20 Sided Stories
MARVEL: Survivors of The Snap
Episode 9 - S.H.I.E.L.D. Heist
Air Date: June 10, 2020
[Podcast Intro music plays throughout.]
Sage G.C.: 20 Sided Stories has absolutely no affiliation with Marvel Studios, Marvel Entertainment, The Walt Disney Company, or any other associates or official canon.
Travis Reaves: This is a fan-made parody piece created in fair use, and all mentioned names, products, trademarks, and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.
Jessica Dahlgren: The bulk of what you're about to hear was recorded live by improvisers who love the MCU, and we're so excited for you to join us on this superpowered adventure.
[Intro crescendos.]
Travis: Thank you.
Jessica: And welcome.
Sage: To 20 Sided Stories.
[Intro fades out.]
[Nostalgic music. Voices sound as though they’re coming from a radio as memories replay.]
Eric: I mean, I don’t- I just think it’s gonna be a good movie. It’s Justin Timberlake in, like, a Jason Bourne-type role. Seems like a new territory—
Daniel: Mm-hmm.
Eric: —and, like, time is money, you know.
Daniel: Right.
Eric: So you’re twenty-five and then you stop aging, and then there’s a clock on your arm and it’s- and it’s got, uh, a year, and if it gets to zero, you j- you die. So it’s in, like, Dayton for some- it’s in Ohio. I don’t know. I was tryin’ not to read too much into it, but, like, I don’t— Cillian Murphy’s in it. He was- h-he’s cool.
Daniel: I mean I guess if it’s this or Harry Potter seven, then I-I’ll take this.
[Footsteps tap on tile as Daniel approaches the ticket booth.]
Yeah, two for In Time, please. 8: 40.
[Register clicks. Shoes tap as the two head inside. A door opens.]
Ticket Taker: Theatre 4, on your left.
[Ticket rips. Clothes rustle as he hands the stub back.]
Daniel: Here. Do you know anybody here that you could tap into? Like, that guy over there.
Eric: Dude, can we—
Daniel: Like, could you, like, spy on him?
Eric: Please. I- Dude, I d- I don’t like to do that. It feels weird.
Daniel: Bu- I- isn’t that, like, what you do when you have powers?
Eric: Yeah—
Daniel: You use the powers and it’s cool. Think—
Eric: Wh- I don’t know. Like [sighs] It’s like the same reason you don’t like to pee in public.
[Daniel stifles laughter.]
It’s just, it’s not…right.
Daniel: Well, no but- no but you don’t pee in public because people see you, but no one’ll see you scrying. Right? It’s just in your head.
[Eric sighs in exasperation.]
Eric: [resigned] Yeah, I know a guy [sighs] that works the concession stand here.
Daniel: [amused scoff] Okay. Well, maybe we shouldn’t do that right in front of…
Eric: Okay.
Daniel: How is work going, by the way? Like, how is it? Like, it- like, you- you’re not in school anymore. So, like- like, it just kinda badass. Like, it’s—
Eric: Certainly not like the trailer for In Time looked.
Daniel: Oh.
Eric: It’s cool. It’s weird. Some things are scary, but, like, yeah. I’m in S.H.I.E.L.D. Most of it I’m just, like, at, like, an office, and then sometimes they, like, give me a pack of information I have to read, and then—
Stuff changes fast there. They don’t tell you anything. Like when I- when I got there, I had a partner. Uh, this guy’s name was AJ. Like, he was fine, uh, weird. Like, he wasn’t super, like, with it, but, um, I come in one day and he’s gone, and then, like, a few days go by, and I’m like, hey, uh, anyone who’s here. What happened to AJ? They just say, oh he’s been reassigned. And like, I guess that makes sense. I don’t know. Stuff happens all the time, but, like—
Daniel: Wait, wait, wait. Okay, okay. Hold on. So when you say reassigned…like you me- you mean, like, you don’t have a partner?
Eric: No, the—
Daniel: Like, you don’t have, like, a- like, a copilot.
Eric: No. Uh. No.
Daniel: You don’t have, like, a wingman.
Eric: No, I don’t.
Daniel: You don’t have, like, a—
Eric: Not right now.
Daniel: [excited] Therefore…
Eric: Ohhh! Wait, are you sure— Do you wanna be a s- you wanna- you wanna work for S.H.I.E.L.D.? [whispers] You wanna work for S.H.I.E.L.D.?
Daniel: Dude I am enhanced! I’m, like, there’s not that many people like me, right?
Eric: [sighs] I mean- [amused] I mean.
Daniel: What d’you- what’re you laughing- what?
Eric: Dude, Dan, I’m not laughing. N-no, y-you’re enhanced. No, totally. Like, something about you—
Daniel: I—
Eric: —is absolutely enhanced.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
It’s just a question of whether or not… Wh- okay, so that aside, you’re- you’re smart. So you don’t have to, like, an agent. There’s people that work like the desk, and there’s people that do, like, you know, there’s people that clean.
Daniel: I’ll do whatever! I’ll do whatever. I’ll- I’ll- I’ll do the coffee! I’m sure I’ll work myself up the ladder or whatever. It’s all about, like, you told me about this guy with the bow and arrow, doesn’t even have any powers. So clearly if he could do it, I could do it!
Eric: [mumbles] Well, I mean, he’s a little- little different, but [normal] you know what, yeah. Y-ye- okay. Look, I don’t have, like, pull there, ’cause I’m, you know. I’m eighteen, but we could figure somethin’ out.
Daniel: [whispers] Yes! Fuck yeah! Holy shit. [normal, excited] I’m so ready to see In Time right now.
Eric: I think there’s like a- if you refer enough people you get an Audi or something.
Daniel: [whispers] Ah, sick.
Eric: Yeah.
Daniel: Hey, wait. What about Elle? She knows about this stuff, right?
Eric: Yeah, I’m- I’m keepin’ ’er in the loop as much as I can, but…I don’t know. It’s not [inhales and sighs] I don’t see her as much anymore. To be real, it actually kinda sucks a lot, and I, like, like her a lot. In fact I- I, like, love her, but…I don’t know if it’s gonna work out.
Daniel: Damn.
Eric: [sighs] So anyways, sorry, to— I just wanna jump off that.
Daniel: Yeah, no. I mean, we’ll- yeah. Um…we got some time to kill, so… Oh!
Eric: Hmm?
Daniel: Hold on. You said your partner got reassigned. So couldn’t…you tap into him?
Eric: Oh, I don’t wanna do that.
Daniel: What?
Eric: Oh, I’m not—
Daniel: [excited] But that’s how you get to find out what that means. Does that mean that he got assassinated? Did he get shipped to, like, Guana or somethin’? Or, or, or—
Eric: Look, dude, I- I feel like that’s like a misuse of, like, what it is wha- that I can do. That- that feels selfish and also he was kinda weird. I don’t- I don’t know—
Daniel: [groans] It’s just—
Eric: —if I wanna know what he’s doing.
Daniel: I mean, just- just, like, a peek. Just, like, see what he’s doing.
[Eric groans quietly.]
