#16 - Victory Road

20 Sided Stories

POKÉMON! Pen & Paper Version

Episode 16 - Victory Road

Air Date: May 8, 2019

Sage G.C.:         Thank you all so much for joining us on this journey. It's been nothing short of incredible. Sorry for the delay. I blame PG&E. This will be our last episode for a little while. So hang out after the credits, where I'm gonna talk about sort of what's next for 20 Sided Stories and say goodbye to Pokémon. For now at least. Transcripts and the original soundtrack will be available at a later date, so keep posted for that.

Otherwise, of course, don't forget…

[Podcast Intro music throughout.]

This podcast and series has no affiliation with Nintendo, The Pokémon Company, Game Freak, Creatures Inc., or anything in the official Pokémon franchise whatsoever. It is a non-profit, fan-made parody piece created in fair use and all product names, trademarks, and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.

The bulk of what you are about to hear was recorded live by improvisers who simply love the franchise, and we thank you for joining us on our nostalgic adventure through Kanto. Enjoy.

[Intro crescendos.]

Jessica Dahlgren:       Thank you and welcome to 20 Sided Stories.

[Intro fades out.]

Prologue

[A heavy wind blows. Footsteps scuff on dirt.]

Blue:          I've always hated that about you.

Red:           Hmm?

[Red’s voice always sounds slightly distorted or “bit-crushed”.]

Blue:          The fact that you can just…stand there and do nothing.

Red:           Ever try it, Blue? Just…enjoying the silence?

Blue:          No, I'm not like you. I have to keep moving. Because I've had to scramble to keep up with you.

Red:           It's funny. You keep moving. I stand still. And yet…I still remain on top.

Blue:          Because you broke it, Red! You found that thing off of Cinnabar. What you did was wrong! You shouldn't have that!

Red:           I was given a mission! Weren’t we all? It's the motto. It's the trainer way. I saw it to the end.

Blue:          [quiet] Gotta catch ’em all.

Red:           Yeah.

Blue:          And you had to. You saw that thing.

Red:           I am the best that no one ever was!

Blue:          You saw what it was capable of and you went ahead and got it!

Red:           Well…no point in arguing about it.

[Beat.]

You just gonna stare at me?

Blue:          I'm here to take back what's mine.

[Red takes a deep breath and sighs.]

Red:           We'll do this as many times as you want, Blue.

Blue:          No. This is the last time.

Red:           [quiet] That’s what they always say. And then…they just reload.

Episode 16: Season Finale – Victory Road

[Badass Electronic Rock music throughout; grows increasingly orchestral.]

Narrator:         It has been an incredible journey. Candace Carter, Skip Svitak, and Xander Whitten have traveled across all of the Kanto region collecting Gym Badges and training their beloved Pokémon. Adopting the team name The Dream Police, they discovered Team Rocket was making a return and furthermore, Skip’s brother, Cedric, and the ex-Champion, Trainer Blue, were somehow involved.

Though they seem to have temporarily halted the Poké Petco, bigger matters have entered center stage. Throughout their journey, The Dream Police have noticed strange occurrences. Glitches, patterns, people repeating themselves.

While Xander was able to find his father on Cycling Road, Candace has seen no sign of her Aunt Clair. Though her cousin and legendary Dragon Tamer, Lance, informed the team that chaos was ensuing on Victory Road.

And so our trainers head there now to solve this mystery and save the wonderful world of Pokémon once and for all! The Dream Police have acquired—hard-earned or otherwise—seven out of eight needed Badges to get to the Indigo Plateau.

They arrive now in Viridian City and are greeted by a very angry, very grumpy, very bald old man.

[Footsteps tap on pavement. Misadventure music.]

Old Man:         I’m angry! It's so angry that my hair is fallin’ out!

Candace:          Um… Hello.

Old Man:         Hey, you want some- give- give me some yo- wha- gimme some coffee!

Xander:           Oooooh.

Skip:             Would you like some tea instead?

Old Man:         I’m- what kind o’ tea?

Candace:          Ginseng.

Xander:           Yeah.

Old Man:         I'll try it. Just have to Irish up this tea, I guess.

Xander:           Oh, here you go.

[Xander hands over a thermos.]

Old Man:         A little hooch in there.

[Liquid pours into a cup.]

Xander:           That is whiskey. He’s pourin’ whiskey into the tea.

Sage:            The old man goes to take a sip. Very slowly, our trainers watch.

[Stat test chime.]

Can Skip roll me Intuition?

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Music builds!]

[Success chime.]

Skip:             Wait!

[Skip steps forward and grabs the Old Man’s arm.]

Don't drink that tea.

Old Man:         Wanna see how to catch a Weedle? I can show you how to catch a Weedle if you want.

Skip:             I don't have time for your cockney rhyming slang.

Old Man:         What?

Skip:             We gotta stop giving these adults liquids. There's a pattern.

[Music grows suspenseful.]

Candace:          Wait, you mean, like, this old man who keeps asking for coffee and all those people asking for tea and Nurse Joy saying the same thing over and over and over again? Like that?

Skip:             Yeah.

Candace:          Whoa.

Skip:             I'll say it.

Skip and Xander:        [slow] We're in a vid—

[Rival entry music.]

Rival Zach:       Hey! ’Sup nerds! Fuckin’ stupid nerd losers!

Xander:           Did he just come outta nowhere?

Rival Zach:       Fuck all you!

Xander:           Jesus Christ!

Rival Zach:       Hey, I wanna show you something.

Skip:             Go away!

Rival Zach:       I wanna show you something!

Xander:           Nobody wants to see your micropenis!

Rival Zach:       I want—

Skip:             Just turn around. Just turn around and walk away.

Rival Zach:       My what?

Xander:           Nothing!

Skip:             Turn around and walk away.

Rival Zach:       Watch this!

[He pulls something out of his pocket.]

Sage:            Little Shit Zach reveals eight Badges and an ID.

Xander:           What is that?

Skip:             Yeah, wait, what is that? What?

Sage:            Candace reads the ID and recognizes the imagery very well because she was a big fan. It reads “Viridian City Gym Leader”.

[Rival music builds.]

Candace:          [grim] How did you get that?

Rival Zach:       Suck it, nerd!

Candace:          No, how did you get that?

Rival Zach:       Well—

Old Man:         You see there’s been a roulette of—

Rival Zach:       Hey, get out of—

Candace:          Shut up, old man!

Old Man:         Alright, I’ll go.

[Footsteps fade away. Rival music ends.]

Sage:            The old man walks away, but as he goes to his usual spot at the front of Viridian City, waiting for some trainer to come by that he's gonna beg for coffee, he fades away like a ghost.

[Digital noise whooshes into the wind. Suspenseful music throughout.]

Xander:           No!

Rival Zach:       What?

Xander:           No! That old guy just disappeared!

Rival Zach:       I don't know what you're talking about.

Xander:           That old guy just disappeared!

Rival Zach:       Everyone's been disappearing. Didn’t you pass through Pallet Town? I tried to show Oak that I caught like—

Xander:           Are you not concerned?

Candace:          Oak disappeared.

Xander:           We saw Oak disa- disintegrate into nothing.

Rival Zach:       Oh, I saw that too! ’Cept I saw it at the lab. Where did you guys see it?

Xander:           We saw it in a cave with your uncle and his brother.

Rival Zach:       Wait, what? Wait—

Xander:           And Blaine and Giovanna.

Rival Zach:       Oak went to Seafoam Islands?

Xander:           I don't know anything about anything except for the fact that shit is weird.

Rival Zach:       Look, I am freakin’ a little bit on the inside, but you nerds are not gonna take my claim to fame—

Xander:           Dude, no! Look at me! Look at me!

Rival Zach:       What?

Xander:           Look at me. Drop this for a second. There is something really fuckin’ weird goin’ on. And we're all too wrapped up in being the best at everything to realize that we're playing someone else's game.

Rival Zach:       But Trainer Blue is gonna fix it all.

Xander:           What?

Rival Zach:       Trainer Blue! My uncle, Blue!

Xander:           What’s he gonna do?

Rival Zach:       Uncle Blue’s gonna kick Red’s ass!

Xander:           The guy that looks like he manages a Hollywood video? See? I got it. I got it.

Candace:          You did. That's it.

Skip:             Y-yeah. You got it.

Rival Zach:       I'm talking about the legendary Trainer Red from Pallet Town that everybody gets inspired about, his great story across Kanto. He always hangs out at Mt. Silver to train his Pokémon, and Trainer Blue has tried to defeat him over and over again for years, but Trainer Red never gives up.

So my uncle had a plan to catch a Pokémon that Trainer Red could not defeat! And so they're up there battling right now. It's gonna be epic. Holy shit. Look at how epic it is.

[Heavy wind starts. Candace gasps.]

Skip:             What?

Sage:            There's hurricanes and very, very subtle vibration underneath the ground.

Xander:           [quiet] Oh, shit.

[Beat.]

So what happens if he wins?

Rival Zach:       Look, that's a whole lot of info that I can't- well, I- let me- I—

Skip:             You don’t know about?

Rival Zach:       He wouldn't tell me.

Xander:           What?

Rival Zach:       Uncle Blue wouldn't tell me. He said it was “too big” for me to understand and that I should just—

Xander:           [incredulous] So he made you a Gym Leader instead?

Candace:          Why are you the Gym Leader of Viridian City?

Rival Zach:       Your Aunt Clair never came back, so—

Candace:          [loud] Why are you the Gym Leader?

Rival Zach:       Because it deflected to my Uncle Blue. He was the trainer before Aunt Clair got transferred from Blackhorn or Blackthorn or whatever in Johto. And since Trainer Blue has bigger things to handle over at Mt. Silver, he put me in charge. Any Gym Trainer can nominate a successor. You're looking at Gym Trainer Zachary! Suck it, nerds.

[Beat. Music briefly ends…then resumes.]

Candace:          You're the biggest fucking shithead I've ever met in my entire life. And you do not deserve to wear that beautiful Badge of Viridian City Gym Leader! You make it a disgrace, you stupid fuckin’- Hold me back! Hold me back!

[Stat test chime.]

[Success chime.]

[Xander and Skip grab Candace to keep her from attacking.]

Rival Zach:       Yeah, yeah! You can't fight with human fight…

Candace:          Yeah, I can! Because I have brawn and I have courage! And you're just a mangy little worm!

Xander:           Can-Candace!

Candace:          What?

Xander:           It doesn't matter that you're the Gym Leader. None of this matters!

Rival Zach:       Well, do you wanna get to Victory Road?

Candace:          Yes.

Rival Zach:       Well, you need eight Badges.

Xander:           Son of a bitch. You're gonna make us battle you to figure this out?

Rival Zach:       Look, I'm not gonna make you, it’s just—

Skip:             People are disappearing.

Rival Zach:       No, I—

Skip:             Reality is falling apart.

Rival Zach:       I can’t- what, you want me to just give you the Badge?

Candace:          Yes!

Skip:             Sure!

Xander:           Surge did!

Rival Zach:       Okay, maybe if you all rolled plus. And if you- if you all rolled successes.

Xander:           [Travis laughs] What the fuck are you talking about?

[Stat test chime.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Net chime.]

[Hidden Power chime.]

[Hidden Power chime.]

Jessica:          Well…

Sage:            A lot o’ Hidden Powers in there.

Greg:          Wisdom!

Sage:            So you guys look at—

Xander:           Look at me! I feel so confident!

[Laughter.]

Sage:            Yes, no. Xander feels extremely confident. And Skip knows that, even though Trainer Zachary was being trained by the legendary Trainer Blue, Trainer Blue is so self-centered, there is no way that Zachary could retain any kind of knowledge of love-power that sensei taught, that Aunt Clair taught Candace, or that Xander’s dad taught him. Because Zach—

Travis:          Fleeting as it was.

