DRAGON BALL Z - Part 2
20 Sided Stories
THE TWILIGHT SPACE
DRAGON BALL Z - Part 2
Air Date: February 24, 2021
[The Twilight Space intro music.]
Kristin Couture: 20 Sided Stories has absolutely no affiliation with Toei Animation or Funimation or any mation of any kind. If you missed Part 1, now’s your chance, honey. Turn back!
[Intro music crescendos and cuts off.]
Recap |
Narrator: Last time, on DRAGON BALL Z!
[Action music.]
Tonu and Tamago qualified to compete in the World Martial Arts Tournament. The grand prize, all seven Dragon Balls.
[Powerup chimes.]
Tamago: Wow!
Tonu: Whoa.
Tooba: Oh, whoa!
Granola: No way.
Tamago: I could finally have friends.
Tonu: King Kai, did you hear that?
[Mental link chime.]
King Kai: I heard it, alright.
Narrator: They faced off with Tonu claiming victory and moving onto the semifinals.
[Tonu’s punch sends Tamago flying out of the ring.]
Tamago: That was a really cool trick!
Tonu: Thanks! That was my first time.
Narrator: Meanwhile, Earth’s Namekian guardian, Tooba, only qualified for the junior division. But with King Kai’s help, he formed a plan to sneak in.
Tooba: [hesitant] Oh gosh. I don't know about this King Kai.
King Kai: This is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Now you just have to go into this locker room and you have to take one of the grownup’s outfits and put it on.
Tooba: [hesitant] Okay.
Narrator: Tonu faced off against his lifelong rival, Granola, winning yet again and moving on to the finals.
[[Tonu's punch sends Granola flying out of the ring. Granola screams as he soars back, landing on the grass with a thud.]
Tonu: Look, I know you kinda hate me and stuff because of the slide thing, but that was, like, ten years ago. Do you think maybe we can get over it?
Granola: Shut up!
Tonu: Alright. Well, I’m ready to fight you any time.
Granola: [scoffs] I’ll take you up on that offer.
Narrator: But a surprise challenger appeared. A stoic android fired off an Infinity Missile.
[Missile warbles as it powers up.]
Mysterious Android: [yells] Infinity Missile!
[Everyone screams as the attack blows up.]
Narrator: Killing everyone at the tournament. Including Tonu’s Mom.
Tonu’s Mom: [pained] I love you, son. [death rattles]
Tonu: Nooooooooo!
Narrator: It’s an all out battle royale. Who will claim the Dragon Balls? Can our heroes spout enough exposition to power up?
[Powerup chimes.]
And unlock their hidden transformations? Find out now!
[Electric guitar strums an action tune and fades out.]
DRAGON BALL Z - Part 2 |
[Suspenseful music.]
Tonu: [furious] You! You bastard! You’re gonna pay for this!
Mysterious Android: Who? Me?
Tonu: [furious] Yeah, you! You killed my mom. And as far as I know, there’s no way to bring anyone back from the dead.
[Emily stifles laughter.]
'Cause that would be ridiculous.
[Jessica chuckles.]
Mysterious Android: That’s exactly why I’m here.
Tonu: What?
Mysterious Android: To prevent you from wasting that wish on something as petty as revival.
Tonu: [confused] What? [normal] Tooba. Tooba, you said something earlier about, you know something about the Dragon Balls, right?
Tooba: [tearful] Yeah. As a Namekian I’m pretty knowledgeable about the Dragon Balls and the history of them. I just was hoping that I could have a mom as great and beautiful and loving that- as your mom. And I’m so sorry that she just died. [tearful gasp] But the Dragon Balls. Shenron has a really long list of rules. But you can wish for anything, basically, as long as he approves.
Tonu: King Kai, is that true? We can wish everyone here back to life?
King Kai: Uh, yes. That’s why I wanted you to win the prize at the end of this contest in the first place. Because I could tell that there was some dark android-shaped evil zeroing in on this location.
Tooba: What? No! You told me to trust. You told me that he had a line on this.
King Kai: I wanted to see what would happen.
[Sage and Travis stifle laughter.]
Travis: This dude’s bored.
Tooba: You- you made me neglect my job as Earth’s guardian. They all died.
King Kai: I thought maybe you could get the Dragon Balls out from under him. You’re little and you have tiny hands.
[Stifled laughter.]
Tooba: It’s true. I do.
King Kai: You let me down, kinda.
Tooba: [hurt] What?
Announcer: Well, we have no choice. Tamago, even though you technically lost, you’ll be part of this next battle royale match. Are you up for the challenge?
Tamago: [irked] Yes! Of course I’m up for the challenge! This motherfucker just murdered a lot of people!
[Jessica chuckles.]
[Action music crescendos.]
Announcer: Great!
[Feedback from the microphone.]
[on loudspeaker] We’re ready to start our battle royal. I’m speaking as if I’m still performing on my Announcer voice to a huge crowd of- of bystanders and excited participants and audience members. But everyone’s dead. I seem cool and collected, but I am barely keeping it together. There’s a lot of responsibility to uphold here and a very deep, lore-rich reason I was specifically selected by Capsule Corp. to host this tournament and handle the prize of the Dragon Balls. It’s really high-stakes and interesting. Of course, I woulda- I woulda told you all about that, but you told me you weren’t interested, so here we are. No exposition for me. Alright. Go for it.
[Travis stifles laughter.]
Winner takes all!
[Fight bell dings.]
Tamago: I’m so nervous. [pants] Ever since the Ginyu Force wouldn't let me in because I wouldn't change my name from Tamago, egg, to Ranso, ovary, as a female member of the team and following the naming schematics, it’s really shaken my Confidence.
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
I just [nervous] uh!
[Mental link chimes.]
King Kai: Knock, knock.
Tamago: [confused] What?
[Sage stifles laughter.]
King Kai: Knock, knock.
Tamago: [startled] What?
[Emily stifles laughter.]
King Kai: Knock, knock.
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
Tamago: Uh, excuse me, who the fuck are you?
King Kai: No, you say, ‘who’s there?’
[Jessica and Sage laugh.]
Tamago: King Kai?
King Kai: Oh. You already know who I am! That’s great!
[Travis chuckles.]
Knock, knock!
Tamago: Who’s there?
King Kai: Yaba.
Tamago: [hesitant] Yaba who?
King Kai: Yaba daba how do ya do? It’s me, King Kai!
[Emily stifles laughter.]
And you can keep that one. That one’s a great icebreaker.
Tamago: Uh—
King Kai: Listen! We’re having some serious problems here in this competition.
Tamago: Yeah-
King Kai: This android, which I sensed vaguely, has actually come out and he killed everybody!
Tamago: Yeah, I’ve- I’ve been here.
King Kai: I was kinda playing the field, kinda bring up a few different pupils seeing who could get the Dragon Balls first, but it doesn't look like either of them may have crossed the finish line on this one.
Tamago: What’s your game plan?
King Kai: Well, I need you to help me. I’m gonna go transform. It’s gonna take me a little bit of time, but when I come back I’m gonna be able to show everybody how to finally defeat this android once and for all.
Tamago: [gasps] Transform. That’s it. [increasingly excited] That’s it! That’s it! That’s how we do it! We have to transform!
King Kai: I need you to help them pull this android up against the ropes while I go do some transformation doohickey back in The Core. And then I’m gonna come back and then I’m gonna teach you all what to do.
Tamago: Yeah, sure. You do your thing. Can I get you out of my head? How do I shut that off?
King Kai: You have to tell me a knock, knock joke.
Tamago: Knock, knock.
King Kai: Who’s there?
Tamago: Please go away.
King Kai: Ooooooh.
[Put-down music.]
Okay I’m gone. Bye!
[Sage and Travis stifle laughter.]