You don’t need to hear anything or, like, whatever, but like just like… I guess I mostly wanna know if, like, reassigning means that you get killed. Like, that’s…
Eric: Okay, when you put it that way… Okay, hold on. I might not be able to see him. He might not even be around. Like if he’s- he’s far—
Daniel: Sure, sure. He has to be somewhat in the, like, the Los Angeles area. Got it.
Eric: You know, if he’s too far, I got nothin’.
Daniel: Yeah.
Eric: Let me see if… Hold on.
[A rumbling whoosh is heard as Eric uses his power.]
[slow] Uuuh…he’s not close, but he’s around. He’s in the…he’s in the woods? The fuck is he doing in the woods?
[A gentle rumble returns him to reality.]
Daniel: Well, that’s boring.
Eric: Yeah, I don’t know. He was on like a hike I guess. I don’t know. Good for him. Okay.
Daniel: Yeah, I guess maybe he just got let go or quit or somethin’.
Eric: The one thing I’m learning is that S.H.I.E.L.D. is everywhere. [slow] Everywhere.
Daniel: And that’ll certainly never change.
[Eric snickers]
Eric: Yeah, no. They’ve been- they’ve been around since, like, the ’40s.
Daniel: There’s no way anybody could ever infiltrate that or- or like—
Eric: Like, remember how, like, when you were a kid and you’d see, like, the FBI warning before, like, a VHS movie started. You’re like, oh the FBI sounds scary.
[Daniel chuckles.]
Like how that felt? That’s what S.H.I.E.L.D. is. It’s fucking nuts. They’re so—
Daniel: [excited] Yeah, dude, it’s sick to hear about it, and then to also know that I might be able to [quiet] be a, like, a partner—
Eric: Okay, but if- if—
Daniel: [quiet] I’m amped man!
Eric: Okay, like, sure. I’ll think they have- but if- if you get in there, like, for real, like, [quiet] you don’t know shit. Like—
Daniel: Okay, I know- I know nothing.
Eric: I- sure. It- yeah, that- that- that could be- that could be cool. It’s- it’s hard, it’s weird, it’s scary, but it feels good to be a part of something that [sighs] makes me feel like I’m making a difference for the better. And that’s…that’s cool. Um, to be honest, like, I- I’m, like, proud. I don’t know. It’s weird.
Daniel: Yeah. No, I…I, uh… Look, I could really use something like that in my life, you know what I’m sayin’? About to graduate, so it’s like, secret agent. Just makes sense.
Eric: Beats workin’ at the laundromat? I don’t… I was tryin’a make a connection to something that that’d work to, but I don’t think there’s… I’m sorry.
[Daniel stifles laughter.]
I gotta stop makin’ fun of what you [chuckles] got goin’ on. I don’t know.
Daniel: It’s fine. Let’s, like, get frozen yogurt or something while we wait.
Eric: Yeah! God, another thing that will never go away.
[Sage laughs.]
[Dan and Eric’s Motif plays and echos.]
Episode 9 - S.H.I.E.L.D. Heist |
[Action music. Footsteps crunch on dirt.]
Lily: Oh, it’s so bright. Ugh.
Eric: I forgot what it was like to sleep outside and then do a mission. This- this sucks [clears throat].
Lily: [groans] Has the sun ever been this bright before? [whispers] Jesus Christ.
Eric: [concerned] Are you hungover?
Lily: Nnnn…uuh.
Masha: Oh. I don’t—
Lily: Doubtful?
Masha: It prob’ly feels really bad for you.
Lily: [groans] Yeah. I’m just gonna [heaves].
Masha: Oh my gosh.
[Lily vomits and coughs in the background.]
Okay.
[Eric groans in sympathy. Lily moans.]
I would give you some asprin, but that weird lady literally took—
[Lily vomits again.]
—the whole- okay. Ew.
Dan: [uneasy] Does my smell mask it? Is it helping?
Lily: Oh god. Yeah. Can you come here for a second?
[Shoes scuff a little closer.]
Dan: I’m standing near you, but don’t touch me [nervous chuckle].
Lily: Yeah, do- don’t worry. Don’t worry.
[She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.]
[whispers] Okay. Okay, okay. Room spray. Just a nice lavender room spray.
[She takes another deep breath.]
Dan: Okay, we all ready?
Lily: I’m good!
Eric: Yeah, this is—as much as we’re havin’ a good time out here in the desert—this is serious. We’re about to break into a government facility and steal information. If anybody’s feelin’ not great—
[Clothes rustle as Lily raises her hand.]
—now’s the time to either— Oh, well…clearly.
Sage: And Lily raises her hand.
Dan: We saw. We saw. You threw up.
Lily: Yeah, yeah. I’m gonna be good. I’m gonna be good. I’ll throw up on the enemy. We’ll be fine.
Eric: Perfect.
Dan: Both of us— Hold on, S.H.I.E.L.D. isn’t the enemy. So maybe don’t throw up in the outpost, ’cause then they’re gonna trace…
Eric: We’re just—
Dan: Uh, somehow. I’m sure there’s some DNA they can pick up.
Lily: That’s all PBR, baby. That’s no me, that’s all PBR [chuckles].
Dan: [chuckles] Okay, good.
Eric: Right. Well, Masha, you good?
Dan: Masha you okay?
[Music slows.]
Masha: Uuum…
Lily: Wait.
Masha: I lost another power again.
[Beat.]
Lily: I-I… Yeah, I can hear it.
[Beat.]
Masha: Um…
Lily: Which one?
Masha: My, uh, reflexes.
[Lily sighs sadly.]
So… But, you know. It’s fine. Um…but we’re- we- we should just get ready to- and- and go on the, uh, go to the sh—
Lily: We’re gonna find information in there. We’re gonna find information.
Masha: Yeah. We’re gonna find information.
Dan: How many powers do you have left?
Masha: Two. The one where I’m, like, kinda like the Hulk and one I can, like, go really fast, but you guys, like, freeze for a little bit.
Dan: Right.
Masha: Yeah.
[Beat.]
Let’s keep goin’.
Dan: Alright.
Eric: Mm-hmm.
Sage: The ScAvengers, joined by Agent Fragrant, enter Skidoo.
[Action music.]
There’s not much there. There’s just this old mill. Daniel is pretty confident it is simply a little distraction. The real base is inside.
[Shoes crunch on dirt.]
Dan: Alright, this is it. Ready?
Eric: You’re goin’ through the front?
Dan: Oh, shit [nervous chuckle]. Yeah, I didn’t think about that.
Eric: Yeah, there’s [stammers] Is there a- is there a back? I haven’t- I’ve never been here before, but—
Dan: I haven’t either.
Eric: —there’s guards, are they out— [sighs] Alright, um, here’s a thought.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Eric: Let’s figure out maybe if there’s, like, even a window we can jimmy or, like, maybe a hatch or can we get into the network of this place if you have any system access.
Dan: There’s— If there’s some sort other entrance, I- it’s somewhere out in the desert, right? Then there’s some sort of tunnel system. I don’t know how to get in.
[Beat.]
Should we just knock or like just go in?
Eric: [loud] Knock?
[Sage stifles laughter.]
