20 Sided Stories

POKÉMON! Pen & Paper Version

Episode

Air Date: September 4, 2018

[Podcast Intro music throughout.]

Sage G.C.: This podcast and series has no affiliation with Nintendo, The Pokémon Company, Game Freak, Creatures Inc., or anything in the official Pokémon franchise whatsoever. It is a non-profit, fan-made parody piece created in fair use and all product names, trademarks, and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.

The bulk of what you are about to hear was recorded live by improvisers who simply love the franchise, and we thank you for joining us on our nostalgic adventure through Kanto. Enjoy.

[Intro crescendos.]

Jessica Dahlgren: Thank you and welcome to 20 Sided Stories.

[Intro fades out.]

Prologue

[City ambiance; Birds chirp in the background.]

Narrator: Candace, Skip, and Xander have just discovered the possible return of the once-disbanded Team Rocket. Before heading over to Celadon City, where the gang’s hideout is rumored to be, our Trainers have made a stop at the Vermilion City Gym, ready to collect their third Badge.

[The trio walk up the sidewalk to the door of the Gym. The faint hum of electricity is heard.]

Skip: Whoa, look at that big ol’ door.

Candace: Should we knock on it?

Xander: This place looks a lot like a PG&E facility. [chuckle] Or a power- this place looks like- a lot like a—

Candace: Yeah, what the heck is a P-G-N-E?

Xander: Shut up!

[Travis stifles laughter.]

[Skip knocks on the door.]

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Please roll for Defense.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Net chime.]

Alright, you feel like it was supposed to shock you, but you’re fine.

[A faint zap is heard as electricity shoots through Skip.]

Skip: Ooo, it tingles when you touch it, guys.

Candace: Whoa, I wanna try!

Xander: What? Alright, let me t- let me try.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Net chime.]

[Stifled laughter.]

Sage: Uh, you guys are also fine.

[Another faint zap goes off as Candace and Xander are shocked.]

Xander: [grunts] It’s fine!

[The door opens with a pressurized hiss.]

Sage: And there is an extremely tall, extremely buff, extremely tan–somewhat sexy–Lt. Surge.

Travis: [concerned] Do we think that? [stifles laughter]

Sage: No, it’s just objective.

Travis: [relieved, amused] Alright.

Lt. Surge: Aaay, what you kids doin’ in my doorway knockin’ on my door braying so hard?

Candace: We’re here to get our next Badge, buddy!

Lt. Surge: [laughs] You kids think you got the spark plugs in ya ta spark on down old Lt. Surge?

Xander: What?

Lt. Surge: Oh, you?

[Xander chuckles nervously.]

Ah, I can see the electricity in your eyes.

Xander: [quiet] Ah, shit. Not ag- no.

Lt. Surge: You wanna go up against me, don’t ’cho?

Xander: [quiet] Not again.

Lt. Surge: Man.

Xander: No. N—

Candace: We do! Hello, we’re a team!

Xander: Absolutely.

Candace: We’re called the Dream Police!

Skip: Dratini, go!

[Skip tosses a Poke Ball and Dratini exists with a whoosh.]

Lt. Surge: Go, Pika!

[Episode Intro music.]

Episode 6 - Rock Tunnel Trek

[Gym Battle music!]

Skip: Dratini, let’s put this baby to sleep! Sing ’em a great song. A song of Thunder Wave!

[Dratini trills. Thunder Wave zaps.]

Xander: That was so- you buried the lead on that so hard.

Lt. Surge: I see you know a Thunder Wave, huh? That’s pretty good for not being, you know, [stammers] legitimately, like, only thunder Pokémon.

Xander: He’s not doin’ anything.

Lt. Surge: But this guy right here, my Pika, he’s got a move you don’t even know about. It’s called Thunder Shock. Do it, buddy!

[Pikachu cries out, electricity crackles.]

Xander: Thunder Wave didn’t do anything to Pikachu.

Candace: Yeah, what the heck?

Skip: That’s okay because Dratini wasn’t affected by his Thunder Shock. And you know what? Pikachu will be affected by a Twister.

[Dratini trills. Heavy wind rushes.]

Candace: Oh, nice!

Skip: Bring the spin, baby!

[Twister picks up Pikachu and flings him across the room.]

Candace: Whoa! That did it, wow!

Lt. Surge: Oh, man.

[Pikachu slams into a wall.]

Xander: He got- he hit the back wall.

Lt. Surge: Pikachu do your- oh, wait. You Flinched? Ah, do I- what’d you do that for, Pikachu?

[Pikachu groans. A thud is heard as it faints.]

Skip: Great job, Dratini! You’re not even breakin’ a sweat!

[A whoosh is heard as Pikachu returns to its Poke Ball.]

Lt. Surge: See, what you don’t know is that the walls here are connected to a power generator on the roof. So if you hit the walls, BOOM, BABY!

[Rumbling is heard as the walls move. A second Pikachu enters the fight.]

Skip: Another Pikachu?

Lt. Surge: That’s right. You see, years ago I was annihilated by this little shit from Pallet Town—goes by the name of Red—and he totally just wiped me clean with a single Pikachu! Could you believe that?

Skip: Wow, this has been a real snooze fest, buddy. You know what else is goin’ to sleep? Your Pikachu! Thunder Wave!

