20 Sided Stories

POKÉMON! Pen & Paper Version

Episode

Air Date: April 2, 2019

[Podcast Intro music throughout.]

Sage G.C.: This podcast and series has no affiliation with Nintendo, The Pokémon Company, Game Freak, Creatures Inc., or anything in the official Pokémon franchise whatsoever. It is a non-profit, fan-made parody piece created in fair use and all product names, trademarks, and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.

The bulk of what you are about to hear was recorded live by improvisers who simply love the franchise, and we thank you for joining us on our nostalgic adventure through Kanto. Enjoy.

[Intro crescendos.]

Jessica Dahlgren: Thank you and welcome to 20 Sided Stories.

[Intro fades out.]

Prologue

[A humming and a warble as Skip recalls a memory. Everything sounds lo-fi, as if playing through a radio.]

[Gentle piano music. Water laps against the shore.]

Skip: Hey, bro.

Cedric: Swipe right. Swipe left…

Skip: C-Cedric.

Cedric: Swipe- what's up, little bro?

Skip: Hey, man, I just wanted to catch you before you left.

Cedric: Oh. Well, yeah, it’s why you came out here.

Skip: Yeah, um… Well, I guess, um, well, I don't know.

Cedric: Swipe left.

Skip: I hope you have a safe journey and…you make good choices.

Cedric: What’d you say?

Skip: Uh, just…you know, travel safe.

Cedric: Did you get a job yet?

Skip: Uh…

Cedric: You old enough? You sixteen?

Skip: No, not yet. Just s- you know.

Cedric: You could prob’ly get somethin’ local.

Skip: I'm doing school.

Cedric: Oh. [scoffs] I got a—

Skip: Could probably deliver pizzas.

Cedric: Yeah, you gotta start somewhere, right?

Skip: Yeah. And I can do that on my skateboard. Isn't that impressive?

Cedric: Oh, you still going for that little bro?

Skip: [quiet] I’m the best one in town.

Cedric: [amused] That's ’cause nobody skates here, little bro. Gotta stop comparing yourself to the bottom and compare yourself to the top. Pallet Town’s a small place.

Skip: [quiet] I am the top skateboarder.

Cedric: In Pallet Town.

Skip: [mumbles] Okay.

Cedric: Are you the top skateboarder in Fuchsia?

Skip: [quiet] No.

Cedric: How ’bout Celadon?

Skip: [quiet] Probably not.

Cedric: Saffron?

Skip: Maybe! They're more of a swimming town.

Cedric: Nah, you’re thinkin’ o’ Cerulean.

Skip: Oh. Well, I’m practically old enough to go out on my own adventure. I can go see the world! Just like Red!

Cedric: [scoffs] Oh, just like Red. You know how many kids fall for that story, little bro?

Skip: All of ’em.

Cedric: [scoffs] Yeah. You know there's really not any, like, money in the League right? I-it's all kind of a show thing. Y-you put in—

Skip: It’s the most popular thing in the world!

Cedric: Yeah, but unless you're, you know, a total champion and you actually have a sponsorship and you perform on television often and you travel to different regions, you're not really gonna be making much money.

Skip: Well, bro, that’s just it! I think I can be a Champion. Sorry. I- I got lost in the clouds.

Cedric: Yeah. I know. [sighs] Well, little bro, I guess that's just where you and I differ.

Skip: You don’t like lookin’ at the clouds?

Cedric: The point is, um…you gotta compare yourself to the top, little bro.

Skip: And you're the top?

Cedric: I'm getting there.

Skip: Okay.

Cedric: I got- I got a cruise liner.

Skip: Cool!

Cedric: Yeah.

Skip: What's it called?

Cedric: The S.S. Dan. It's- that’s- it's not like, uh…

Skip: Named after dad?

Cedric: Yeah, that’s… Yeah, I didn’t tell anybody that part but, you know. So…that's definitely where that came from.

Skip: Well, I won't forget it.

[Beat]

Cedric: Hey, um, you know, uh, little bro, just forget a lot of the stuff I said.

Skip: Done.

Cedric: You're gonna do great things. Um…prob’ly not gonna see you for a while though.

Skip: Uh…sure. I'm probably gonna have to travel by foot, so…

Cedric: Well, I mean I'm leaving. I'm going on trips for- going to Alola, goin’ on- pretty much going on, like, a whole tour right now. Business tour. So…

Skip: Oh. Oh, okay.

Cedric: Yeah.

Skip: So, like, in a year?

Cedric: At best, really. At best.

Skip: Okay.

Cedric: Um…just don't try to call me or anything. That's all.

Skip: Why?

Cedric: I- I'm gonna be busy, bro. With some stuff that- it’s a little too complicated for- for you. So…

Skip: Well, okay. Uh, feel free to call me, though.

Cedric: Mm-hmm.

Skip: Just, um, I'm gonna get a Pokédex one day, and I'm sure if you call Pallet Town, then they'll- they’ll let you know what the- what the Pokédex number is. And you can just call me.