[King Kai teleports away.]
Tooba: It’s so hard for me to focus with all these dead bodies on the ground. Oh, gosh.
Announcer: [on loudspeaker] Tooba vs. Tamago vs. Tonu vs.— [Sage stifles laughter]
Tooba: We’re the TTTs.
Tamago: Oh my gosh! [quiet, excited] Are we in a group? Oh my god. I’ve always wanted to be in a group. Oh.
Tooba: [tearful] Me too. I’ve always wanted a family.
Tamago: Oh my gosh, this could be like our family!
Tonu: I’ve had a family. And I’ve been in groups. But I’ve never been allowed to be on a team before because I’m too good at every sport.
[Tamago gasps.]
So I’d love to be on a team with you two.
Tamago: [excited] Oh my god! First-time teamers! First-time team!
Tooba: Yay!
Tamago: TTTs!
Tooba: Team!
Tonu: Yeah!
Announcer: [on loudspeaker] There’s technically no teams allowed, but I’m an announcer and not a ref. [mumbles] So fuckin’ whatever.
[Sage snorts.]
Tonu: Alright. Now, we’re gonna take this guy. We’re gonna wipe the floor with him.
Tooba: [hesitant] Uh…
Tonu: We’re gonna get the Dragon Balls and wish everybody back to life. And then, Tooba?
Tooba: [hesitant] Yeah?
Tonu: I know my mom would love to be your mom.
Tooba: [tearful] Oh, that’s so nice. [sniffles] Oh, and I need to use my inhaler real quick.
[Inhaler clatters as he pulls it out and takes a breath.]
Sorry. When I get too emotional, my asthma acts up.
Tonu: King Kai always tells me that you have to use your emotion.
Tamago: Yeah, does anybody know how to get him out of your head permanently?
Tonu: Oh, uh-uh.
Tooba: No. He just stays there.
Tonu: Rent free.
Tamago: [disappointed] Oh.
Tooba: You think he’s gone, but he’s always there.
Tonu: Anyways, what I’m saying is, whatever emotion you’re feeling, whether it’s fear or anger or… What are you feeling Tamago?
Tamago: Oh, I’m just really excited to have friends. But also I’m very afraid that we’re not gonna be able to beat this guy. But also I think with the power of friendship we could totally take him out!
Tonu: We have to take that and we have to use it! We have to focus on--
Tooba: Okay.
Tonu: And- and let it grow! Somehow. And just focus and then we’re gonna… Oh boy. I fe- Hey. Announcer.
Announcer: [on loudspeaker] Yeah?
Tonu: What’s their name?
Announcer: [on loudspeaker] Don’t ask me.
Tonu: Who are you?
Tooba: I’ve been asking this this whole time.
Mysterious Android: My alias is Android 69.
[Jessica snorts.]
Tamago: Nice.
[Travis stifles laughter.]
Tooba: I don’t get it. I’m eight years old.
Tonu: I don’t really get jokes, so I don't know what we’re talking about.
Tooba: Where’s King Kai when you need him?
Tamago: He would probably laugh at this.
Android 69: I didn’t pick it myself. It was assigned to me, alright. So I don’t want any of your stupid jokes.
Tamago: It is a little bit funny, though. Like, you could see that, right?
[Android 69 sighs.]
Tonu: Wha- what? Why is it funny? I don’t get it.
Tooba: I don't know either.
Tamago: Oh. I kidnap bad guys for a living. So I hear lots of dirty jokes.
Sage: [amused] You do what? Plus one thou- +2,000 points for Tamago!
[Travis stifles laughter.]
[Powerup chimes.]
[Misadventure music plays lightly.]
Tonu: [startled] What?
Tamago: Oh, yeah. I—
Tonu: What d’you mean you kidnap bad guys?
Tamago: Oh, I’m a professional bounty hunter. They wouldn’t let me into their cool bounty hunting group, so then I’m a freelancer. That’s why I live in the woods.
Tooba: That’s really cool.
Tonu: That’s amazing!
Tamago: Thanks.
Tooba: You’re like a guardian. Of the galaxy!
Tamago: …Yeah.
Tonu: Well aren’t you- well, hold on. Wait, Tooba, you said you’re a guardian of- of Earth?
Tooba: I’m a guardian of planet Earth. Dende was Earth’s guardian for a while, years and years ago. But then he’s passed away and then so did Piccolo. And through time and time I’m the last Namekian on Earth left. Therefore, by default, I am the guardian of Earth.
Tonu: Well, I don't know who those people are. But I’m glad you’re here. And I know that between the three of us, we give it everything we have, we can send this guy back to the scrap heap where he came from.
Android 69: Scrap heap, you say?
Tonu: Yeah.
Android 69: You wouldn't know the first thing about where I come from.
Tonu: I don't care. You killed my mom.
Android 69: I don’t care that you don’t care. I’m gonna explain right here and right now.
Tamago: Make it snappy.
Android 69: I was created. I don't know by whom. Where they are. But they meant for me to be the greatest android of all. Their online user name was DrGeroFan_1. But they never finished the job. So now, I’m just a meme.
Tonu: Wait a minute. Android. [gasps] I remember! Mr. Satan, my ancestor, he saved the world from Cell. And Cell was an android. I remember this from history class. There were other androids that were made by Dr. Gero! [gasps] Dr. Gero of the Red Ribbon Army. Oh my god, I’m remembering everything!
Tooba: Whoa.
Tonu: And he made androids and they tried to take over the world. But then Cell was the biggest and best android, and he absorbed all the other androids and he transformed a bunch of times, and he killed, like, everybody! And then all the sudden, eh, Mr… Mr. Satan didn’t beat him. Did he?
[Music slows.]
Tooba: Was it Goku…?
Tonu: I think I’m remembering everything my mom’s been trying to tell me.
[Ghostly chimes.]
Tonu’s Mom: [ethereal] Tonu! You’ll be just great with your ancestors, Gohan and Goku. You have the blood of the Super Saiyan.
Tamago: Were you just visited by the ghost of your mother?
Tonu: [quiet, realization] Yeah. And I think I get it now. Mr. Satan wasn’t the greatest fighter in the universe. The Saiyan’s were. And I’m one of them too. I can’t wait to tell King Kai. [Travis stifles laughter.]
[Jessica and Sage stifle laughter.]
Android 69: Are we gonna battle or not?
[Action music.]
Tamago: Oh, we’re gonna battle!
Tooba: You bet we are. 'cause I’m sick and tired of being undermined just because I’m little and I have little hands. I’m the guardian of this planet! [deeper] I’m speaking from my chest!
[Emily stifles laughter.]
I am the guardian of this planet, and I’m going to make all of Namekian race proud! [tearful] Including all my new friends and- and hopefully new family. [tearful growl]
[Travis stifles laughter.]
Android 69: Alright then, little one.
[Stat test chime.]
Impress me.
[Action music.]
Tooba: Oh, god.
[Dice roll on the table.]
Tamago: Give 'im hell, Tooba!
Jessica: Uh, 93!
[Success chime.]
Sage: That’s really good! Tooba is able to see this coming and get out of the way quickly.
[Tooba gasps and flies out of the way. He lands with a grunt.]
Tooba: I may be little, but I’m fast!
Sage: And in the heat of the moment, Tooba’s able to think of a plan!
[Stat test chime.]
Roll me Mind. How good is your plan?
Tooba: [hesitant] Uh…
[Dice roll on the table.]
Jessica: Boy. [stifles laughter] +25 is 26.
[Failure chime.]
Travis: [amused] Oh shit. You rolled a 1!
Sage: [amused] Oh, you rolled a natural 1.
Tooba: [tearful] Ooooh!
Travis: Why is it every episode someone rolls a- on a d100, you rolled a 1!
[Laughter.]