[Thunder Wave zaps.]

Xander: It looks like it doesn’t affect Pikachu. He did it again, but nothing happened the first time either. It’s amazing, it’s like he’s not learning from his mistakes. [stifles laughter]

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Lt. Surge: [amused] It’s like tryin’ to put a fire out with more fire.

[Music fades. A rumble is heard as Skip enters internal dialogue.]

Skip: [thoughts echo] Wow, I’m learning from experience—

Xander: Oh?

Skip: —as I continue to battle.

Xander: Oh, there it is.

Skip: [thoughts echo] This is exhilarating. I think I gotta switch up my tactics.

[A chime is heard as he returns to reality. Battle music resumes.]

Hey, guess what, buddy? This match ain’t over. Twister!

[Dratini trills and a Twister blows toward Pikachu.]

Lt. Surge: You know what, Pikachu? I want you a little bit faster. Use your Agility attack, okay? I’m tired of seeing you not go so fast, little buddy.

[Rapid swishing as Pikachu runs around in a blur.]

Xander: [groans] Oh god, there’s four of them. Ugh! [relieved] Oh, okay there’s just one now.

Lt. Surge: Pikachu number two, use your Thunder Shock!

[Pikachu growls, electricity crackles.]

Skip: Come on, Dratini, power out of it!

Xander: [quietly] Oh, shit.

Skip: Let’s spin around and Twist this mother.

Xander: She didn’t- she’s Paralyzed.

[Dratini trills weakly.]

Candace: [worried] Dratini.

Lt. Surge: Let’s turn it up a notch, okay?

[The walls move inward with a rumble. Dratini trills.]

I’ll move the walls in closer. See, they’re on a- they’re on some platform—

[Dratini rushes forward and strikes. Pikachu groans and falls to the ground.]

Xander: Yo! Your Pikachu just fainted!

Lt. Surge: Oh. Oh, what’d you do that for, Pikachu?

[Pikachu returns.]

Okay, here we go, buddy! Pikachu number three. I—

[Raichu cries out as it enters the fight.]

Oh, nope. Just kidding, I threw the wrong ball. It’s Raichu!

Skip: Whoa!

Candace: Get your head on straight, bucko! You don’t even know what Pokémon you have.

Lt. Surge: [growls] I love my Pokémon! Don’t you ever say that you little—

Skip: Whoa, a Raichu!

Xander: What is that?

Skip: That’s way more strong than a Pikachu! I’m assuming. I guess I’m really gonna have to step up my game for this next battle. I think I’m gonna try to change things up on his tactics so to throw him off. Dratini! Twister!

[Heavy wind flies toward Raichu.]

Candace: [whines] You’re not doing what you’re saying!

Lt. Surge: Yo, Raichu, why don’t you Body Slam?

[Raichu growls and rushes forward. A sickening thwack is heard as Dratini is hit. Xander groans in horror.]

Make that little worm Paralyzed. Hoo wa!

Xander: Ohhhhhh!

Candace: Oh, dang it. Dratini.

Skip: Whoa.

Xander: That was violent!

Skip: Alright, Dratini, you did a good job out there. But it’s time to let my team finish this up.

Xander: What?

Skip: Xander, get out there!

Xander: Oh, what the hell- oh god. Alright, uh, uh—

Lt. Surge: Who’s this guy right here? What’s he gonna throw out?

Xander: Uh.

Skip: Dratini, come back!

[Dratini returns to its Ball.]

Xander: Water...conducts elec- Alright, Ramona!

Lt. Surge: Romona?

[Pidgey exits its Poké Ball and chirps.]

Oh, look at that. It’s a little Pidgey. Body Slam!

[Raichu growls and bolts at Pidgey. A heavy thwack is heard and Xander and Skip groan in horror.]

Candace: [concerned] Ramona. [yells] She’s so, so little! How could you do that?

Xander: It’s a bird, you sick bastard!

Lt. Surge: See, when I went to Celadon got me this Thunder Stone at that giant wall mart they got there—[mumbles] with two Ls—the Thunder Stone made my Pikachu into this big-ass Raichu.

Xander: [quickly] Ramona, use Tackle.

[Wings flap as Pidgey flies at Raichu. A thud is heard and Raichu growls.]

Lt. Surge: And that Raichu totally learned cool things like Thunderbolt!

[Raichu growls, electricity crackles and pops. Xander groans in horror and pants.]

Oh, look. You can see the little bird’s electric lighting body.

[Pidgey chirps weakly and collapses with a thud.]

Candace: [concerned] Oh, Ramona.

[Pidgey returns to its Ball.]

Xander: Alright. Uh, Mudkip.

[Mudkip joins the fight.]

Lt. Surge: Mudkip?

Candace: Mudkip! GO!

Mudkip: Mud!

Xander: Mudkip.

Mudkip: Kip!

Xander: Alright, let’s try this new stuff out. Let’s try, uh, Mud-Slap.

[Mud sloshes. Raichu blurs forward and slams into Mudkip. Mudkip cries out in pain and faints.]

Lt. Surge: Thanks, little buddy. You don’t even get it.

Xander: Ohh! I’m...paralyzed with embarrassment.

Lt. Surge: I’m movin’ the walls in closer.

[Rumbling as the walls move.]

Candace: [worried] Okay, okay. Pixie, go!