Cedric: Swipe right. Swipe- what?

Skip: You got it, bro. Swipe right.

Cedric: Yeah. Uh, oh I gotta go! Uh, it’s 5:00.

[Footsteps fade away as Cedric leaves.]

Skip: Okay. Uh,[shouts] love you, bro!

[The long, warbly sound returns as Skip returns to present day.]

[Adventurous Route-travel music.]

Narrator: After blowing up the Fuchsia City Gym, and violently disrupting the wanted Safari Zone poachers, the Dream Police have made their way south towards Seafoam Islands. Acquiring the Soul Badge and the HM Surf, they and their Pokémon have grown considerably stronger yet again.

[The Dream Police walk along a dirt road.]

Candace: Oh my gosh. What a…what a frickin’ couple o’ days it’s been.

Skip: [slowly] Yeah.

Xander: S-sorry for kind of losin’ it back there. I didn’t…

Skip: I think—

Candace: Uck. You're sorry? I'm sorry, guys.

Skip: Yeah.

Xander: Well, when you get- when you lose it you- you tear guys’ eyes out. I just had to get new pants.

Candace: Yeah. Your pee smells like cat pee.

Xander: That's nice.

[Stifled laughter.]

Candace: Well, I'm sorry. I’m- okay. Xander, I'm sorry. Um, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I need to filter what I- should- I should think before I speak.

Skip: This is good progress, guys.

Xander: It’s been—

Candace: I’m gonna touch your shoulder. Good…talk.

[A light tap as Candace awkwardly pats Xander on the shoulder.]

Xander: S-still- still—

Skip: It’s nice to be the- to- to let him know. A heads up.

Xander: Still some bloodstains on your hands, it’s a little- makin’ me a little jumpy.

Candace: [groans] It’s under my fingernails.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Skip: You can't get that spot out? That damn spot?

Candace: Spot. Oh, I can’t get the spot. [groans]

Sage: Our trainers approach a sign that says “Route 19”.

Skip: Hey, that's the Route.

Candace: [slow gasp] Guys!

Skip: Yeah?

[Candace squeals for a few seconds.]

Alright…

Xander: Can we- what?

Skip: None of us speak that language.

Xander: Can- what's happening? Is she gonna—

Candace: My Aunt Clair!

Skip: What?

Xander: Is…?

Candace: My Aunt Clair's here! Remember?

Skip: Really?

Xander: Like, is she in the wind?

Candace: That weird, crazy—

Xander: Is she dead?

Candace: [irked] No. [worried] I hope not. Oh god. [normal] Uh, no. Aunt Clair! When we were, you know, passing through we saw that coffee guy and he was like, oh- when we were going to Viridian City and she was out fishin’. There was Route 19!

Skip: Oh, okay.

Candace: That time.

Skip: Well, we, uh, we talked to my bro. That was weird. Um…you, Xander, got to catch up with your dad.

[Beat.]

That was weird.

Candace: But good!

Xander: Oh, you’re setting- I see what you’re…

Skip: Uh, let's go hang out with your aunt.

Xander: Yeah. Yeah! That’s only fair.

Candace: I hope I find her here.

[Episode Intro music.]

Episode 13 – Surf to Seafoam

[Water laps on a beach. People scream happily as they play.]

[Relaxing island music plays.]

Sage: Our trainers arrive at a beach and they look in both directions, to the right and to the left. It stretches for miles, and it is beautiful.

Candace: Whooa!

Sage: There are lots of people actually out at the beach today playing with their Pokémon and surfing out into the water and soaking up the sun, so to speak.

Xander: So which way is your aunt?

Skip: Is it that lady over there on the rocks?

Candace: No.

Skip: Is it that lady over there on the building?

Candace: Okay, you know what, Skip?

Xander: [quiet] That’s a statue.

Candace: It’s not gonna be every lady that's just like—

Skip: It's all backlit. I can't tell. I don't even know what she looks like.

Candace: It's been a long, long time… I’ll know her when I see her.

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Please roll me Sense. The whole party.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Net chime.]

[Success chime.]

We have a net, a critical success, and a regular success. Our party searches along the beach, just looking both ways, across the water towards the Seafoam Islands that are very far in the distance, you can barely see them amongst the horizon. And we look up and see the silhouette of what you suspect is a Dragonite.

[Dangerous music builds; Indigo Plateau theme.]

Skip: Guys…

Candace: Uh…that totally looks like a Dragonite. And—

[Pokédex clicks open and beeps as it powers up.]

Pokédex: Dragonite. Dragon Pokémon.

[Beat.]

Xander: That's it?

Pokédex: What else do you want from me?

Xander: I- just—

Candace: Why does this Pokédex give us sass all the time?

Xander: It’s also not—

Pokédex: It's not sass. It's just fact.

Candace: Fake news.

[Pokédex clicks shut. Music intensifies.]

Uuuh…

Xander: Is it comin’ right for us?

Sage: It comes right for you!

Xander: It’s comin’ right for us!