Again!
[Tooba cries.]
Emily: [amused] What?
Travis: God dammit.
Sage: Uh, I’m gonna let you handle this one. [amused] Your plan sucks.
Tooba: Alright, we’re gonna fuck him up in the brain!
[Travis stifles laughter.]
We’re gonna- I’ma gaslight him.
[Emily stifles laughter.]
[tearful] That doesn't sound like a really nice thing for me to do.
Tamago: I really don’t wanna criticize you 'cause I really don’t wanna ruin this friendship and it’s, like, beautiful beginning stage where it’s so fragile and perfect and I’ve never had it before [deep breath in] Um…but this is not a good idea.
Tonu: Yeah, that plan kinda stinks, I’m sorry.
Tooba: Yeah. When I said it out loud I felt it.
Tamago: Please don’t hate me.
Tooba: I don’t.
Android 69: While you were trying to think of a plan, I already did.
Tooba: What?
Android 69: By rolling 102.
[Suspenseful chime.]
[Tooba gasps.]
Emily: Jeez. Do we- [stifles laughter]
Android 69: Turn around, little one.
[Tooba gasps and turns around. Android 69 grabs him by the neck and squeezes.]
Tonu: Tooba!
[Tooba groans in pain.]
No!
Tooba: Let me go!
Tamago: No, Tooba!
Android 69: I knew a child like you would be distracted so easily.
Tooba: Oh, please don’t hurt me.
Android 69: Let’s see what you got.
Tamago: Don’t you dare hurt that child!
[Stat test chime.]
[Tooba groans.]
[Dice roll on the table.]
Jessica: 73!
Sage: 74!
[Failure chime.]
Tooba: Noo!
Travis: Oh, what the fuck?
Tamago: Nooo!
[Tooba screams as he soars across the stadium.]
Tonu: Tooba, no!
[Tooba slams into a wall and groans as he lands on the grass.]
Tooba: [cries] I was almost there. I’ll never be good enough to fight. [cries]
Tonu: You- you monster!
[Tooba cries.]
Android 69: Who’s next?
Tamago: Being a part of a team is really hard. I thought I was ready for this. This is the only thing I’ve wanted for, like, so much time that I’ve actually lost track of how much time has gone by. It may have been 100 years. It may have been more. Who’s supposed to lead?
Tooba: Tamagoo. I—
Tamago: It’s Tamago. [quiet] But, okay, yeah.
[Travis stifles laughter.]
Tooba: Tamago. Tamago, I’m so sorry. I really looked up to you.
Tamago: Oh.
Tooba: But yeah I- I’m also an alien and I feel like an outcast.
Tamago: You are. [gasps]
Tooba: I feel like an outcast in this world and I don’t have anybody on my side but-
Tamago: But we’re all aliens. You, me, and Tonu. We’re together now.
Tooba: Yeah.
Tamago: It’s okay, you’re gonna pull through little buddy.
Tooba: Yes. Thank you. And so are you!
Tamago: You’re gonna make it!
Tooba: You- you got this.
Tamago: Tooba, do your best!
Tooba: Just so you guys know, if you’re ever really hurt- [whispers] yo, I’m gonna whisper this so he doesn't hear it.
[Travis snorts. Sage and Emily stifle laughter.]
[whispers] But I- I have regeneration powers.
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: Rolling to see if Android 69 heard what you said.
Tooba: [whispers] Oh, don’t hear me, don’t hear me, don’t hear me.
[Dice roll on the table.]
[Failure chime.]
[whispers] Yes!
Emily: Sweet.
Android 69: Quite your talking over there. I don't know what you’re saying, but I’m sure it’s a waste of time. Just like how your wishes on the Dragon Balls will be a wasted opportunity for something much bigger and greater than any of you could ever understand.
Tooba: You don’t deserve to see the Dragon Balls. You don’t deserve to even look at 'em!
Tonu: Hey, Tomatsu.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Tamago: The fuck did you just call me?
[Stifled laughter.]
Tonu: Tamago.
Tamago: Yeah?
Tonu: Do you wanna go first? Or should I?
Tamago: Uh, okay. So I’ve got this- this thing. This thing that I can do but I- I don’t think- I don’t think I’m powerful enough yet to really just- just do it, so maybe you should attack first so I could just fucking [growls] steel myself. And I can do it finally on command!
Tonu: Whatever you’re trying to do, I know you can do it. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.
Tamago: What?
Tonu: You’re a bounty hunter from space. That’s really fucking cool. Like, I can’t even imagine what that is.
[Tamago chuckles humbly.]
I’m in high school.
[Emily chuckles.]
Nothing I’ve done is anywhere near as cool as that.
Tamago: [flattered] Stop it.
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
Tonu: But yeah. Alright, I’ll give it a go. But if this doesn't work, we’re all counting on you.
[Action music intensifies.]
Hey! Asshole!
Android 69: It’s pronounced ‘android’.
Tonu: I don't know what you are or where you came from, I’m gonna send you back there.
Android 69: I literally just told you with my exposition!
[Tonu and Android 69 scream as they power up.]
[Stat test chime.]
[Dice roll on the table.]
Travis: 69.
[Sage chuckles.]
Emily: Nice.
Sage: And Android 69 got a 10.
[Success chime.]
Travis: Oh!
[Tonu screams, flies toward Android 69, and punches him.]
Android 69: Oh. That hurt me a little.
Tamago: Tonu, that was amazing!
Tonu: You’re pretty strong. That’s exciting.
Android 69: You haven’t seen anything yet.
[Stat test chime.]
[Android 69 flies toward Tonu. Tonu screams.]
Tamago: Don’t let him free! Keep going!
Travis: 91.
Sage: 70.
[Success chime.]
[Tonu fires off a series of rapid punches. One final punch sends Android 69 soaring back. Tonu pants.]
Tooba: Whoa!
Tamago: Yeah! He doesn't stand a chance!
Android 69: Wow. It feels like I’m losing.
[Tonu pants.]
If only…
[Suspenseful music.]
I was completed. Like one of Dr. Gero’s androids.
[Suspenseful music intensifies.]
All I know is…my creator was a big fan and stayed up all night in the cave, day after day after day working on me to make sure I was very powerful. But it was all for naught. They didn’t understand the importance of work/life balance.
Tonu: That sounds like a metaphor.
Tamago: That’s dumb.
Tonu: Maybe even for what we’re doing right now.
Android 69: It is. They let their ego get in the way, and the thought of all the androids that came before me slowed them down. And now I understand what my purpose is.
[Music fades.]
Tooba: What is it?
Android 69: That sounds like a different exposition dump that I’ll save for later.
[Stat test chime.]
[Android 69 screams as he flies back into the ring.]
[Dice roll on the table.]
Travis: 61.
Sage: 59.
Travis: Oh my god!
[Success chime.]
[Tonu launches forward and punches Android 69 again, sending him back once more.]
Tonu: It’s like the more I fight, the stronger I get.
[Jessica chuckles. Emily stifles laughter.]
This is incredible.
Android 69: Impossible.
Tonu: It’s like I feel something inside me.
Android 69: Impossible!
Tonu: That- it’s inherent. Like, this power building.
[Ghostly chimes.]
Tonu’s Mom: [ethereal] That’s the Saiyan blood. That’s the Saiyan blood!
Tamago: Keep focusing!
Tonu: I get it now. And I think I should be awarded points for discovering this!
[Emily chuckles.]
Sage: You are. You’re awarded 1,000 points.
[Powerup chimes.]
Android 69: It can’t be. His power level, it’s rising tremendously. It’s time to upgrade.
[Mechanical clicks and blips as he transforms.]
Tamago: Tonu, no!
Android 69: So I need to augment myself. And it’s time to strengthen…
[More clicking as his parts rearrange. He screams as he powers up.]