[Vulpix exits its Poké Ball.]

Lt. Surge: Pixie? Oh, that’s a cute little Vulpix. Yeah.

[Vulpix cries out cutely.]

[coos] Hello.

Candace: Nice, Pixie! Alright, Ember!

[Flames fly at Raichu.]

Skip: Come on, Candace!

Candace: Bringin’ the fire, bringin’ the fire!

Lt. Surge: Raichu, do the thing that I told my Pikachu to do. Make the Agility ten times faster.

[Rapid swishing as Raichu runs so fast it blurs.]

Xander: Oh god there’s four of them. Eh...

Lt. Surge: No, no, even faster. I want there to be eight Raichus, okay?

Xander: Oh god, there’s a lot to look at.

Candace: This is terrifying, um. Pixie, uh, Ember again!

[Vulpix coughs, flames whoosh. Candace groans in satisfaction.]

Nice!

Skip: You’re really feelin’ the burn now!

Candace: Yeah! Pixie’s bringin’ in the heat.

[Raichu rushes forward and smashes Vulpix. Vulpix collapses and Candace gasps.]

Lt. Surge: Yeah, that’s right. I did what the three got did.

Candace: Oh, no. Pixie fainted. [groans]

Lt. Surge: I did my little Body Slam again. Look, she looks like a little fox pancake.

Candace: Alright, um...I’m so sorry, Pixie!

[Vulpix returns to its Ball.]

Candace: I guess I’ll have to use Abra. But I don’t know. I gotta get my Pokédex out, ’cause I don’t even know what Abra can do.

Pokédots: [beep] Abra does not know any moves.

Candace: Uh-oh.

[A whoosh is heard as a Pokemon exits its Poké Ball.]

Skip: Dratini, Twister!

[Dratini trills, heavy wind rushes.]

Lt. Surge: Okay, fine. Whatever you say. Thunderbolt!

[Raichu growls, electricity crackles and pops.]

Yeah, right baby.

[Music cuts off. A thud is heard as Dratini faints.]

Candace: [quiet] Oh.

Xander: Wow. We- we lost.

[Beat.]

Skip: [quiet] Hey, guys—

Lt. Surge: Get outta my gym.

[Laughter.]

Skip: [angry] Shut up, man! We’re gonna leave on our own time! We really took you to the test!

Xander: Nah. I- I wanna go.

Skip: You may have beaten us, but you just barely got by on us kids!

Xander: I don’t wanna be here. I don’t wanna be here anymore.

Skip: We showed our fortitude, our power, and our will to dominate!

Xander: [quiet] Mm, gonna go out—

Lt. Surge: I will call Officer Jenny—

Xander: [mutters] I’m gonna go outside.

Lt. Surge: —if you are not out of here in 30 minutes.

[Candace begins to cry.]

Skip: Is this, like, you’re not allowed to be within X amount of feet of kids for this long?

Xander: [quiet] Hey, you okay?

Lt. Surge: Ya’ll will be trespassing at that point in time.

Xander: [quiet] Are you okay?

Candace: [cries] I’ve never lost before.

Xander: Oh my god, really? Oh.

Candace: [cries] I- I’ve always won. Or- or someone gave up and they said I could win or my mommy and daddy bought the competition, so like—

[Candace dissolves into squeaking sobs.]

—I don’t know how to deal with failure.

Xander: [concerned] Oh, Candace. Candace. Oh my god, come here.

[He walks over to Candace.]

[stammers] Uh, here, I’ll hug…

[Clothes rustle as Xander hugs her.]

Candace: [sobs] Mister, please give me a Badge!

Lt. Surge: Whoa! Whoa, whoa. [quiet] Buddy.

Xander: Who, me?

Lt. Surge: Yeah. You really care about your friend, don’t ya?

[Candace weeps.]

Xander: Well, yeah. She doesn’t know what it’s like to ose. Like that’s… I don’t know what’s gonna happen to her in the world. [nervous chuckle]

Lt. Surge: Man. That really sends a shockwave [emotional] through my heart.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Candace, can you roll for Luck, and Xander roll for Charisma.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

Lt. Surge: You know what, kid? You care about your two friends here, don’t cha?

Xander: Yeah.

Lt. Surge: Well how ’bout I gives you one of these delicious-lookin’ Thunder Badges?

[Gym Victory music.]

Xander: ...We didn’t win.

[Candace cries harder.]

Skip: Thank you! I’ll be taking that!

[Skip snatches the Badge.]

Lt. Surge: Hey!

Skip: Great job, team! I knew we could do it!

Candace: Wait, what?

Xander: We got it.

Skip: Look!

Candace: [tearful] Oh! We got the badge!

Xander: [mutters] I don’t feel good about this.

Skip: Because of our hard work, determination, and dominating force!

Xander: What?

Skip: Dream Police! Cartwheel!

Xander: None of that—

[Skip runs across the metal floor and cartwheels.]

Candace: [tearful] Uh, Dream Police, somersault!

[Candace somersaults and does her best to stifle her crying.]

Lt. Surge: [confused] What’s going on?

Skip: [stage whispers] Come on, join the tableau, Xander.

Xander: We’re gonna go. We’re gonna go. Let’s go.

[He pushes the others toward the door.]

Sorry, thank you.