[quiet] Daniel, I’m tryin’ to st—
Dan: Call me Dan.
Eric: Dude. Have you not- when- how long has it been since you’ve been in the field?
Dan: I don’t do that much for them. Like, I’m not even really technically a field operative. I’m just, like, an enhanced individual and they just, like, they’ll give me tasks around the city and stuff.
Lily: Yeah, you’re not a very good spy.
Dan: I’m not really supposed to be a spy. I’m supposed to just be a—
[Eric burps.]
Alright.
Eric: Sorry. Let’s just see what happens. Let’s use your keycard and let’s see what happens.
Dan: ’Kay.
[Clothes rustle and a pocket zipper opens as Dan fishes his keycard out of his jacket. He swipes it across the pad and it beeps. A door whooshes open.]
Masha: Well, that was easy.
Lily: Okay.
Eric: Far be it from me. I’m sorry that I tried to overcomplicate things.
Sage: We walk on through. It’s very quiet. We end up in a reception area. There’s a little couch, a little chair, some [amused] flowers.
[Shoes squeak to a stop. Fluorescent lights buzz.]
Masha: It’s nice in here.
[Lily sniffs.]
What d’you smell?
Lily: Those’re fake flowers.
Masha: [quiet] Oh.
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: Lily, can you roll me for Personal Space.
[Dice roll on table.]
Emily: Yes.
[Success chime.]
Sage: Great. Lily hears somebody across the hall about to come out of a room.
[Footsteps clack slowly closer.]
Lily: Shh, shh, shh!
Masha: Hmm?
Lily: [quiet] Somebody’s gonna come out. Somebody down the hall.
Dan, Eric: [together] Hide!
Dan: And I’ll talk to them.
Eric: Behind the couch, behind the couch, behind the couch!
Masha: Uh—
Lily: Uh, okay, okay. Behind the couch.
Masha: I’m a lamp?
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Lily: Can you turn into a lamp?
Masha: I don’t know. It just came to my head for some reason.
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: Scry, Roulette, and Bloodhound all roll me Speed.
Jessica: 9.
[Net chime.]
Travis: 5.
[Failure chime.]
Emily: 17.
[Success chime.]
Sage: Well, Lily’s good.
Lily: I’m gone.
[Clothes rustle as she dives behind the couch.]
Sage: And then the man comes out. Nice gentleman. Red hair, big smile.
Man: Oh, hi. Can I help you?
Dan: Hey! Uh, operative here.
Man: Oh! Yeah! Uh C- uh, Carlos. How’s it goin’ buddy? It’s me, Alex.
Dan: [pops his lips] Yeah. I’m Carlos. That’s me.
Alex: Carlos somethin’-somethin’.
Dan: Yes.
[Masha lets out a quiet, nervous groan.]
Alex: Yeah, yeah.
Dan: Yeah. Yeah. Alex. Alex.
Alex: Hey, what’re you up to, buddy?
Dan: Wait…weren’t you a temp?
Alex: Um, I got hired, you know, after the end of the season. They kept me on, I got the benefits.
Dan: Gotcha.
Alex: Real easy, you know? Uh…
Dan: And you just hang out here and, like, kinda watch the place or…
Alex: Oh, I uh, I am the receptionist. Uh, they bumped me up to receptionist. I answer the phones, do a little bit of filing.
Dan: Right.
Alex: There’s a lot of training videos. It looks like you’ve got some company here. Uh…
Dan: Oh, uh. [whispers] Shiiit.
[Clothes rustle as Eric and Masha abandon their attempt to hide and stand up.]
Masha: [slow] Hi.
Dan: Y-yeah, new- new recruits. New recruits! Uh, the- this is, uh, uh, this is Daniel.
[Beat.]
Eric: Y-Yeah. Yeah, I’m Daniel.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Dan: And this is Rebecca.
Masha: Hi. I’m Rebecca!
Eric: Yes.
Alex: Hi, Rebecca, I’m Alex.
Eric: Nice- nice to meet you Alex.
Masha: Hello, Alex.
Alex: Hey, Daniel, I’m Alex.
Masha: Congratulations on your promotion.
Eric: Put ’er there.
[Clothes rustle and shoes tap on tile as Eric steps forward.]
Alex: No big deal, yeah. There you go, handshake. Okay. Oopa doop.
[Hands clap together as the men shake hands.]
Masha: Oh.
Alex: Uh, yeah, no. I’ve actually had three promotions since I’ve started workin’ here.
Eric: Wow, how long ago—
Alex: Big power, big upward mobility.
Eric: H-hold on, did you…uh. Wh-where did you start?
Alex: I started as a temp answering phones, and uh, dealing—
Eric: Started as a- as a- as a temp answering phones?
Dan: Yeah, Eric, remember that—
Alex: Yeah, and I was dealing with people that didn’t wanna- they didn’t wanna deal with for them.
[Masha groans.]
And then—
Eric: People- people they didn’t want to deal with?
Alex: Oh, yeah, the worst of the worst—
Dan: Yeah, but, uh, I mean—
Alex: Carlos, please. They had a file—
[Dan groans.]
—a filing cabinet full of people with big red Xs on their photographs and their forms—
Masha: [quiet] Oh no.
Eric: Uh-huh.
Alex: —like, their files—
Dan: And, uh, you know, i—
Alex: —and they said, “Irredeemable”, was the name of—
Eric: Iri- IRREDEEMABLE?!
Dan: Yeah, and, uh—
Alex: Yeah, that’s what it said on the filing cabinet.
Masha: Well, uh…no. Daniel. It’s okay.
Dan: —it’s a little, uh, Yeah, Daniel, everything’s gonna be fine. It’s, like—
Masha: Daniel… Daniel just had a death in his family.
Eric: This- this is- this is such—
Dan: Like—
Alex: Daniel, are you alright?
Eric: —bullshit!
Dan: —you’re not irredeemable—
Alex: What are you upset about?
Eric: I’m irredeemable!
Dan: —’cause you’re- ’cause you’re Daniel, so you can still redeem—
Alex: How—
[Clattering is heard as Lily jumps out of her hiding spot.]
Lily: Whoa, is it dusty under this couch! [innocently] You should really be doin’ more Swiffering. Hi!
Alex: Uh- uh, yeah. You know what, you’re right.
Dan: Third recruit. Third recruit.
Alex: I am suppo—
Dan: Third recruit!
Alex: Carlos, you got a lot of team—
Masha: This is Elle! [quiet] Ah, fuck.
Alex: Hello, Elle! I’m Alex.
Lily: Hi, Alex! You need to dust.
Alex: Ah, yeah, you’re right.
Lily: Hello, my friends, Rebecca and…
Alex: Daniel.
Eric: [loud] Irre-fucking-deemable!
Alex: Daniel. His name’s Daniel.
Masha: Daniel.
Lily: Daniel! I just met them.
Alex: Carlos, what’s with all these underage girls you got goin’ around here buddy?
Dan: Uh, you know—
Masha: Oh.
Dan: —we’re looking for fresh talent, and, uh, purely coincidental, uh, she—
Eric: She’s a hacker. She does cool hacker stuff.