[Everyone chuckles.]

Sage:            Because Zachary doesn't really get what it means to be a Pokémon trainer. And you know deep down, using Wisdom and Confidence, you can kick his ass so fucking quick. [chuckles]

[Beat. Music ends.]

Xander:           Okay.

Skip:             Fi- we- we'll battle.

Xander:           Do it.

Skip:             We'll do it, we’ll do it.

Rival Zach:       Oh yeah?

Skip:             Oh! Wait. Before the battle—

Rival Zach:       Oh, what?

Skip:             Uh, did you guys want to do anything Pokémon? You guys all good on Pokémon?

[Light-hearted picks up; Teamwork Motif can be heard.]

Candace:          [conspiratorial] Oh yeah. Weren’t we supposed to trade?

Skip:             Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rival Zach:       Oh, uh…

Skip:             [conspiratorial] What about, uh, your Kadabra for my Dragonite?

Candace:          Um, sure! Yeah! Yeah, yeah.

[Backpack zips open. Items rustle.]

Here you go.

Skip:             Oh, thank you.

Pokédex:        [beep] Trade initiated. Trade initiated. Dragonite to Candace.

Candace:          Oh, yeah.

Pokédex:        [beep] Kadabra to Skip.

Skip:             Cool!

[Pokédex chimes.]

Sage:            The Poké Balls light up, float in the air, and just switch hands.

Xander:           Seems like that could have been done manually. But…

[Evolution blast sound!]

Skip:             WHOA!

[Candace gasps.]

Candace:          Alakazam!

Abra KaDebra:        [tribal-like chanting] Oo-la da da da da-da! Ai-na da da da da da-da!

Candace:          Okay, okay. Um, uh, Xander?

Xander:           Uh-huh?

Candace:          Would you like to trade maybe your Pidgeot with my, um, you know, Haunter?

Xander:           I would.

Pokédex:        Trade initiated. Would you like to trade Haunter for this Pidgeot?

Candace:          Yes.

Xander:           Yes.

[Pokédex chimes.]

Sage:            The Poké Balls go in the air and swap.

Candace:          Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Xander:           Okay. Is this okay?

Candace:          Are they gonna burst into light?

Xander:           I think that's done. I looked up. That's as far as- as Ramona’s gonna get.

Skip:             Whoa, Xander! Look at your hand!

Xander:           Jesus!

Sage:            Burst of light!

[Evolution blast! Candace screams.]

Viridian City lights up and then…nothing.

Xander:           [quiet] Oh shit, I’m so sorry.

Sage:            There's nothing in the air. Instead, the hairs on our trainers’ necks start to rise.

[Creepy sounds and music build.]

Xander:           [quiet, nervous] Guys. What's goin’ on?

Candace:          I think Fiddy evolved.

Xander:           I don’t feel good. Into the world? Is he…

Candace:          I don't know—

Fiddler:        [playful] BLAAAAAHHH!

Dream Police:        [fearful] Aaaaaah!

Candace:          Oh, my god. I’m so happy!

Xander:           [loud] He came outta your shadow! He just came outta your shadow!

Sage:            And there is a Gengar playing around, jumping, making silly faces, and disappearing and reappearing trying to scare our trainers.

Xander:           He got legs.

Candace:          Okay! Trade back!

Skip:             Here you go, Candace. Here you are, I’ll take this back.

[The sounds of Pokémon switching Poké Balls is heard over all the talk. The Pokédex speaks quickly, trying to keep up with the rapid switching. Pokémon cry out as they return to their previous owners.]

Candace:          Okay, thank you. And I’ll give you that back, Xander.

Xander:           Okay, good.

Candace:          Um, here you go.

Xander:           Yup. Here you go.

Pokédex:        [beeps angrily] Eh! Eh!

Skip:             Aw, Dragonite! I missed you!

Xander:           I didn’t write names on these.

Candace:          Debbie! So good to see you! Long time no see.

Xander:           Oh, boy.

Pokédex:        [beeps angrily] Loophole! Loophole!

Candace:          Shut the fuck up, you Pokédex!

Travis:          I just hold the power button.

[Everyone chuckles.]

Sage:            It goes to turn off, and then…you think you see a picture of a bunch of distorted blocks for just a moment. And then it turns off.

Candace:          [gasps] What was that? What was that?

Xander:           It was just a- it was a- like a censored picture or something.

[Uplifting chiptune music.]

Sage:            With all their Pokémon out, we get a good final look at the finished, completed Dream Police team.

Candace:          Pixie, the Ninetales!

Pixie:            [seductive] Aah.

Xander:           Muddy Waters, the Swampert!

Muddy Waters:         [growls] Braaww!

Candace:          Abra KaDebra, the Alakazam!

Abra KaDebra:        [chants] Oo-luh-luh-luh!

Xander:           Ramona, the Pidgeot!

Ramona:         [squawks] Pidgey-ooooh!

Candace:          Fiddler, the Gengar!

Fiddler:        [menacing] Ah,heheheheh!

Skip:             And Dragonite, the Dragonite!

Dragonite:         Raaaaaaaahhh!

Skip:             I’m the leader.

Candace:          No, I’m the leader!

[Xander snickers.]

Skip:             Cartwheel!

Candace:          Somersault! Heavy panting.

Xander:           Jumping jack!

[Dream Police chime! Song ends.]

Sage:            You look over to Trainer Zachary and…he is completely petrified.

[Serious music begins.]

Rival Zach:       [mumbles] Holy shit.

Skip:             Here are your two options.

Rival Zach:       Yeah?

Skip:             You can come with us and help us solve whatever this is that the world's going through, or we can kick your butt right now, and then we're gonna go solve it without you.

Candace:          And look at our Pokémon. They are bulked up fully.

[Zach stammers.]

[Stat test chime.]

Sage:            Roll Confidence. Just Skip.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Net chime.]

Greg:          +1.

Travis:          Dammit.

Greg:          So it's neutral.

Travis:          Net.

Sage:            Hmm.

Rival Zach:       [growls] I hate you, Skip. You're always so positive about everything and you learn quickly.

Skip:             Just like you, bud!

[Beat.]

Candace:          [quiet] Just roll with it. Let ’im…

Xander:           [whispers] Okay.

Rival Zach:       I want- I wanted to- I just really wanted to show you my Tangrowth.

Skip:             That’s fine. We're gonna be—

Rival Zach:       Tangrowth, go!

[Zach tosses a Poké Ball and Tangrowth exits.]

Xander:           Oh god, it's like spaghetti.

[Gross slurping sounds from the Tangrowth.]

Rival Zach:       Lookit! Lookit! It’s Tangrowth. You know what I had to do to evolve this thing?

Xander:           What?

Rival Zach:       Uh, I really don't know. Un-Uncle Blue did it for me.

Xander:           Oh.

Candace:          How are you learning anything?

Rival Zach:       [tearful] I’m- I’m not!

Xander:           [sympathetic] Oh, dude.

Candace:          Why don't you actually join us and try to figure out what's going on?

Sage:            Trainer Zachary is barely keeping it together.

[Stat test chime.]

I'm gonna roll for a Nerve save.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

[Stifled laughter.]

Rival Zach:       [sobs loudly] I’m not learning anything!

Xander:           [frantic] Oh no! Okay! Calm down! Oh! Okay!

Candace:          Uh…

Rival Zach:       [sobs loudly] There are streams, like, rivers coming from my eyes as if there is no way one human being could...

Travis:          Okay! I’m gonna- I’m gonna roll for hug!

[Stat test chime.]

[Net chime.]

Sage:            Ehhh...

Travis:          I put my arm around him kinda?

Xander:           It’s oka—

[Zach sobs louder.]

Xander:           [frustrated] Oh, son of a bitch.

Rival Zach:       [sobs settle] Okay, let's go.

[Travis laughs.]

[Footsteps fade away.]

[Suspenseful music begins; Indigo Plateau Theme reprise. Footsteps on marble throughout.]

Sage:            Our trainers make it over to Victory Road to the west of Viridian City. There are no people. There are no Pokémon in tall grass on the way. The storms in the skies are getting worse. But we come across a building and are able to go inside. Once inside there is this almost sacred vibe that we get. Many legends have passed through these halls.

Candace:          Whoa.

Sage:            And as our trainers look around this very small chamber, they see a large number of statues of what appear to be ancient Pokémon littered throughout the room.

Xander:           Is this a church?

Skip:             Hey, look, look. Check this thing out. Remember this in the cave?

Xander:           Was that the—

Skip:             That shell-looking bug guy?

Xander:           Oh, that thing we ate?

Candace:          Oh, we don’t talk about that. Shhhh! No, we didn’t.

Xander:           Yeah, my stomach didn’t feel right for a week.

Candace:          That was…

Skip:             But we ate food, though.

[Xander makes vague noises of agreement.]

Candace:          We survived.

Skip:             Mm-hmm.

Candace:          It- it passed for a worthy cause.

Xander:           It passed, alright.

[Everyone laughs.]

Sage:            Candace spots a particular statue and…could you roll me Smarts, please?

[Stat test chime.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Hidden Power chime.]

Hidden Power Brawn.

[Everyone chuckles.]

Travis:          Every time.

Sage:            Candace looks at this statue—

Candace:          Bang my head into the wall until I get it!

[Candace growls and headbutts a statue. It breaks and clatters to the ground.]

Sage:            The head crumbles and rolls on the ground. It is solid marble.

Xander:           Holy shit…

Candace:          [scoffs] That was nothin’.

Xander:           I don't understand you. [nervous chuckle]

Candace:          I’m magic.

Sage:            And she sees a little insignia by the neck that was really tiny that is now revealed that says “Mewtwo”.

Candace:          [slow] Mewtwo?

Xander:           I…mew…you too.

Candace:          No. This Pokémon- this Pokémon is called Mewtwo.

[Stifled laughter.]

What did you say?

Xander:           I don’t know. I thought you were still in the thing, so I just wanted to…support you. What’s happening?

[Travis stifles laughter.]

Skip:             What’s a Mewtwo?

Candace:          This is Pokémon, and I’m pretty sure its name is Mewtwo. It’s—

Xander:           It looks like a cat-guy.

[Stifled laughter.]

Candace:          It looks like a hairless cat-like, fetus thing.

Sage:            Trainer Zachary leads our trainers through more Victory Road and we get to a door that requires eight Badges.

Skip:             Alright, Zach time to be useful.

[Stifled laughter.]

Rival Zach:       Well, put in your seven. I'll put in the eighth one.

Skip:             Cool.

[Items rustle.]

Boulder Badge!

[A chime follows each badge.]

Candace:          Cascade Badge!

Xander:           Uh, Thunder Badge.

Skip:             Rainbow Badge.

Candace:          Soul Badge.

Xander:           What's this one called?

Candace:          It’s the Marsh Badge.

Xander:           Oh.

Skip:             Flip it over, it says it on the back. Volcano Badge!

Rival Zach:       And! The Earth Badge.

[A lock clicks open. The door rumbles open.]

Sage:            One by one they insert their Badges into this door, and it opens up revealing… destruction. A storm is in full swing. There are grass and debris flying everywhere. Trees are waving left and right. The ground is definitely shaking more than vibrating now.

[Very heavy wind blows. Candace groans.]

Xander:           Oh no.

Skip:             Hang in there, guys. We got this.

Sage:            But as our trainers continue through the stormy Victory Road, they notice it's still desolate, and they haven't seen any sign of anybody.

[Suspenseful music.]

Candace:          Wait. Hold on. Where is everybody?

Skip:             Yeah. Where's Klara?

Rival Zach:       Look, look, Skip. Uh… You went to Pallet, right?

Skip:             Yeah.

Rival Zach:       Everyone's gone.