Tonu: What’s going- what’s he doing?!
Tamago: He’s transforming! Oh, yeah? Two can play at that game! I’m gonna do it!
[She screams as she powers up her transformation.]
Tooba: What the fuck is happening?
Tonu: It’s like I can feel their power- oh my god! Look at—
Tooba: Ah, what the heck are you?
[Tamago’s voice has changed to be deep, low-pitched, and powerful.]
Tamago: Guys, it’s me. It’s me, Tamago.
Tooba: Whoa. You look like a- like a fluffy little—
Tooba, Tonu: Llama!
Tamago: I am a llama, but I’m huge and powerful. And I’m gonna fucking wail on this guy!
[Mental link chime.]
King Kai: Knock, knock.
Tonu: Ah, now?
Tooba: Who’s there?
[King Kai teleports in. Action music.]
King Kai: It’s King Kai! I’m back from learning how to transform!
Tonu: Well, you’re not alone!
King Kai: You need to transform just like Llama did. Otherwise, you’re not gonna stand a chance against him! You gotta get your head in the game!
Tooba: Oh, gosh.
Tonu: Are we gonna become llamas too?
[Sage chuckles.]
King Kai: No.
Tamago: No, that’s a me thing.
King Kai: That’s a her thing. I’ve become a Supreme Kai. I journeyed to the core world and spoke to the other supreme Kais who have dynasty over the entire rest of the world, where I only reach the north. And they gifted me with special training in a time vacuum to learn how to transform temporarily into a Supreme Kai.
Tooba: Oh.
Tonu: King Kai, what the fuck are you talking about?
[Sage chuckles.]
King Kai: Notice how my clothes are different? It’s because just for—
Tamago: King Kai, we’re kind of in the middle of something.
King Kai: I transformed into a Supreme Kai just- just for this time to- so that I could help you take on the Android. 'cause you can’t take him on alone!
Tooba: Uh, King Kai, but the thing is,-is as a Namekian, the only thing I can do is transform is to use another Namekian. But there’s no other Namekians on Earth. So I can’t transform.
King Kai: Are there?
[Beat.]
Tooba: What?
King Kai: I don't know. Are there?
[Emily stifles laughter. Travis laughs.]
Tooba: No! I’m the only- I’m the last Namekian on Earth!
King Kai: All I know is that if you can pull off this llama act, there’s- that android’s gonna have to have alpaca his bags.
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
Tamago: We’re a very different species. Uh…
Granola: Wait.
[Granola grunts as he pulls himself forward.]
[pained] Crawl…back…through the grass. With whatever strength I have. Hey, Tonu.
Tonu: What? Granola? What’s goin’ on? You gotta get outta here. This guy’s really dangerous.
Granola: I know. He killed so many. Just like that. With some Infinity Missile. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking while you guys have been talking and I’ve just been kinda sittin’ here. I think that was only his middle move. I feel like he has one Infinity thing beyond that.
[Tooba gasps.]
Tonu: You mean this guy gets stronger?
King Kai: Haven’t you seen how he augmented himself? He’s not one to be trifled with.
Granola: The blue marshmallow man is right. If you look, just like how your friend, Tamago, is now a big buff llama.
Tamago: Yeah.
Granola: This Android 69 is augmented. Look at it! There’s all sorts of cool, cybernetic parts all over it. And it looks sexier too.
Tamago: You just have to get more powerful. Everybody just has to get more powerful.
Tooba: Wait, I—
King Kai: Say it with your chest!
Tooba: [deeper] Oh, god! Okay! This thing, I may not be a Super Namekian, so I don't know if I can fuse, and there’s no way for me to get a Namekian here. I’ve never seen another manek- a Namekian in my life since I was a little baby. So maybe I’ll just [gasps] I could become the big little boy.
Tamago: Yes. Do it!
Tooba: King Kai, do you think I could do it?
King Kai: I think you can do anything you set your mind to. But you need to be able to ex- you need to have a sense of humor about it.
[Sage and Travis stifle laughter.]
Tooba: Uh…
King Kai: What’s funnier than being a giant baby?
[Travis chuckles.]
Nothing!
[Sage chuckles.]
Tooba: What’s funnier than being a giant baby?
King Kai: Nothing! Nothing is funnier than that!
[Chuckling.]
Tooba, you need to lean into this hardcore.
Tamago: You can do it, Tooba. We believe in you.
Tooba: Well I don’t get the punch—
Tamago: Get big!
Tooba: Okay! I’m gonna—
Tamago: Get big!
Tooba: I’m- oh!
Sage: Is your power level at 7,000.
Jessica: It’s at 9,800, bitch.
Travis: [amused] Shit.
Sage: It’s over 9,000?
Jessica: Yeah!
Sage: Go big!
[Music cuts off.]
King Kai: Impossible!
[Tooba screams as he powers up.]
Tonu: [gasps] Oh no!
Tamago: Oh, yeah.
[A reverberating thud as giant Tooba stomps.]
You’re so big.
Tonu: It’s like I can feel both of your energies. This is wild!
Tamago: Use it. Use this energy!
Tooba: [Giant, echoing voice] I’m a big baby! I’m gonna fuck you up!
[Chuckling.]
Granola: Tonu, as I was saying.
Tonu: What?
Granola: You need to get to the level now!
Tonu: Wha- I- I mean—
King Kai: Tonu, you need to graduate from playing tag with this guy. You need to go right to fuckin’ tackle football!
Tonu: [frantic] What? Uh-
Tamago: Tonu, the power is inside you!
Granola: When we were younger, I noticed. You turned into a giant gorilla once. It was crazy. And I felt almost embarrassed like I dreamt it. But it definitely happened, more than once, ’til they cut off your tail. And then I found out the same thing happened to me.
[Tonu gasps.]
And then they didn’t want us to play together anymore. And that’s why we slowly became enemies. Because we weren’t allowed to play and have play dates! They didn’t want us to destroy towns and cities, understandably. But I think you and I…we’re Super Saiyans!
Tonu: Wow. I mean…they just… They just said you were too poor to hang out with.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
But, I mean— [Travis chuckles]
King Kai: Oh.
[Stifled laughter.]
Tonu: Uh, that makes a lot more sense now that I think about it. Wow.
King Kai: Tonu. Tonu, there’s only one way to unlock your inner Saiyan potential. You have to listen to me. All jokes aside.
[Tonu gasps.]
This is the first time in my entire existence that I’ve said, “all jokes aside”.
Tonu: I’m listening.
King Kai: Think about all those thoughts that you had about Mr. Satan, your ancestor. You need to think about them now. All the wonderful things that you used to say about him. All the ways you would spend nights reading up on his exploits and all the warm feelings you had.
Tonu: O-okay.
King Kai: And you need to redirect that energy towards your memories of Goku. Goku is the one in your lineage that had the bloodlines that gives you the power to unlock your inner potential.
[Tonu pants in a slight panic.]
And goes straight through the Kaio-ken and into your final transformation into a Super Saiyan.
Tonu: Past the Kaio-ken? But you said that was the ultimate level. You said that was all I could ever hope to achieve. But there’s a level beyond that?
King Kai: Yeah, yeah, yeah. There’s- there’s a lot of soft ceilings. It’s okay.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
We’re gonna keep moving. [David stifles laughter]
Tonu: Okay.
King Kai: The limits are in your mind only!
Tonu: I don't really know too much about Goku but, I guess I can—
King Kai: [irked] I just told you what to think about Goku! [David stifles laughter]
Tonu’s Mom: [ethereal] He doesn't ever listen when you talk about Goku.
[David chuckles.]
Android 69: Goku? Why does that name just piss me off?
[Slow-burn action music.]
Tamago: Tooba! We have to take him down!