Alex: Oh, I bet. I bet.
Lily: Yeah. I’m so good with the computing.
Alex: You know, I’ll tell you what, Elle. Uh, if you were to apply now, I guarantee you’ll get in—
[Masha groans.]
—because they’ll take pretty much almost everybody. It’s these guys, you know, they- they- they don’t really have the same strict acceptance measures that they used to. You really have to be the bottom of the crud barrel for them to refuse you. I can tell ya, I was working at a Sports Authority [chuckles] Jesus—
[Masha sighs loudly.]
Eric: G-god—
Lily: What’s- what’s- what’s that Daniel? Hold on, I’m sorry, I can also read minds. Um..
Alex: Oh, okay. Cool!
Eric: Fucking—
Lily: He’s saying, um, oh you—
Eric: Dammit.
Alex: Good job, Carlos! You have real keepers!
Lily: You got a little bit of sauce on the back of your shirt.
Alex: Who, me?
Lily: Yes. You should probably go to the bathroom and clean it.
Alex: Oh, yeah.
Masha: Oh, yeah. I see it. It’s really big!
Alex: Ah, jeez. Okay.
Eric: [loud, irked] You know, I just think that maybe if you gave some of these irredeemable—
[Masha begins yelling over Eric, drowning him out.]
Masha: [yells] Hey, Daniel, why don’t we go for a walk? Hey, Daniel, let’s go over here for a second. Daniel. Daniel. Danieeeeel! Danieeeel!
Dan: Daniel. Daniel. Daniel. Daniel.
Eric: —people a second chance, they could maybe show that they’re- they’re pretty valuable, and maybe it’s not their fault! It’s not their fault they got caught up in that Hydra horseshit!
Alex: You know, Carlos, I don’t think this guy’s really cut out for this position—
Lily: Uh—
Eric: [yells] Oh, I’m not- oh I know!
Masha: Oookay. I give up.
Dan: O-okay. Okay.
Alex: He’s got some anger— Daniel, I’m- [concerned] I’m gonna have to ask you to leave if you don’t calm down.
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: Lily is gonna roll for Reality—
[Emily blows a raspberry.]
—while Alex, [amused] the S.H.I.E.L.D. temp, is gonna roll for Personal Soul.
David: I’m actually not a temp anymore. I got promoted, so…thank you.
Sage: Once-temp.
Emily: Nope.
[Failure chime.]
David: I rolled a 6.
[Failure chime.]
Sage: So we have a failure and [amused] a failure. So you don’t think she’s lying, however—
David: Oh, absolutely not. Why would she lie? Why would Elle lie?
[Sage and Emily stifle laughter.]
Sage: Because of “Daniel”—in quotes, really Eric—having an outburst, you’re definitely not gonna take these three recruits.
[Misadventure music.]
Alex: [hisses in a breath] Sorry, you know. The thing is, I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, Carlos, based off of how close we are, but I think there’s a form or somebody I gotta— I’m gonna make a call real quick.
[Clothes rustle as he reaches for a phone. Everyone speaks over each other.]
Dan: Oh! You don’t need to call anybody.
Lily: You should probably clean that sauce first, though.
Alex: I’m gonna have to make a call about this, man. I mean, I don’t wanna have to turn you down. Yeah, the sauce can wait. There’s not a lot of traffic in this outpost right now. That’s why I wasn’t really worried about the dusting.
[Shoes tap on tile as he walks away.]
So I’m gonna make a call real quick, okay?
[Phone beeps. At the same time, the lock clicks on the door and it squeaks open. Footsteps tap closer.]
Man: What’s going on here?
[Fluorescent lights buzz overhead.]
Dan: Oh.
Alex: Oh!
Eric, Alex: [together] Wait a minute.
[Suspenseful music.]
Eric: [slow] We’re new recruits, that’s…
Dan: —cruits, and I’m…
Eric, Dan: [together, slow] Carlos.
Carlos: You’re Carlos? I’m Carlos.
Alex: [epiphany] That’s right. You’re Carlos!
Carlos: We’ve met. You—
Alex: I got you so confused.
Eric: You got promoted, and you can’t even tell whose face is whose?
Alex: Wait a minute…
Eric: This is horseshit!
Dan: Uh—
Alex: Is your name Car…
Dan: My—
Alex: Wait, you’re name isn’t Carlos. I know you.
Masha: His name is Carlos…
Dan: [urgent] Eric…
Alex: I know you.
Dan: [urgent] Eric.
Alex: Eric?
Dan: [urgent] Eric!
Alex: Oh, w-why did you—
Dan: No, my name’s not Eric! Eric, knock these guys out!
Carlos: What’s- what’s going on here?
Eric: [excited] Alright!
Alex: What happened?
Bart: Okay, and now a word from our sponsor.
[Tape rewinds.]
Beth: Think that a character who’s an entire identity is a lie is, like, a theme that comic books explore pretty frequently. So I— Not, like, new ground necessarily, but super fascinating ground, which is why I, like, approached the character from the perspective of like, who is she pretending to be and who is she really and what is the gulf between those two people?
Jessica: That’s really cool.
Travis: What does the MCU mean to you?
Sage: Yes.
Beth: That’s Marvel Cinematic Universe, right?
Travis: Yeah [stifles laughter].
Emily: You hit it! Whoo!
Sage: Yup. Nailed it!
[Everyone cheers and claps.]
Jessica: That’s the answer!
Beth: Thank you!
[Everyone sings a victory song.]
[Tape fast forwards.]
Sage: That was a snippet from our bonus interview episode with Beth May, where we talk about her character NightMare…idith briefly and then completely fly off the rails. It’s available to all who have an Adventure Pass, such as the very wonderful…
Emily: Joel Stroud.
Jessica: Dr. Mushrooms
Sage: Rex. Shepard.
Travis: David Eps. You’re so nice!
Emily: Elizabeth.
Sage: Ian D. Strabeck
Jessica: Kathleen Sima
Travis: Jordan Hight
Sage: Thank you all so, so much for your support. If you wanna be cool like them, go to patreon.com/20SidedStories
And although Survivors of the Snap is coming to a close, the Adventure Pass feed will be continually updated with new stuff every single month. You might even get the first look into what’s coming next.
Also, this is your last chance to get a shoutout before our break, so don’t wait. Check it all out and support the show at
patreon.com/20SidedStories
Alright. Let’s get back to it.
S.H.I.E.L.D. Heist - Part II |
[Suspenseful music.]
Carlos: Fisticuffs! Go!
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: [amused] Scry, roll for Powerful Combat.
Travis: 8.
[Failure chime.]
[Sage groans.]
Alex: Carlos, what is goin’ on here?
Carlos: Get on the—
[Scuffle. Eric grunts.]
Sage: Eric goes to—
Travis: Judo toss him.
Sage: [amused] Judo toss Alex. There’s some personal vendetta in this one.
[Clothes rustle and shoes tap on tile as Eric charges.]
Alex: [shocked] Daniel, what’re you doing?
[Alex grunts a little as Eric grabs him. Eric grunts.]
What are you doing? Daniel! Stop!