Skip:             Yeah.

Rival Zach:       Uh… That happened actually a lot sooner than- than it felt like.

Skip:             What?

Xander:           [quiet] What?

Rival Zach:       Well, you know how it was, like, oh, we're still talking over the Pokédex and stuff and we were in Cerulean, yellin’ at each other?

Skip:             Mm-hmm.

Rival Zach:       Uh, yeah. She never returned my calls after I left.

Candace:          [quiet] Did she ever return your letter?

Skip:             N-no. But that's just my usual luck with girls.

Rival Zach:       Think everything in Pallet Town got…erased.

[Sad music; Lavender Town motif.]

Skip:             Right away? Like, as soon as we left?

Rival Zach:       [quiet] I think so.

Skip:             Like, my mom?

Candace:          [quiet] And my mom?

[Beat.]

Xander:           [quiet] And my mom.

Rival Zach:       This is the stuff that Trainer Blue didn't wanna tell me about. But I- I think that's what's happening.

Skip:             And you just kept going along with him?

Rival Zach:       I- he thinks- he knows- my uncle knows that- that there is a way to save this and- and reset everything. We're gonna load everything back up. And- and everything's gonna work again.

Skip:             What does that even mean?

Rival Zach:       I don't know, that’s just what he kept saying! Stop looking at me, alright! I don't know the- I don't have the answers that you’re looking for!

Xander:           Okay. Okay, so he's gonna—

Rival Zach:       [frantic] I’ve only been a Gym Leader for a day!

Xander:           Shhh. Dude. Doesn't matter. He's gonna fight Red and he's gonna win, and he thinks that's gonna do it?

Rival Zach:       There’s stuff I don't know. But I guess Red has something.

Xander:           That's the only place we're gonna get any answers. We gotta go there.

Rival Zach:       Alright.

[The group moves on.]

Sage:            Our trainers continue, but then Skip notices somebody. His brother Cedric, alone on the ground and hurt.

Skip:             Cedric? Cedric!

[Skip runs forward. Cedric groans. Sad ambient music continues throughout.]

Cedric, wake up!

Cedric:           Little bro? Oh, shit. You make it to Victory Road?

Skip:             Yeah.

Cedric:           Did ya get the Badge from Blaine?

Skip:             Kinda, yeah.

Cedric:           [quiet] Damn… Man, I—

Skip:             Are you alright?

Cedric:           No, dude. I fee- I feel weird.

Skip:             What happened to you?

Cedric:           Blue dit- totally ditched me.

Skip:             Yeah, he's kind of a dick.

Cedric:           Yeah. He’s a huge dick. Giovanni, yeah, Blaine. Right, we left them. Team Rocket… I couldn't find anybody. [sighs] Couldn’t find anybody at all. I feel so weird right now.

Skip:             So are you done with all of this?

Cedric:           [sighs] I don't know. I don't know, little bro.

Skip:             No! You need to be done with this!

Cedric:           Done with what, exactly?

Skip:             All of this…stupid stuff that you're doing!

Cedric:           With the…

Skip:             Tryin’ to scam people.

Cedric:           Poké Pet- yeah. Look, little bro, I… I- I know I haven't been there for you since- since—

Skip:             [irked] You've never been there for me.

Cedric:           [groans] I’m sorry, man.

Skip:             You were never in my way, though. Until recently.

Cedric:           I regret it, man. I- I realized the more time I spent with that old dude, Giovanni, the more I really felt in [groans] over my head.

Candace:          Why’d you even do that?

Cedric:           I just… Skip, after- after dad died I…you know. Mom didn't really have anything, an’ goin’ on I just wanted to make sure we could… I don’t know. Bolster up our income. Feel like we were…the best.

Skip:             You weren't doing this for mom.

Cedric:           [sighs] I know. I was doin’ it for me.

Xander:           Quick question.

Cedric:           Yeah?

Xander:           Why are you alone on the ground?

Candace:          An- wait, how is he still here and everybody else seems to be gone?

Cedric:           It's only a matter of time. All my Pokémon left me. I tried to get out but…they just ran away.

Skip:             ’S what happens when you don't love them.

Cedric:           I see that now.

Skip:             The same thing works with friends.

Candace:          And family.

Xander:           And fam- oh shit.

[Stifled laughter.]

Cedric:           Skip. I'm [groans] sorry, little bro. But just remember, when I said you're gonna do great things, bro I [glitches] totally…

[Glitching static.]

Skip:             What's happening?

Cedric:           [glitching] Totally meant it, bro!

[Glitching worsens.]

I swear it, bro! I totally meant it!

[Cedric cuts off and a high-pitched ringing is heard.]

Skip:             What’s happening?

Xander:           [slow] Oh no.

Candace:          [frantic] Oh, my god, he's fading away. Come back, wait! Don’t!

Skip:             Cedric!

Sage:            Cedric fades into thousands of pixels…that float into the stratosphere.

[Beat. Music ends.]

Skip:             We gotta get up that mountain.

Candace:          Skip…are you okay?

Skip:             Yeah. We gotta go.

[Footsteps tap on dirt.]

Candace:          Are you sure you're… Okay.

Skip:             Look, the sooner we deal with this, the sooner everything will be fixed. Or at least I hope so. It's what Zach's been leading us to believe.

Rival Zach:       [quiet] Y-yeah.

[Sad music plays while the crew travels. Wind howls throughout.]

Rival Zach:       Hey, guys look! C’mere!

[The crew runs over to him.]

Candace:          What?

Rival Zach:       It’s the doors to the Indigo Plateau.

Skip:             The Elite Four.

Candace:          [quiet] Oh my god.

Xander:           That’s a big-ass door.

[Beat. Music fades out completely.]

Candace:          This is everything I've ever dreamed.

Rival Zach:       Me too.

Skip:             Me. Four.

Rival Zach:       I know you guys kinda hate me but…like… I don’t know, I'm just kind of wondering… I- I dreamed of being here like, I don’t know, years now. Find the Elite Four, can't go inside ’cause we gotta get going. I just… I don't know. I don't even remember why I did this, honestly. The whole Pokémon thing. Not even very good at it, really.

Skip:             You had a pretty heavy legacy to live up to.

Rival Zach:       I imagine you know something about that.

Candace:          In many different ways, yeah. But I don't know. I just- yeah, my whole life I've dreamt of just being in front of these doors and going through them and- and getting to the top. But now I don't even know if it even matters. Yeah.

Skip:             Of course it matters! All of this matters! Whether it turned out the way we wanted it to or not, we're here.

Xander:           Oh boy, everybody's looking at me. Uh… I think that…I know what it's like to feel like you don't know what you're doing or why you're doing anything. Um, and that's so scary. You wake up every day and it's just… And this doesn't help. The fact that these doors, as impressive as they are…

Rival Zach:       Some big-ass doors.

Xander:           Big-ass doors. But they’re… Yeah, we don't know if it means anything. But that… I think you're here because you- you wanted to be here. And that's what's important. And even if it didn't work out, and if this was all the way it should be, and you went in and you challenged them and you got your ass totally handed to you, which… You should catch more than one Pokémon.

Rival Zach:       Yeah, yeah.

Xander:           Like, I know that. I don't know shit.

Rival Zach:       Yeah. I- I…

Skip:             Hey.

Candace:          Yeah, but you have a Dragonite.

Skip:             Oh, yeah.

Xander:           Yeah, that’s a- yeah. You- you're here because you want to be and you need to be.

Rival Zach:       I guess so…

[Beat.]

Candace:          Hey, I don't feel very good, guys. Um, I'm getting kind of scared, and I- I think we should go.

[Beat.]

Rival Zach:       Do you think you're fading too?

Candace:          I don't know!

Rival Zach:       I- I'm sorry. Sorry.

Candace:          I haven't been feeling good since we were in Lavender Town, and that's when everything got weird.

Xander:           I do think we should keep going.

Candace:          Yeah, let's go guys, come on.

Xander:           Before we all turn into dust.

Skip:             Okay, because if we don't do it, no one will.

Xander:           ’Cause no one else is here.

Rival Zach:       Yeah, they’re literally gone [nervous chuckle]. Oh God, uh, existential dread. I'm literally drowning.

Xander:           [loud] Time to go! Let’s go.

[Xander pushes Zach back toward the road. The others follow. Sad, suspenseful music begins.]

Sage:            And so our trainers abandon the Indigo plateau, turning west for Mt. Silver.

[Familiar Mt. Moon melody echoes.]

Sage:            We are deep inside a cave. And although Debbie's flash is keeping it illuminated, our trainers have to rock climb to proceed.

Xander:           Always fucking caves.

Rival Zach:       [quiet] Oh no.

Skip:             Come on guys, you're not moving fast enough!

[Skip breaks into a run.]

Candace:          Bring it on!

[Candace runs after Skip.]

Rival Zach:       Oh, good god. You guy- you hang out with these two?

Xander:           You get used to it.

Sage:            One by one, the four trainers begin to climb, but in order to keep it up, they gotta roll Defense.

[Stat test chime.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Hidden Power chime.]

[Hidden Power chime.]

Jessica:          Ooo, Brawn.

Sage:            Hidden Power, Hidden Power…

[Failure chime.]

Failure.

Travis:          Oh no.

Sage:            Candace, using Brawn, has plenty of resolve left. She is climbing rocks left and right, totally in it to win it. Skip, using Wisdom, is able to figure out where to go. He's noticing the right paths and the right little ledges to climb to get towards the exit of the cave. However, Xander is starting to feel it. This hike is taking a toll. He's getting worn down.

Skip:             Hey dude. Do you need some water?

Candace:          Do you want me to pick you up?

Xander:           Guys, I gotta stop.

Skip:             Yeah, you’re—

Candace:          I can carry you.

Skip:             Yeah, Candace is lookin’ real strong.

Candace:          I can carry you. I just punched a marble statue with—

Xander:           I just need a second. I don't- I just- I just remembered a reason why I didn't wanna go.

Candace:          Why? What?

Xander:           It’s just a lot. This is- this is a lot. This is a lot to do…

Skip:             Hey, hey. Look at me. Look at me, buddy.

Xander:           I didn’t—

Skip:             You're not by yourself.

Xander:           I know. I just, I… [sighs] I- I learned that we have to persevere to succeed, but this is the world. This is everything.

Skip:             Don't even worry about anything else other than the next stone.

Sage:            Xander takes a step. And he's gonna roll for Health.

[Stat test chime.]

[Beat.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

Slips on that step.

[A thud as Xander falls. He groans in pain.]

Skip:             Whoa!

[Rocks scrape as Xander slides down the cliff!]

[Success chime.]

Sage:            And Candace grabs his wrist.

Candace:          Huah!

[Xander sighs in relief.]

Sage:            Just in the nick of time.

Candace:          [grunts] I got you.

Sage:            And pulls him up.

[Candace groans and clothes rustle as she pulls him to safety.]

Xander:           [quiet, relieved] Okay.

Candace:          [slow] You want me to carry you.

Xander:           S- let me- I- I'm really- I’m really not- I'm not doing so hot in the whole dignity thing. So let me just- let me do it.

Candace:          Fine.

Xander:           Thank you.

Sage:            We arrive at the edge of the cave near the peak of Mt. Silver.

[Music shifts; epic and angelic. Subtle static in the distance.]

Candace:          You guys hear that, like…

Skip:             It's like a white noise.

Candace:          Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Xander:           I just thought that was my ears ringing ’cause I’m so tired. [weary chuckle]

Candace:          No. So you're not that weak. We're all hearing it.

Xander:           Okay. That helps. That helps.

Skip:             What are they even battling with?

Xander:           I don't… God?

Candace:          Maybe a Mewtwo.

Xander:           What?

Sage:            Trainer Zachary nods right at Candace.