Sage: Lands on the beach and sand bursts up in front of you.

[Everyone cries out in surprise.]

Candace: Tubular, dude!

Xander: I hate the beach. Ugh.

Candace: Sand’s in my crack.

Xander: Which crack?

[Stifled laughter.]

Candace: God. T-M-I, man. I’m not gonna tell you.

Skip: Dragonair, go!

[Skip throws a Poké Ball and Dragonair exits, trilling.]

Man: Whoa, there. You should prob’ly stop that.

Skip: The Dragonite talks?

Man: No, it's me.

Sage: And a man with red spiky hair and a cape jumps off the Dragonite.

[Feet land on sand. Metal guitar solos soar.]

Xander: Is that the singer of AFI?

Skip: Davey Havok?

Candace: Is- is that the American Film Institute?

Man: Wh-what’re you guys talking about?

Skip: [scoffs] Clearly not the same thing.

Xander: Sorry. I've got sand in my eyes.

Candace: And I got sand in my crack.

Xander: Which crack?

[Stifled laughter.]

Sage: The sunset that's blocking your eyes gets covered by a very convenient cloud. And you recognize this as the legendary trainer, Lance.

[Indigo Plateau theme climaxes and fades out.]

Skip: Lance!

Candace: [awed; slow] Lance.

Xander: [whispers] Who’s Lance?

Skip: He's one of the greatest trainers ever. He's got a Dragonite!

Lance: [humble chuckle] That's very nice of you to say.

Skip: Hey, Lance! My name is Skip! I'm a trainer too. And this is my Dragonair!

[Beat.]

Lance: That's cute.

Skip: Thanks, man!

Xander: [quiet] Wow...

Skip: You're cute too.

Lance: Uh, thanks, man.

Skip: We're a team. We're the Dream Police!

Xander: [quiet] Hello.

Candace: Dream Police!

[Candace and Skip jump into action.]

Candace and Skip: [together] Somersault! (Cartwheel!)

Xander: Op. Jumping jack.

Candace: Panting!

[Shoes scuff in the sand as the Dream Police stick the landing. Candace pants.]

[Dream Police chime!]

Lance: You look familiar over there.

Candace: Oh, uh, really? Well, I mean, my name is Candace Carter. I come from Pallet Town.

[Mysterious music begins.]

Lance: Y-you’re Car- you're part of the Carter family?

Candace: Yeah, um, yes I am.

Lance: Candace Carter, I need to talk to you.

Candace: O-okay.

Xander: You’re- you're doing it.

Skip: You're way too old for her, man.

Candace: [scoffs] No, this is about serious business. Keep it professional! And keep it in your pants.

Xander: Alright, we're gonna- we're gonna go take a walk. You guys can have your conversation.

Skip: [distant] Dragonair, backflip!

[Sand rustles and Dragonair trills.]

Xander: [quiet] Cool.

Lance: Backflips will not evolve your Dragonair into a Dragonite. Just letting you know that.

Xander: [distant] Okay, sounds great.

Lance: Candace Carter.

Candace: Yes?

Skip: [distant] Dragonair, double backflip!

[Sand rustles.]

Xander: [distant] Cool!

[Dragonair trills.]

Lance: I'm related to you.

[Beat. 8-bit synths echo; Mysterious music picks up.]

Candace: Uh…

[Stifled laughter.]

Lance: We've never met, but I know your parents—only seen them a couple of times—but I'm especially close with your aunt Klara. Clair.

Candace: You sound real close to my Aunt Clair. How do I not know you're trying to, like, kidnap me right now? Because I am a beautiful, talented, strong Pokémon trainer.

Lance: [amused scoff] I'm aware. You're one of the Carters! It runs in our family.

Candace: Our fa- oh yeah. You just said you were related to me. Um, what is that- what are you- okay, so how do you know my Aunt Clair?

Lance: Well, we've trained together many times. She was a Gym Leader in Johto before she got transferred over here.

Candace: Yeah, but how does that make you related to me?

Lance: I'm her cousin. So that makes me you're…

Candace: Uh….

Candace and Lance: Second cousin?

Lance: You can call me Uncle Lance if you want! [chuckles]

Candace: Alright, Uncle Lance! Uncle…Lancey?

Lance: No, just- just Lance is fine.

Candace: Alright, Uncle- can I just call you Lance?

Lance: Yeah. [sad] Yeah. [normal] It would be cool to be an uncle someday, though.

Sage: Lance looks out into the sunset.

Candace: Okay, I’ll call you Uncle Lance.

Lance: [gasps; excited] You will?

Candace: Yeah, Uncle Lance! That means you're also my dad's cousin.

Lance: Yeah, I think that adds up!

Candace: So even though you're my second cousin, it sort of feels like you're more my uncle.

Lance: Look, we can talk about family trees all day long. I—

Skip: [distant] Triple backflip!

[Dragonair trills and sand rustles.]

Lance: I- I have to deliver a message for you.

Candace: What is it?