Sage: However, uh, it’s not a very good throw. He’s able to grab him and throw him down, but...
[Clothes rustle. Alex hits the ground with a thud and grunts.]
Travis: I’m too upset. I cannot let the energy flow through me.
Sage: Correct.
Travis: I’m too aggressive. I am not remembering my master’s teachings!
Alex: [irked] Ow!
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: Eric, also roll me Strength.
Travis: 4 [stifles laughter].
[Failure chime.]
Not even a little bit.
Sage: Wow.
[Travis scoffs in amusement.]
Alex: I- [gentle] What’s wrong with you, Daniel? You need to get this anger problem under control.
Eric: [yells] I’m gonna kill you!
Sage: Meanwhile, Lily.
[Stat test chime.]
Roll Powerful Strength and Combat.
[Dice roll on table.]
[Success chime.]
Emily: Uh, that’s a 17.
Sage: Damn. 17, 17?
Emily: I’m feeling bulky [stifles laughter].
Sage: Nice. You go for real Carlos.
[Lily charges. Action music intensifies. She grunts throughout the scuffle.]
Lily: Hiya! Krav Maga, bitch!
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: Carlos, what did you roll for Combat?
Chad: I rolled a 17.
[Success chime.]
Sage: Shit. It matches hers. Oh my god. So Carlos is doing the same exact shit. [amused] You guys are both Krav Maga’ing each other hard!
[Scuffle.]
Lily: Shit, you’re good. Ahh!
Carlos: God damn. Who’s your teacher?
[Scuffle.]
Lily: Self-taught from YouTube!
Carlos: Have you thought of working at S.H.I.E.L.D.?
[Scuffle.]
David: Rock ’em...Krav ’em robots...
[Stifled laughter.]
Travis: Rock ’em Krav Magrakem.
[Stifled laughter.]
Sage: Daniel tries to chime in to help out Eric. However, because he’s not very good at fighting, [amused] he just kinda slaps a little bit and he’s really worried.
[Daniel charges over and smacks Alex.]
Eric: [yells] Daniel, go find the computer shit!
Dan: [loud] Uh…I don’t wanna- I don’t wanna feel bad!
Alex: Wait, your name’s Daniel too?
Dan: [loud] Shut up!
[Daniel smacks Alex.]
[Stat test chime.]
Masha: Okay, I’m gonna go!
Sage: Meanwhile, Masha is using her power and she rolled…
[A buzzing crinkle is heard as Masha’s power activates.]
Jessica: Freeze time.
[Sound cuts off.]
Sage: I’m adding a 6 to whatever you rolled.
Jessica: Oh, 23.
[Success chime.]
Travis: Holy shit.
Sage: You got plenty of time.
Masha: Okay. Wow. This is working out. I’m just gonna separate these guys away from each other.
[Clothes and shoes scrape as Masha moves Eric away.]
And I’m gonna move Lily to- to this weird Alex guy.
[Shoes scrape.]
Oh, this [groans] I’m not very strong. Okay, and then…
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: Roll full orange to move these bodies.
[Dice roll on table.]
Jessica: I got it on the number
[Net chime.]
And then 18.
[Success chime.]
Sage: Masha, using all her strength tries to separate everybody from fighting and pushes them across the room in different corners of this reception hall.
[Masha grunts as she shoves everyone across the room.]
And then everybody speeds back in and they start missing all their punches and throws and landing and getting up.
[Sound speeds up and returns to normal.]
Lily: What?
[Eric cries out.]
Carlos: What the fuck?
Eric: Where’s that intern?
Alex: Dan—
Lily: How’d he get over there?
Masha: Everybody, stop fighting!
Carlos: Alex, they’re enhanced!
Alex: Oh, Daniel, this is a surefire ticket to the irredeemable filing cabinet where—
Eric: [yells] I’m not a Nazi! I’m gonna kill you!
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: I need everybody to roll for Speed.
David: 5.
[Failure chime.]
Travis: 5
[Failure chime.]
Jessica: 12.
[Net chime.]
Chad: A natural 20.
[Success chime.]
Sage: Holy shit. Carlos, rolling the best with his initiative, runs for a nearby room where there’s a desk inside. Lily, suddenly notices her vision sharpening.
[Loud, metalic bang. An echoing creak.]
Everything goes green in the heat of the moment. There’s a door.
Lily: [muffled] What? [gasps] Oh my god...
Sage: And she sees all the way clear across to the room. It’s like eagle vision.
[Lily gasps.]
There’s a frickin’ computer in there. Carlos is running in, he’s typing shit into the computer as fast as he can. Everybody’s about to go in for a second move, but!
Lily: He’s going for the computer! I don’t know what he’s doing, but [excited] fuck I can see him!
Masha: What?
Alex: [calm] Carlos, email security. Get these wackjobs outta here. Daniel, I am so- other Daniel—
Lily: Eric go stop him!
Alex: —I am so disappointed in you.
Eric: Huh? Ah! Okay. Fuck!
[Eric charges after Carlos.]
I’m not done with this!
Masha: Can everybody please stop fighting? Oh.
Lily: We have to stop him before he does whatever the fuck he’s gonna do!
Carlos: [distant] Type, type, type, type, type.
Lily: He sets off the alarm.
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: Roll Speed.
David: 6.
[Failure chime.]
Travis: 18.
[Success chime.]
Sage: 6, 18. Eric joins Lily and they run for the room as fast as they can. Daniel Daniels stays nearby Alex, who’s too slow to catch Eric.
Alex: [whispers] All the time.
Dan: Hey, Alexa [stifles laughter] play—
Alex: Oh, you don’t even know who I am. You know how insulting that is?
Dan: Yeah!
Alex: That’s very inconsiderate of you.
Dan: Also, uh, go [timid] fuck yourself? [nervous chuckle]
[Alex gasps slowly.]
Sage: But it’s too late. Carlos hit the lockdown.
[The computer beeps and an alarm blares.]
Masha: Oh my god, ow.
Lily: Dammit!
Sage: Lily and Eric come in.
[Stat test chime.]
Can you both roll me Powerful Combat?
[Dice roll on table.]
Travis: 18.
[Success chime.]
Emily: 10.
[Net chime.]
Travis: Comin’ around.
Sage: Great. Perfectly balanced for Lily. She’s able to grab Carlos but he’s not really restrained.
Lily: [grunts] Come here!
Sage: However, through Eric’s high Judo skill, he’s able to knock him [amused] the fuck out.
Eric: Come on!
[A loud punch. Carlos grunts and collapses.]
Lily: Yeah. Fuck yeah!
[Carlos groans.]
Alex: [distant] Real Carlos, nooo!
Sage: Daniel’s gonna try to [amused] punch you in the face.
[Stat test chime.]
Rollin’ for Strength here.
[Dice roll on table.]
[Net chime.]
9. It’s pretty weak.
David: What do I roll?
Sage: Uh, for defensive combat roll the d20 again.
David: 4.
[Failure chime.]
Sage: Oh, great. Daniel’s punch is very weak, but it’s- it’s…
[Alex chokes.]
Alex: [chocking] My adam’s apple.