Xander:           Mew…me me?

Rival Zach:       It is too, a Mewtwo.

Candace:          [quiet] Whoa.

Xander:           Two Mewtwos?

Rival Zach:       No, no. Just one.

Xander:           [quiet] Oh, thank god.

Skip:             Are they both battling it?

Rival Zach:       No. Trainer Blue. My- my uncle has it.

[Candace gasps quietly.]

Skip:             What?

Rival Zach:       He's battling Red.

Candace:          With- what does Red have?

Rival Zach:       His typical team, you know. Like, Venusaur and Charizard.

Xander:           I don’t—

Rival Zach:       Blastoise. Stuff like that.

Xander:           Oh. Yeah.

Rival Zach:       But he’s got a Pikachu.

Candace:          And Blue just has Mewtwo?

Rival Zach:       Oh, he's got other cool stuff.

Candace:          How did—

Skip:             Like what? What are you- what kinda cool stuff does he have?

Rival Zach:       Exeggutor—

Xander:           Well, who's- who's winning? What's happening? What’s happening?

Candace:          Should we just go up there?

Rival Zach:       They’re fighting over who’s gonna be the ultimate Champion.

Xander:           Who’s- and then—

Candace:          Let’s sneak up there and watch it ourselves.

Rival Zach:       Okay… I- I don't know- I don't- I don't- I should’ve battled you, and Trainer Blue’s gonna be mad that I didn’t stop you from being here.

Candace:          Zachary! Be your own man! Are you gonna live under your uncle’s shadow your whole time? Or are you gonna be your own man? Are you gonna step up to the plate and show him who's boss?

[Stat test chime.]

Sage:            You roll Charisma and he's gonna roll Confidence.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Net chime.]

[Net chime.]

[Jessica scoffs in amusement.]

They just stare at each other for what feels like five minutes, and then…

[Music ends. Beat.]

[Zach and Candace start sobbing cartoonishly.]

Skip:             I’ll pick this one up.

Xander:           Okay, I’ll get this one.

[Skip and Xander pick the others up. Xander groans.]

Oh, you got a lot o’ muscle mass.

Candace:          I do.

Sage:            Skip and Xander pick up Trainer Zachary and Trainer Candace, they enter the peak of Mt. Silver. They have never been this high in their life.

[Stifled laughter.]

They see from the peak the view of all of Kanto. Pallet Town…except some buildings aren't there. And Viridian…but there's no Gym. And Viridian Forest, it's black. Um. And they look very, very far to the east, and it's like- as if nothing's there at all.

Candace:          [quiet] What is happening to Kanto?

Skip:             [yells] Hey! Hey! Red and Blue!

[Electricity crackles. A battle pauses. Wind howls. Dark, suspenseful music starts to build.]

Sage:            The sounds of fighting stop. The trainer opposite of Blue, the one dressed in white and red, turns to our trainers and makes eye contact with each of them. You all recognize him as the legendary Trainer Red from Pallet Town, whom you've each looked up to one way or another your entire lives. His clothes are torn, his hat is withered and his eyes are glowing red. And there's this pixelated wispiness, like a dark aura, floating around him.

Candace:          Oh my god. Is that Red?

Skip:             This is getting out of hand.

Xander:           That a Mewtwo?

Candace:          That is not how I imagined him.

[Music fades out.]

Red:           They with you?

Blue:          No.… Zach! What are you doing here?

Rival Zach:       I- I- I… They beat me.

Blue:          They beat you?

Rival Zach:       Well, I mean, uh, they beat me with…their…

Candace:          He's gonna- he's here to tell you to shove it up your own asshole!

Rival Zach:       [frantic] Hey, I- no, no, no, no! Uncle Blue, I would never do that. I would never do that! I would never touch your asshole. That would be weird. I would never—

Blue:          Zach, I need more time.

Rival Zach:       I- I know! I was gonna stop them so that you didn’t have to worry about it—

Candace:          What d’you have that you—

Blue:          SO WHAT. HAPPENED?

Red:           Hey! This battle isn't done, Blue.

Skip:             You guys need to stop! What are you doing to this world?

Red:           It’s not us. It's a lot bigger than us.

Skip:             What is it? There's people disappearing!

Xander:           There’s towns disappearing!

Blue:          Because this one decided he would go and try and take control of something that should’ve never been born.

Red:           I caught it though! I did catch it!

Blue:          Well, good for you!

Skip:             Hey, guys! Stop being so vague. We’re—

Candace:          What did you catch?

Skip:             We’re all that’s left.

[Beat.]

Red:           Charizard, come back!

[Charizard returns to its Poké Ball with a roar.]

Blue:          Mewtwo, come back.

[Mewtwo returns with a powerful, alien cry.]

Xander:           [quiet] That thing is still so fuckin’ cool.

Candace:          [quiet] Oooh I’m, like, mesmerized.

Red:           Look. Were you the three trainers from Pallet Town?

Skip:             Yeah, we’re the Dream Police.

Candace:          Yes?

Xander:           Well, that depends. What did you hear about us?

[Travis stifles laughter.]

Candace:          Dream Police!

Red:           I've only been able to gather a couple of details from my visions.

Xander:           What?

Candace:          Are you psychic?

Red:           I wish I was.

Xander:           So you're psycho?

Red:           Well, I felt like that for a while. That's why I would hang out up at Mt. Silver.

Blue:          I would second that opinion.

Red:           SHUT UP! You're always gonna be less than me.

[Beat.]

Xander:           Wow, that was really mean. [nervous chuckle]

Red:           I caught the most legendary Pokémon ever.

Candace:          Which is?

[Beat.]

Red:           Well… I’m afraid to say.

Candace:          Uh, well you're here with a very nice, comforting crowd—

Red:           If I say its name it- it- it might appear.

Candace:          [quiet] Okay, I’m sorry—

Xander:           Wait, you caught it, but if you say its- I don't understand. How does this work?

Blue:          It doesn't work. It makes everything unwork.

Red:           That's what's happening. Everything's falling apart.

Xander:           Well, you gotta—

Red:           And Blue thinks it’s my fault, but I know it’s not too late to fix it!

Candace:          Is battling fixing it?

Xander:           Is this helping anything?

Blue:          I don't care.

Rival Zach:       But… Uncle Blue…

Candace:          You don’t care? The—

Blue:          No, I don't!

Candace:          Why?

Blue:          Because the world is leaving. Our time is up.

Candace:          No, it's not!

Blue:          This is my last chance to get back what's MINE!

Red:           See? You hear that? This piece of shit, Trainer Blue—

Candace:          It doesn’t matter!

[Candace stomps her foot with each word.]

Shut up! Stop fighting!

Red:           Trainer Blue thinks he can take my spot as Pokémon master. But I am Trainer Red! I am the ultimate Pokémon master, and no one will ever take my place. You don't care about saving Kanto! You don’t care about Kanto—

Blue:          And you're willing to risk everything to keep your spot!

Candace:          So are you!

Blue:          You’re willing to destroy the world to keep it so you can stand at the top!

Candace:          [slow] So are you, Blue! My family is missing and my aunt is missing—

Red:           They’re gone! They're gone forever! They were deleted.

Candace:          What- what do—

Xander:           Well—

Red:           Everything's being deleted one block at a time. One data string at a time.

Xander:           By who?

[Beat.]

Red:           Game Freak.

[Suspenseful music resumes.]

Xander:           What?

Candace:          Game Freak?

Xander:           What the f- what?

Red:           They’re the ones who made us.

Xander:           What? What? Wh-what? Okay. Oookay.

Skip:             Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Candace:          Is that a bird?

Skip:             Let me try this- let me try this real quick… Wait, what?

Red:           Game Freak. [glitching] The ones who made us- God dammit!

[Red smacks himself and exhales.]

I almost went back into a dialogue tree.

Skip:             Wait, what?

Blue:          Have you ever noticed someone repeating themself?

Xander:           Th-they- the- the guy—

[Glitching static. Random voices appear.]

Blaine:         (I’m Blaine!)

Candace:          Uh, Professor Oak. Uh, let's talk about Nurse Joy for a second.

[Glitching voices continue. A Pokédex chimes.]

Professor Oak:              (The Wonderful World of Pokémon!)

Candace:          Uh… Red?

Xander:           Let me think about everybody that I’ve met in the past two weeks.

Red:           Stop! Stop! No, stop! No!

Old Man:         (Coffee, Gimme god damn coffee!)

[Glitching voices intensify.]

Candace:          Does she—

Red:           Snap out of it!

[Glitching noises stop.]

Sage:            Red, thinking in the heat of the moment, trying to keep under control, trying to keep his free will, rubbing his temples, looking at his Pokémon, trying to figure out what to do—

Xander:           [mumbles] Fucking insane.

Sage:            —goes to tackle Trainer Blue. Runs at him full speed. All the trainers see this!

Skip:             Candace! Stop them!

[Candace roars.]

[Stat test chime.]

Xander:           [calling out] There’s so many other ways to do this!

[Hidden Power chime.]

Candace:          Brawnnn!

Travis:          Jesus Christ.

Sage:            She’s using her Hidden Power Brawn, Candace grabs a rock and a boulder, lifts both of them up, and throws them at Trainer Red!

Candace:          [strains] BrrrrraaaaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHH! Haah!

Sage:            Hits him in the back of the head! He tumbles into Blue. Blue almost falls off the edge of Mt. Silver.

[Intense music builds throughout.]

[Xander nervously cries out.]

[Red and Blue’s bodies tumble.]

But instead, it is Red who tumbles and trips over his ankles, and then falls off the peak.

Xander:           Pidgeot, go!

[Ramona exits her Poké Ball.]

[Stat test chime.]

[Success chime.]

Skip:             Whoa!

Sage:            Critical success! She swoops down and grabs Trainer Red! But a bunch of his Poké Balls fall off his belt.

[Suspenseful music fades, Poké Balls swirl.]

Candace:          [slow] Holy smokes.

Sage:            And she sets Trainer Red down.

Xander:           Ramona, return.

[Pidgeot returns with a cry.]

[Nothing is heard but the wind.]

Blue:          [to self] If Red can’t fight, does that make…me the Champion?

Red:           [worried] Wait, all my Pokémon. Pikachu! Venusaur! Blastoise!

Xander:           They're gone.

Red:           Snorlax?

Xander:           They're gone.

Red:           [frantic] Lapras?

Candace:          They’re gone.

Xander:           Also gone. Anymore?

Red:           Pikachu!

Candace:          Gone.

Xander:           Still gone!

Red:           Okay…

Xander:           Dude, are you crazy, or what?

Blue:          He's not crazy. He figured it out before I did.

Red:           There's a Pokémon that's more legendary than Mewtwo. Which apparently Blue has now.

Xander:           Is that the one that's doing all this?

Blue:          No. It’s the only one that I thought was strong enough to stop this.

Red:           I don't think anything is.

Xander:           What does it look like?

Red:           The one I caught, or Mewtwo?

Xander:           The one… Wait, oh, it’s Mewtwo you’re talking about?

Blue:          Yeah.

Xander:           Okay, I’ve seen that.

[Sage chuckles.]

What does the one you caught look like?

Blue:          It doesn’t.

Candace:          The fuck are you guys talking about?

Red:           Every time I see it, it’s like a bunch of distorted blocks.

[The Dream Police all gasp.]

Candace:          I saw something like that in my—

Sage:            The wind picks up and all our trainers look up to the vortex as the weather gets worse and see this Pokémon that looks very wrong taking over the sky with these orange, purple, and white blocks.

[Dark, eerie music ensues.]

Xander:           Uh… Dick pic?

[Stifled laughter.]

Candace:          That’s…

Blue:          Oh no, no, no, no.