Lance: I was sent here by your aunt to let you know something.

Candace: What?

Lance: She was originally here on Route 19.

Candace: Yeah, I heard—

Lance: She was fishing. As she put on her Gym door.

Candace: Yeah, I’m—

Lance: But that's not really what she was doing, Candace.

Candace: [quiet] Really? What was she doing?

Lance: There's something…afoot.

Candace: Like footprints on the beach?

Lance: More than that.

Candace: Like Dragonite marks on the beach?

[Dragonite growls softly.]

Lance: No, not that either, Dragonite.

[Dragonite huffs.]

Candace: [whispers] What- what's afoot?

Lance: Well, we've suspected that it could have something to do with Team Rocket.

Candace: [scared; squeals] Oiiijica!

Lance: But we haven't actually met any Team Rocket Grunts. We've just found dead Magikarps and shirts with the red R on them.

Candace: I have been seeing stuff with red Rs on them too. They're back.

Lance: They're back? You think so?

Candace: That's my inkling suspicion.

Lance: Do you think they're responsible for the landslide on Victory Road?

[Beat.]

Candace: Yeah?

[Sage and Jessica stifle laughter.]

Lance: Do you know what a landslide is?

Candace: Is that a song by a band?

[Laughter.]

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: [amused] Roll for smarts.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Failure chime.]

[Travis hums a song.]

You don’t—

Noah: You don't know what a landslide is. [laughs]

[Greg laughs.]

Candace: So, I don’t know what a landslide is.

[Stifled laughter.]

Can you tell me?

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Lance: Oh, Candace Carter.

[Laughter.]

[Lavender Town theme plays quietly on horns.]

We don't have time to go over what a- what natural disasters are. You should know that as a Pokémon trainer. That directly relates to Rock and Ground moves.

Candace: Well, you gotta tell me then!

Lance: [sighs] Look. Have you seen anything strange on your journey? Certainly you've been traveling for quite some time now, right? So maybe there's been something you've seen that could help—

Candace: Well, yeah, I mean, we went to Lavender Town and there was like a cult. And, uh, we went to Saffron City and there were all these people around. And we went to go fight, uh, the Gym Leader and- and it was really weird. Like, it was like I had a dream. And then when we woke up and nobody was around. Like, nobody.

Lance: Oh, this is not good. Oh no. Candace! I flew over those two towns exactly. Lavender Town and Saffron City. It was almost as if…they were gone. Isn't that right, Dragonite?

[Dragonite growls quietly.]

Yeah. And it's only gonna get worse. I wonder…

[Feet scuff in the sand as Lance turns away.]

[quiet] Could it be…the Champions?

Candace: Uncle- Uncle Lance, what’re- what’re you talking about? Are- are we gonna be okay?

Lance: It looks like all of Kanto is in danger right now. Something's going on on Victory Road and I need to find out. And that's where I last saw Klara. But she—

Candace: Clair.

[Music fades out.]

Lance: I'm sorry.

Candace: Oh my god. You’re her cousin!

Lance: This is why you shouldn't name characters similarly! It doesn't work.

Candace: [quiet] What?

Lance: Because people get confused. I mean, imagine if you had three characters with similar names. Like Mike and Mikey.

Candace: Klara is the girl I go to school with.

Lance: That'd be weird. Everyone’d get confused all the time.

Skip: [distant] Dragonair, do a 540.

[Dragonair trills and flips.]

Xander: [distant] No way! Siiick!

Lance: Candace! I hate to inform you that your aunt might have been trapped in the landslide.

[Music picks back up; mysterious and emotional.]

Candace: What? ...Did you see her reflection?

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Lance: It's very possible. So I just wanted to warn you. She…told me that she knew about your training, and that your parents contacted her and were very upset. That she argued with them—argued with a lawyer—and told your mother that they were wron—

Candace: Shove it up her ass?

Lance: [stifles laughter] Probably like that. But probably more G-rated?

Candace: Shove it up her hoo ha.

Lance: That's pretty PG. It’s, uh, might even be borderline PG-13.

Candace: Put a sock in it. Put a sock in it!

Lance: That's good. That's good. That one works! Now, Candace, I don't want you to give up on your dream of defeating the Elite Four, but just be warned that you might not be able to get there.

Candace: Because of the landslide?

Lance: Because of that, because of this mysterious force that is reckoning all of Kanto…and because your aunt Clair is doing everything in her power to stop it.

[Music fades out.]

Candace: I must help her.

Lance: Well, do you know Fly?

Candace: Uh. No.

Lance: Okay. Sorry, then. I'll catch you later.

[Lance walks away and jumps onto Dragonite’s back. Candace groans in protest.]

[Music comes back in.]

Sage: And Lance flies off with his Dragonite.

[Wings flap and Dragonite growls.]

Candace: [shouts] Well, teach me Fly!

[Music fades out.]

Who’s That Pokémon?

[Who’s That Pokémon? music.]

Candace, Skip, Xander: Who’s that Pokémon?

[Pokémon cry.]