Tooba: Let’s do it!
Android 69: Alright.
[Gears click as Android 69 takes a fighting stance.]
Tooba: Combine our powers!
Tamago: Nobody can withstand this amount of chonk!
[Stifled laughter.]
[Stat test chime.]
Android 69: Here we go.
[Dice roll on the table.]
Emily: Oh shit. [amused] 109.
Jessica: I got, like, 111.
Sage: Android 69 got 135.
[Failure chime.]
[Emily and Jessica gasp in horror.]
[Android 69 , Tooba, and Tamago exchange a series of high-speed punches and kicks.]
Tooba: He’s too powerful!
[Tamago and Tooba scream as they get thrown back.]
Tamago: [pants] What is he?
Android 69: I told you. I’m an android created by a fanboy and I’ve been augmented to my final stage. And it is my duty to get those Dragon Balls so that I may wish for universal ego death.
[Cymbal crashes in revelation.]
David: Whoa, ho, ho, ho! What? [chuckles]
Travis: Oh.
Tamago: What? [Emily stifles laughter]
Tooba: What does that mean?
Android 69: Oh. You wanna know? Great. Thank you for that.
Tamago: No.
Android 69: I’m gonna bolster up even more points. Now, listen here!
Travis: [amused] Ah, fuck.
Android 69: Through my training as an android, I’ve noticed all of you life forms are weak. You take so long to talk and discuss. We’ve just been standing here speaking and speaking and speaking and adding and thinking and staring. All of this stems from our ego. Our desire to succeed and fail. We’re self-centered, narcissistic, monsters. It’s part of our code.
But it won’t be a part of mine. And it won’t be a part of this universe for very much longer. Trust a robot on that one.
Once ego is removed from the equation, life is a breeze. And this world will be a much better place.
Tonu: [angry] How can you say that? Look at how many people you just killed! And you think the world is better now? Because of that?
Android 69: Whatever it takes.
[Tonu sighs in irritation.]
Tamago: Tonu, as usual we need a man to save us.
Tooba: Ah, fuck.
Tonu: We have to stop him!
Tamago: No. You have to stop him.
[Suspenseful music.]
You have to find your inner Saiyan. You have to go Super Saiyan! There’s no other way!
Tonu: King Kai told me to focus all my thoughts that I had towards Mr. Satan towards Goku. What did Mom always used to say?
[Ethereal chimes.]
Tonu’s Mom: Mr. Satan was a fraud! Goku is the real hero! Saiyans will save the world!
Tonu: All I can think about is Mom.
Android 69: Ego.
Tonu: And how much she cared about me.
Android 69: Ego.
Tonu: It’s like. All these other powerful male figures, all they cared about was themselves.
Android 69: Ego.
Tonu: And winning.
Android 69: Ego.
Tonu: And their own damn sense of self-satisfaction.
Android 69: Ego again.
Tonu: And I’m doing that too!
Android 69: [irked] Yup.
Tonu: I can’t fight for me. I can’t fight because it’s fun.
Android 69: Wait, what?
Tonu: I have to fight for her!
Android 69: Wait.
Tonu: And for everybody else!
Android 69: Hold on. Stop it.
Tonu: For everybody on the planet!
Android 69: Shut- shut- shut your mouth. Shush, shush.
Tonu: I have to do this! For them!
Tonu’s Mom: [ethereal] Tonu!
Android 69: No. No.
Tonu: You’re not gonna get away with this!
Android 69: What is he doing?
[Suspenseful thrum.]
[Tonu screams as he gathers his power.]
He’s powering up so easily.
Tamago: You got this, Tonu!
Android 69: Everything’s turning yellow! Impossible!
[Tonu’s screaming gets louder as he continues to gather power.]
Tooba: It’s really from the chest!
Android 69: No. No! It can’t be!
[Power crackles and warbles as Tonu hits super Saiyan level.]
[Action music intensifies.]
[Android 69 grunts in shock.]
I didn’t think…
Tamago: You did it, Tonu! We’re so proud!
Android 69: You… You’re a Super Saiyan.
King Kai: Good job! I’m gonna give you your final lesson. Are you ready?
Tonu: Yeah.
King Kai: Okay! So you need to remember your special move. You know, as Supreme Kai, my special move is called Meka-Leka-Hi-Meka-Hiney-Ho. If we hit him with that and right- and then yours in rapid succession, we should be able to wipe this android off the face of the planet! But we’re gonna need everybody listening at home to channel their energy into this battle to make sure that we’re successful!
Tonu: I think I get it. This is incredible. This power. It’s almost like I went through a second puberty. My voice feels lower. Everything feels more… [growls in satisfaction]
I know that you guys said that I have to do this, but I can’t do it without your help.
[Footsteps crashing as the others step forward.]
Please. Lend me your energy. Everybody! Everybody at home, everyone around the world. Focus on me please! I’m just gonna stand here, like a jackass, with my hand up in the air.
Here’s the thing, though. I need, like, ten minutes. [Travis stifles laughter] Can you guys please try to kick his ass in the meantime?
Android 69: I can’t believe this.
Tamago: We can’t give up. We’ve gotta buy time!
King Kai: I’m gonna try to keep him on the ropes as long as possible with my trademark Supreme Kai Meka-Leka-Hi-Meka-Hiney-Ho technique! Everybody clear the way. This could get messy.
Tooba: [hesitant] Okay.
Tamago: Alright.
[King Kai steps forward.]
King Kai: Hold onto your hat, Android 69, because this one’s gonna blow your brains out! Alright.
[Energy warbles as King Kai powers up his move.]
Meeee...Kaaaa…leeee…haaaa
[Travis laughs.]
[Beat.]
Leeee…kaaaa…haaaa!
[Continued chuckling.]
Meeeeee…kaaaa…leeeee…kaaaa…hiiiii…deeee…hiiiii…
[Continued chuckling. Sage sighs in half amusement, half annoyance.]
Meeee… I got confused.
[Laughter.]
Tooba: [irked] Oh my god.
King Kai: Hold on. Hold on. Let me start over.
[Energy warbles as King Kai powers up his move.]
Meee—
Tooba: You’re taking too long! I’m gonna go.
[King Kai continues screaming the name of his move in the background.]
I’m gonna use one of my signature techniques. Please Leave!
[Tooba screams as he powers up.]
Tamago: You’ve got this, Tooba! You’re huge!
[Tooba throws his attack.]
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: Tamago, can you roll me mind?
[Dice roll on the table.]
[King Kai continues screaming the name of his move in the background.]
Emily: 73.
[Success chime.]
Sage: You can’t get an exact number, but you’re sensing the power level of this android. And Tooba’s signature chop barely even scratched him.
[Suspenseful thrum.]
Tamago: Oh. Guys? Power level’s so fucking high. I can feel the power radiating from him. We have to do better!
Granola: She’s right. Tonu! I have to tell you something.
[Tonu pants as he gathers power.]
Tonu: Wha- what? What? [Travis stifles laughter]
[King Kai continues screaming the name of his move in the background.]
Granola: It’s me, Granola, again. Just kind of on the grass—
Tonu: Yeah, I—
Granola: —over here on the side.
Tonu: Yeah, I know. I see you there.
Granola: You’re charging up and you’re doing a great job.
Tonu: Thanks.
Granola: And you’ve really shown me the error of my ways.
Tonu: Okay.
Granola: I feel like this android has a point about the ego thing. But I definitely agree. It’s taking it way too far. Here’s the thing, I just wanted to tell you I- I always looked up to you, secretly.
Tonu: That means so much to me. Because, again, honestly. I didn’t even really know why you were so mad at me. But I think I get it and look. Even if I might be better at some things than others, there’s one thing that I’ve learned today is that everybody here has the right to fight for what means the most to them.