[Music fades out.]

Sage: And so, our trainers cross North, into Saffron City which will lead them to Celadon City. But before they can get into Saffron, they are stopped at a checkpoint. Interior, with a single guard behind a counter.

[Gentle 8-bit music plays on a radio.]

Skip: Hi there! This is the Dream Police. We need to pass by.

Guard: I’m thirsty.

Skip: Oh. Uh, d’you want a sip from my canteen?

[Skip pulls his canteen from his pack. Water sloshes inside.]

Guard: Sure, I guess.

Skip: You don’t have to.

Guard: No, here, I’ll ha- I’ll have some.

Skip: Okay, here you go.

[The Guard twists the cap off.]

Candace: Is there anything else we need?

[The Guard swallows noisily.]

Guard: Ah, it’s not very good.

Skip: It’s water. Give me my canteen back.

[A swish and a hollow thunk are heard as Skip snatches the metal canteen back.]

Guard: Here you go, kid.

[Water sloshes in the canteen.]

Skip: Can we pass?

Guard: No, road’s closed.

Candace: Are you hungry?

Guard: I just said I’m thirsty.

Candace: Are you hungry, though?

Skip: Yeah, like, what do we need to bribe you with?

[Beat.]

Guard: Tea.

Xander: So the road’s not closed?

[Candace groans.]

Guard: Oh, it’s closed.

Xander: But we can go through it.

Guard: No.

Skip: If we bring you tea.

[Beat.]

Guard: Maybe.

[Beat.]

Skip: [irked] No, I need a definite “yes” or “no” if I’m going to go on a tea quest for you.

Guard: I’m thirsty.

Xander: [mutters] God, let’s just go get him some fucking tea.

Skip: Does anybody have a tea bag?

Candace: [whispers] Where’d they even have tea?

Skip: I don’t know, like any shop.

Xander: Any restaurant, I guess. This is…

Candace: Sir, I have a delicious, wonderful peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Guard: That sounds great, but I’m really thirsty.

Candace: Uck. Fine, whatever, let’s go get tea.

Xander: That’ll make him more thirsty if anything.

Sage: And then suddenly, there is this blinding light coming from Xander’s pocket.

[Xander screams.]

Xander: It’s gonna explode! What the f- AH, aaah!

[He frantically zips his backpack open.]

Skip: Well, drop it! Drop it!

[Xander continues screaming. A Poké Ball falls to the ground and rolls away. He scampers away.]

Candace: What is that?

Xander: Oh shit. [yells] Everybody get down!

[Everybody screams.]

Sage: A beam of light bursts from the Poké Ball!

Candace: My eyes!

Sage: You see the poor, stupid-ass Mudkips evolve.

[Mudkip cries out. Sloshing and cracking are heard as it transforms.]

Xander: [yells] Ah, what’s happening? Ah, what’s happening?

Sage: Slowly it morphs.

Candace: I think Mudkip’s evolving!

Xander: [yells] He’s what?

Sage: Muddy Waters has become Marshtomp.

[Beat.]

[Marshtomp coughs.]

Xander: [hesitant] Oh.

Muddy Waters: Marshtomp.

Xander: [disappointed] Ohh… What?

Candace: Oh, it’s got- it’s like he went through puberty.

Skip: Cool dude.

[Beat.]

Muddy Waters: Marshtomp!

Xander: [slow] Hey. Ok... [whispers] Wha- wha- what happened?

Candace: So your Pokémon evolved.

Skip: It’s better now.

Xander: [quiet] Oh. [normal] Oh, like when… Oh! Oh my god, you could evolve? I had no idea! Wow!

Candace: It’s like when you went through puberty.

Xander: I… Still there. [chuckles]

Candace: It’s like right now when you’re going through puberty, except...well, this is like the preteen stage.

Xander: Yeah, you know what?

Skip: It’s not as cute anymore.

Xander: I- okay, I feel like this is now becoming more of an analogy than I- or a metaphor than I would like it to.

Guard: Gee, I’m thirsty.

Xander: [yells] Fine!

Skip: I think your—

Xander: [yells] We’ll go!

Skip: —Marshtomp is thirsty, ’cause it still has that cough.

[Beat.]

Guard: Can’t cross through here.

Xander: [yells] Oh my god!

[Sage chuckles.]

Guard: Road’s closed. If you, uh, need to go up North, just take the underground road—

[Footsteps fade away.]

Xander: [distant; yells] Yeah, yeah, yeah! We’re gonna go do it!

Who’s That Pokémon?

[Who’s That Pokémon? music.]

Candace, Skip, Xander: Who’s that Pokémon?

[Pokémon cry.]

Who’s That Pokémon?

[Who’s That Pokémon? music.]

Candace, Skip, Xander: It’s Electabuzz!

[Electabuzz cry.]

Rock Tunnel Trek - Part II

[Birds chirp in the background. Footsteps crunch on dirt.]

Zach: [excited] So where we goin’?

Blue: We aren’t going anywhere. You’re going home.

Zach: I- I don’t wanna- I don’t wanna walk home it’s- it’s really far!

Blue: You don’t have a Pokémon that can Fly you home yet?

Zach: No, not- not yet.

Blue: I thought you were serious about this.

Zach: Look, Uncle Blue—

Blue: I got more important things to do than help you on your pet project, okay?