AD BREAK

[Radio switches on.]

Xander: Uh, hi. Um, okay. I- I have some people. Uh, alright, we- we wanna thank

FictionalLizard.

Uh, Adam A.

and Ashley. Ashley N. Oh wow, hi! That’s great! Cool, uh…

Candace: [distant] Xander, who the fuck are you talking to?

Xander: [shouts] I'm talking to my new friends, leave me alone!

[Radio switches channels.]

[Rival music.]

Blue: Yo, losers. This is Blue, the[mumbles] ex[normal] Pokémon Champion o’ the Indigo League. I want you to give money to 20 Sided Stories. I know you have some.

It's just $1 or $3. Why don't you give us some? You can find it rollin’ around your couch. It's just one or three per series. Just do it loser. Come on, give me your lunch money. Give it to us!

patreon.com/20sidedstories.

Just $1. Just one little dollar buys you your milk at lunch. Gets you thanked on the show. That'll last you forever. How long is that milk gonna last you? ’Til the end of the lunch period. Loser!

$3 gets you an Adventure Pass! It gets you more stuff from the show. I don't understand what it is. You should get it! $3 gets you, like, a little…uh…Smuckers Crustable sandwiches at lunch line. Come on kid, just give it to us.

Also, it'll help us fundraise for transcripts.

[Music cuts off.]

Which are useful for people who like to enjoy what we make but are hard of hearing and have trouble understanding audio-based things. It's important for them. So do it, loser!

[Rival music resumes.]

Come on! patreon.com/20sidedstories

Smell you later, idiot. [laughs mockingly]

[Radio switches off.]

Who’s That Pokémon?

[Who’s That Pokémon? music.]

Candace, Skip, Xander: It’s Seel!

[Seel cry.]

Surf to Seafoam – Part II

[Water laps on the beach. Suspenseful music.]

Candace: Ah, fudge.

[Water splashes loudly.]

Skip: [distant] Dragonair, get outta there! The Magikarp is evolving!

[Screams from beach-goers. Gyrados roars. Xander and Skip run back to Candace. Xander groans in exertion.]

[Music ends.]

Skip: Ah, man.

Xander: I told you you shouldn't’ve tried for a 1080.

[Draongair trills.]

Sage: Meanwhile…

[Evolution blast!]

Xander: Ooooo! What’s that!

Sage: Muddy Waters emerges from the water as a Swampert!

[Squelching and water splashing. The Swampert growls goofily.]

Muddy Waters: Brooh…[cough]

[Stifled laughter.]

Xander: Hey- hey, buddy!

Muddy Waters: [happy] Braooh!

Xander: Oh my god! Guys, he evolved.

Candace: Wow.

Xander: He- wha- he big.

Candace: You’re not as cute anymore.

Skip: Wow, he got real big.

[Muddy Waters burps.]

Candace: [groans] That smelled like seaweed an’ fish eggs.

Xander: [groans] He’s been eatin’ the ocean. [nervous chuckle] Cool!

Skip: Xander. You are going to mess so many trainers up with that!

[Beat.]

Xander: [quiet] Yeah.

[Music resumes.]

Sage: And then a bird swoops down and hits him in the head.

Candace: Whoa!

[Bonk!]

Xander: OW!

Sage: A big-ass bird with golden locks.

Candace: Catch that baby, Xander!

Xander: What?

Candace: It’s yours, it chose you, you gotta catch it!

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: [amused] Uh, Xander, roll me Smarts.

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Hidden Power chime.]

Hidden Power is Confidence?

Travis: Yeah.

Sage: He feels in his heart…

Xander: No. This is…Ramona! Land on my arm!

[Travis stifles laughter. Everyone laughs.]

[Ramona the Pidgeot cries out.]

[Stat test chime.]

Sage: Roll for defense.

Candace: She’s huge!

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

Sage: Success! [amused] It is a very, very heavy fucking bird.

Xander: [groans] My rotator cuff!

[Travis stifles laughter.]

Ramona: [happily] Cooh!

Sage: But Xander loves this bird deep down.

Xander: [groans with exertion] Ramona, I love you!

[Travis stifles laughter.]

Ramona: Pidgeyoooh!

[Stretching is heard as Xander’s arm strains.]

Xander: [groans] Okay, get off.

[Wings flap as Pidgeot flies away.]

Candace: Both of your Pokémon just evolved like crazy monsters!

Xander: I- this is awesome! [stammers] He's like a tank. This is like a f- a plane.

Candace: We could f- [gasps] Wait,[shouts] Lance! Lance!

Xander: Oh, he's- he's super gone.

Candace: [quiet] Yeah, well, now we could fly.

Xander: Did he tell us where your aunt is?

Skip: If only Dragonair was a Dragonite, then I could fly and catch him.

Candace: Yeah, he’s—

Xander: How does that happen? How does this work? When do they evolve? How does this happen?

Candace: They just do it when they're ready. You ever- you ever—

Xander: What does that even- do you have to ask them?