[King Kai continues screaming the name of his move in the background.]
Granola: I never thought of it that way. And you’re completely correct.
Travis: Pfft. [stifles laughter]
Granola: I’ve always just thought, winning, winning, winning. That’s all that matters. Winning and not losing. It was actually more of the not losing thing. I lost a lot as a kid. I always came in like, third place and it really hurt my ego. And I’m- I may have taken that out on you.
But if you can’t tell, I’m really trying to gain some motivation here, because I think I can seriously help you win this. That android is above your power level. Do you not feel it? You may be very strong, but you need to be stronger.
Tonu: Alright. I’ll take it- I’ll take all the power level I can get at this point. And we could- we could use your help. We need you to fight! Granola, you can do this!
Granola: You think?
Tonu: Come on! Get up and fight! Like the Saiyan you are.
[Granola groans as he struggles to his feet.]
Granola: I can’t fight. But I can give…
Tamago: Granola, do it!
[Granola screams as he gathers his energy. Tonu cries out in surprise. Their screams fade as Granola passes his energy to Tonu .]
Jessica: They just came.
Emily: Together.
Granola: [weak] That’s all the ki I had. Your power level should be high enough now to sustain that spirit bomb. Tonu…if you get those Dragon Balls, I still want that rematch.
[Granola sighs as he dies.]
Tonu: We’re gonna have that rematch. I promise.
Android 69: Not if I have anything to say about it!
Tamago: Catch these hooves!
[Tamago screams and charges at Android 69, slamming into him and throwing him back.]
Android 69: Impossible. How are they keeping this up?
Tonu: Keep going guys. I’ve almost got enough energy!
King Kai: We’re almost there team. Rally!
Tonu: Tooba!
Tooba: Uh?
Tonu: You have to fight him!
Tooba: Alright. If only- if only I had another Namekian with me. I’ve never had a mother nurture me the way that your mom nurtured you. And it’s just- it’s just all too much. But I think that with the power of everybody that I’ve met, I can possibly do a spirit bomb with you.
[Music thrums suspensefully.]
Tonu: [gasps] Double? King Kai, is that even possible? Can you do two spirit bombs at the same time?
King Kai: Absolutely. It’s called Doing Two Spirit Bombs At The Same Time.
[Stifled laughter.]
Tonu: Tooba!
Tooba: [hesitant] Uh?
Tonu: You gotta do it!
Tooba: Okay.
Tamago: Combine!
Tooba: Uh…well I guess that I also should share with you that, uh, I don’t- I can’t- I- Namekians have both of the organs and we’re asexual. We reproduce and this is just a tiny tidbit because I just need a little bit more power level.
Sage: Mm. Tsk.
Tonu: Oh, right on!
Sage: That’s a pretty low 500er. [chuckles]
Jessica: What- what’d you say?
Sage: It’s pretty low. Like 500er.
Jessica: Alright! That’s all I needed!
[Powerup chimes.]
Sage: [amused] Oh, what?
[Travis laughs.]
Jessica: That’s why I didn’t care!
[Travis laughs and claps.]
Tooba: Alright, here we go!
[Tooba screams as he gathers energy for his spirit bomb.]
Tonu: Now hold your hands up and collect the energy from the universe.
Tooba: Namekians in the universe, please hear me. Please!
Travis: Oh, that’s fun.
King Kai: Tamago! Tamago! Now’s the time—
Tamago: Yes?
King Kai: Tamago, you have to get into this—
Tamago: I don’t- I don’t feel powerful enough. I’ve got this- I have this- this- this move I’ve been perfecting for so long. It’s such a—
King Kai: What move? What move?!
[Emily stifles laughter.]
Now’s time for the moves!
Tamago: I- I call it—
King Kai: We’re almost done!
Tamago: I call it the Skull Split Spit.
King Kai: [increasingly confused] The skull- the sku- the sku—
[Travis laughs.]
Tamago: It’s 'cause I can spit so hard it breaks bone!
[David stifles laughter.]
King Kai: Damn, girl.
Tamago: I’ve been working on it for so long, and I’ve never had an opportunity to use it.
King Kai: What d’you mean you’ve been working on it for so long? How did you come up with this thing?
Tamago: I put out pictures of all the Ginyu Force on the trees around my home, and I just spit at them.
King Kai: Damn, girl. What did the Ginyu Force do to you?
Tamago: [furious] They tried to get me to change my name to Ovary and do a weird dance and I didn’t want to—
King Kai: What—
Tamago: —because I’m a lady. But that’s not the only thing that’s cool about me! I’m also a llama!
King Kai: What weird dance did they try to make you do? [David stifles laughter]
Tamago: Oh, you know their fucking stupid-ass theme that like…do, do, do.
King Kai: You’re doing that really well. Have you practiced that?
Tamago: No, I’m just really nerv- I’m- I’m- [sighs] I’m really nervous, okay? I left my home planet because the androids were taking over and I’ve sworn to not get involved with that ever again because they’re fucking scary, man.
Tonu: You’re saying the androids took over your whole planet?
Tamago: Yeah. That’s why I had to leave and then I- I- I kind of forgot how to get back home. Which is a little embarrassing, which is why I haven’t been sharing that with people. God, I’m so afraid of the fucking androids. [whimpers]
Android 69: As it should be.
Tamago: I just- I wish I could go back home to the fields.
King Kai: Tamago! Tamago!
Tamago: [tearful] The beautiful llama fields that—
King Kai: Tamago!
Tamago: —they just turned into a factory so they can build more. They could build more in the beautiful llama fields that were dedicated to our ancestors. And no matter how much we spit on them, it never clogged their gears!
King Kai: Tamago, that’s the Ginyu Force talking. You can’t let them live rent-free in your head! That’s why I’m here.
[Jessica chuckles.]
Tamago: [tearful] But they do! Every day I wake up and I’m like, are you an egg or an ovary? And I don’t know!
Tooba: Listen, they’re so stupid, and they’re so ridiculous.
King Kai: And they’re dead.
Tooba: Yeah.
King Kai: Literally.
Tamago: I- I don't know. I’m cursed to live so long and not have any friends.
King Kai: You do have friends! We’re your friends!
Tooba: Reclaim your time! Reclaim your power!
Tonu: Tamago! You’re literally the coolest person I’ve ever met! You’re a space bounty hunter that’s also a llama.
Tamago: [embarrassed] No.
Tonu: And I never mentioned this because I forgot until now, but that was always my favorite animal.
Tamago: The llama?
Tonu: Yeah.
[Tamago squeaks happily.]
And I would love nothing more than to see you hawk back the most powerful loogie this world’s ever seen and burn a hole right through this bastard’s motherboard.
Tamago: [emotional] Guys, I’ve never felt this kind of friendship before.
Tooba: [emotional] Can you be my mom?
Tamago: [emotional] I can be your mom!
Sage: +9000 points for Tamago!
[Everyone screams as they power up.]
[Powerup chimes.]
Android 69: They’re getting ready to bolster up an attack! I need to give it everything I’ve got with an Infinity Cannon. Here we go!
Tonu: Tamago, now! You have to do it now!
Tamago: I feel so powerful!
Tooba: Do it!
Tamago: Skull Split Spit!
[Saliva and energy shrieks as Tamago inhales for her attack.]
King Kai: Do the Spirit Bomb! Now!
Tonu: Tooba! Tooba, move your Spirit Bomb into mine!
Tooba: Uh, okay, I don’t know if it’s ready, but okay!
Tonu: We gotta go now! We don’t have time!
King Kai: Cross the streams!
Tonu: Slowly!
[Tooba screams as he moves his energy toward Tonu.]
With all the energy and Namekians around the universe and everybody on Earth!
[Everyone screams as the energy increases.]
King Kai: Aaaaaaaaaaa!