Zach: B-but you said—

Blue: I gotta go.

Zach: You said- you said- you said a while ago that you would help me!

Blue: Maybe I did say that. I’m- I- I don’t know. I’ve gotta go do something right now? Okay? I’m busy.

Zach: Well, then I- how ‘bout I just come with you?

Blue: You—

Zach: Uncle Blue, Uncle Blue, come on!

[Footsteps stop. A beat passes.]

Blue: [sighs] Okay, fine. Whatever. What- what- what Pokémon do you have? What d’you have?

Zach: Uh, Tangela.

Blue: You have a Tangela?

Zach: Yeah.

Blue: What level is it?

Zach: [hesitant] 13?

Blue: [sighs] Okay, I can work with this. Okay, so… Fine. Sure, fine. Come on.

[Footsteps crunch on dirt.]

Zach: Alright! Yeah, yeah! Screw you, uh, uh, Candace and- and uh… [clears throat]

Blue: Who’re you talking to?

Zach: Uh, myself.

Blue: [quietly] I understand where that lives. I’m gonna getcha Red. I’mma getcha.

Zach: What? Who’re you talking to?

Blue: Nobody. Myself.

Zach: Okay.

Blue: Don’t ask so many questions!

Zach: Should we go through Diglett Tunnel or should we keep going east?

Blue: No, we’re gonna keep going east.

Zach: To- to- to- to Lav-Lav-Lavender—

Blue: Lavender Town?

Zach: —Town?

[Zach stammers.]

Blue: You scared?

Zach: No, no, no. [false bravado] No, I’m not scared. [nervous chuckle] You catch some, uh, [quavering] Ghost Pokémon?

Blue: You ever caught a Ghost Pokémon before?

[Murkrow crowing in the background throughout.]

Zach: [false bravado] I will today! Or tom- [quavering] How long does it take to get there?

Blue: I don’t know. Like...five minutes if we walk really fast.

Zach: Oh, shit. Okay... Hey, Uncle Blue.

Blue: Yes?

[Footsteps stop.]

Zach: Thanks.

[Beat.]

Blue: Yeah. Yeah, whatever. Come on.

[Footsteps resume.]

Losin’ time.

[Music intensifies before cutting off.]

[Misadventure music. Footsteps crunch on dirt.]

Xander: So I don’t understand. Is it like a different Pokémon now? Or like…it’s—

Candace: [irked] Oh my god. It’s just like a more experienced version of the Pokémon.

[Xander stammers.]

Skip: It’s stronger.

Candace: Yes.

Skip: It might be faster.

Xander: Oh, wow. Okay. This is actually kind of exciting.

Candace: [irked] Yeah.

Xander: Whoa!

Candace: [miffed] Congrats. Congradumalations.

Xander: Thank y—

Candace: [miffed] You’re the first one that got a Pokémon to be evolved. Like, you’re so great. I’m so excited to have you right now.

Skip: Hey, Candace, can I talk to you for a second?

Candace: What?

Skip: [quiet] Are you okay?

Candace: Yes, I’m fine.

Skip: It’s just that, Xander’s finally becoming a happy person. I don’t wanna lose that. And you’re bringin’ ’im down with your jealousy.

Candace: I’m not jealous.

Xander: [distant] Hey, Marshtomp! Do somethin’!

[Mud bubbles and flings everywhere.]

Alright!

Skip: Look how happy he is.

Candace: Uck, well, fine! I’ll tone it down.

Skip: You’re gonna evolve. It’s gonna happen.

Candace: I am evolved. Okay?

Skip: I meant your Pokémon. Your Pokémon will evolve.

[Xander runs back to the others.]

Xander: [yells] Guys! Guys! Look at how much mud he can throw now!

[Muddy Waters growls and hurls more mud blobs.]

Candace: [forced cheer] Oh my god! That’s amazing! [irked] Is that better?

Xander: [laughs] It’s everywhere!

Sage: And then a Hiker comes from the overpass just comin’ on strollin’ with a little walkin’ stick and a big ol’ backpack.

Skip: Hey, dude.

Xander: [yells] Hey! My- my Mudkip evolved!

Hiker: Uh, great.

Xander: Thanks!

Hiker: I just came from the Rock Tunnel.

Skip: Is there anything for us to look out for as we venture down this Rock Tunnel?

Hiker: Well, it’s the only way to get to Lavender Town. Don’t know if you’ve been there before. I’ve heard some weird things.

Skip: Like what?

Hiker: Like creepy… Lots of dead Pokémon.

Skip: Are you talkin’ about deceased as in g-g—

Xander: I feel a speech impediment coming on.

[Sage stifles laughter.]

Skip: G-g-g—

Candace: Oh god, you’re right.

[Beat.]

Hiker: Yeah, ghosts. Yeah.

Skip: Okay.

[Stifled laughter.]

Candace: Um—

Xander: You got any tea?

[Travis stifles laughter.]

Hiker: I have coffee.

Xander: That’s a diuretic, that won’t work.

Candace: Where would I find, in Cerulean City, the place where they might have different Stones, um, sir?

Hiker: Uh, you want Stones?

Candace: Yes.

Hiker: You’re gonna need to go to Celadon City.

Candace: Yes.

Hiker: They got a big mall there.