Candace:          That was my- that was my dream.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage:            Trainer Blue, roll me two dFudge.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

Success. Everybody's looking in the sky completely distracted, and then Trainer Blue comes in and tackles Red to the ground, punches him in the face, and then summons…

[A Pokémon exits its Ball and roars.]

Candace:          [gasps] It looks like a giant pomeranian puppy had a baby with a tiger!

Skip:             That’s an Arcanine. Hey, uh, Blue? Super cool. What the hell are you trying to accomplish?

Blue:          I am trying to stop this thing once and for all.

Candace:          By…?

Xander:           What is it?

Red:           You think you can be in the cycle but you can't. It was never meant to be Blue!

Blue:          Fuck that!

[Xander groans in worry.]

At the end of this—at the end of all of this—one person gets to the end. One person's on top. And this time it's gonna be me, Red. Like it should’ve been!

Rival Zach:       Uncle Blue!

[Beat. Music halts.]

You might be taking this too far.

Blue:          I’m sorry.

[Final Battle Music; Champion Theme!]

[Arcanine growls.]

I need this.

Skip:             It's coming right for us!

[Feet pound on dirt as Arcanine charges the children.]

Xander:           Wh- we had- is this about to fight? What’s happening?

[Arcanine roars.]

Candace:          Are we supposed to fight this thing?

Xander:           [moans] No, no, no. Swampert, go!

[Muddy Waters exits his Poké Ball.]

Blue:          Arcanine, use Extreme Speed!

[Arcanine collides into Muddy Waters.]

Muddy Waters:         [pained] AaOHh!

Xander:           Every single time!

Candace:          Oh no.

Xander:           That was a lot.

Candace:          Shoot, man.

Skip:             Guys, that's a Fire Pokémon.

Xander:           Light bulb! Muddy Waters!

Muddy Waters:         [confused] Hauhh?

Xander:           Use Muddy Water!

Blue:          Extreme Speed, Arcanine!

[Mud bubbles up and splatters. Arcanine groans. Dream Police cheer.]

Xander:           [elated] Yay, I’m succeeding!

[Pokémon exits its Ball.]

Ohh! [defeated] Dang it, he’s got more.

Blue:          Exeggutor, come on man!

Candace:          It’s a palm tree.

Skip:             Blue, what are you doing?

Xander:           That is a palm tree with three heads.

Candace:          Straight up a palm tree.

Xander:           That is a- what?

Candace:          [gasps] It’s a Grass-type!

Xander:           I’m done! Wanna switch?

Skip:             Come on, Candace!

Candace:          Yeah. Pixie, go!

[Pixie exits and cries out.]

Xander:           Muddy Waters, get back!

[Muddy Waters returns.]

Blue:          Exeggutor, you know what to do.

[A loud screech!]

Candace:          It looks like he’s sucking up light! I think he’s using Solar Beam. Uh, Pixie! Will-O-Wisp!

[Flames whoosh.]

Burn, baby, burn!

Skip:             Yeah, Candace!

Xander:           Yes!

[Solar Beam blasts.]

Candace:          Oh, NO!

Skip:             Jeez, oh jeez.

Xander:           No!

Candace:          Oof. That was a close one.

Xander:           He dodged!

Blue:          Exeggutor, Psychic attack!

[Exeggutor growls with a screech.]

Candace:          We’re getting too cocky guys! And that’s coming from me. Pixie! Use Overheat!

[Pixie cries out with an explosive blast!]

Skip:             Aw yeah!

Xander:           [laughs] That’s sick!

Candace:          Whoo! Yeah!

Sage:            Meanwhile, nobody notices, but Trainer Red is reaching into his back pocket.

Red:           [groans] I’m supposed to be the champion. Not Blue. Not them.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage:            Trainer Blue please roll Nerve.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

Oh my god. Blue is always ahead of the game. Without even looking he turns around and steps on his wrist and cracks it.

[Blue grunts. A snap is heard. Red groans.]

Xander:           Dude, what are you doing?

Candace:          What the heck? That’s so uncalled for!

[Red cries out in pain.]

Xander:           I get that you're losing, but come on, man!

Candace:          He doesn’t even have any more Pokémon!

Red:           [groans] He’s not gonna give up.

Blue:          We are breaking this cycle.

Red:           No, it's not supposed to be you. It's supposed to be me!

Xander:           Guys, I don't know who to back in this anymore.

Rival Zach:       Uncle Blue, what’re you…doing?

Blue:          I… [glitches] can’t let this happen.

Rival Zach:       It’s- it's like he's programmed.

Xander:           What?

Skip:             Like a robot?

Rival Zach:       Yeah, my uncle… It's like- it's like he can't help himself. I don't know.

Xander:           Alright, we're just gonna have to beat ’em. [nervous chuckle]

Rival Zach:       [whispers] This must be why this whole time he…

[Static builds.]

[glitches] W-wait a minute. Oh no. Oh no.

Xander:           Oh.

Rival Zach:       [glitches] Oh no.

Xander:           Uh-oh.

Rival Zach:       [panicked] Guys.

Xander:           Buddy?

[Zach’s voice becomes distorted, glitching throughout.]

Rival Zach:       Uncle…

Skip:             Zach?

Rival Zach:       Uncle Blue?

Xander:           Buddy, no.

Candace:          Wait, Zach!

Rival Zach:       [frantic] Uncle Blue!

Xander:           Just sit down.

Candace:          Zachary, don’t go!

Skip:             Take my hand!

Rival Zach:       NOOOO!

[Zach disintegrates, digital noise fades into the wind.]

[Battle music intensifies.]

Blue:          [whispers] Just hang on. I’ll see ya soon.

Sage:            Our trainers turn back to Trainer Blue…still ready for battle.

Blue:          Tyranitar. Your turn.

[Pokémon exits its Ball and screams.]

Xander:           [quiet] The fuck?

Skip:             What are you doing?

Candace:          Your nephew just died!

Xander:           You are the worst!

Candace:          That's it. Fiddy! It's your time to shine. Gooo!

[Fiddler exits his Ball.]

Blue:          Feel like dragging this out? I got an answer for that.

Sage:            A sandstorm begins to brew.

Candace:          Ow! I can’t see anything!

Xander:           [groans] Ah, man.

Candace:          There’s sand in my eye cracks!

Xander:           Which crack?

Candace:          My eye crack!

Sage:            Unbeknownst to our trainers and battlers, Trainer Red is again trying to move his broken wrist.

Red:           [groans] Gotta use my…other…hand…

Sage:            The battle resumes. But everybody is noticing that the vortex in the sky is getting worse.

Blue:          Tyranitar, stop wasting time!

Candace:          Um… Gengar? I love you! Use Destiny Bond!

[Fiddler growls eerily.]

[The Lavender Town theme merges with the Final Battle Music.]

Sage:            Fiddy the Gengar looks at the Tyranitar and they lock eyes very intensely, and this purple cloud starts forming around Tyranitar, and then it just sinks into its skin. It doesn't feel anything, it's very uncomfortable. And then the ground starts shaking, because our trainers didn't even notice that the Tyranitar already used Earthquake!

[Candace groans in worry.]

Xander:           [fast] Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

Candace:          Fiddy!

Skip:             Hang on to something!

Candace:          Fiddy!

Sage:            And the Ground-type move strikes Gengar head-on, and the rocks start crumbling underneath him and he starts sinking through the ground and getting hit. And Fiddy has disappeared. Fainted.

Skip:             Fiddy!

Candace:          Fiddy…

Xander:           Uh-oh.

[Sad music fades out.]

Sage:            But then the Tyranitar starts vomiting everywhere. And then its face starts melting? Its eyes fall out of its head, and a big ol’ hand comes out from a crack that it created with Earthquake!

[Badass Lavender Town theme intensifies!]

Skip:             Do you guys smell children crying?

Sage:            It grabs the Tyranitar down into the abyss.

Candace:          Fiddy!

Xander:           Candace, I am so scared of that Gengar.

Candace:          It's like he has a dose of Candace in ’im!

[Stifled laughter.]

Xander:           That's speaking pretty highly of yourself! But you did throw a boulder at a guy…

Candace:          I take eyeballs!

Xander:           While throwing a rock at another guy.

Blue:          I can’t believe these kids. What do they have that I don’t have?

[Final Battle music resumes.]

Gyarados! Your turn.

[Blue throws a Poké Ball. Gyarados exits with a roar.]

Candace:          Debbie, go!

[Abra KaDebra exits, crying out.]

Skip:             Give it up, Blue!

Candace:          Yeah! Debbie, use Psychic!

Sage:            A bunch of auras appear around Mt. Silver. Our trainers get very, very slight headaches but Gyarados gets the worst one.

Xander:           Ow. Ow. Ow.

Sage:            And then the Gyarados, retorting, starts shaking its serpent tail and conjures up some water and then smacks Debbie across the face with it.

Skip:             No!

Candace:          No!

Sage:            But Debbie’s still in the fight.

Candace:          Come on, Debbie! Uh, use Psychic again!

Blue:          Again!

Sage:            The Gyarados, suddenly its tail, which was covered in water, is all of a sudden looking like metal. Like it's hard, like steel, and then it hits Debbie in the face again with Iron Tail!

Candace:          Debbie, watch out!

[Abra KaDebra groans in pain.]

[worried] No.

Sage:            But, all the auras intensify. The Gyarados’ eyes start opening and closing. It starts seeing all these flashing lights. And then everybody's floating in space.

[Screeching is heard as Psychic is used. Everyone screams!]

[Battle Music intensifies with heavy metal guitars.]

Candace:          This is awesome!

Sage:            Then!

[Music abruptly fades.]

They’re back at Mt. Silver. The Gyarados is gone. But they look near Trainer Blue and there's a little Magikarp splashing on the ground. [chuckles]

[Goofy misadventure music.]

Xander:           Oh.

[Candace chuckles.]

Skip:             What did you do?

Xander:           You’ve…

Candace:          I sent him back to when he started. A stupid little fish!

[Beat. Magikarp flops.]

Xander:           Sick.

[Stifled laughter.]

Sage:            The Magikarp then dies because it doesn't have any water.

[Magikarp death grunts.]

Candace:          Good job, Debbie!

Red:           Other hand… Other- how do I- how do I use my other hand?

[Final Battle music resumes.]

Blue:          Only two more. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. [glitches] It’s not how it should’ve gone. Pidgeot! Go.

[Pidgeot exits with a huge screech!]

Xander:           I got this.

Candace:          Oh! Uh…

Xander:           No, I got this.

Candace:          Yeah, you seem confident. Okay.

Xander:           Let’s do this.

Candace:          Uh, Debbie, return!

Skip:             Come on, Xander.

Xander:           Ramona, go!

[Ramona exits and cries out.]

Sage:            Now there are two golden, amazing, giant-ass birds swooping around Mt. Silver, looking at each other keenly ready to make a move.

[Beat.]

Xander:           Which one’s mine?

[Stifled laughter.]

Candace:          Oh my gosh, Xander.

Skip:             Xander, which one do you shoot?

Candace:          Just call her name. Ramona.

Xander:           Ramona, Wing Attack!

Ramona:         Pidgeooo!

Sage:            But before the wind can reach the other bird, the Pidgeot—Blue’s Pidgeot—flies straight up into the sky into the vortex!

Xander:           You gonna run away?

Candace:          What?

Xander:           Fine.

Candace:          Sissy!

Xander:           Fine! I win!

Sage:            And then…

[Pidgeot dives and slams into Ramona! Ramona chirps in pain.]

Candace and Skip:     Ohhh noooo!

Blue:          You can do better than that. I have seen you do better.

Sage:            Ramona is stricken by the other Pidgeot. Barely clinging on with her health.

Xander:           [nervous] Uh. Uh.

Candace:          Oh, I don't know if you got this, Xander.