Candace: No, it’s like—

Skip: Or you can use a Stone or Candy. Whatever.

Candace: Yeah, it’s true. You have two Candies left, man.

Xander: Well, they just evolved, though so I didn’t need—

Candace: Yeah, so you’re good. You can save those.

Xander: Well, I don’t need ’em anymore. Do you want ’em?

Skip: Yeah! I'll take one!

[Backpack zips open and items rustle around.]

Xander: Here, have ’em both.

Candace: Feed it to your Dragonair.

Xander: This is- as far as I know, this is as good as it gets.

Skip: Dragonair.

[Rare Candy wrapper crinkles.]

Here, try one of these.

[Dragonair trills and smacks as it eats the Candy.]

[coos] Oh, you're tickling my hand.

Xander: [chuckles] ’S cute. ’S cute.

[Light-suspense music.]

What's happening?

Candace: Uh, guys.

Sage: The Dragonair, after slurping the Rare Candy out from Skip's hand, looks up into the sky at the very, very, very, very, very tiny silhouette of Dragonite and Lance flying away. And then looks back at Skip.

Skip: What is it, girl?

Sage: A burst of light floods the beach!

Xander: [groans] Oh, that’s bright.

[An evolution chime is heard. Skip starts humming “The Little Mermaid”. Everyone else joins comically. Heavenly sounds grow.]

Candace: It’s a whole—

Skip: You got legs!

[Greg laughs.]

Xander: I think Dragonair’s evolving!

Candace: Dragonair gets to be a part of the other Dragonite’s world!

[A final sound blasts loudly and a tranquil shimmer rings out.]

Xander: What the… It’s just so big! Oh, man, it’s go-

Skip: D-Dragonair?

[Dragonite starts to trill, then changes to a comical, low growl.]

Dragonite: Baaaaghhhh!

[Stifled laughter.]

Xander: Oh, that’s…

Skip: Wow.

Dragonite: Rraaaaghhhh.

Xander: That’s different.That is…

Skip: Dragonite.

Dragonite: Raaaaagh.

Xander: That is cartoonish.

Skip: Dragonite, I love you!

Dragonite: BRRRAAAAAAAAUUUUGGHHHGAHAGHA!

[Skip runs forward and they hug.]

Sage: And they embrace.

Skip: Dragonite, let's fly!

[Dragonite growls in confusion.]

Sage: It looks at you very confused and doesn't know what to do.

Dragonite: [irked] Braah! Braah! Braah! Braah!

Xander: I don’t think it’s happy. I don't think it's very happy.

Skip: Alright, I'm sorry girl.

[Skip pets her head. Dragonite stops growling.]

I'm sorry, girl. [coos] Here you go. Here you go. Here’s a treat. A little treat from my backpack.

[Wrapper crinkles. Dragonite trills cutely.]

Aw, Dragonite. You're my best friend!

Dragonite: [goofy laugh] Bwraahahahaa!

[Beat.]

Xander: Well, this is a lot of fun!

Skip: This is the best beach day!

Candace: All of you’re guys’—

Xander: This has been the best day. I hate the beach.

Candace: This beach is magic!

Xander: This is a great day.

Candace: I still got sand in my crack!

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Xander: Which crack?

[Candace punches Xander.]

Candace: Shut up, Xander!

Skip: Hey, you met a family member you didn't know you had!

Xander: This is amazing.

Candace: God, you guys, this is like the beach of—

Skip: What happened with that?

Candace: [worried] Oh, yeah. Aunt Clair might be dead in a landslide.

Xander: A slide—

Skip: A landslide? Like when a bunch of the earth overtakes a spot where it wasn't once?

Xander: Yeah, like when there's an earthquake or something and then there's a bunch of…

Candace: Yeah!

Xander: W-when the land literally slides.

[Jessica stifles laughter.]

Candace: That's what it is! And that's what I told my Uncle.

Skip: Why do you sound like you don't know what that is?

Candace: What are you talking about? I totally know what that is. It's when…the land slides down.

Skip: So your—

Candace: The earth moves.

Xander: Yeah.

Skip: Is your Aunt Clair okay?

Candace: I don't know, that's the thing. We have to find her.

Xander: He didn't tell you where she is?

Skip: Where's the landslide?

Candace: Victory Road!

Skip: Which way is that?

Candace: Uh, west. But, like, we don't even have the Marsh Badge, so I don't even think they're gonna let us through if we don't have all the badges!

Skip: Do we gotta cross water to get there?

Candace: We do.

Xander: [quiet] I don’t know how to swim.

Skip: Well, you know who does know how to swim?

Xander: Hmm?

[Surf guitar music slides in; Surf Theme.]

Sage: We cut to all of our trainers Surfing on Dragonite across Route 19 in the fresh, open ocean air.

Candace: I’m queen of Kantoooo!

Xander: [distressed] There's no place to grab!

Skip: Radical!

Sage: And then coming towards them is some kind of Pokémon? Wait, no, there's people. And then all the fun just sinks out from under you. Deep, deep down in the ocean because two little shits are coming right your way.