Candace: Oooo. Are- are- I thought we were in Celadon City. Or we’re—

Hiker: No, you’re in- you’re at the entrance to Cerulean City.

Candace: Oh.

Hiker: Home of the Cascade Badge. Did ya guys get one o’ those yet?

Skip: Yeah. Check it out.

[Skip shows off the Badge.]

Hiker: Nifty. Hey, what’s that little disk there?

[Misadventure music.]

Skip: Don’t worry about it.

Candace: Yeah, that was a…gift from a friend.

Hiker: Looks like that’s a ring holder for a couple of HMs that you’ve earned. Do you even know how to use those?

[Beat.]

Candace: [quiet] Totally.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Candace can you roll me Smarts.

Jessica: [quiet] Yeah.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

[Pokemon exit their Poké Balls. Static sounds oscillate.]

Sage: After putting disks on the heads of all the Pokémon, they find that, along with the Thunder Badge, they were awarded HM Flash. And that Candace’s Abra learned the move Flash.

[Excited-suspense music strums on electric guitar.]

Candace: [slow] Oh my Pokéman!

Xander: What?

Candace: [quiet] Abra learned a new move.

Xander: What does it do? Let’s do it! Show it. Does it throw mud everywhere? [chuckles]

Candace: Even better and cooler! It’s a Flash!

Xander: Show us! What does it- make ’im- can he do it? Can he do it now?

Candace: Can he do it, Pokédex?

Pokédots: Flash. Lights up rooms.

Xander: Awesome.

Candace: So, Pokédex, it’s not, uh, an attack move?

Pokédots: Lowers the accuracy of the enemy Pokémon.

Candace: Oh. Okay.

Xander: Oh, inter—

Skip: Bust it out! Bust it out!

Xander: Yeah, let’s try it!

[Music builds.]

Candace: Alright.

Xander: If it just makes light, nothing can go wrong.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll one dF, Jessica, for Abra.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

Success! Now everybody please roll me Defense.

[Stat test chime.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

[Net chime.]

[Failure chime.]

So we have a success, a net, and a critical fail. Candace just looks right at the Abra covers her eyes for a sec.

Candace: Ah, that’s a little bright.

Sage: Meanwhile, with a blinding burst of light, Xander and Skip fall on the ground, can’t see shit.

[Shrill flash. Music stops. Two separate thuds are heard as Skip and Xander collapse, groaning in pain.]

Candace: Guys, what’s wrong?

Xander: [moans] I can’t see anything, that was so bright.

Candace: Well, you can’t look directly at it.

Xander: [groans] It said, “Lights up a room”!

Candace: I guess the Pokédex needs to update its information.

Xander: I’m just gonna lie down here for a while.

Pokédots: Useful for caves, such as the Kanto Rock Tunnel.

[Adventure-inspiring music.]

Candace: Oooo, guys. This is very convenient that my Pokémon just learned this new cool move, because we can walk through the Rock Tunnel.

Xander: Great.

Candace: With light.

Xander: That’ll go real well with my blindness.

Candace: You’re not bli—

Xander: ’Cause I think I’m blind now.

Candace: You’re not blind.

Xander: [grumpy] See who’s right about that.

[Skip wakes up and splutters.]

Candace: Well, let’s go put this to use! Let’s go through the Rock Tunnel!

Xander: Skip? Is that you? I can’t see anything.

Skip: I just woke up.

Xander: Let me feel your face.

[Rustling in the grass as Skip and Xander feel around.]

Skip: Let me feel yours.

Candace: What’re you guys gonna, like, kiss now or, like, what?

Skip: No, we’re just feeling faces!

Xander: No I ju— [sighs]

Candace: Yeah. Next step, kissin’ faces.

Skip: Yeah, whatever. If I was gonna kiss anybody it would be—

[Music stops. Beat.]

Let’s go guys.

[Jessica and Travis stifle laughter.]

[Adventure-inspiring music resumes.]

Sage: Through several days of traveling northeast, past Cerulean City and beyond Route 9, the Dream Police have leveled up a bit and their Pokémon learned some new moves.

Such as Pixie, the Vulpix, who now knows Quick Attack and Confuse Ray.

[Level up chime.]

And Dratini, the Dratini, who now knows Dragon Rage.

[Level up chime.]

Night has fallen and they arrive at the entrance to the Rock Tunnel.

[Music fades out.]

[Crickets chirp and owls hoot in the background.]

Candace: Told you it’d be okay.

Xander: Still seein’ shadows, man.

Skip: Alright, we need somethin’ to light this campsite up.

Candace: Vulpix go. Embers.

[Pixie cries out as she exits her Ball. She coughs and flames crackle in the campfire.]

[Gentle guitar music.]

Sage: A, uh, park regulator- whatever y- Park Ranger.

[Laughter.]

Walks by—

Travis: I’m here to check the meter on the trees.

[Laughter.]

Candace: Vulpix, return.

[Pixie returns to her Poké Ball.]

Skip: It’s a fire-combater!

Park Ranger: Hey there, kids.

Candace: Hi.

Skip: Hey.

Xander: Hello.

Park Ranger: It’s a little bit past curfew. Are you travelers?

Candace: Yup.

Skip: Yeah! We need to make camp.

Park Ranger: Hmm. I’m a Ranger.