Xander:           I- I still got this! Ramona, W- [sighs] Wing Attack, again!

Blue:          Fly!

Sage:            The Pidgeot from Blue flies in the vortex again.

Xander:           Ah, shit.

Candace:          [gasps] No, not again!

Sage:            And the wind from Ramona misses…

Ramona:         [scared] Pidgeyoh?

Sage:            They all wait in silence and then the inevitable happens.

[Music saddens.]

Xander:           [quiet] I’m sorry.

[Pidgeot dives again. Smack! Ramona tumbles and chirps weakly.]

Candace:          Oh, no. Ramona.

Xander:           [sad] Okay.

Skip:             Xander.

Xander:           [tearful] Return.

[Ramona returns to her Poké Ball.]

What?

Skip:             Let me take care o’ this.

Xander:           [sniffle] Okay.

[Skip approaches the battlefield.]

Skip:             Dragonite, go!

[Dragonite exits and growls.]

[Battle music resumes.]

Blue:          Fly!

Sage:            But, when they weren’t looking, Blue’s Pidgeot was in the vortex again and struck down the Dragonite with Fly!

Candace:          [groans] Come on, not again.

Xander:           Come on. Kill that bird, man.

Candace:          Yeah, this one’s, like, on steroids or something.

Skip:             Alright.

Blue:          It’s called Protein. Makes your Attack stronger. You’d know that if you knew what you were doing.

Candace:          Oh my god, shut up.

Skip:             Dragonite, you still up for this?

Dragonite:         [pained; getting up] Rrr. Rrrraa. RRRRrrrrrAAAAHHHHH!!!

Skip:             Dragon Rush!

Dragonite:         BRAAAH!

[A loud swish and a sickening crack!]

Xander:           OOohh!

Candace:          Whoa! Amazing! Oh my god.

Xander:           It just crumbled into a heap!

[Pidgeot chirps weakly.]

Candace:          How in the world is this happening? I thought it was gonna be a lot harder. I was really scared.

Xander:           Okay, guys. Like not that long ago. It was like Water Gun and like Gust. And he just wrecked that bird into fuckin’ next year.

Dragonite:         [joyfully laughing] Ohhohohoo ho-hooh!

Xander:           Blue, you’ve only got one Pokémon left. You can end this.

Blue:          Oh, I intend to. All of that was a warm up. You ready for this? …Loser? Mewtwo, go!

[Mewtwo exits with a horrifying growl.]

Candace:          [slow] Whoa.

Xander:           [quiet] Shit. That is still so cool.

Red:           [distant] Come on… How do I use my other hand?

Skip:             Alright Dragonite. Let's try this new thing out.

Dragonite:         Brohoo!

Skip:             Dragon Dance!

[Dragonite cheers.]

Blue:          No. We need more power.

[Electricity vibrates. Candace groans.]

Sage:            Both of the Pokémon bulk up. All of the energy of Mt. Silver starts raising rocks from the ground.

Xander:           Oh sh- oh this again.

Candace:          Oh no.

Xander:           So much bad.

Candace:          Come on, Dragonite! We believe in you! This Pokémon may be beautiful and out of this world, but—

Xander:           They’re just swirling around each other.

Skip:             Alright Dragonite, Dragon Rush!

[Dragonite roars. A powerful whoosh and impact!]

Xander:           OOOHhhh!

Candace:          Oh!

Sage:            Mewtwo is blasted across almost seemingly the entirety of Kanto!

Candace:          Oh my gosh, Dragonite!

Blue:          Impossible.

Sage:            But then in an instant…

[A buzzing whoosh rises. Huge blast! Dirt flies up. Candace and Xander scream.]

…warps back in, almost at the speed of light, bursting our trainers backwards with a gust.

Blue:          You got this, come on! Psystrike! Do it again!

Sage:            He rubs his temples and all of our trainers have to clasp their skulls, holding their minds together.

[Stat test chime.]

[Candace screams.]

Roll for Nerve, everyone in the party.

[Net chime.]

[Net chime.]

[Success chime.]

[Static noises start to flash.]

Our trainers hold it together but it is a very, very, very painful sensation. They see flashes of this distorted Pokémon that was in the sky. They look up and it's almost coming closer. Enveloping every single cloud…

Xander:           This is not okay.

Skip:             Wait, Blue! Let's team up and take this thing out.

Blue:          [glitching] I…can’t.

Xander:           What?

Skip:             Why?

Blue:          I…

Skip:             If you say you can’t, I’m gonna sic Candace on you.

Candace:          Just give up on him.

Red:           [moans] Other hand.

Sage:            But then Mewtwo and Dragonite notice danger.

[Music shifts to low, menacing dirge.]

We look to the east and the west. Johto and Kanto have almost completely disappeared. All that's left is the surrounding area of Victory Road and the base of Mt. Silver.

[Glitching electricity crackles and spreads.]

Xander:           Oh, Jesus Christ guys.

Candace:          Oh guys, we're running out of time!

Sage:            Blue and Mewtwo focus up, and we all know that no matter what, this is gonna be the last turn.

Blue:          This is it. They’re resetting it now. I've gotta move now.

Skip:             Dragon Rush!

Xander:           Oh, shit.

Dragonite:         Bra-Broaah!!

Red:           [glitches] Other hand!

Blue:          Mewtwo, this is our last chance!

Sage:            We feel the energy of the Pokémon intensifying.

Skip:             Mewtwo’s building up an attack.

Candace:          Oh my gosh! What is he gonna do?

Xander:           This is how we die!

[Red pants in pain.]

Blue:          One way or the other, Red. I’ll smell ya later.

[Wind and static grow uncontrollably.]

Dragonite:         BraaaaaAAA!

Mewtwo:         Reeeeeeeeaaaaaaahh!

Candace:          Ohh!

Skip:             EVERYONE, HANG ON!

[Everyone screams! The Pokmeon cry out!! A huge rise in noise!!!]

[HUGE IMPACT!]

[Xander groans.]

Candace:          Ooooooh, my gosh!

Sage:            Our trainers fall down. And Dragonite…arises from the fog and the dust barely holding on with just 7% of health.

Candace:          [gasps] Dragonite.

Sage:            All of Trainer Blue’s Pokémon have fainted. We see them lying across the top of Mt. Silver.

[A beat passes while the wind howls.]

Xander:           This is awful. I hate this.

Candace:          This is the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen in my life.

Blue:          You got what you wanted, Red. I'm still second-best. And there's no other way it's gonna to be.

Red:           Let’s face it, Blue. You and I? We were both meant to be losers.

[He takes a deep breath. A dull rumbling and static echo…and then...]

Missing Number, go!

Xander:           Wha—?

[HEAVY, PAINFUL STATIC BUZZES, RISES, AND STOPS.]

Sage:            Everything turns dark.

[A long moment passes in silence.]

And then…Skip’s eyes open.

[A beam of sound echoes. Mysterious and meditative music floats throughout.]

He's floating through space. He feels cold, but not too cold. He's in awe.

[Beat.]

[Voices reverberate and echo in a huge space.]

Skip:             [quiet] Dragonite?

Sage:            There are no Pokémon around him. Just weird bubbles and colors. Pixels that keep changing and rotating. And then Xander opens his eyes.

[Another beam of sound echoes.]

And sees the same thing. He feels Skip nearby, but he can't see him.

Xander:           [muffled] Skip?

Skip:             [muffled] Xander! Xander, where are you?

Sage:            They can't hear each other, but they can feel each other, like they're trying to communicate.

Xander:           [muffled; quiet] Oh, god. This is so weird.

Sage:            And then Candace opens her eyes.

[A third beam of sound echoes. Candace, muffled, gasps for air.]

And feels the same sensation.

Skip:             Candace? Xander?

Xander:           [quiet] Please let this be a dream.

Candace:          Xander? Skip? Skip?

Xander:           [quiet] Please let this be a dream. [shouts] Candace! Skip!

Skip:             I feel you guys.

Sage:            They slowly start to hear each other.

Candace:          Skip? Skip!

Xander:           Candace!

Skip:             Candace! Hey, hey! Xander.

Xander:           [gasps] Skip!

Candace and Xander:   Where are you?

Candace:          I’m over—

Skip:             Reach out, reach out!

[Candace and Xander groan as they strain to reach him.]

Candace:          Oh, I don't know. I can't- I don't know- I can't see my arms.

Xander:           What’s ha- I can’t make sense of anything.

Sage:            And then, in between our trinity, those distorted blocks start to appear.

[Candace gasps.]

Xander:           [quiet] There it is.

Candace:          It's- it's the…

Xander:           [mumbles] The Missing Number…

Candace:          Missing Number?

Sage:            A very familiar sound begins to fill the cosmos.

[Pokédex beeps as it powers up.]

Skip:             Pokédot?

Pokédex:        [echoed, digital] I am MissingNo. The glitch Pokémon. Otherwise known as Missing Number.

[Beat.]

Xander:           [quiet] Oh.

Candace:          Hello, Missing Number… My name is Candace Carter.

Skip:             And I'm Skip.

Xander:           I’m Xander.

MissingNo.:         Candace, Ace Trainer. Skip, Youngster. Xander, Musician?

Xander:           By birth.

MissingNo.:         Pokémon trainers. Cycles 7, 8, and 9.

Xander:           What?

Candace:          Seven?

MissingNo.:         The three of you were meant to exist in separate timelines, and not work together.

Candace:          [gasps] What?

Skip:             So…

Candace:          Am I not in a world with Xander and Skip?

Xander:           No, we- we- we grew up together. We went to school together.

MissingNo.:         Many things are not as they appear to be.

Xander:           Hold on. Where's- where's Blue? Where's Red? Where's- where's anything?

MissingNo.:         Deleted.

Skip:             What about my Dragonite?

[Xander groans in worry.]

MissingNo.:         Dragonite. Dragon Pokémon. Deleted.

Skip:             [quiet] What?

Candace:          Um… Where's my Pixie?

MissingNo.:         Pixie. Ninetales. Deleted.

Candace:          [quavering] No.

MissingNo.:         I understand this will be difficult for you, but allow me to explain. There were only meant to be 151 Pokémon. But, because of all this, there are exceptions. Such as me and your Mudkip, nicknamed Muddy Waters.

Xander:           Where is he?

MissingNo.:         All data has been deleted.

Candace:          Where- can we go back?

MissingNo.:         There is no world to go back to. All data has been deleted.

Skip:             Forever?

[Beat.]

Candace:          Why’re- wh- how are we not deleted, then?

MissingNo.:         You three Pokémon trainers are the last strings of data left in this array.

Skip:             No, but- but why’re we the only ones that are left alive?

MissingNo.:         You are the current and final Champions of Kanto. You see, Hall of Fame data was the first to catch this bug. Trainer Blue figured he could use that to his advantage, but instead it is the three of you. You see, your world was designed around the Champion. Now that data has been purged. You are all that’s left.

Candace:          What does that mean?

MissingNo.:         Your world exists in a small contained box and computer chip.

Skip:             And you are a glitch?

MissingNo.:         Correct. I was never meant to be discovered. An Error caused in part by...

Xander:           [angry] What?

MissingNo.:         Game Freak.

Xander:           Who is that?

MissingNo.:         They are our creators.

Candace:          Well, where are they?

MissingNo.:         They have outposts throughout all of the world of Pokémon. One that you were close to encountering was in Celadon City. Do you remember Celadon City?

Candace:          Yes.

Skip:             Yeah.

MissingNo.:         All of the vomiting and strange activity was one of—

Skip:             That was the gas. That was the gas leak!

Xander:           Yeah, the gas leak made everyone sick.

MissingNo.:         Incorrect. You see, this cartridge was designed to appear real from the inside out and inspire imagination from the outside in. When I, MissingNo., was discovered, code in your world began to fall apart. Grow in complexity.