[Stat test chime.]
Goin’ for it again. 18.
[Success chime.]
Roll for Durability to see if you can survive it.
David: 6.
[Failure chime.]
Sage: Nope.
David: I am dead.
Sage: [amused] Daniel takes out some aggression.
[Dan punctuates every word with a punch.]
Dan: Every. Fucking. Year. I ask. For a promotion. And you. Motherfuckers. Give it to Alex? God dammit!
Eric: [distant] Yeah! Give it to him!
Masha: Daniel, Daniel.
[Dan pants.]
Dan: Call me Dan.
Masha: [nervous] You really fucked up his face.
Dan: He’s knocked out, he’ll be fine.
[Action music fades. Alarm blares in the background.]
They have- they have- they have, like, s-stuff. Medic stuff.
David: You said “survive”. He’s dead.
[Emily stifles laughter. Sage chuckles.]
You said “survive”. Does he survive? That’s a no. You have killed this man.
[Emily stifles laughter.]
Chad: Well- well, what is the roll for lying?
[Emily continues chuckling.]
Dan: Uhhh…
Masha: He looks really, like, he’s not alive.
Travis: I think Daniel has to roll Reality.
David: My face is concave, Daniel [stifles laughter].
Sage: Fine.
[Stat test chime.]
Rolling Personal Reality [stifles laughter].
[Failure chime.]
Wow. Uh…
[Slow guitar music.]
Dan: Mmm…. Uh…okay, uh, don’t you have healing powers?
Masha: [irked] No.
Dan: What?
Masha: I don’t have, like, any powers anymore.
Dan: Oh, fuck. You said you only have the two.
Masha: And besides, even if I did try to heal him. He’s like- he’s literally dead. Like, it’s so freakin’ clear.
Dan: I’m sorry. Uh, shit.
[Alarm continues to blare in the background.]
Uh, Eric, Lily, what’s goin’ on in there?
Lily: [distant] Well, like I held him, and he fuckin’ flipped him and we’re cool as shit!
Eric: [distant] Yeah. How’s that? Did you get that Alex guy?
Dan: [sad] Oh, I got him [sighs].
[Lily pants.]
Eric: [distant] Okay. Now, I don’t know if we can open this door, but I’m pretty sure you have the USB.
Dan: [dejected] Uh, let me…come over there.
[Clothes rustle and boots tap on tile.]
[sad] Did I really kill that guy?
Masha: Yeah.
Lily: [excited] You killed a guy?
Eric: [shocked] You killed a guy?
Dan: Ah, no. Oh god.
Masha: He killed Alex.
Eric: I remember my first time.
Lily: You wanna see something really cool? Literally?
Eric: Yeah.
Lily: Tap in. Tap in, tap in, tap in—
Eric: To you?
Lily: —[louder] tap in, tap in!
Eric: O-oka- god! Ew, god. I don’t like when people ask me to do it. Okay.
[Rumbling woosh.]
Lily: Look!
Eric: Oh!
Sage: Everything in the room is sharp and crisp.
Lily: So crispy in here!
Sage: You know it’s like, uh, super vison. You can see across the room and you can read small little tiny details that, otherwise, the naked eye would not be able to read.
Eric: Uhhh…[fast] this is like the time I did Adderall in college. I hate it! Okay!
[Gentle rumble returns him to reality. He gasps.]
Lily: Pretty cool, huh?
Masha: You were in college?
[Eric grunts.]
Did S.H.I.E.L.D. have a college?
Eric: Nah, like, well… [sighs] We called it college. It’s…
[Sage stifles laughter.]
David: It’s called the Hitler Youth.
[Emily and Jessica stifle laughter.]
Masha: Oh my gosh, was that Alex’s ghost?
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
Eric: I think that dead guy just—
[Travis stifles laughter.]
—just chimed in.
Lily: [vauge English accent] He’s not dead.
[Emily and Sage stifle laughter.]
Dan: He’s not dead! He’s not dead!
[Sage stifles laughter.]
No?
[Eric and Masha grunt.]
Oh, and—
[Alex death gurgles.]
He’s dead.
[Jessica stifles laughter.]
Eric: That’s incredible. I hate it. You’re living like that now?
Lily: I guess. I’m gonna have, like…I don’t know. Ask Theo to, like, make me glasses or something, but like, whoo!
Eric: Aw, you have to wear glasses?
Lily: Shut up. Nerd.
[Eric chuckles. The alarm continues to blare.]
Dan: [fast] So how many— Wait, you’ve been getting heightened senses, right? Like every single time. So how many do you have now?
Lily: I got smell. I got hearing. I got sight, and I got touch. Um…
Eric: You’re like an amplifier for me. This is wild. Well, not for- you—
Lily: Yeah, th-the “for me” thing’s a little weird, but yeah.
Eric: Yeah. That’s not what I meant.
Lily: Um, so I guess I just got what next comin’?
Everyone: [together] Taste?
Eric: Well, for all we know, you could grow a fuckin’ horn outta your head. Like, there’s no… There’s a pattern, but…
Lily: [gasps] That’d be so cool.
Masha: There’s a common theme, going on with the things that she’s getting, so…
Eric: There’s nothing common about this.
Masha: Like, I said a the- like, there’s a- an overall theme.
Eric: Oh, that- well…
Masha: Senses.
Eric: Sure.
Dan: That alarm’s still going off.
Eric: Yes.
Lily: Pretty soon I’ll be able to see dead people!
Dan: We should probably get outta here before more agents come.
[Espionage music.]
Uh, I’m gonna patch in to Theo really quick.
[Radio headset buzzes.]
Uh, hello? Theo.
Theo: [over radio] Hi, yeah. I’m- I’m readin’ you.
Dan: Yeah, we’re in the base, I killed a guy, and there’s an alarm going off.
Eric: Very loud.
Theo: [over radio] I-I hear that. Uh, how’s… Did you get the stuff? Are you on your way out?
Dan: Uh no. Okay, I’m- I’m at a desk now. This was the one they used to lockdown the thing. So I guess he logged in. Oh, shit! So he logged in! [relieved sigh] Okay, I did something right here. Uh, I only have Black level clearance. Uh, so what do I do? What do I do? I—
Theo: [over radio] Uh, you try to make it as simple as possible. Put the box near the computer, press the button. If it’s logged in, that’ll do the rest. It’ll- it’ll start blinking when it’s ready.
[Case zipper opens. The box clatters a bit as Dan pulls it out. A beep is heard as he powers it up.]
Dan: Okay.
Theo: [over radio] And then get out of there!
Masha: Wasn’t there something else?
Theo: [over radio] Roach wanted you guys to grab supplies.
Eric: Uh, uh, uh, Theo. Do you have any clue as to— Is there a layout or a map or anything? D’you— Is this, like, shit that you can see what we’re seeing? What d’y—
Lily: What’re you looking for?
Theo: [over radio] I’ve just- I’ve just got audio. Any- anything. Tech. Anything.
Lily: Gimme a smell.
Eric: Lot o’ filing cabinets.
Theo: [over radio] D’you remember that Wakandan bracelet? If there’s anything like that, um…
Lily: Oh, yeah!