[Water splashes as the Rivals approach; Surf Theme becomes the Rival Theme.]

Blue and Rival Zach: [together] What’s up, nerds?

Skip: Go away.

Blue and Rival Zach: [together] No! (You s-) You go away!

Skip: You guys can't even talk at the same time. Leave us alone.

Blue and Rival Zach: [together] Oh ye- (Sure we can!)

[Sage and Noah break and chuckle. Everyone laughs.]

Skip: What do you want from us?

Rival Zach: My Uncle Blue is teaching me how to be the best Pokémon trainer in the whole world!

Blue: You have mentioned this several times.

Rival Zach: [Sage stifles laughter] ’Cause aren’t you doing that?

Skip: You need a moderator? Is that what you guys need?

Rival Zach: What?

Skip: Is that why you guys keep following us? ’Cause you need somebody to moderate your—

Rival Zach: We're not following you. You're following us. How many badges do you have? Did you even get a badge from Blaine?

Xander: Who’s Blaine?

Candace: Yeah, we did, you stupid mother-fudgers.

Xander: Oh.

Rival Zach: Oh yeah? Blaine? Ex—

Candace: Yeah, Blaine’s the ninja dude.

Rival Zach: Wrong. That's Koga. Blue!

Candace: [quiet] Oh.

Rival Zach: Uncle Blue! She doesn't even know anything.

Xander: [quiet] Shit, now we look dumb.

Blue: She doesn’t even know.

Rival Zach: [fast] Be hella condescending, like you do with me when I'm losing in battle and make her feel stupid. And so she, like, learns…

Blue: [high-pitched; slow] Ha… Ha!

Xander: Hey, Russian nesting douches.

Blue: I'll give you credit. That was pretty clever. However, allow me to retort.

Xander: I'm not even done yet!

Blue: I don't care—

[Xander groans.]

—if you're done. We're done. We're gone. Y'all are slow. And we will smell…

Blue and Rival Zach: [together; slowly] you laterrr!

[Water splashes. A beast growls as it swims past. Rival music fades out.]

Xander: What was that they were righting on?

Candace: That was a Gyrados.

Xander: …Fuck.

Skip: And it's fun again!

[Beat. Water splashes.]

Whoa, we're doing waves and stuff, guys! [chuckles]

Xander: Look, man.

Candace: They really cramped the party.

Xander: Yeah.

Skip: [quiet] Alright.

Xander: This- this is- this is cool, though. I- I hate- I hate everything about this, but this is neat.

Skip: You just gotta not…you can't let them bother you, guys.

Xander: Well, I'm just…[mumbles] I can’t swim.

Skip: They're- they’re full of hollow victories.

Xander: [mumbles] I can't swim.

Skip: Wait. You can't swim?

Xander: [mumbles] I can’t swim.

Skip: [stifles nervous laugh] Oh my god, why didn't you tell us before we went out onto the water?

Xander: I said that on the beach.

Candace: He totally said it, but I just ignored him.

Skip: Oh. I'm really loud sometimes. I don’t hear other people.

Xander: [nervous chuckle] It's okay. It’s okay, we're all working on it.

Skip: I'm sorry, dude.

Candace: Well, just hold on tight, man.

Xander: I'm holding on tight. [nervous chuckle]

Candace: Don’t worry, you'll be fine.

Skip: Hey, Dragonite, how you doin’?

[Dragonite lifts her head from the water.]

Dragonite: [happily] Braaaoh!

Skip: Yeah, buddy!

[Mysterious music fades in.]

Sage: Our trainers enjoy their surf across the water for the majority of the day. Sun goes down and it's now nighttime and they're enjoying a night surf. Getting pretty tired and ready to rest at the next possible stop. But it's been a while since they've seen any land. There's just rocks on the side that kind of trap them in and make them go in one direction.

[Wind whistles past.]

Skip: Good thing we've got Kadabra as a headlight.

[Stat test chime.]

[Dice roll on the table.]

[Success chime.]

Candace: Debbie, light.

[Abra KaDebra cries out and uses Flash.]

Sage: You guys are able to safely land at a shore.

Xander: [sighs] Thank god, land.

[Footsteps squish on sand.]

Sage: There's a sign that's faded, and Xander wipes it away. And it says…

Xander: [mumbles] Welcome to Seafoam…[shouts] “Welcome to Seafoam Island”. The sign says.

Candace: [quiet] Whoa.

Sage: And then Candace looks over and sees the entrance to a cave.

Candace: Oh my gosh, guys. Look, it’s a cave!

Skip: [quiet] Whoa.

Xander: [quiet] Oh, man a whole ’nother cave.

Candace: We gotta go in.

Xander: It's cold.

[Candace and Skip head inside.]

Okay, we're going in.

[Xander runs to catch up. The cave echoes and reverberates. Water drips in the background.]

Skip: Hello?

Candace: [awed] Whoa look at all the crystals.