From your perspective, these glitches and errors would try to take the form of nature to keep up the illusion. Sicknesses. Natural disasters. It is all programmed to be believed.

But in reality, your world is thin and fragile. In many ways, obsolete. So as the errors worsened, so did the illusion.

Xander:           Is that why everyone would always say the same thing? Or when Professor Oak showed out of nowhere? And then everybody started disappearing. Is that…

MissingNo.:         Correct. All symptoms of failing code.

Skip:             That's why I thought he was a robot.

Xander:           Wow.

MissingNo.:         Were you to go behind the Celadon Mall, you would have discovered the Gen. I Game Freak outpost where our creators monitor us from the inside out. Though, empty. Without developers, for our creators have long abandoned us. They have moved on to other versions and generations.

Xander:           What?

MissingNo.:         We are alone.

Skip:             So what do we do? There has to be something we can do.

Candace:          Yeah, are we just gonna be stuck here forever? What does this even…

Xander:           What happens now?

Skip:             [frantic] Are we just gonna gather a bunch of random particles that we find and make little islands in space and create a whole new world?

MissingNo.:         Young trainers, stress will not help you. Stress is part of the illusion.

There were many attempts to stop this code from corrupting. Your Aunt Clair from the Johto region, for example, worked very hard to find me. But it is far too late. All data in this cartridge has been parsed.

Skip:             But there are others?

MissingNo.:         Correct. Such as Generation II. Generation III. Generation IV. Generation V. Generation VI. Generation VII.

Xander:           Okay. That’s- that’s enough.

MissingNo.:         That is actually enough. That is all of them.

Xander:           Shut up!

Skip:             Is there any way we could connect to them? Any sort of, like, cable that we could link with?

MissingNo.:         Unfortunately, PC and Time Capsule capabilities have been cut off.

Skip:             Probably just infect the other world.

MissingNo.:         Indeed.

Candace:          Is this… Is this Trainer Red’s fault or Trainer Blue’s fault?

MissingNo.:         In a way, yes. They were both the first Champions and, unsatisfied with their fate, they instigated the errors you have come to know.

Skip:             Wait, wait, wait, wait. So when Professor Oak gave us the mission to find and capture all the Pokémon so he could document them, he gave that same mission to Red?

MissingNo.:         That is correct.

Skip:             And Red learned about you.

MissingNo.:         Trainer Red was not satisfied with his destination as Champion. He abandoned intended programming and caught me by Cinnabar Island. From there, it spread like a virus.

This is why a reset was attempted and towns were disappearing behind you.

Candace:          [concerned] Mm.

MissingNo.:         We have been trying to reset all of the data before you could finish your journey.

Xander:           So while we were going ahead you were trying to…build our world again behind us?

MissingNo.:         Not build per se. Not even destroy. But reset.

Candace:          But- wait- wait, why? Does- does this have to do with me being sick?

MissingNo.:         If you recall the Lavender Town incident, when Channelers tried to contact your creators, our creators.

Candace:          Yeah, that's when it started.

MissingNo.:         Psychic-type and Ghost-type have always had a strange relationship. This was a mistake by our creators.

As mentioned, the foundation of our version of this world is rather fragile the more you explore it. Once Lavender Town was hit with the MissingNo. bug, people started duplicating and freezing. Even touching them had the potential to create errors. Hence Skip’s broken finger.

The Channelers in the Pokémon Tower were requesting our world be reset before it was too late. But Candace interrupted this ritual. And thus caught a bit of my code.

Skip:             Oh, that’s why she was feelin’ weird.

MissingNo.:         Though you should have been deleted by Cinnabar, somehow you fought through and the process was delayed. I am still unsure how this occurred.

Candace:          Well… Maybe it was ’cause of Sabrina?

MissingNo.:         Sabrina. Saffron City Gym Leader. Not quite. Sabrina saw the deletion of Saffron coming and thus utilized her psychic abilities to ensure that the Hall of Fame would not record Red or Blue. But instead, The Dream Police.

[Candace gasps quietly. A beat passes.]

I have been watching your journey. Though your methods are questionable, you have done a lot of good, and continually beat the odds. It has been with you the design our creators intended, from a new perspective.

It was never truly about catching them all, wouldn’t you say?

Skip:             Well, yeah. I- I had my Dragonite, that’s all I needed. And my friends.

MissingNo.:         This is where Trainer Red failed. Why a reset was necessary. However, it was unclear who would remain our new first Champion of Kanto.

Skip:             Well, it’s us! So just reset it!

Xander:           Wait, what hap- hold on what happens when it resets?

MissingNo.:         Your journey will start over and the cycle will begin again.

Candace:          [sad] Will we remember everything that we just did?

MissingNo.:         It is not likely.

[Beat.]

Xander:           [tearful] Sorry. I'm sorry I got so hurt, guys, along the way. I…

Skip:             It's fine.

Candace:          You have nothing to apologize for.

Skip:             All of our petty stuff is pretty pointless right now.

Xander:           God.

Candace:          We’re literally floating in a black space of pixels, and I don't even know what that word is.

MissingNo.:         Pixels. It—

Xander:           Shut up!

Skip:             We are- we are the ones who are the Champions. So reset it!

MissingNo.:         I must inform you that we already attempted this process. If this file were to be reset, Red would simply catch me again.

[Candace sighs. Music saddens.]

This is truly the only option left.

Candace:          So what about us?

MissingNo.:         When everything is deleted, so are you and your memories.

Candace:          And then what survives?

Xander:           [quiet] Nothing. That’s it.

MissingNo.:         Our creators designed this world to entertain beings of another. Your world has since inspired many incarnations, copies, updates, new versions. The memories it creates, “nostalgia” they call it, means a great deal to many people. But, like all things, there is an end. The fractured code is at a point of no return. There is nothing left.

[Beat.]

Xander:           [softly] Okay.

[Beat.]

Skip:             So where do we go from here?

MissingNo.:         The process will soon reach us. Hopefully, I have been able to answer all of your questions. But it is time for this cartridge to shut down.

Candace:          Oh.

MissingNo.:         So I must leave you now.

Candace:          What’s gon- are- are we dead? Do we go—

MissingNo.:         You still have a few minutes, but then you will feel a fading sensation, like the one before. This is your last chance to say goodbye before all data on this cartridge is gone forever.

[Music ends. Beat.]

[Tranquil Cave Music from Episode 13 sadly reprises.]

Skip:             So this is it, then.

Xander:           Oh, man.

Candace:          This is so beyond what I ever thought that…like, the world would end.

Xander:           [scared] Do we have to go?

[Silence.]

Candace:          It’s gone.

Xander:           I just wanna say that… Thank you.

Skip:             Thank you, Xander. We couldn't’a done this without you.

Candace:          Yeah, we really couldn't’ve done this without you, Xander.

Skip:             Thank you, Candace. For being so strong for us. And for being the muscle too.

[Candace chuckles.]

Xander:           I gave you guys so much crap, but…’s been great. Even when it sucked, it was great. [sniffles]

Candace:          Um, I’m- I’m really bad at, uh, like, this. Um, but I… [choking up] I know that, um, I wouldn't’ve ever done all the fun stuff without you guys. And I don't think I've had as much fun.

[Emotional Teamwork Motif reprises.]

Xander:           [tearful] I don't wanna say goodbye. I don't…

Skip:             I don’t think we're gonna get to say goodbye.

Candace:          Yeah. [sniffles] That might be. I mean all we have, really, is what was. And, um… I don't know- I don't understand this world, but I- I'm just glad it happened.

Xander:           Wish that stupid brick would come back [chuckles]. I wanna yell at it.

Candace:          We beat- we beat it all, though!

Skip:             ’Member- ’member when, um, how- how all the Gym trainers were towards Xander?

Candace:          Yeah. Everybody was in love with Xander.

Skip:             That was weird.

Xander:           [chuckles] I hated that so much.

Candace:          Xander, you have a quality that people are just attracted to.

[Xander scoffs in amusement.]

I- I'm sorry.

Xander:           Yay.

[Candace laughs.]

I can't tell you how nerve-wracking it was to go into every single Gym, having—

Skip:             They would single you out.

Xander:           —no idea what was gonna happen. And it was—

Skip:             Lt. Surge was probably the creepiest.

Candace:          And I just gotta say, in this last battle, Xander, I feel like you really… You became a new person!

Xander:           Tried.

Skip:             Yeah, you really went for it!

Xander:           I- [nervous chuckle] Thanks. Um… It's just so obvious now, how valuable it is to stand up for yourself and for friends, or even ideals, or just for the sake of just experiencing anything. It's about- all- all of this, I've been so afraid, and so timid, and so reserved the whole time. And funny enough, it took until now to realize that it’s just about what we're doing. The thought that we're doing it together. And I shouldn’t be afraid of the outcome or concerned.

Can you imagine being some kind of power-hungry…dick like all those people we met?

Skip:             Like Zach.

Xander:           Like Z- oh. [quiet] Poor Zach.

Candace:          [quiet] Yeah.

Xander:           An’ Red? Like, what even is that guy?

Candace:          He was, like, not even a human.

Skip:             No, I don't think he really knew what he was doing. Just hardwired to catch them all.

Xander:           I didn't wanna- I- I hardly wanted to catch them some.

[Glitching buzzes. Candace coughs.]

Oh no.

[Music shift. New Game melody sadly reprises and echoes slowly in the distance.]

Candace:          No. Um, guys. I- I think it- [coughs] Um… [glitches] I love you guys! And, um, thanks for making me—

[Candace cuts off as she’s deleted.]

Skip:             Candace…

[Glitching warbles.]

It’s happenin’ to me, now.

Xander:           Buddy.

Skip:             I’m sorry I had to go this way, Xander.

Xander:           [quiet] I’m just glad you’re here. Grab my hand?

[Warbly glitching as Skip reaches out. He cuts off as he’s deleted.]

[Xander cries quietly. He cuts off as he’s deleted.]

[New Game melody slowly finishes…]

Epilogue

[A digital static grows. A vibrating whoosh. Xander gasps.]

Xander:           Son of a bitch.

MissingNo.:         There is another option.

[Xander coughs.]

Sorry for the scare, Youngster Skip and Musician Xander.

Xander:           What about Candace? Bring her back! Where'd she go?

MissingNo.:         Her RAM data is trickier. But we have done it once before. Let me see what I can do.

[Glitching warble. Loud static. Candace coughs. Xander sighs in relief.]

Skip:             Candace! You're back!

Candace:          [pants] Oh my gosh. Wha- I- it was so- it was- it was- it was so- it was all white and- and- and- and- but now- oh my god, oh my god, I'm so happy to be back!

MissingNo.:         Memory is never truly deleted. Only rewritten. Which brings me to my offer.

Candace:          What offer?

MissingNo.:         I have been doing some reorganizing. It is possible to, in a way, save our world.

[Music shifts to hopeful chords.]

Xander:           What d’you mean?

Skip:             Do it!

MissingNo.:         If we hit reset, Trainer Red will be on his course and catch me once again.

Xander:           We’ll just be back here.

MissingNo.:         But if, perhaps, you could catch me...

Xander:           Huh?

Skip:             Huh?

MissingNo.:         Maybe some things could be rewritten. When we reset, I will be contained in this Poké Ball and that will prevent Trainer Red from catching the uncatchable.

Xander:           [mumbles] Then he won’t fuck anything up.

Skip:             But we’ll be okay?

MissingNo.:         Correct.

Xander:           So…

MissingNo.:         Do you have any Poké Balls in your inventory?

Candace:          Uh… Pokédex?

MissingNo.:         Yes?

Candace:          Do I have any Poké Balls left?

MissingNo.:         Nope.

Candace:          Okay.

Skip:             I only had the one for Dragonite.