Skip: Ah, so you can help us!

Park Ranger: Oh, uh, you should probably get over to a city or somethin’. Er, where’d you guys come from?

Candace: I’m- we’re originally from Pallet Town if that’s what you were asking.

[Fire crackles.]

Park Ranger: Okay. That’s pretty damn far.

Xander: We just came from—

Candace: Yeah, we’re traveling!

Xander: Cerule- Vermili- We came from Vermilion—

Candace: Ceridion?

Xander: —back to Cerulean—

Candace: I think we were in Ceridion.

Xander: —tryin’a go to Celadon—

Park Ranger: Alright, I’m just gonna tell you, you prob’ly shouldn’t have campsite out here. It—

Skip: Alright, so far so helpful.

Park Ranger: Okay.

Skip: What next?

Park Ranger: Well—

Skip: You’re an adult.

Park Ranger: If you’re goin’ through the Rock Tunnel, children, please be careful. Make sure you got Flash. Does any o’ your Pokémon know Flash?

Xander: Yeah.

Candace: Uh, yes. I have an Abra who knows Flash.

Park Ranger: Great. Uh, best of luck. You’re allowed to set up some campsites in the tunnel.

Candace: Well, I ge- so you want us to move camp into the tunnel?

Park Ranger: You have to move here. Yeah. Get outta the way. This is the entrance.

Candace: Oh, oh, okay. Just—

[She twists the top off of her canteen.]

Skip: Thanks, dude.

Candace: [quiet] Put out the fire.

[Fire hisses as she dumps water on it.]

Xander: Is there anything we should be worried about in the tunnel?

Sage: He’s gone.

Xander: Oh.

[Laughter.]

Skip: Wait—

Xander: That guy just disappeared. [chuckle]

Skip: I don’t even see any footsteps.

[Eerie screech in the background.]

Candace: [quiet] Whoa.

Xander: [quiet] Was that...

Skip: I think he’s one of those...

[Candace gasps quietly.]

He’s a- he’s a g-g—

Candace: Oh god.

Skip: A g-g—

Xander: It’s a trigger word or something’.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Skip: A g-g-g-g—

Candace: [yells] Out with it!

Xander: Let’s go. [chuckles]

Skip: Alright, let’s go.

[Eerie music.]

Sage: Our trainers enter the Rock Tunnel. There are familiar vibes to Mt. Moon but the deeper they go, the more these vibes slip away.

Candace: Oh, it’s really kinda creepy in here.

Sage: There are no shimmering Moon Stones. There are no faint vocals of Jigglypuff in the distance. Rock Tunnel is a scary place and you’re all gonna roll me Luck.

[Stat test chime.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

Alright, everybody succeeds, plus we have two critical successes.

Jessica: Sweet.

Sage: They find a perfect little perch to set up a campfire and because you rolled criticals, it goes well.

[Pixie coughs, flames whoosh.]

Candace: Nice one, Pixie.

[Pixie grunts quietly.]

Sage: But they start hearing weird noises.

[Creepy chittering in the background.]

Candace: [quiet] Whoa.

Skip: Dragonair, uh, sorry, Dratini—

Xander: [chuckles] Dream big.

Skip: [chuckles] Dratini.

Dratini: Brrr?

Skip: Uh, just- just be on the ready, buddy.

Dratini: Brr!

Skip: Cool. Hey, oh! This is a great time to practice somethin’! Down that- down that cavern. Why don’t you give, uh, Dragon Rage a try?

[Dratini trills and an electric hum builds. Flames whoosh and echo through the cave.]

Xander: That was, like, a lot of blue swirling li—

Skip: Flames?

Xander: I don’t understand anything these things do. What happened?

Candace: Was that water or fire?

Skip: Lot of- lot of blue fire?

Xander: That’s amazing.

Sage: The purple light illuminates down a tunnel and then they see, coming out from behind a boulder, scared for its life, this weird-looking crab thing.

[Chittering echoes through the cave.]

Xander: Ugh, it looks like a hamburger bun with eyes.

Candace: I’m hungry. It looks delicious.

Xander: That a Pokémon or like a—

[Pokémon shrieks.]

Candace: Oh.

Skip: It’s scared of us.

[Pokémon shrieks.]

Xander: What is that?

Skip: Pokédex!

Candace: Hey. hey, little buddy.

Xander: What’s it doing? Yeah, what’s this?

Skip: Tell me what this is.

[Pokédex clicks open and beeps as it powers up.]

Pokédex: Kabutops. An ancient extinct Pokémon.

Xander: I- I- again, this is false!

Pokédex: I mean, Kabuto—

Xander: This is objectively not true.

Skip: Hold on, hold on. Let me shake it.

[Rustling is heard as Skip shakes the Pokédex. Light static crackles.]

Xander: Update this OS.

Skip: Pokédot, what is it?

[Pokemon chitters. The Pokédex warbles, crackles, and fades out.]

[dejected] Alright.

Candace: Uh, let me ask mine. Pokédex!

[Backpack zips open.]

Xander: Yours is busted.

[Pokédex clicks open.]

Candace: What is this?

Pokédots: [beep] Kabuto.

[Beat.]

Candace: Uh.

Skip and Xander: Anything else?

[The Pokédex beeps as it searches its database.]

Candace: Any more information?