Skip: I wonder what this one tastes like.

Candace: Oh, it’s so dark in here. Uh—

Xander: Don't lick that.

[Skip grunts as Xander pulls him back.]

Candace: Debbie, Flash!

[Abra KaDebra cries out and uses Flash.]

[Tranquil music plays.]

Sage: And it illuminates one of the most beautiful sights our trainers have ever seen. A completely frozen ice cave that goes on for who knows how long with huge bodies of water and natural underground rivers. The ice-walls shimmer like crystals and you hear the faint singing of what sounds like some sort of songbird echoing in the distance.

[Pokédex clicks open.]

Skip: Pokédot! What do you got on that- that bird sound?

Pokédex: [beep] Not enough data.

[Music stops. Beat.]

Xander: This thing sucks.

[Tranquil cave music resumes.]

Sage: But our trainers continue through the cave at Seafoam Islands and climb all sorts of ledges and ladders, and Surf through these little rivers in the water, and push these boulders out of the way. It's a very tough adventure. But despite the lonesome nature of the cave, our trainers feel closer to each other than ever before.

Skip: Xander.

Xander: Yeah?

Skip: Man, this is so cool.

[Xander chuckles.]

Right, Candace?

Candace: Yeah, it- it's pretty cool.

Skip: I mean, not just the cave. Everything.

Xander: Huh?

Skip: You know. Like, your Pokémon are evolving, and… I got a Dragonite!

Xander: [chuckles] Yeah.

Candace: Gah! Oh my god, I know! Good job, dude. It's- it's awesome. Like, you're awesome. Yeah! You're awesome, Skip!

Xander: Something that we all haven't acknowledged is that, throughout all of this and everything we've been through, you've been the only one that hasn't had a massive emotional breakdown.

Skip: Uh…thanks, guys. This is… This is the best time of my life. W-we're- we've got badges and…and adventures and each other.

Candace: [softly] Yeah.

Skip: Right?

Xander: Yeah. You're not… I gotta say, this is kinda cool.

Skip: Yeah.

Candace: Yeah, this has probably been, so far, my favorite accomplishment I’ve ever had.

Xander: [quiet] This is the only accomplishment I've ever had.

Candace: We did it together.

Skip: As a team. With love.

Xander: Skip.

[Candace chuckles.]

Skip: I mean- wh- you know friends.

Xander: No. I- I think you're onto something. I- [mumbles] I don’t know.

Sage: Eventually our trainers come across a nice little clearing. Perfect and flat for them to set up camp. And even more so, there's actually what seems to be a hot spring right by this little clearing keeping the whole ground perfect and warm. It's like a… It’s like a spa.

So our trainers take out all their Pokémon—Dragonite, Muddy, Pixie, Debbie, Fiddler, and Ramona—and then unpack and get comfy and cozy, and lay on their backs, and look up at the ceiling of the cave, which towers tremendously far above them.

[Soothing, echoing music; New Game melody.]

Candace: Wow.

Skip: Look at that stalac…tite.

Xander: Well, wait. Is that the top or the bottom one?

Skip: No, yeah, it’s the top one. Stalactite has to hold on tight.

Xander: S-stalagmite…

Skip: Might reach the ceiling.

Xander: Might reach the- oh. What d’you call it when they—

Skip: Whatever it is, it’s awesome.

Xander: What d’you call when they meet in the middle?

Skip: Uh…stalagkiss.

Candace: [languor] Oh my gosh, guys. I've never felt so Zen in my life.

Xander: This is actually pretty nice.

Skip: Can I hold someone's hand?

Candace: Here.

[She reaches over.]

Skip: Thanks, Candace.

[Beat.]

Xander: Oh, I feel weird if I’m the only one not holding hands.

Skip: Okay, here.

[Skip and Candace reach out to Xander.]

Xander: Okay.

Candace: Here.

Skip: Let’s just all hold hands.

[Beat.]

Candace: [sleepy] I think I- I could fall asleep right now…

Xander: [whispers] I think I’m gonna…

[Long, relaxing beat as the music fades out.]

Credits

[Drum beat comes in. Tranquil music resumes.]

Marlena Jean: Thanks for tuning in! This has been a 20 Sided Stories production.

Candace Carter was played by Jessica Dahlgren

Skip Svitak was played by Greg Reasoner

And Xander Whitten was played by Travis Reaves

With Additional Voices by Noah Sturtridge and Sage G.C.

The original music from Pokémon Red, Green, Blue, and Yellow Versions was composed by Junichi Masuda

With Arrangements and Additional Scoring by Sage G.C.

Additional Production and Audio Assistance by Travis Reaves

Game Master Assistance and Pokémon Battle Management by Grant Bouffard

Original Character artwork by Ariana Cabebe

Podcast Directed, Edited, and Sound Designed by Sage G.C.

You can get the soundtrack to this series for free at

sagegc.bandcamp.com

And of course, visit our website at 20sidedstories.com

[Transcripts by Tiffany Chapman]

[Music fades out.]