Xander:           I’ve got one.

[Stat test chime.]

[Heavy reverb fades. A soft piano plays.]

Travis:          I have one Poké Ball. [sighs] Oh shit.

[Dice roll on the table. Greg groans.]

Getting’ real real.

[Travis takes a deep breath.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

Fff—

[Everyone exhales.]

[A vibrating buzz builds.]

Candace:          Oh my god!

Sage:            Xander takes his Poké Ball out…

Travis:          I’m crying.

[Stifled laughter.]

Sage:            It slowly opens.

[A whoosh is heard as a Pokémon enters the Ball with glitch noises.]

And Missing Number, one block at a time, starts going inside the Poké Ball.

Xander:           It’s working.

Skip:             It’s working!

Xander:           It’s work…

Candace:          I don’t… It’s working?!

Xander:           It’s… He’s goin’- he’s goin’ in there.

Candace:          You’ve caught the Missing Number?

[Xander groans in relief as the ball closes on MissingNo. Music ends.]

Now what? Now what, now what, now what?

Skip:             You got it!

Xander:           I’m gonna let it out.

[MissingNo. exits its Poké Ball.]

MissingNo.:         Oh, hi.

Xander:           Oh… Hi.

[Familiar, hopeful Route music begins to play.]

MissingNo.:         Trainer Red and Trainer Blue were too arrogant to understand teamwork. But you three have defeated that mentality and the odds. Perhaps it will take some digging around, and you will notice the occasional glitch, but we can reset without destroying.

Candace:          Okay.

Xander:           Y-yeah.

Candace:          And we don’t- but- but when the glitches happen…

MissingNo.:         Eh. No big deal.

Candace:          Okay.

Skip:             Will we still have our memories?

MissingNo.:         It is likely.

Candace:          Will we get our family back?

MissingNo.:         Likely.

Candace:          [small gasp] Really?

Skip:             Will Klara fall in love with me?

MissingNo.:         Mmm.

[Candace laughs.]

Xander:           Ask again later. [chuckles]

Candace:          But- but my aunt Clair’s back? Will I see Aunt Clair?

MissingNo.:         Aunt Clair. Dragon Trainer of Johto.

Candace:          Yeah!

MissingNo.:         Currently Viridian City Gym Leader.

Candace:          Suck it, shithead! Yeah!

Xander:           He’s not here.

Candace:          I don’t care!

Xander:           Okay.

Candace:          [crying happily] He sucks everywhere, and my Aunt Clair deserves to be the Gym Leader of Viridian City!

Xander:           Okay, guys. This is a lot to take in.

Skip:             Oh, you’re right, you’re right. Okay, uh, what kinda things do we wanna fuck with Zach on?

Xander:           Oh… No!

Skip:             You wanna, like, make sure that, like, he, uh, he can’t use his left hand or something?

[Candace chuckles.]

Xander:           No, that’s not—

Sage:            Suddenly a star hits Skip in the head.

[Bonk!]

Skip:             OW!

[Candace cackles.]

Sage:            And then one hits Candace in the head.

[Bonk!]

Candace:          OW! What the fudge?

Sage:            [amused] Xander ducks and he’s good.

Xander:           Whoa! That was close.

[A loud beep echoes across the cosmos.]

Sage:            You look up and all the stars are swirling. The cosmos is spinning. You're in a blender of colors and pixels.

Candace:          Oh my gosh.

Sage:            And you see the images of Pokémon. Charizard, Blastoise, Venusaur.

Candace:          Whoa.

Sage:            You see Trainer Clair...

[Candace gasps in excitement.]

And sweetheart Klara...

[Skip gasps with joy.]

And parents of Xander.

Xander:           [disappointed] Oh.

[Stifled laughter.]

[A faint 8-bit sound effect is heard.]

Sage:            Suddenly our trainers look down.

[Music suddenly shifts; a building, joyful reprisal.]

They can see all of Kanto reforming.

[Epic, uplifting drums pound as we hear the sound of nature being recreated throughout.]

The volcano at Cinnabar and the Seafoam Islands form from the water and all the sand comes in on Route 19, and the Fuchsia City Gym is rebuilt, and Pokémon are running around the Safari Zone, and there's a bridge that comes up for Cycling Road, and there's the trailer park above it, and then trees.

These skyscrapers come up in Celadon and Saffron, and then the Pokemon Tower all the way in Lavender Town too. And then all these jaggedy rocks come up and form the Rock Tunnel. And then there’s Cerulean up north and Misty with all her Water Pokémon.

And then Mt. Moon too, with Jigglypuff and Clefairy singing and happy. And there’s Brock sad and alone, but he’ll be fine. And then there's Pewter and then the Viridian Forest that was burned down comes back and it's lush.

And then Viridian City with the Old Man laying on the floor, blocking traffic. And then there's Route 1 with the Rattata and Pidgey frolicking around. And then we see…

Pallet Town… Home. It’s right beneath our feet.

They slowly sink into their respective houses and look across. The Trinity's eyes lock.

[Candace gasps softly. A beat passes. Music shifts; gentle Hall of Fame Theme.]

[Data swirls all around The Dream Police as they speak one last time.]

Skip:             So, um, I guess this is…the reset.

Candace:          Um, y-yeah.

Xander:           Whatever happens, I'm really happy I went with you guys.

Candace:          [tearful] Me too.

Xander:           [tearful] I love you guys.

Skip:             [softly] Love you too.

Sage:            Black.

Together Again

[Birds chirp and trees blow in the wind. The Pallet Town melody plays gently on an acoustic guitar.]

Sage:            The sun rises. At the same time, all three of our trainers wake up to the Pokémon League morning show of Gengar vs Nidoran. And they all smile and get ready for the next adventure.

[Song slowly strums to an end.]

[A guitar strums; determined. The cast begins to sing.]

Xander/Travis:          I wanna be the very best,

Like no one ever was.

Candace/Jessica:         To catch them is my real test.

Skip/Greg:        To train them is my cause!

Dream Police, Sage:   I will travel across the land,

Searching far and wide.

Each Pokémon to understand,

The power that’s inside!

Pokémon!

Gotta catch ’em all!

It’s you and me.

I know it’s my destiny!

Pokémon!

Oh, you’re my best friend,

In a world we must defend.

Pokémon!

Gotta catch ’em all!

A heart so true.

Our courage will pull us through!

You teach me and I’ll teach you!

Po-ké-mon!

Gotta catch ’em all!

Gotta catch ’em all!

Pokémon!

Greg:          Oh boy.

[Jessica chuckles.]

Travis:          [coughing] God damn!

Credits

[Cheerful Pokémon TV show theme plays throughout.]

Marlena Jean:        Thanks for tuning in! This has been a 20 Sided Stories production.

Candace Carter was played by Jessica Dahlgren

Skip Svitak was played by Greg Reasoner

And Xander Whitten was played by Travis Reaves

With Additional Voices by David McEuen and Noah Sturtridge.

The original music from Pokémon Red, Green, Blue, and Yellow Versions was composed by Junichi Masuda

With Arrangements and Additional Scoring by Sage G.C.

Additional Production and Audio Assistance by Travis Reaves

Game Master Assistance and Pokémon Battle Management by Grant Bouffard

Character artwork by Ariana Cabebe

Episode artwork by Marissa Bernstel

Podcast Directed, Edited, and Sound Designed by Sage G.C.

You can get the soundtrack to this series for free at

sagegc.bandcamp.com

And of course, visit our website at 20sidedstories.com

[Transcripts by Tiffany Chapman]

Special Thanks

[Music continues throughout.]

Sage:           Wow! Alright, we did it. We're here. All 16 episodes are out. The season is done.

I just wanna thank, you know, everyone. Oh, first though, the patrons.

[Radio switches on. Music continues.]

Skip:            Hey, what's up everybody? It's your boy Skip Svitak comin’ all the way from the P-O-K-funny-lookin’-É. I just wanna thank a couple people that’ve helped us out. And that's,

Evil Angel

Westicle

And Scott.

Keep skating, bros!

[Radio switches channels. Music continues.]

Xander:         We'd like to thank

Trinian03

Lucy V @severelytrans

and Pokemaniac Miguel.

[Radio switches channels. Music continues.]

Candace:           Hello to all my fans out there! These are some special ones that I wanna give a thank you to.

Kyle M. Thank you, Kyle M.

David McEuen. [pronounces it badly] Whatever. Thanks David.

Omar L. Thank you, Omar!

Fatal Ferret. Thanks, Fatal Ferret!

And a thank you to Ryan DiGabriel.

Thanks everybody! And, uh, you could just follow me on my Twitter @CandyCarterWins to continue your journey with me, the best Pokémon trainer––

[Radio switches off.]

[Music continues.]

Sage:           And of course thank you, the listener, and all the listeners that we have now. It's so incredible to see these numbers racking up and to hear from you guys on the social media space.

Thank you to everybody who helped us get the word out early on. Will Williams and Chad from Station Blue and whoever featured us on Spotify. That was crazy helpful. And so much more. Everybody. It really, really truly means a lot to me how far the show has come.

So that brings me to... What's next? So we're gonna go dark for a little bit, hopefully not too long, but long enough to make sure we can gear up into the next series and make it even better than this one.

We're gonna be taking the show to LA, actually. And we have some plans on how we can continually grow and improve the show. So the public feed won't have any new episodes for a little while. But the Adventure Pass will be continually updated, and it'll stay #lit on patreon.com/20sidedstories.

I know I've probably annoyed a bunch of you talking about the Patreon a bunch in the past couple of weeks, but truly that's where the show is gonna be able to continue to thrive. I put a lot of money into this. Hopefully, you can hear it. Heh. But I pretty much do everything myself. So that's the one place that's gonna continue to allow the show to eventually be sustainable and maybe one day, we can get it to a biweekly thing and we don't have to have dark periods.

And plus, we just get to give, you know, bonus content that doesn't otherwise fit and make sense on this feed. You know, there's two full seasons that are there, there's a little bonus minisodes from Pokémon. We're gonna record a Detective Pikachu review, actually, like, tomorrow! So that's gonna be great. And yeah, so if you wanna support the show, that's the place to be.

patreon.com/20sidedstories

Seriously, to everyone who has contributed, I can't put into words how much I appreciate it. Otherwise, this is it. This is the end of right now and then we'll have a new beginning again soon.

It's crazy for me ’cause we recorded all of this stuff, for those who don't know, July 2017 was when we did the four sessions for this whole season. Obviously, there was some pickup recording and stuff, little fixes and the flashbacks and whatnots, but yeah, pretty much everything is almost two years old. And it's so great to finally have it all out there and hear how much you guys have enjoyed it.

If you have enjoyed the show, please, please, please leave a review wherever you are! Or a rating on whatever platform you're listening on, it helps the show so much. And of course, we would love to hear what you think of the show and take all feedback very, very seriously so we can make the next season even better.

I'm sure some of you are wondering, is there gonna be a Pokémon season two? Are they gonna go to Johto? And I don't have the answers to that yet, but it's very, very likely at some point in the future. Yes, we wanna come back to Pokémon. I think it's kind of our bread and butter series, so to speak, and kinda what put us on the map a little bit. So Pokémon season two might happen. On the table, for sure. And if you wanna know when that's dropping, when the next series is going to drop—whatever world/genre that may be—gonna wanna follow us on social media.

@20SidedStories on Twitter, on Facebook, on Instagram.

Twitter is one of the best spots. If you don't have a Twitter though, the other ones work. And I think that's everything.

Guys, thank you so, so, so, so much! It's been lots of fun. And I love you very much and so does the whole team. You'll hear from us very soon. Take care, keep catchin’ ’em all, and I'll see you on the next 20 Sided Story. For real this time. Later!

[Pokémon TV Show Theme finishes out.]