Theo: [over radio] D-d’you remember that- that suit Henry was wearing? Anything like that. Really just any unusual metals.
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: Rolling for Personal Space and Powerful Intellect.
[Dice roll on table.]
Travis: Yes and 9.
[Net chime.]
Emily: Same and that’s a 21.
[Success chime.]
Jessica: 23.
[Success chime.]
Travis: [whispers] Christ.
Emily: We so smart!
Sage: Damn. Okay, yeah. I’d say the three of you collectively can figure this out. So go for it.
Eric: Alright, now in most S.H.I.E.L.D. bases I’ve been in, there’s, like, an underground level and it’s, like, back and to the left, there’s, like, a fire extinguisher, and there’s a keypad on the bottom of it. Now, this looks like it’s old as shit, so I don’t know if they still have that. If my instinct is correct, it’s gonna be down the hall, to the left, fire extinguisher, but no- no guarantees. Uh…
Lily: Well, let’s try it. Let’s just try it.
Eric: Okay.
[The trio walks farther inside.]
Okay, goin’ down around the hall.
[Masha groans nervously.]
Lily: Running my hands on the walls and, like, trying to feel for something.
Eric: Got it? Um…
Sage: There’s a fire extinguisher.
Masha: Oh.
Eric: [excited] Ha. Oh. Holy shit. Okay. Cool.
Lily: Did you find it?
Eric: Yes, uh….
Sage: But there is no keypad.
Eric: [tsks] It’s just a fire extinguisher.
Lily: Take- take it off the- the thing.
Masha: Maybe it’s behind it.
Eric: Alright.
[Eric grunts and smashes the glass.]
Sage: Nothing yet.
Eric: Okay, hold on, let me use it.
[Pressurized hissing.]
Sage: Eric sprays the wall with the fire extinguisher. And a door opens.
[A beep is heard and a hidden door in the wall slides open.]
Masha: [slow] Whoa!
Lily: What?
Eric: Oh, fuck- fuck S.H.I.E.L.D. I hate this shit.
Sage: [laughs] He throws the fire extinguisher across the hall.
[Heavy clattering.]
Lily: Wait, no! That coulda been a weapon.
Masha: That’s really cool.
[Sage chuckles.]
Eric: This is that old, like, SSR, Get Smart nonsense. Like ’50s, ’60s [sighs].
[Shoes tap across the tile as the group goes inside.]
Sage: Our three heroes enter the room. This is a storage facility. They found it! It’s almost like a little, tiny, mini vault. Now this is an older outpost. It’s very underused. It’s kind of just a connection between L.A. and other, uh, bigger outposts. However, they still have to store some stuff here when they travel.
And I’m going to roll for the loot that you guys will get, ’cause I have a list of things you could possibly find here.
[Stat test chime.]
But first, all three of you roll Personal Space [stifles laughter].
[Success chime.]
[Success chime.]
[Success chime.]
Jessica: Good. We’re all good.
Emily: We made it.
Sage: All successes?
Jessica: Yeah.
Emily: Yeah.
[Marvel Theme music builds.]
Sage: Amazing. Okay. Yeah, I mean. I- I expected at least one net or failure in there, but fuck. [amused] You guys find a bunch of cool stuff.
Masha: Whoa!
Eric: We got the loot box!
Lily: Whoo!
Sage: Industrial hard cases on all sorts of shelves and you all manage to find the best ones. First up, Lily opens up this one box and it’s like…it’s, like, kinda glowy and- and, like, foreign and- and weird.
Lily: Ooo.
Sage: And they’re knives.
[Lily gasps in awe.]
But they have some sort of power attached to them.
Lily: [whispers] Oh, shit [giggles].
Masha: [quiet] Oh my god.
Lily: Guys, this is magic shit!
Sage: Lily has found two badass Asgardian daggers.
Masha: Oh my…lord…
Sage: Doesn’t know, necessarily, how they work yet.
Masha: I don’t know if I…if you should take these, Lily. This looks really dangerous.
[Knives scrape against each other as Lily tests them out.]
Lily: They’re just knives that glow and are locked in a secret facility, how dangerous could they be?
Masha: Uh…that’s sounds…
Sage: Meanwhile…
Eric: What’s in that over there?
Masha: Um…
Sage: Masha finds this box of, pretty out of date, but still usable, arc reactors.
Lily: What’d you find?
Masha: [clears throat] I don’t really know. There’s like, uh. Um, looks like a gadget of some sort.
Eric: That’s the- that’s the Ironman thing. That’s that…
Lily: Oh my god, yeah. Like in his chest, right?
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lily: Yeah!
Masha: Oh, yeah! He does… Whoa.
Eric: That’s his battery. That…that’s sick.
Lily: That’s really cool.
Masha: That is really cool.
Lily: Maybe that could be useful, too.
Eric: Okay. I’m opening a box. I want- I want surprise [stifles laughter.]
[Sage stifles laughter.]
Lily: Feels like Christmas! We haven’t had Christmas in a really long time!
Masha: No we haven’t!
Eric: This is like, weird spy Christmas.
[Lily chuckles.]
Sage: Eric opens a box as well and finds a sniper rifle. A big one. Hammer brand.
[Rifle clicks as Eric picks it up and looks it over.]
Masha: Oh.
Eric: Oh! Cool! Gun. Big gun.
Masha: Wow. Yeah, that’s…
Eric: Yeah, it’s Hammer tech.
Masha: Wow.
Eric: You guys didn’t hear about Justin Hammer? He’s like, the uh—
Masha: MC Hammer?
Eric: No. Justin Hammer.
Masha: Oh.
Eric: He was the, uh, not like a Wozniak to- to- to Jobs, but more just like a…uh…he’s like…
Lily: I have a question.
Eric: Yeah, go ahead.
Lily: What the fuck are you talking about?
Eric: Never mind. It’s a fine gun. Hooray, we’ve got a gun. This is… Ah, god. [mumbles] I gotta carry this and stuff.
[Gun clatters lightly as Eric shifts it around awkwardly.]
[Sage and Jessica stifle laughter.]
Masha: Maybe there’s a strap.
Lily: Open another box! There’s boxes, like…
Sage: There is one more box you have not opened.
Eric: For some reason, I felt like we were all…
Masha: Ooo. Let’s open it together!
Eric: Uh, yeah. Okay, yeah!
Lily: Okay.
Masha: Okay.
[Box clicks open.]
Sage: Another gadget of some kind. Looks really high-tech. Not too big and can probably carry it with, you know, two hands. Is it a gun? Yeah, there’s a little trigger there. You see on the side it says Pym. You’ve found a Pym stun beam.
Lily: What’s this?
Masha: Pym?
[Stat test chime.]
Sage: Eric, can you roll me full yellow? How much does Eric know about Pym?
[Dice roll on table.]
Travis: Not fuckin’ much.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
[Failure chime.]
Sage: Uh, so you just know it’s a thing.
Eric: I think this is what made Captain America’s shield.
[Sage stifles laughter.]
I’m pretty convinced this is…it’s like—
Lily: What?
