves left to use until you bring it to a Pokémon Center.

Candace: Alright, Kadabra! Let’s just shut this guy up. Go, Confusion.

[Dull, warbling hum as Abra KaDebra prepares Confusion. Abra KaDebra cries out as it shoots its attack forward.]

Jersey: Koffing, NO!

[Candace laughs mockingly.]

Don’t be confused by it’s spoons. Stop being—

[Jersey’s voice warbles unintelligibly. Koffing hurts itself and falls to the ground with a thud.]

Koffing, no!

[Jersey whimpers pitifully.]

Candace: For a lotta talk, you got zero bite!

Sage: With two back-to-back KOs, Jersey stands defeated.

[Koffing returns to its Poké Ball.]

Skip: You just witnessed the power of teamwork! Without teamwork, you can’t get anywhere, because there’s a symbiotic relationship between the trainers and their Pokémon!

Xander: Yeah!

Candace: Yeah!

Xander: All- yeah!

Candace: [shouts] And everything that you just said in the very beginning of the battle to bully us, to attack us, you’re coming from a place of hate and that is wrong!

Xander: Yeah!

Candace: You need to come from a place of love!

Xander: Hey, Ramona. Go!

[Xander throws the Poké Ball and Ramona exits, crying out.]

Jersey: Oh, I’m outta Pokémon.

Xander: Hey, Ramona. Use Twister!

Jersey: Oh, on me? On me?

Candace: [yells] Hey, Abra! Disable this dude!

Jersey: No, no. Kids, kids. Hey, hey, bike gang! Where’s the gang?

[Ramona cries out. Motorcycles rev.]

Sage: Hearing the commotion, we hear Jersey’s bike gang reving up their motorcycle engines in the distance. But! Not before Ramona uses her Whirlwind to blast this asshole Biker outta the park. The trailers and RVs start tilting back and forth like an earthquake. The trees and leaves are shaking, the grass vibrating as all the wind and air builds up.

Xander: You done fucked up now, mister!

Sage: And you see his body fly up with the hurricane. [chuckles]

Skip: Jersey’s blasting off agaaaaaain!

[Jersey’s screaming fades away.]

Sage: And then you see his body slam—

[A disgusting impact.]

[Everyone laughs in shock.]

—right at the top of Cycling Road. It’s really far away, but you’re able to see that he lands right at the top of the incline, and his body just lays everywhere, there’s all kinds of gore.

[Jessica groans in horror.]

But it’s still kinda together. And then it just slowly starts sliding down Cycling Road at about one mile an hour.

Skip: Did you guys see anything? I didn’t see anything.

Xander: [quiet] Let’s go now.

[Motorcycle engines rev in the distance.]

Skip: Let’s go!

[The Dream Police run down Cycling Road.]

["Dream Police" song resumes.]

Narrator: And so, before the loud motorcycles of the bike gang can arrive, our trainers, with wide eyes and sweat on their brow, escape the north side of Cycling Road.

Though there are still threats and mysteries around, the Dream Police have rekindled their team bond and are ready to continue their Kanto journey.

Next up is Fuchsia City, home of the famed Safari Zone.

Credits

[Music continues throughout.]

Marlena Jean: Thanks for tuning in! This has been a 20 Sided Stories production.

Candace Carter was played by Jessica Dahlgren

Skip Svitak was played by Greg Reasoner

And Xander Whitten was played by Travis Reaves

With Additional Voices by David McEuen and Sage G.C.

The original music from Pokémon Red, Green, Blue, and Yellow Versions was composed by Junichi Masuda

With Arrangements and Additional Scoring by Sage G.C.

Additional Production and Audio Assistance by Travis Reaves

Game Master Assistance and Pokémon Battle Management by Grant Bouffard

Original Character artwork by Ariana Cabebe

Podcast Directed, Edited, and Sound Designed by Sage G.C.

You can get the soundtrack to this series for free at

sagegc.bandcamp.com

And of course, visit our website at 20sidedstories.com

[Transcripts by Tiffany Chapman]

[Song fades out.]