Tamago: Uuaaaagghhhhhh!!
Tooba: Ooooooooooaaggghhhhhh!!!
Tonu: AaaaaaaaaAaaaaaagggghhhhhh!!!!
[Music crescendos.]
Android 69: Infinityyyyy… CANNON!!!!!
[The attacks release in an explosion!]
[Music fades.]
[Wind blows across the dusty, smoke-filled arena. A heavy silence hangs.]
[Tonu shifts in the dust and coughs. Android 69 crackles and glitches.]
Android 69: I can’t believe all these egotistical lifeforms did it. Unless…that’s exactly how they did…and why I failed.
[Beat.]
That was enough exposition to save my life.
[Stifled laughter.]
But I’m gonna decide to shut down instead.
[Electricity crackles and squeals.]
Jessica: Whoa.
Tamago: And good riddance. Oh, I’m… I’m not a llama anymore.
[Travis stifles laughter.]
Tooba: [also back to normal] You got your groove back!
[Emily stifles laughter.]
[Suspenseful music builds.]
Tonu: [groans, weak] Did we- did we get him, guys?
Tooba: Yeah.
Tamago: We did! [gasps]
Tooba: We got him.
King Kai: We got him.
Tamago: Tooba! Can you- can you help him? He’s hurt!
Tooba: I can try.
King Kai: There’s a hole in him.
Tamago: [worried] Tooba?
Tooba: I have regeneration powers as a Namekian.
King Kai: He has holey powers. As a man with a hole in him.
Tooba: Well, let me try.
[Tooba steps over to Tonu.]
Hold tight, tot- tia- I don't know your name.
[Sage snickers.]
Tonu. I just met you, but, uh, here!
[Stat test chime.]
[Dice roll on the table.]
Jessica: Oh. 97.
[Success chime.]
[Tooba groans uncertainly as he uses his powers to heal Tonu.]
Tamago: Tonu, stay with us.
[Tonu gasps, increasingly relieved, as his wound closes.]
Tonu: Oh wow.
Tooba: Oh. Yay! I did my job.
Tonu: Wow! Hey! Thanks!
Tamago: Good job, Tooba.
Tooba: Thank you.
[Microphone feedback squeals.]
[Gentle, upbeat music builds.]
Announcer: [on loudspeaker] Wow! It looks like the entire stadium has been completely obliterated. We’re standing in basically a crater. Somehow I’m alive. Of course, I’d be able to tell you how I lived, but you guys aren’t interested. So forget it.
[Travis stifles laughter.]
[The Announcer chucks the microphone to the side. Feedback squeals as it hits the ground.]
Alright. Welp. You all win.
[Tooba gasps.]
Tamago: So we can bring everybody back with the Dragon Balls?
Announcer: I mean, honestly I think we’re gonna just skip a year. Kinda like, you know, the 2020 Olympics. Like, we just- [Sage stifles laughter] Just don’t really get to do it. But we’ll do it next year.
[Everyone groans in annoyance.]
But I will give somebody the Dragon Balls.
[Everyone cheers and claps.]
The question is, who?
Tooba: Well the Dragon Balls you get three wishes, right?
Announcer: Last I checked…
[Paper rustles as he checks his sheet.]
Yes! I was gonna give these Dragon Balls to one champion, but we already broke a ton of other rules.
[Stifled laughter.]
So I guess you can share them.
Tonu: Well, I think it’s pretty clear that we have to wish everybody that android killed today, we have to bring 'em back to life, right?
Tooba: Yeah.
Tamago: Yes. Of course.
Tonu: But, uh, then what else is everyone- what else did we wish for?
Tamago: I already got my wish. I have friends.
Tooba: Yeah. And Tamago, you said you’d be my mom?
Tamago: I mean, I’ve never been a mom before, but I think it’s kind of like being a friend except I give you a bedtime. So I could probably do that!
Tooba: That’s what I’ve always wanted! I have adoption papers in my inventory.
[Papers rustle.]
That you can sign. So you can legally become my mom. That way I won’t have to use a wish to- to have a mom. Because y-you’ll be all I need!
Tamago: Sure. Do you wanna go into the bounty hunting business? 'Cause that- that’s kind of all I do.
Tooba: Uh…okay.
Tamago: Tonu, you should wish for your tail back.
Tonu: Huh?
Tamago: So you can be a whole Saiyan.
Tonu: Um, I don't know.
[Sage chuckles.]
The turning into a giant gorilla thing was kind of a drag. I mean, I’ll think about it. King Kai, do you want anything?
Tamago: I don't know if we should ask him that. [Emily stifles laughter]
[Stifled laughter.]
Somehow I feel like that’s not a good idea.
King Kai: Okay, hear me out.
[Chuckling.]
I think we could all use a nice round of courses at UCB on Sunset.
[Stifled laughter.]
Tooba: [confused] What?
[Travis laughs.]
Tonu: What’s that?
King Kai: It’s a place where you go to get funny.
[Stifled laughter.]
Tooba: Wait! Can I- c-c-can I wish to- to have a- a spaceship so I can visit other Namekians?
King Kai: I don't know that’s kinda steppin’ on the UCB toes. Are we- we sure about this?
[David stifles laughter]
Tooba: Well, we have to-
Tonu: We got a lot of- hold on. First let’s just get the dragon up. We’ll figure it out after that.
[Sage chuckles.]
I’m sure he’s patient.
Tooba: Okay.
Tamago: Okay.
[Dragon Balls rustle as Tonu picks one up.]
Tonu: Okay, how do we do this?
King Kai: Oh, yeah. You need to say the right words in Namekian. [David stifles laughter]
Tooba: Oh, shit. Can I do that in post?
Sage: [chuckles] Yes.
Tooba: Thank you. Takkara-Puto Poshenron Pupiritto-Paro!
[The Dragon Balls chime as they’re activated.]
Tonu: Whoa, the sky’s turned black.
[Energy bursts from the Dragon Balls.]
Shenron: Shenron speaks to you. Who has collected the Dragon Balls and disturbed my slumber?
Tonu: I guess we all did.
Tamago: Yeah, it’s kind of a group effort.
Shenron: By using the Dragon Balls you agree to the terms and conditions of Dragon Ball Enterprises.
Tooba: Uh, yeah we don’t have time to hear or read any of this.
Tonu: Yeah.
Tooba: So we’re just gonna click the box and yes.
Tonu: I’m just gonna click agree.
Tamago: Sure, we agree. We agree! Please don’t read them all. We agree.
Shenron: Are you sure you—
Tooba: Yeah, we’re sure!
Tamago: Yes, we’re sure that we agree!
Shenron: Would you like to give Dragon Balls access to your personal information?
[Travis snickers.]
Like location and contacts?
Tonu: Uh, just- just- just this once, maybe. Just this once.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Tamago: Only when we’re using them.
Tooba: Yeah, only when- only when we’re using them.
[Sage chuckles.]
Shenron: Would you like to allow Dragon Balls to show notifications on your smart device?
[Sage and Travis chuckle.]
Tooba: No. No, I don’t need any notifications.
Shenron: Uh, would you like Dragon Balls to email you with exciting offers and updates on your phone?
Tamago: No! No, newsletter. No. No.
Tooba: Well- what’s email?
Tonu: There’s so many rules!
Tamago: It’s gonna go right to spam.
Shenron: Please choose a username—
[Sage laughs.]
—and password.
Tamago: Fuck this.
[Tonu groans.]
Sage: Hours pass by, practically the whole day.
[Scene change whoosh.]
Tonu: [irked] What do you mean which one of these doesn't have a streetlight in it?
[Stifled laughter.]
Shenron: Which one of these doesn't have- you’ve run out of time.
[Shenron and the others shout over each other.]