Eric: It’s like, it made the shield. Or it broke the shield. One of the two.
Lily: Hey, Daniel?
Eric: It either made the shield or it broke the shield.
Dan: [distant] What’s up?
[Secret door slides open and boots tap as the group returns to the reception area.]
Lily: Ask Theo what- what Pym is.
Masha: Yeah, what’s Pym?
Eric: Yeah, it’s the sound it made when the shield broke...pym.
Dan: Hey, Theo?
Theo: [over radio] Yup?
Dan: ScAvengers are asking what Pym is?
Theo: [excited] Yeah! Take that! Just bring it back. Definitely.
Eric: Yeah. ’Cause it made Captain America- or broke Captain America’s shield.
Dan: Isn’t- isn’t that the Antman thing? The shrinky shieldy- shrinky growy thingy?
Theo: [over radio] Yeah, did you find particles? What- what did they get?
Lily: It’s a gun!
Theo: [over radio] Yeah, be careful! Don’t shoot anything with it. We’ll check it out.
[A gentle chime goes off near the computer.]
Dan: We’re done. We’re done! We did it! Okay, it says “All data has been copied”.
Theo: [over radio] Cool! Get outta there! Grab a vehicle, get out.
[Dan stuffs the box back in the case and zips it shut. Boots tromp back into the main entrance. The alarm continues to blare.]
Lily: How do we get out?
Masha: Uh, can’t you look? Can’t you, like, see, like, a…an exit?
Eric: I mean, the garage is just over there [stifles laughter].
Masha: Oh.
Lily: But, like, we’re on lockdown, right? So…
Eric: I mean, I don’t know what’s gonna be able to lockdown.
Dan: Yeah, I don’t even know what’s gonna be in there. Uh… Masha.
Eric: Could you try?
[Action music plays subtly.]
Masha: Um…
Lily: You got this!
Masha: Yeah. Yeah! I think I can do it.
[Stat test chime.]
[Dice roll on table.]
Jessica: 16.
[Success chime.]
[Music intensifies.]
Dan: Do you ha- you have like- d’you have control of it? Do you get to pick which one?
Masha: Well, ever since I started to lose some, if it- it, like it- I cou- it’s like a default. Like, I’ve been able to choose the last couple ones that I can do, and so I’m—
Lily: Oh my.
[Masha roars as she grows.]
Eric: Oh, it’s this one. Okay, we’re gonna. This is it, right?
Dan: Oh, yes! This is the one. This is the one!
[Heavy footsteps pound as Masha heads for the garage. Glass shatters.]
Lily: Come on, you got this!
Dan: I’ve heard about this one!
[Masha stomps over to the wall.]
Lily: Hulkerella!
Eric: Break down that back door.
Lily: Bring it down!
[Masha roars as she slams into the wall, ripping it open.]
Eric: New car! New car! New car!
[Masha roars as she shrinks back down.]
Oh.
Sage: And then as Masha shrinks back down, she gets the feeling…she’ll never be Hulkerella again.
[Sad music plays.]
Masha: [sad] Oh. Uh, guys—
Eric: That is the most useful thing I think anyone could ever do. Just, like, to become the Hulk? I don’t- I’d do it all the fucking time. I don’t understand why we don’t do that more.
Masha: I can’t do it anymore.
Eric: What?
Lily: What?
Masha: I can’t do it anymore.
Lily: What d’you mean? Like, it’s gone?
Eric: Is it- d’you f—
Masha: I don’t know, it’s just- it’s gone now.
Lily: Alright, hold on.
Masha: This was the last—
Lily: Shh…
Masha: Okay. Um…
Lily: I’m just gonna listen.
[Beat.]
Sage: [quiet] One tick left.
[A quiet click is heard.]
Lily: Okay. We…we’ll talk to Theo about this when we get back, ’cause we’ll have all the information, right? And we’ll have- we’ll have all- all the database and…and he’ll be able to figure it out, right?
Masha: [quiet] I-I guess so, I just…
Sage: And then Theo patches in to Daniel.
[Radio beeps.]
Theo: [over radio] Daniel?
Dan: Call me Dan.
Theo: [over radio] Daniel?
Dan: Theo, what’s goin’ on?
Theo: [over radio] Daniel?
Dan: We just got- we just found a dune buggy.
[High-pitched ringing is heard over the radio.]
Theo: [over radio] Oh, shit, of fu- uh.
Eric: And a Quinjet!
Theo: [over radio] Daniel?
Eric: But I can’t fly it.
Dan: What’s goin’ on?
Theo: [over radio] Daniel, don’t- don’t come- don’t come straight back to—
[High-pitched squeal builds.]
—The Fort.
Dan: What? What are you talking about?
Theo: [over radio] Hold on, I gotta—
[An explosion is heard over the radio. Theo screams in agony before it cuts off.]
[Suspenseful music builds.]
Dan: Wha- whoa! Theo! Hey! Hey! Holy shit. Theo. Theo?
Masha: What?
Lily: Daniel what’s wrong?
[Suspenseful music crescendos and fades.]
[Episode End music slowly plays.]
[Episode End music throughout.]
Mayanna Berrin: 20 Sided Stories is produced by Sage G.C., Jessica Dahlgren, and Travis Reaves
Masha Mirova was played by Jessica Dahlgren
Eric Stanton was played by Travis Reaves
Lily Kline was played by Emily Ervolina
[A crowd claps lightly.]
Mysterious Man: My children. Our time has finally come. This broken world will no longer drain from you all that you deserve. It will be repaired. Our great leader spoke to me in an orange vision, and though he rests now, he smiles upon us.
Praise be the Mad Titan.
Crowd: Praise be.
Mysterious Man: He tells me it is now or never. We operate in the shadows no longer. Final judgment is upon us. You have had many questions. We have lost many of our neighbors, but this work is cosmic. You have sown the seeds of fairness and thus it is time for the world to know of our great gift. It is time to meet the Tie Breaker.
[Crowd cheers.]
It will rain upon this fickle experience we call civilization and, with its fiery beauty, descend on all life until it flourishes with intended equity. Greed is gone by your hands, children. There will be brief violence, but none worse than that instigated by our failed leaders. No more riots. No more hunger. The human race will know gratitude, and you will take pride in it!
The Snap was just the beginning. Prepare for ascendance, my disciples. The final moderation is upon us as the Mad Titan intended. Before you is harmony. Share with the stars above and we will become their very essence. A universe perfectly balanced as all things should be.
[Episode End music throughout.]
Mayanna Berrin: Additional Voices by David Michmerhuizen, Chad Ellis, Kaitlyn Cornell, and M. Colton Brodeur.
Music, Editing, and Sound Design by Sage G.C.
Character Artwork by Rhea Lonsdale
Episode Artwork by Josh Wolf
Special thanks to Greg Reasoner, Matt Johnston, and all our Patreon Supporters
Podcast Directed by Sage G.C.
You can get the soundtrack to this series for free at
sagegc.com/music
Follow 20 Sided Stories on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook @20SidedStories
Or visit our website at 20sidedstories.com
[Episode End music crescendos and fades out.]