Pokédots: [beep] Extinct fossil Pokémon.

Candace: [gaps] It’s extinct?

Skip: Not anymore.

Pokédots: [beep] It is a Rock-type and a Water-type.

Candace: Whoa!

Xander: [quiet] That’s crazy.

Skip: We just made a huge discovery guys.

Candace: [awed] We did.

Xander: Wait, actually, we should catch it.

Pokédots: [beep] Most likely recovered from a found fossil in Mount Moon.

Candace: I’ll catch it!

[Suspensful drums begin to pound.]

Skip: Here’s my spare Poké Ball.

Xander: Dino DNA?

Candace: Wait! My- my, uh, Vulpix will do some good damage to it. Vulpix.

[Pixie cries out.]

Candace: Time to get this little bucko Confused.

Xander: [quiet] Wait a second. Didn’t it say Water/Rock-type? I don’t know if this is gonna go- Uh-oh.

Skip: It’s gonna go uh-oh.

Candace: Uh, Confuse Ray.

[Electronic warbling is heard as the Ray shoots forward.]

Xander: Oh! That was crazy!

Sage: The Pok- Your Pokédex start lighting up and making weird noises.

Skip: It’s liftin’ up all these rocks in the darkness and chuckin’ ’em!

Xander: [frantic] Uh, duck, duck, duck!

[Rocks smash against the cave wall near the group.]

Pokédots: [beep] Unknown Pokémon move. Most likely of ancient origin.

Candace: Oh my gosh! Okay, Pixie. Ember.

[Pixie coughs, flames whoosh. Kabuto chitters and shrieks angrily.]

Xander: Oh, you might be punching above your weight-class here.

Candace: Oh. I mixed it all up.

[Kabuto surges forward and hits Pixie. Xander groans in concern.]

I thought Fire Pokémon—

Skip: Tag me in!

Candace: Okay, go.

[A whoosh is heard as Pixie returns.]

Skip: Dratini, get out there.

[Dratini trills.]

Alright, let’s put this baby to sleep. Rock-a-bye baby Kabuto! It’s Thunder Wave time.

[Dratini trills, Thunder Wave zaps.]

Xander: I think it worked. It’s not movin’ anymore.

Skip: That’s right, ’cause it’s all sleepy and such. Alright, let’s wrap things up. Dragon Rage!

[Dratini trills. An electric hum builds and flames rush at Kabuto.]

Xander: Ooooooooh, that looks so cool.

Candace: Whoa!

Xander: Oh!

[Kabuto screeches in agony.]

Skip: Quick, catch it! Catch it!

[Kabuto collapses with a thud.]

Candace: Okay, I’m gonna throw a Poké Ball at it!

Xander: It’s gone! You burned it to death.

[Music stops.]

Candace: [sad] Oh, no.

[Beat.]

Skip: You said you guys were hungry, though, right?

[Beat.]

[Crunching and chewing. Fire crackles.]

Candace: Wow, it kinda tastes like a hamburger.

Skip: It tastes kinda like an Ekans.

Xander: Like- like really old clams. [chuckles]

Candace: Wow, we all have very different taste buds.

Xander: Yeah, did not agree on this at all. [chuckles]

[Candace chuckles.]

Skip: Well, we come from a very diverse palate…town.

[Candace chuckles mockingly.]

[Beat.]

Skip: G’night everybody.

[Skip turns over in his sleeping bag.]

Candace: G’night.

[Candace settles down.]

[Xander laughs.]

Credits

[Pokémon Main Theme plays.]

Marlena Jean: Thanks for tuning in! This has been a 20 Sided Stories production.

Candace Carter was played by Jessica Dahlgren

Skip Svitak was played by Greg Reasoner

And Xander Whitten was played by Travis Reaves

With Additional Voices by David McEuen, Noah Sturtridge, and Sage G.C.

The original music from Pokémon Red, Green, Blue, and Yellow Versions was composed by Junichi Masuda

With Arrangements and Additional Scoring by Sage G.C.

Additional Production and Audio Assistance by Travis Reaves

Game Master Assistance and Pokémon Battle Management by Grant Bouffard

Original Character artwork by Ariana Cabebe

Podcast Directed, Edited, and Sound Designed by Sage G.C.

You can get the soundtrack to this series for free at

sagegc.bandcamp.com

And of course, visit our website at 20sidedstories.com

[Transcripts by Tiffany Chapman]

Special Thanks

[Music continues.]

Sage: Hello, everyone.

Just wanted to quickly thank our newest Patreon supporters. We’ve gotten a pretty solid batch over the past couple of weeks, which is super cool.

So if anyone out there didn’t know, we have a Patreon! For only $3 you can get yourself an Adventure Pass, which includes an exclusive Podcast feed with behind-the-scenes content and bonus episodes and other stuff like that. I recently threw in the Lasers & Feelings session zero and there’s a whole list of other stuff still to come. So check out patreon.com/20sidedstories if you’re interested.

And as always you can connect with us via Twitter and Instagram or shoot us an email via 20sidedstories.com.

Episode 7 - The Curse of Lavender Town will premiere next Wednesday so make sure to subscribe if you haven’t already.

My name is Sage G.C. Keep catchin’ ’em all, and I’ll see you on the next 20 Sided Story. Later!

[Music crescendos and fades out.]