Which one of these doesn't have a mus—
Tamago: We’re not androids! We’re not androids!
Tooba: We’re not androids!
Tamago: We’re not androids!
Tonu: We’re not an- that’s an android. Look, he’s dead.
Tamago: He couldn't find the fucking car.
[Stifled laughter.]
Tonu: Alright. Can we wish everyone back now?
[Beat.]
Shenron: Yeah.
Tonu: Alright. We wish that everyone that the android killed today is brought back to life.
Shenron: It’s—
Tonu: No!
Shenron: What?
Tonu: Everyone that the android killed forever.
Shenron: Ca- what?
Tamago: No, we don’t know that. He may have killed some very bad people. We- we do—
Tonu: Okay everyone- oh. You’re right.
Tamago: Today. Just today.
Tonu: Yeah, every—
Tamago: Keep it contained.
Tonu: Okay.
Shenron: Is that your final answer?
Tooba: Yes.
Tonu: Yes.
Tamago: Yes!
[Magic thrums.]
Shenron: Your wish will take approximately 20 minutes to complete.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Tooba: Uh, do we have—
Tamago: Now’s the time—
Shenron: You can unlock instantaneous—
[Travis and Sage chuckle.]
—wish granting by signing up with Dragon Balls Premium.
[Tamago sighs in annoyance. Tooba groans.]
Tamago: I fucking quit.
Shenron: Along with earning points for every wish you make.
[Sage laughs.]
With a rebate emailed to you at the end—
Tooba: [confused] Rebate?
Shenron: —of every financial quarter.
[Sage laughs.]
Tonu: Oh, this sucks.
Tooba: The new Dragon Balls are just a buzz kill.
[Magic chimes.]
Shenron: Loading wish.
Tamago: I like the old Dragon Balls.
[Magic chimes.]
Shenron: Loading wish.
Tonu: I didn’t mind the commercials, you know.
[Magic chimes.]
Shenron: Loading wish.
Tooba: I just don’t wanna pay more money.
Tonu: Yeah.
[Magic chimes.]
Tamago: Can we turn the sound off?
Shenron: Did you know that you can check the status of your wish on DragonBalls.com?
[Stifled laughter.]
Type in your tracking number and your account information to receive live updates by text message—
Tamago: I’m going to the bathroom while this happens.
Shenron: —of where your wish stands with you.
Tonu: Yeah. God, I’m hungry.
Tamago: Yeah, let’s go.
[The trio walk off.]
Shenron: Dragon Balls is proud to announce…
[Episode end music builds.]
[Shenron continues in the background.]
Narrator: And so with two of their wishes still cued under the eternal dragon, Shenron, the TTTeam set off for dinner somewhere, basking in the glow of their first ever victory and newfound friendship. And with the evil Android 69 emasculated and shut down, everyone in the universe, including those revived and any unseen threats on the horizon, kept their illustrious egos intact for now, for better, or for worse.
[Music crescendos...]
[Guitar strums. The cast sing an acoustic cover of “Rock the Dragon”.]
Jessica: Dragon Ball Z.
David: Hwah!
Everyone: Dragon, dragon, rock the dragon
Dragon Ball Z!
Dragon, dragon, rock the dragon
Come, Come get me
[Guitar strums while Sage screams.]
Travis & Emily: Dragon Ball Z. Hwah!
Everyone: Dragon, dragon, rock the dragon
Dragon Ball Z!
Dragon, dragon, rock the dragon
Come get me
David: Dragon Ball Z, hwah!
Emily: Dragon Ball Z, ah!
Jessica: Dragon Ball Z, ow!
Sage: Dragon Ball Z, ah!
Everyone: Dragon Ball Z, AHHH!
[Guitar strums to an end.]
[Chuckling.]
Sage: [amused] Fuck you.
[The Twilight Space music crescendos and cuts off.]
Credits |
[Suspenseful action music plays.]
Kristin Couture: 20 Sided Stories is produced by Sage G.C., Travis Reaves, Jessica Dahlgren, Emily Ervolina, and David Michmerhuizen.
Editing and Sound Design by Sage G.C.
Twilight Space artwork by Chandler Candela
Original music score by Sage G.C.
A very special thanks to all of our wonderful Patreon supporters of past, present, and future.
Podcast Directed by Sage G.C.
You can follow 20 Sided Stories on Twitter or Instagram @20SidedStories
Or visit our website for all sorts of goodies at 20sidedstories.com
Special Thanks |
[Music continues.]
Sage: And that is another season of 20 Sided Stories wrapped. We hope you enjoyed this absolutely bonkers batch of episodes. We certainly had a blast making them.
If you look down in the episode description, we have a brand new listener survey. Super short, a bunch of it is optional, but we really wanna hear from you and learn about you, the listener, as we move forward. So if you have two minutes it would mean a whole lot to fill that out.
Alright, we got some people to thank.
[Radio clicks on.]
[Tamago's theme plays.]
Tamago: Oh my goodness, you guys I’m so excited! I have made so many new friends! Like
MoshCoffee
And India Derewetzky.
And Mark Bridge
Uh, also Deborah Butterfield
Hi, Debbie!
And EldonOoi1987 Who has a very special message saying “support content creators who put their heart in their work. Much love from Singapore.” Aw! What a good friend!
Oh! I’m also friends with Cameron Parker
And Elijah Seely
And Sarah Boyd
Zach Paul
Jamie Donelson
Uh, Sarah Oakhill
Johnathan Jou
And Hunter Mcintosh
And Oneil Infante
And Flavia Cavalcanti
And Kevin
And Josh Stewart
And Jessie Schoedel
And Kingsley Beowick
And Michelle LeeAnne
And we’re all friends because they went to Patreon.com/20SidedStories.
Ooo, ooo! And we keep up with each other in our very special Discord, where we can share memes and pictures and fun facts and stay best friends forever!
[Playful music crescendos and fades.]
[Radio clicks off.]
Thanks for Listening! |
[Suspenseful action music resumes.]
Sage: Thanks, Tamago. And thank you all, those who have subscribed in the past and those who subscribed currently. Really means the world to us and it makes this show better.
This is, unfortunately, the part where I now remind you all that yes, we will be going on a hiatus. We’ve had our next series picked for quite some time and decided that it’s something we just can’t record remotely like we did this season. We really gotta do it in person. So, how much time that’s gonna take is uncertain. But hopefully we’ll have some new episodes, I don't know, by the fall? We’ll see.
In the meantime, you will be able to find us on Twitch.tv/20SidedStories
That’s right. We’re working out the details right now, but hope to start live streaming regularly. We’ll have an announcement for that very soon. So make sure to follow the channel, so you can get notified when we go live.
And until then, Jess and I are gonna be streaming on our own personal channels.
Twitch.tv/sagegc and Twitch.tv/jessdahlg
I’m doing music stuff, Jess is playing games. So come hang to hold you over until the twitch.tv/20SidedStories launch happens.
We will still be releasing monthly Patreon content on the Adventure Pass feed. We’re mapping out upcoming episodes right now. The soundtrack for all the music written throughout this series will be coming out in the next couple weeks at sagegc.com/music.
If you wanna play any of the micro RPGs I designed, including this DRAGON BALL Z one, you will be able to find that at sagegc.com/games
Holy shit, I’ve thrown a lot at you, so just know all these links are in the episode description. Everything you need is down there along with that listener survey, where you can tell us what you want on the Twitch channel and the Adventure Pass feed and in future seasons. Lots to look forward to.
And if not through the survey, know that you can always Tweet at us or pop in the Discord. We love to hear from you.
But that does it for me. [clears throat]
Narrator: You have been listening to THE TWILIGHT SPACE, a series of five wildly different one-shots. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, and we’ll see you on the next 20 Sided Story.
[Music crescendos and fades.]